Fight With FI -- How do you handle your fights?

MegEn1 · July 2015

So this morning had a fight with FI that left me in tears. It was about politics.

He made a smarmy comment about Hillary Clinton. He made a smarmy comment about how the media gives her a pass on a lot of her BS because of her bits.

I lost my shit at him, demanding to know if he thought women had it easier or were granted passes through life because of our gender. He fell down the politics hole and started going on about ... I dunno. Politics. It wasn't the point and I kept telling him so but he gets so worked up over politics sometimes he'll have to take a walk around the block because otherwise he's screaming, fuming mad.

I was really really upset by this, that this man I love could possibly think and feel that way. I believe he doesn't, because though he said this he's spent every other year we've been together talking about my achievements, the unfairness of the way rape cases are handled in this country, equal pay, etc. But it really shook me very hard today. I haven't been able to talk to him all day and by now I've simmered down. But honestly FI and I don't fight (I think we fought once about the flower girl issue) except sometimes getting into heated political discussions. And I'm not sure if I just let it go and move on or what. Weirdly enough we've been together for almost five years now and we just haven't ever really had a situation where we came down firmly on opposite ends and ended up fighting over it.

How do you guys handle your fights with your loved ones?

arrrghmatey · July 2015

I think the two of you should blackball any political discussions if you can't hold a conversation about them objectively and respectfully with each other.

FI and I never fight. We've had serious discussions about serious topics, but we don't fight about them. We're really good about communicating and respecting each other's feelings and viewpoints. Not saying we won't *ever* fight…I know we will at some point. But we never yell/raise our voices or insult each other. Knowing how to communicate effectively with each other is very important.

Edit: words.

novella1186 · July 2015

H said something awful to me a few mornings ago. In the thread I posted I said I've been having bad stomach issues, and I got up in the morning feeling really sick as usual. So I got upset and said something like "The thought of going to work feeling this sick is giving me really bad anxiety, and I think the anxiety is making me feel way worse. I don't know what to do. Should I work from home again?"

He didn't think I should stay home, I told him again how sick and upset I was. He said, "I'm not going to encourage something that might be all in your head" (Implying that all my stomach problems are just psychosomatic or something). It stung so fucking bad. He's not the type to say something like that. I wanted to scream at him and tell him what a total asshole he was, but instead I just paused and said very calmly, "That was a nasty thing to say." And then I left the room before I got too upset.

It gave him a minute to think, and he came after me to apologize. I calmed down a bit and was able to tell him how bad that made me feel, so we talked about it calmly and he continued apologizing and then we got over it.

I've found that if he says something hurtful or something that makes me really mad, I just have to calmly call him out and then walk away to take a breath before I lose my temper and blow it up into a huge yelling match or something. (We don't usually fight, but I did yell at him once when I was super mad and it did not go well)

loveislouder · July 2015

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

MegEn1 · July 2015

LOL I'm glad it's not just me that gets into fights over the weird stuff.

As far as his temper and politics goes, he won't fight with //me//. Rather he just gets so mad about what this politician did or that new law, etc. etc. that he will end up shouting and raving about it, at which point I kick him out of the house for his constitutional around the block. It's one of the reasons I was looking for advice since we've only ever really ended up making fighting noises //at each other// once or twice.

We love talking politics more often than not. Rather I should say policy. What would you do about X, how do you think they should handle Y, etc.

TrixieJess · July 2015

arrrghmatey said:

I think the two of you should blackball any political discussions if you can't hold a conversation about them objectively and respectfully with each other.

FI and I never fight. We've had serious discussions about serious topics, but her don't fight about them. We're really good about communicating and respecting each other's feelings and viewpoints. Not saying we won't *ever* fight…I know we will at some point. But we never yell/raise our voices or insult each other. Knowing how to communicate effectively with each other is very important.

We are the same way. We agree to disagree on things, then move on. We don't fight and we don't yell at each other, it's extremely disrespectful.

You need to find another way to fight and stay away from topics that inflame both of you.

redheadbride15 · July 2015

I think Novella's point is a really good one. In most relationships someone is occasionally going to say something nasty, insensitive, idiotic. This happens with me and my H sometimes, though it's usually me who has put my foot in my mouth and been a bitch. I always feel awful about it afterwards though and I'm so glad that H doesn't just act like a doormat. A simple, sincere apology followed by acknowledgement and an indication of forgiveness is really all it takes for us.

This is a common conversation that's sort of become a joke:
Me: "I'm sorry. You're a much nicer person than I am."
H: "It's okay. I'm working on you."

[Deleted User] · July 2015

redheadbride15 said:

I think Novella's point is a really good one. In most relationships someone is occasionally going to say something nasty, insensitive, idiotic. This happens with me and my H sometimes, though it's usually me who has put my foot in my mouth and been a bitch. I always feel awful about it afterwards though and I'm so glad that H doesn't just act like a doormat. A simple, sincere apology followed by acknowledgement and an indication of forgiveness is really all it takes for us.

This is a common conversation that's sort of become a joke:
Me: "I'm sorry. You're a much nicer person than I am."
H: "It's okay. I'm working on you."

This is my fiance and I. He's much nicer; I've got less patience- although I've been working on it and he said he's noticed!

We don't usually yell when we fight; we're the opposite probably. It can get really quiet. I can be stubborn so I have to remind myself to not always be the one who is approached about talking it out and to make sure I go to him. Just had a friend break up from a LT girlfriend because she would never be the one to try to patch things up...

NowIamMrsKlein · July 2015

FI and I have never fought. Which I am super grateful for, but it's definitely just neither of our personalities. Now and then when we have a disagreement about something there may be a little tension but that's the extent of it. We usually deal with anything that's escalating by each saying our side, then taking a break from the conversation to think about what each other had to say and then revisiting it.

FI does most of the cooking because its something he really loves to do. But he is also really hard on himself when he 'screws up' on supper. If he burns something he will get really terse. If I offer to help he will be really short with me and say that he can handle it, which has lead to hurt feelings on both sides. After the first time this happened we had a conversation about it and he told me how screwing up supper made him feel and I told him how him not letting me help made me feel. He's working on not letting things bother him so much, and now I know to just let him be for a few minutes after a mishap before I offer to help him.

I think its important in disagreements/discussions/arguments to take a moment to find out the WHY of the other persons side. Communication is definitely the key to not fighting. You can still each get out your own opinion without invalidating the other persons. FI and I really focus on trying to tell the other person exactly what is bothering us and why (while sometimes that is super hard to vocalize!!) 'this makes me feel X' 'When you say things like that, I think that you X' 'Sometimes I have a hard time when I do X and when you don't respond the way I expect then I do X'

It really has helped us learn how we each deal with certain situations, pressures and stressors, lack of sleep, etc. And thankfully because we started communicating like this early in our relationship we have never had a fight.

julieanne912 · July 2015

We've had a few fights lately... not sure why... the permanentness of the wedding setting in I guess. It's usually about housework LOL The last one started because, right before bed, FI noticed some ants in the laundry room. He moved the dog bed out of the way (it's a raised bed) and saw a lot of hair and a few wayward pieces of dog food under there that was attracting the ants. He lost his shit and said I do a bad job taking care of the house etc etc etc and it just went from there.

I took my stuff and went to sleep in the guest room, but couldn't sleep. I decided to go clean the kitchen. While I was doing that he came out and apologized, and I apologized too since we both just started yelling.

FI's issue is that he sits and stews over something that's bothering him (in this case, my lack of attentiveness to housework). Instead of saying something early on, he just stays quiet til comes out like the above. I told him he needs to pipe up sooner, because I can't deal with his freak outs like that, and I just end up getting defensive when someone yells at me like that, even when their complaint is legitimate.

vikinganna87 · July 2015

As @novella1186 mentioned it's important to tell him how bad that made [you] feel. People say things that upset others, but oftentimes won't understand how they hurt you or connect the dots until you spell it out.

Go back to the Hillary Clinton episode and think about what specifically he said that made you upset. Then try to figure out why specifically it made you upset. Also try to figure out if there are other latent feelings about some related or unrelated issue that may have caused you to react strongly. Sometimes we get really worked up about things and need to trust our emotions, but it's not always clear what they stem from. It may even take a few days to sort this out for yourself before you approach him again.

When H and I disagree I can get emotional and he may say I'm overreacting. But then I have to sit down and think about why I'm upset, and there's usually a good reason, like the disagreement seems like a repeat of one we've had before. Then I try to say "when you do xyz, it makes me feel like sh!t or not respected" or something along those lines. That tends to help. I rarely have disagreements with my dad but one time I started crying over the phone. He didn't get it until I said "when you miss my bbq because of work but then spend all night emailing us family pictures it makes me feel like ...... and reminds me of ....."

Another thing that's helpful is to try to spell out how you feel in someone else's language. H didn't understand why I would get annoyed that he kept hijacking the coffee cups and leaving them for months at his work or in the car. Then I was like " well it's as if I would take your tools and leave them at my parents' house or in my car and then when you need to use them they're not there." It's a "respect for things that matter to other people" type thing. He totally got it and has never failed to return a coffee cup since then. I know it's a very minor thing, but sometimes communicating a certain way about small things helps with more important stuff.

Everyone deals with things differently; these are just my experiences with tactics that seem to help.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

We've had a few fights lately... not sure why... the permanentness of the wedding setting in I guess. It's usually about housework LOL The last one started because, right before bed, FI noticed some ants in the laundry room. He moved the dog bed out of the way (it's a raised bed) and saw a lot of hair and a few wayward pieces of dog food under there that was attracting the ants. He lost his shit and said I do a bad job taking care of the house etc etc etc and it just went from there.

I took my stuff and went to sleep in the guest room, but couldn't sleep. I decided to go clean the kitchen. While I was doing that he came out and apologized, and I apologized too since we both just started yelling.

FI's issue is that he sits and stews over something that's bothering him (in this case, my lack of attentiveness to housework). Instead of saying something early on, he just stays quiet til comes out like the above. I told him he needs to pipe up sooner, because I can't deal with his freak outs like that, and I just end up getting defensive when someone yells at me like that, even when their complaint is legitimate.

Why is the housework only your responsibility? Is this a division of "duties" you've agreed to or did he just assume you're the woman so you do the housework?

julieanne912 · July 2015

FeeleyToBe said:

julieanne912 said:

We've had a few fights lately... not sure why... the permanentness of the wedding setting in I guess. It's usually about housework LOL The last one started because, right before bed, FI noticed some ants in the laundry room. He moved the dog bed out of the way (it's a raised bed) and saw a lot of hair and a few wayward pieces of dog food under there that was attracting the ants. He lost his shit and said I do a bad job taking care of the house etc etc etc and it just went from there.

I took my stuff and went to sleep in the guest room, but couldn't sleep. I decided to go clean the kitchen. While I was doing that he came out and apologized, and I apologized too since we both just started yelling.

FI's issue is that he sits and stews over something that's bothering him (in this case, my lack of attentiveness to housework). Instead of saying something early on, he just stays quiet til comes out like the above. I told him he needs to pipe up sooner, because I can't deal with his freak outs like that, and I just end up getting defensive when someone yells at me like that, even when their complaint is legitimate.

Why is the housework only your responsibility? Is this a division of "duties" you've agreed to or did he just assume you're the woman so you do the housework?

Oh it's part of the division of duties we agreed to long ago. He does outside, I do inside. He often travels for work too, so he's not around a lot when he's doing that But one thing we talked about is when he goes on stints of not traveling and just "working from home" (which is usually like 2 hours of work a day), like he is currently, he can pitch in and help w/ some of the inside stuff, especially weeks like this when we've got company coming and things need to be cleaner than normal. I also reminded him that I am not his mother, and I work full time, unlike her, so no, the house will not be as clean as his house was when he grew up. Moving the furniture every time I vacuum will not be happening. Once things settle down after the wedding, we're going to evaluate the budget to see if we can afford a once a month cleaning person to come in and do some deeper cleaning.

justsie · July 2015

It took some times for FI and I to figure each other out when it comes to fights. I was used to having to yell to be heard with most of my LTRs, FI was someone who needed to really think things out before he speaks (he is cautious not to say anything in a fight he will regret). So our first fight I'm ready to have to yell to be heard, and FI just sat their in silence for like 15 minutes and then goes " I see where you are coming from, I'll work on that and her is what I'm thinking" and I was in shock and felt like the fight wasn't over, we didn't yell at each other for an hour.... A few discussions later and I learned thats just what FI needs, he will hear me out but he needs time to process what I'm saying and see what he thinks about it all.

FI had some habits too. When I needed alone time during a heated discussion and asked him to leave he would make it an all or nothing situation- He's start saying fine I'll leave and take all my stuff blah blah.... When I mentioned it to him he realized that's what he would do to his mother when he was younger to get out of trouble. She wouldn't punish him as harshly if she thought he would go live with his stepfather over her. He's changed that about himself and we laugh about it now.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Not gonna lie. When I first read the title, I thought the title said "How do you handle flights with your FI". I was gonna be like "umm, we book them together and usually sit together?"

It really depends on the fight. We both are usually able to hold heated conversation/debates without them getting dicey and I have no problem telling him if I find something offensive (and vice versa). If it is a fight-fight, we both usually like some space to cool off, then usually we both need a hug from the other and then we sit down and talk about what was said/why it hurt/ etc.

Something that our officiant (my uncle) suggests to all couples is that they sit down and create a list of lines they will never cross during a fight.

Some of FI and I's are:

-no name calling
-no insinuating that there may be something better out there for the sake of getting in a "dig" at the other person
-no criticism for the sake of hurting the other....it should be constructive

Of course, this doesn't guarantee that we will never cross these lines, but we thought it was nice to sit down and come to an understanding of what each other finds hurtful

madamerwin · July 2015

H and I only seem to fight about the stupidest shit, and at least 2/3 of the time it's alcohol-induced. Usually, one of us says something in a tone the other doesn't like (usually him saying something in a pissy tone and me getting offended), and then we proceed to argue about tone of voice and how we got into an argument, instead of the actual issue at hand. H doesn't realize that he comes across as pissy a lot of the time, and he also has RBF (resting bitch face), and I am overly-sensitive. So, that's a great combo for stupid fights.

We went to relationship counseling for about 6 months before the wedding, and that has helped a good deal. We don't get in actual screaming, throwing things fights, but we do still bicker - especially if I am tired or he's hungry.

Moiramab · July 2015

So I'm NEY, but wanted to step out of the lurker-shadows to say that politics are the ONLY knock-down-drag-out fights BF and I have. We're completely opposite ends of the political spectrum (I'm a Yankee progressive, and he's a southern catholic conservative). We've gotten better over the last four years but it's still a chore to get through these fights when they happen because it just spotlights how different we can be while fighting too.

...Nothing really to add except thank you OMHs for some hints on how to manage them, and @MegEn1 I completely understand where you're coming from

mrscomposer · July 2015

Our fights (when they happen, which is extremely rare) are usually because of a misunderstanding. And then things get really, really quiet. We both internalize and have to process, so if we have a disagreement over something and emotions get involved, we don't say anything for a long time. Which isn't great, because there's still a huge amount of tension in the silence, and that makes me even more sad, which makes J more upset and leads him down the rabbit trail of 'she's upset and is going to leave me' - which I repeatedly point out is complete bullshit.

We're definitely more 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' people than 'don't go to bed angry' people. Hells yeah, we'll sleep that shit off. When we've had a chance to regroup, though, we have really calm, rational discussions and get everything worked out very quickly.

jenna8984 · July 2015

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

emmaaa · July 2015

I guess DH and I are different than a lot of the PP's because we "fight" a lot. Most of it is trivial and just bickering because we like giving each other a hard time. When we have big fights it is usually over something little and the majority of the time it is right before I start my period (tracking my cycle has actually helped me a lot because now I realize why I am so irritable and I can kind of step away from that). We usually don't fight over big stuff or serious stuff actually.

I think it is important to learn how to fight fair. You and your partner know each other better than anyone else does and it is easy to take a fight to far. It is easy to go for some low blows and say things you know will hurt them. DH and I learned a long time ago to try not to go there.

I've heard the saying, "Would you rather be married or right?" and I think the original meaning is to make it seem like a husband must agree with his wife, and never be right, to stay married. I try to look at it differently and remind myself that I can't always be right. Sometimes I have to be the one to apologize and so does he. I HATE apologizing but I have to remember that some fights aren't worth it. I think it is important to pick your battles.

Even though DH and I bicker a lot and sometimes get really mad at each other, five minutes later he's laughing at me because I'm cute when I'm mad and I'm hugging him because he says the funniest things when he is mad.

And I also thought the original title said "flights" and I was going to respond that DH and I haven't flown together but it will probably involve Xanax.

AddieCake · July 2015

I can't imagine fighting about potatoes or only eating potatoes twice a year like it's a special occasion food. It's potatoes, not champagne.

MegEn1 · July 2015

You all laugh about the title saying flights -- flights are no joke! It's going to take a dose of xanax and a double vodka cran for me and a zzquil and fistful of dramamine for FI to get to our honeymoon destination.

PLANES ARE DEATH TRAPS PEOPLE THE COUPLE THAT FLIES TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER.

emmaaa · July 2015

AddieCake said:

I can't imagine fighting about potatoes or only eating potatoes twice a year like it's a special occasion food. It's potatoes, not champagne.

For real. We have potatoes at least once a week. I love potatoes.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

H and I fight/argue every once in a while. We have been together over 13 years so arguments/fights are bound to happen. We typically fight over stupid stuff or the same stuff (like housework). They are generally quick fights that blow over after about 30 minutes because we realize how ridiculous they were. And really nine times out of ten they happen because one of us is in a bad mood and we just feel the need to bicker about something. We hardly ever fight over anything big because the big stuff, like finances, we have already discussed and have a plan for.

H and I are not political at all so we don't fight about that. But if we were and we knew we were on the opposite sides of the spectrum then we would just agree that politics are off the table. I mean why talk about something that you know you both disagree with the other person on? It will always lead to a fight. So the best thing to do is to figure out what you two disagree on completely and agree that you each respect the other persons position but you will not discuss it.

arrippa · July 2015

emmaaa said:

AddieCake said:

I can't imagine fighting about potatoes or only eating potatoes twice a year like it's a special occasion food. It's potatoes, not champagne.

For real. We have potatoes at least once a week. I love potatoes.

Me too, especially when it's cut into fry shapes and deep friend in oil with lots of salt.

redheadbride15 · July 2015

My H is from the midwest and would happily eat potatoes, corn, and steak 365 days a year. He probably secretly resents me for not cooking that every night. But we don't fight about it!

Our fights usually start with one of us being grumpy for some random reason and the other one being way too sensitive about it. We're actually very similar personality-wise and our individual moods seem to be really dependent on each other. It's taking us a while to figure out that when one person is upset/anxious/grumpy what the other person really needs to do is try as hard as possible to be the OPPOSITE. We have actually never had any fights about the typical issues (housework, money, politics, etc.)

climbingsingle · July 2015

I think to judge other people's fights is a little ridiculous. My H and I have had silly disagreements about trivial things. It happens. WTF cares if they fought over potatoes.

loveislouder · July 2015

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

How does one get tired of potatoes?!

thespeshulestsnowflake · July 2015

tfmrserwin said:

H and I only seem to fight about the stupidest shit, and at least 2/3 of the time it's alcohol-induced. Usually, one of us says something in a tone the other doesn't like (usually him saying something in a pissy tone and me getting offended), and then we proceed to argue about tone of voice and how we got into an argument, instead of the actual issue at hand. H doesn't realize that he comes across as pissy a lot of the time, and he also has RBF (resting bitch face), and I am overly-sensitive. So, that's a great combo for stupid fights.

We went to relationship counseling for about 6 months before the wedding, and that has helped a good deal. We don't get in actual screaming, throwing things fights, but we do still bicker - especially if I am tired or he's hungry.

This is pretty similar to our fights. Usually me having a beer too many and getting pissy. But this had pretty much only happened when I was miserable in my old job. Since getting a new one, we really haven't fought. I usually wake up feeling bad for yelling at him and taking my personal issues with my old job out on him.

jenna8984 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

How does one get tired of potatoes?!

Exactly! I wasn't even commenting or judging the fight itself. I was commenting how weird it is to think potatoes are a once a year food!

Fight With FI -- How do you handle your fights?

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