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DW with larger celebration of vows (reception) at home!

Knottie1435346562Knottie1435346562 member
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in Destination Weddings Discussions
HI, ladies! We are planning out DW for July 2016 and will have about 50 guests join us for a cruise. We are also planning a larger celebration of vows or reception (title TBD) back at home after the honeymoon for those who couldn't join us on the cruise. What is the etiquette on inviting people to it that weren't invited to the wedding? Must we invite them to the wedding? For example, we have some employees that we simply couldn't have all of them off to come to the wedding but would want at the local celebration.
 Also, how far in advance would you send these invites? I feel like they would need different STD then the wedding. 
Thanks!
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Re: DW with larger celebration of vows (reception) at home!

  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie1435346562 said:
    HI, ladies! We are planning out DW for July 2016 and will have about 50 guests join us for a cruise. We are also planning a larger celebration of vows or reception (title TBD) back at home after the honeymoon for those who couldn't join us on the cruise. What is the etiquette on inviting people to it that weren't invited to the wedding? Must we invite them to the wedding? For example, we have some employees that we simply couldn't have all of them off to come to the wedding but would want at the local celebration.
     Also, how far in advance would you send these invites? I feel like they would need different STD then the wedding. 
    Thanks!
    Clarify something for me OP. Are you having a wedding and reception on a cruise while it is docked at port or are you going to request all of your guests to pay for a cruise to watch you get married?
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    Since you are inviting people 50 people to attend your wedding, the most appropriate way to host a celebration afterwards is to hold a "celebration of marriage" party, or At Home Reception, upon return. AHR's are meant for those that were invited to the DW, but could not attend. Etiquette wise, it's only appropriate to invite people who were NOT invited to the wedding if the wedding itself was very small and intimate (couple only or immediately family/super close friends only). So, you should be inviting everyone you want at the AHR to the wedding.

     

    AHRs are separate events and should have separate invitations that go out using the same timeline guidelines as a wedding or other event that requires RSVPs. (6-8 weeks in advance). STDs are not really recommended or necessary for the party, but are recommended for the actual wedding. If it were me, I'd plan an AHR well after the wedding itself, so you can return from the wedding, get settled and then send out the invites. To me, it would be strange to get an invite in the mail celebrating a marriage that hasn't happened yet.

     







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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    Did you invite these 50 people to pay for their own cruise so they could witness your wedding?  Oh, dear!

    Your party at home will not be your wedding reception.  Please do not try to make it one.  It will simply be a party for you to see your friends and to show off your wedding and honeymoon photos.  No wedding dress.  No wedding traditions.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • Knottie1435346562Knottie1435346562 member
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    Hi, jutsie! We will be getting married at sea, so those that choose to attend will be paying for the cruise themselves. Of course, it's optional, hence the desire to have a separate celebration upon our return to share our joy with those unable to attend.
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    Knottie1435346562 said:
    Hi, jutsie! We will be getting married at sea, so those that choose to attend will be paying for the cruise themselves. Of course, it's optional, hence the desire to have a separate celebration upon our return to share our joy with those unable to attend.
    It is very rude to require your guests to pay admission to see your wedding. I would suggest you get married while the cruise is at port, host your guests properly and then say goodbye to those that could not afford the cruise. 
    I also agree with PP, if you are doing an AHR the only people that should be invited are those that were invited to attend the wedding. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    You cannot invite people to spend their own money.   This is so rude!  I  suggested a cruise wedding to my daughter when she was planning her wedding.  We offered to pay for the cruise for the immediate family, so it would have been a very small wedding.  Daughter wanted a larger church wedding instead, so we didn't do the cruise wedding. 

    The party at home is just a party, not  related to your wedding.  It is not your wedding reception.
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  • Knottie1435346562Knottie1435346562 member
    First Comment
    Thank you for those that gave responses on invitation etiquette!!! I appreciate you.
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    How is inviting someone to a wedding on a cruise any different than inviting someone to a wedding in another country - like an AI or something? 

    I personally think both are silly anyway, but I guess I'm missing why the cruise is more rude?

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    Casadena said:

    How is inviting someone to a wedding on a cruise any different than inviting someone to a wedding in another country - like an AI or something? 

    I personally think both are silly anyway, but I guess I'm missing why the cruise is more rude?

    This has been discussed before.

    There are two kinds of cruise weddings.  Most have the ceremony while the ship is docked.  The guests travel to the ship, attend the ceremony and reception while the ship is in port, then return home.  There is no cost to the guests to enter the ship and attend the wedding. 

    The second kind of cruise wedding was invented by the $$ cruise industry.  The wedding takes place while the ship is at sea, so all guests must pay for the cost of their cruise.  They have no choice.  They are paying thousands off dollars on a cruise which they did not choose, and must stay on that cruise for perhaps a week.  When you invite guests to a wedding, you invite them for one day - your wedding day!  Not a week.
    The cruise ships love this, because they get $$$ from every "guest".  Many ships have even built small chapels for the ceremony.  Some lines offer free cruise fare for the bride and groom if they can persuade 10 couples to sign up on the cruise!  Ugh!

    At a destination wedding, your guests should be responsible for their own transportation to the ceremony and for a night or two at their hotel - not for the cost of a cruise!  The only proper way to be married at sea is to have a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family only, all of whom are being paid for by the host.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Casadena said:

    How is inviting someone to a wedding on a cruise any different than inviting someone to a wedding in another country - like an AI or something? 

    I personally think both are silly anyway, but I guess I'm missing why the cruise is more rude?

    It would also be rude to invite someone to your destination wedding at an AI and expect people who stay off-site to pay the fee that the resort charges for non-guests to come on their property.  Transportation costs getting to a wedding are the responsibility of the guest (airfare, taxi/car rental to the site), but actual fees for attendance are the responsibility for the bride and groom to pay (AI visitor fees for people not staying at the resort, cruise fare for a wedding at sea, etc).



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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    hmm...I guess I can see that. 

    Anyway - I think both are quite rude actually - but we do always say that an invitation is not a summons, so people don't have to go if they'd rather not go on that particular cruise. 

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment

    Wait.. does anyone know the laws anymore?? Last I knew you COUDLN"T get married at sea. Because you are in foreign waters. They say it's AT sea but it really is docked or something else but can't remember. Just curious is all.

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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RachelLee83 said:

    Wait.. does anyone know the laws anymore?? Last I knew you COUDLN"T get married at sea. Because you are in foreign waters. They say it's AT sea but it really is docked or something else but can't remember. Just curious is all.


    I don't know anything about cruising since I get horribly sea sick, but I do know that "knowing the laws" seems to be a very low priority for a lot of DW couples. I had a legally binding DW because it was important to me to do so, but a lot of DW couples put their vision over the law and "just sign the papers" at home.

     







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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    RachelLee83 said:

    Wait.. does anyone know the laws anymore?? Last I knew you COUDLN"T get married at sea. Because you are in foreign waters. They say it's AT sea but it really is docked or something else but can't remember. Just curious is all.

    You can be married within the legal ten mile limit as long as the officiant is licensed for that country.  I know that Princess officiants are licensed in several places in the Caribbean.  Here is their very tacky web information.  I am ashamed to admit I own stock in this company.  Well, at least they don't offer bride and groom discounts if they invite sailing guests.

    http://www.princess.com/learn/cruise-gifts-celebrations/romance/wedding-cruises/




    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    Casadena said:

    hmm...I guess I can see that. 

    Anyway - I think both are quite rude actually - but we do always say that an invitation is not a summons, so people don't have to go if they'd rather not go on that particular cruise. 


    The big difference -- to me -- is that if a wedding was being held overseas and my time and schedule was limited, I could always fly in the day before, or even the day of, and leave the next day. It wouldn't be ideal, but it could be done if I could afford it. More than that, travel expenses are always on the guest, so having a DW and expecting people to pay to get themselves there isn't rude at all. We don't consider having a wedding in a different state to be rude, even though OOT guests will have to pay gas to drive or pay for a flight. It's the same logic, regardless of location. 

    With a cruise, you don't have the quick trip option -- you are stuck on the boat for the entire duration of the cruise and that's after already paying the expected travel expenses of getting to where the cruise leaves port. You are, as has been said, paying admission to attend the wedding. That's why a cruise wedding is considered rude.
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