STD & Invitation vs. Invitation only

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I want to send out STD/invites a year in advance to give people enough time to plan/save.

Is it necessary to send out STD AND invitations?

If so, when would I send invitations w/ RSVPs?

Thank you!

msuprincess04 · July 2015

Save the dates are sent out 6-12 months in advance. Invitations are sent 6-8 weeks. RSVPs are generally due a week or so before your planner/caterer needs them (normally only two weeks before the event). The timelines are the same for any other wedding or formal event.

You do not need to have a STD, but many do so guests have a heads up.

CMGragain · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

I want to send out STD/invites a year in advance to give people enough time to plan/save.
Is it necessary to send out STD AND invitations?
If so, when would I send invitations w/ RSVPs?
Thank you!

STDs are not invitations. They are a heads up to your future guests so that they can make travel arrangements. Postcards work well for this. Vistaprint has thousands of designs. You include your names, wedding date, location, website, and the phrase, "Formal invitation to follow."
The invitations must be sent to everyone who has received an STD, even if they have already told you that they won't be coming. They might just change their minds.
Invitiations are sent out no more than 8 weeks before the wedding.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

If I were to just do invitations, they would be sent out a year in advance and have a deadline for RSVP. Sort of like a STD and invitation combined. Does anyone think that would work well?

I guess I'm having trouble seeing the logic behind having both STD and invitations for a DW...

I'm a total noob though lol, so any advice/thoughts are appreciated!

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

Jells2dot0 · July 2015

I get wanting people to have plenty of time to plan for a DW. Hence, STDs. But, sending out invitations a year in advance does not make sense. Peoples' lives are extremely dynamic. They may RSVP no now, but their plans might change in 6 months. Or, they may RSVP yes and then something comes up! Example- H and I were invited to a wedding last summer. H is best friends with the groom, so we talked with him about the wedding for months. Of course we were going to be there! Two weeks before the invites went out, I got cancer and was in the hospital on the day the wedding took place.

All your STD needs to state is a date and a place, with either a note that more info is to follow or a link to your website, where all of the info will be posted.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

If I were to just do invitations, they would be sent out a year in advance and have a deadline for RSVP. Sort of like a STD and invitation combined. Does anyone think that would work well?
I guess I'm having trouble seeing the logic behind having both STD and invitations for a DW...
I'm a total noob though lol, so any advice/thoughts are appreciated!

If you invite me to something a year from now, there's little to no chance I'll remember to RSVP two weeks before the event one year from now. Hell, since last year I got a new job and bought a house. A year ago I might have said, Yes, of course I'll be at your wedding. But today I'm out of vacation time since I have a new job and I'm out of money since I bought a house that needs work. Besides, there's no way I can tell you right now what I'm doing next year for the 4th of July.

justsie · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

If I were to just do invitations, they would be sent out a year in advance and have a deadline for RSVP. Sort of like a STD and invitation combined. Does anyone think that would work well?
I guess I'm having trouble seeing the logic behind having both STD and invitations for a DW...
I'm a total noob though lol, so any advice/thoughts are appreciated!

The STDs are so that your nearest and dearest can make accommodations for the DW, since it might need more than just a car ride to get to. Since invitations should go out no further than 6-8 weeks before your wedding date. For some, that would not be enough to plan the travel/stay for a DW.

Basically a STD is a heads up about the wedding date and location so people can make plans if they want- you could accomplish the same thing with a phone call if you didn't want to send out formal STDs. An invitation with an RSVP is asking people for a definite "I'm going or I'm not going"

CMGragain · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

If I were to just do invitations, they would be sent out a year in advance and have a deadline for RSVP. Sort of like a STD and invitation combined. Does anyone think that would work well?
I guess I'm having trouble seeing the logic behind having both STD and invitations for a DW...
I'm a total noob though lol, so any advice/thoughts are appreciated!

Because they are not the same thing! An STD doesn't invite anyone to anything.
Invitations are never sent out more than 8 weeks before the wedding.
If you don't want to send out both STDs and later, invitations, then forget about having a destination wedding!

[Deleted User] · July 2015

If I got a wedding invite a year in advance I would probably end up forgetting about the event or not RSVP at all. It's hard to judge a year in advance if I will be able to make it or not (and i'll probably lose the RSVP card by time it's due).

I get not wanting to do both, and if you're having a local wedding, you can skip the STD. But if you are doing a DW you really should consider doing STD so that people can plan for their vacation time that they will need to take off and save up for the cost of the trip. Then you can send out invites so you know exactley how many are coming closer to the actual date. By that point, guests will have a better idea if they can get the time off from work to attend, have the money to attend and have made plans for their kids and/or pets.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

Thanks ladies!

I understand that STDs and invitations are NOT the same thing...and I wouldn't expect people to RSVP a year in advance. The RSVP deadline would be closer to when it normally is (6-8 weeks before the wedding).

BUT! I totally understand that people may forget about the event, lose the RSVP card, etc. if I were to only do an invitation that early, thus the logic behind doing STDs a year in advance and then invitations with RSVP 2-3 months before the wedding.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

Thanks ladies!
I understand that STDs and invitations are NOT the same thing...and I wouldn't expect people to RSVP a year in advance. The RSVP deadline would be closer to when it normally is (6-8 weeks before the wedding).
BUT! I totally understand that people may forget about the event, lose the RSVP card, etc. if I were to only do an invitation that early, thus the logic behind doing STDs a year in advance and then invitations with RSVP 2-3 months before the wedding.

You should not ask for RSVPs that early. You don't need RSVPs that early. RSVPs are for you to solely give a final headcount to your venue so why in the world would you need to know who is and who is not coming 2-3 months before your wedding? Having an early RSVP does not help your guests in the slightest. In fact it may hinder them. Some people may not be able to ask off from work that far in advance. And even with a STD, some people may still not know whether or not they can make your wedding 2-3 months in advance.

I will have to disagree with CMGr though that a STD does not invite anyone to anything. In my mind a STD is an unofficial, official invite. Yeah it may not give you all the details of the actual wedding day, but anyone who receives a STD must be sent an official invite, so yeah a STD pretty much invites that person to your event.

A DW is the only time I think a wedding website is necessary. Make sure to include your wedding website on your STD along with the date of your wedding and the city and state or country. You need to be able to present the necessary travel information, such as hotel blocks, to your guests so they know what type of travel arrangements to make.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I wrote down 2-3 months in advance because there are some resorts that require you pay extra for members who are either not staying at the resort or if your head count is over what the wedding package accommodates.

I was just thinking that in order to know how much (if any) extra per head charges there will be, we should know in advance (more than 6-8 weeks?) so that we can make sure we will have the money to cover those costs.

We would make sure we have the $ either way. I'm not saying there would be a possibility that we wouldn't be able to provide enough food or seating/space. I also understand that's where a budget comes in.

CMGragain · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Jax43615 said:

Thanks ladies!
I understand that STDs and invitations are NOT the same thing...and I wouldn't expect people to RSVP a year in advance. The RSVP deadline would be closer to when it normally is (6-8 weeks before the wedding).
BUT! I totally understand that people may forget about the event, lose the RSVP card, etc. if I were to only do an invitation that early, thus the logic behind doing STDs a year in advance and then invitations with RSVP 2-3 months before the wedding.

You should not ask for RSVPs that early. You don't need RSVPs that early. RSVPs are for you to solely give a final headcount to your venue so why in the world would you need to know who is and who is not coming 2-3 months before your wedding? Having an early RSVP does not help your guests in the slightest. In fact it may hinder them. Some people may not be able to ask off from work that far in advance. And even with a STD, some people may still not know whether or not they can make your wedding 2-3 months in advance.

I will have to disagree with CMGr though that a STD does not invite anyone to anything. In my mind a STD is an unofficial, official invite. Yeah it may not give you all the details of the actual wedding day, but anyone who receives a STD must be sent an official invite, so yeah a STD pretty much invites that person to your event.

A DW is the only time I think a wedding website is necessary. Make sure to include your wedding website on your STD along with the date of your wedding and the city and state or country. You need to be able to present the necessary travel information, such as hotel blocks, to your guests so they know what type of travel arrangements to make.

I think we are on the same page, here. The STD doesn't actually invite anyone, but it promises that an invitation will come in the future. Therefore, anyone who received an STD must also receive an invitation.The OP seems confused about the difference between the two. It is improper to send out an invitation a year in advance. It is inconvenient for guests to learn about an expensive destination wedding only 8 weeks in advance. Therefore, she needs to send both the STD a year in advance, followed by the actual invitation 8 weeks in advance.
This is part of the reason why destination weddings can be awkward and inconvenient for your guests, not to mention expensive.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I am not confused between the 2.

I would send...let's call it an announcement...1 year in advance. It would explain to RSVP maybe 6-8 weeks before the wedding (like a traditional invite). It would have date, place, and travel/hotel info, etc...

I understand that most people will not know for sure if they will come a year in advance. I also understand that 6-8 weeks is way too short notice. Hence sending ONE announcement (1 year in advance) with all the appropriate info and asking for an RSVP by a certain date (6-8 weeks before wedding).

I feel like people feel the need to do both when perhaps both are not necessary. I understand that NOT doing both could be unreasonable seeing as people may forget about the wedding or lose the RSVP card. That would the only reason that I would do both...not because tradition says to do both.

I am just asking if anyone has done this. Or if it sounds like it would work/be reasonable for my guests. They would still get a year's notice. They would still RSVP in an appropriate amount of time before the wedding.

I understand that from the responses I am getting that people are just not understanding what I am asking (which is ok, I sometimes have trouble explaining myself) or they just don't think it's a good idea because STDs aren't invites and invites aren't STDs, but that reasoning alone is not enough to convince me that both are necessary.

With all that being said, I did not think about people forgetting about the wedding and thus forgetting to save/plan/RSVP. That is the best counter-point I was given...thank you Adk19

CMGragain · July 2015

There is nothing traditional about STDs. I had never heard of them until my daughter's wedding, four years ago. They are new and necessary for destination weddings. STDs are not mentioned in traditional Etiquette books.

Destination weddings have become popular lately, but they were unheard of until the last 20 years.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I just meant "traditional" in that everyone seems to have them for their weddings nowadays...not necessarily from history or ettiquette "traditional"

"Common" would have been a better word, sorry for the confusion.

emh009 · July 2015

You should definitely do both STDs and invitations. The STD can be casual- for my destination wedding, I used a photograph of our location and turned it into a postcard, so it looked like you were getting a postcard from the destination. It was relatively inexpensive, and I could've done it cheaper with vistaprint. Added bonus: USPS postage for postcards is discounted!

However, you don't need to psychically mail something for it to be a STD- one option would be to look at paperless post (they even have some free designs), or something like it, to direct people to your website for more information and give them plenty of notice to take time off, arrange for childcare if the kids aren't coming, etc.

My location requires a head count a month in advance- so our invitations are going out 2- 3 months before the wedding with an RSVP date of 6 weeks prior. One thing that's been a little hard for me about having a destination wedding is that some traditional etiquette doesn't apply- if we were to only send our invites out 6-8 weeks in advance, for example, we'd pretty much be eloping because no one would have time to take off, book travel (or budget for it), get passports in order, etc. I think that as long as you are thinking about what you would appreciate as a guest of a destination wedding, you'll be just fine.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

Thank you very much @emh009

I appreciate that you included that your resort needed a head count 1 month in advance! I will have to remember to ask that when we are deciding where to go.

Viczaesar · July 2015

emh009 said:

You should definitely do both STDs and invitations. The STD can be casual- for my destination wedding, I used a photograph of our location and turned it into a postcard, so it looked like you were getting a postcard from the destination. It was relatively inexpensive, and I could've done it cheaper with vistaprint. Added bonus: USPS postage for postcards is discounted!

However, you don't need to psychically mail something for it to be a STD- one option would be to look at paperless post (they even have some free designs), or something like it, to direct people to your website for more information and give them plenty of notice to take time off, arrange for childcare if the kids aren't coming, etc.

My location requires a head count a month in advance- so our invitations are going out 2- 3 months before the wedding with an RSVP date of 6 weeks prior. One thing that's been a little hard for me about having a destination wedding is that some traditional etiquette doesn't apply- if we were to only send our invites out 6-8 weeks in advance, for example, we'd pretty much be eloping because no one would have time to take off, book travel (or budget for it), get passports in order, etc. I think that as long as you are thinking about what you would appreciate as a guest of a destination wedding, you'll be just fine.

And that is exactly why STDs were invented. You should still not be sending out invitations more than 2 months before your wedding, 10 weeks at the very most. You relay the important information for booking travel and accommodations prior to that either with a STD or on a wedding website, or both.

As for your venue requiring a firm head count 1 month before the wedding, that's unnecessarily early and I would be pushing back on that. Soft numbers sure, but there's no reason that they need hard numbers that early. They certainly won't be buying the food until much closer to the event.

Viczaesar · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

I wrote down 2-3 months in advance because there are some resorts that require you pay extra for members who are either not staying at the resort or if your head count is over what the wedding package accommodates.
I was just thinking that in order to know how much (if any) extra per head charges there will be, we should know in advance (more than 6-8 weeks?) so that we can make sure we will have the money to cover those costs.
We would make sure we have the $ either way. I'm not saying there would be a possibility that we wouldn't be able to provide enough food or seating/space. I also understand that's where a budget comes in.

Regardless, it's inappropriate to ask your guests to RSVP that early.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

Alright, got it

emh009 · July 2015

Viczaesar said:

emh009 said:

You should definitely do both STDs and invitations. The STD can be casual- for my destination wedding, I used a photograph of our location and turned it into a postcard, so it looked like you were getting a postcard from the destination. It was relatively inexpensive, and I could've done it cheaper with vistaprint. Added bonus: USPS postage for postcards is discounted!

However, you don't need to psychically mail something for it to be a STD- one option would be to look at paperless post (they even have some free designs), or something like it, to direct people to your website for more information and give them plenty of notice to take time off, arrange for childcare if the kids aren't coming, etc.

My location requires a head count a month in advance- so our invitations are going out 2- 3 months before the wedding with an RSVP date of 6 weeks prior. One thing that's been a little hard for me about having a destination wedding is that some traditional etiquette doesn't apply- if we were to only send our invites out 6-8 weeks in advance, for example, we'd pretty much be eloping because no one would have time to take off, book travel (or budget for it), get passports in order, etc. I think that as long as you are thinking about what you would appreciate as a guest of a destination wedding, you'll be just fine.

And that is exactly why STDs were invented. You should still not be sending out invitations more than 2 months before your wedding, 10 weeks at the very most. You relay the important information for booking travel and accommodations prior to that either with a STD or on a wedding website, or both.

As for your venue requiring a firm head count 1 month before the wedding, that's unnecessarily early and I would be pushing back on that. Soft numbers sure, but there's no reason that they need hard numbers that early. They certainly won't be buying the food until much closer to the event.

Different countries and cultures have different norms. If we were getting married in the states, then I agree, a one month head count would be ridiculous. However, that's completely normal where we're getting married- and not just at our reception site. I appreciate your concern, but can't help point out that sending invites at the 8- 10 week mark does indeed fall into the 2-3 month window.

@Jax43615, I think you've got it under control. Good luck!!

Viczaesar · July 2015

emh009 said:

Viczaesar said:

emh009 said:

You should definitely do both STDs and invitations. The STD can be casual- for my destination wedding, I used a photograph of our location and turned it into a postcard, so it looked like you were getting a postcard from the destination. It was relatively inexpensive, and I could've done it cheaper with vistaprint. Added bonus: USPS postage for postcards is discounted!

However, you don't need to psychically mail something for it to be a STD- one option would be to look at paperless post (they even have some free designs), or something like it, to direct people to your website for more information and give them plenty of notice to take time off, arrange for childcare if the kids aren't coming, etc.

My location requires a head count a month in advance- so our invitations are going out 2- 3 months before the wedding with an RSVP date of 6 weeks prior. One thing that's been a little hard for me about having a destination wedding is that some traditional etiquette doesn't apply- if we were to only send our invites out 6-8 weeks in advance, for example, we'd pretty much be eloping because no one would have time to take off, book travel (or budget for it), get passports in order, etc. I think that as long as you are thinking about what you would appreciate as a guest of a destination wedding, you'll be just fine.

And that is exactly why STDs were invented. You should still not be sending out invitations more than 2 months before your wedding, 10 weeks at the very most. You relay the important information for booking travel and accommodations prior to that either with a STD or on a wedding website, or both.

As for your venue requiring a firm head count 1 month before the wedding, that's unnecessarily early and I would be pushing back on that. Soft numbers sure, but there's no reason that they need hard numbers that early. They certainly won't be buying the food until much closer to the event.

Different countries and cultures have different norms. If we were getting married in the states, then I agree, a one month head count would be ridiculous. However, that's completely normal where we're getting married- and not just at our reception site. I appreciate your concern, but can't help point out that sending invites at the 8- 10 week mark does indeed fall into the 2-3 month window.

@Jax43615, I think you've got it under control. Good luck!!

Actually venues in this country also try to pull the need for a 1-month hard numbers deadline. It's not any more necessary for destination weddings than it is for non-destination weddings. Invitations are supposed to be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, which is 1.5-2 months. At the very most they should not be sent before 10 weeks, but even 10 weeks is pushing it. 3 months is definitely inappropriate. So no, 2-3 months =/= 6-8 weeks, 10 at the most.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

Thank you ladies @emh009 @Viczaesar

peanutbuttervibes · August 2015

Actually venues in this country also try to pull the need for a 1-month hard numbers deadline. It's not any more necessary for destination weddings than it is for non-destination weddings. Invitations are supposed to be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, which is 1.5-2 months. At the very most they should not be sent before 10 weeks, but even 10 weeks is pushing it. 3 months is definitely inappropriate. So no, 2-3 months =/= 6-8 weeks, 10 at the most.

@viczaesar is there a way to get around this? My venue is asking for the final head count a month out as well...

ShesSoCold · August 2015

braybee said:

Actually venues in this country also try to pull the need for a 1-month hard numbers deadline. It's not any more necessary for destination weddings than it is for non-destination weddings. Invitations are supposed to be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, which is 1.5-2 months. At the very most they should not be sent before 10 weeks, but even 10 weeks is pushing it. 3 months is definitely inappropriate. So no, 2-3 months =/= 6-8 weeks, 10 at the most.
@viczaesar is there a way to get around this? My venue is asking for the final head count a month out as well...

You just gotta talk to your venue. See if you can give them approximate numbers a month out and them firm number a week or two before. Maybe see if they're willing to accept a minimum number a month out and then allow you to add but not subtract after that.

Knottiedcd33ae0d9572500 · August 2015

Jax43615, I am also having a DW and am facing this same predicament. our final headcount and payment is due 45 days before the wedding, and there is no budging on this date. I have not asked them about adding people after this date, though (thats a good idea).

i would definitely suggest using a travel agent, that way you can track when people book to get a good idea of numbers before guests have to RSVP, and you can 'nudge' your VIPs to book flights before they start to get really pricey (4-6 weeks for the DR, where our wedding will be).

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · August 2015

@sunniepetunia Thanks for the heads up about that 45-days-out requirement. Maybe you should add on a few more people as a just-in-case? It's better to have more food/seats than less, but you'd have to make sure it fits your budget.

DW resorts/venues may need a count more in advance because they may need to import food, which may take longer than just 2-3 weeks. That's the only guess I got!

Knottie1425130867 · October 2015

I am struggling with sending any STDs or invitations at all to my DW which will b in Aruba.....I feel like people will think I'm crazy for even thinking they would be able to come....jobs, kids, money,vacation time,etc.....but the on the flip side I think some family /friends would be mad if we didn't invite them....could use some advice...

CMGragain · October 2015

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