Open bar/ cash bar

[Deleted User] · July 2015

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going.

Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going. Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

ShesSoCold said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going.

Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?

People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going. Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Nah I'm fine right here, thanks. But what could you possibly still be curious about? I suggest you continue your previous posts search.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

It is a rude person thing.

But really I think when people grow up and go to events where the bars are solely cash they really have no other perspective so they think it is okay. Even if they think that it is rude they see it as "the only way it has been done so it must be right" kind of thing.

And as you can see, you who have been to weddings where the majority of bars have been cash found it rude, so when people say that no one will be offended is just not true. People generally don't go up to the couple and tell them that what they are doing is rude. And like wise when couples plan weddings their friends and family generally do not tell them that what they are planning is rude. For some reason people walk on eggshells around couples planning a wedding.

Yes, guests go to weddings to celebrate the couple. BUT the couples job (or hosts job) is to host a party to thank those guests which means that the guests should not have to open their wallets.

And yes, some people would prefer to buy themselves a drink rather then to not have alcohol at all. But same could be said of a person rather buying a steak then be served chicken. As a guest you have to graciously accept what is being hosted. And as a host you have to host fully and not push off some of your costs to your guests. So if you believe, as a host, that your guests would prefer alcohol then you need to rearrange your budget to provide. You do not have a cash bar as a way to provide it but then not have to pay for it.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

ShesSoCold said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

ShesSoCold said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going.

Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Nah I'm fine right here, thanks. But what could you possibly still be curious about? I suggest you continue your previous posts search.

Did you read my whole post or just get right into bitch mode? Around here, open bars are almost unheard of. I'm curious as to why that is if so many other people expect it. I, for one, would never expect it and neither would anyone I know. So I'm curious .. No need to be a royal [removed by moderator].

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going. Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Nah I'm fine right here, thanks. But what could you possibly still be curious about? I suggest you continue your previous posts search.
Did you read my whole post or just get right into bitch mode? Around here, open bars are almost unheard of. I'm curious as to why that is if so many other people expect it. I, for one, would never expect it and neither would anyone I know. So I'm curious .. No need to be a royal [removed by moderator].

Did you read the TOS? Pretty sure calling someone a bitch multiple times is a no-no.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:
It is a rude person thing.

But really I think when people grow up and go to events where the bars are solely cash they really have no other perspective so they think it is okay. Even if they think that it is rude they see it as "the only way it has been done so it must be right" kind of thing.

And as you can see, you who have been to weddings where the majority of bars have been cash found it rude, so when people say that no one will be offended is just not true. People generally don't go up to the couple and tell them that what they are doing is rude. And like wise when couples plan weddings their friends and family generally do not tell them that what they are planning is rude. For some reason people walk on eggshells around couples planning a wedding.

Yes, guests go to weddings to celebrate the couple. BUT the couples job (or hosts job) is to host a party to thank those guests which means that the guests should not have to open their wallets.

And yes, some people would prefer to buy themselves a drink rather then to not have alcohol at all. But same could be said of a person rather buying a steak then be served chicken. As a guest you have to graciously accept what is being hosted. And as a host you have to host fully and not push off some of your costs to your guests. So if you believe, as a host, that your guests would prefer alcohol then you need to rearrange your budget to provide. You do not have a cash bar as a way to provide it but then not have to pay for it.

I completely see the reasoning behind it but the people who have had cash bars are very far from rude. I guess it's a circle thing.. In the grand scheme of things.

sparklepants41 · July 2015

So consider this:

If you had people over to your house to celebrate a birthday, or retirement, or what-have-you, would you charge your guests for their beverages/food?

Weddings are no different. Although they tend to be held at an outside venue and are on a larger scale than a birthday party/dinner party/etc. (however, I have been to very small weddings held at the hosts' home and extremely large birthday parties at hotels/restaurants).

If you are hosting something, then you need to host everything, otherwise it is quite rude. Would you charge people for a slice of wedding cake? Or for their dinner, but the hors d'oeuvres prior to the dinner are free?

Alcohol/beverages are no different.

It's not location-specific, or culture-specific, or clique-specific. It's etiquette-specific.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

ShesSoCold said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

ShesSoCold said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going.

Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Nah I'm fine right here, thanks. But what could you possibly still be curious about? I suggest you continue your previous posts search.

Did you read my whole post or just get right into bitch mode? Around here, open bars are almost unheard of. I'm curious as to why that is if so many other people expect it. I, for one, would never expect it and neither would anyone I know. So I'm curious .. No need to be a royal [removed by moderator].

Did you read the TOS? Pretty sure calling someone a bitch multiple times is a no-no.

I'm saying her responses are bitchy.. Not her. I don't even know her so how would I know if she's a bitch. Plus.. I've seen much much worse. Delete the post of its a no no.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

It is a rude person thing.

But really I think when people grow up and go to events where the bars are solely cash they really have no other perspective so they think it is okay. Even if they think that it is rude they see it as "the only way it has been done so it must be right" kind of thing.

And as you can see, you who have been to weddings where the majority of bars have been cash found it rude, so when people say that no one will be offended is just not true. People generally don't go up to the couple and tell them that what they are doing is rude. And like wise when couples plan weddings their friends and family generally do not tell them that what they are planning is rude. For some reason people walk on eggshells around couples planning a wedding.

Yes, guests go to weddings to celebrate the couple. BUT the couples job (or hosts job) is to host a party to thank those guests which means that the guests should not have to open their wallets.

And yes, some people would prefer to buy themselves a drink rather then to not have alcohol at all. But same could be said of a person rather buying a steak then be served chicken. As a guest you have to graciously accept what is being hosted. And as a host you have to host fully and not push off some of your costs to your guests. So if you believe, as a host, that your guests would prefer alcohol then you need to rearrange your budget to provide. You do not have a cash bar as a way to provide it but then not have to pay for it.
I completely see the reasoning behind it but the people who have had cash bars are very far from rude. I guess it's a circle thing.. In the grand scheme of things.

Someone can still do something rude without being an inherently rude person. Like I said some people see it as rude but since a cash bar is something that has always been done they just go along with it. That doesn't make a cash bar any less rude to your guests or make the couple any less rude by having it.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

sparklepants41 said:
So consider this:
If you had people over to your house to celebrate a birthday, or retirement, or what-have-you, would you charge your guests for their beverages/food?
Weddings are no different. Although they tend to be held at an outside venue and are on a larger scale than a birthday party/dinner party/etc. (however, I have been to very small weddings held at the hosts' home and extremely large birthday parties at hotels/restaurants).
If you are hosting something, then you need to host everything, otherwise it is quite rude. Would you charge people for a slice of wedding cake? Or for their dinner, but the hors d'oeuvres prior to the dinner are free?
Alcohol/beverages are no different.
It's not location-specific, or culture-specific, or clique-specific. It's etiquette-specific.

Around here.. If you go to a party or something you BYOB. Its rude not to, actually.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Also, I'd like to remind everyone that I am having a fully hosted bar. So this is not really pertaining to me specifially, just curiosity. And now wondering why all the weddings I've been to didn't do this.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going. Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Nah I'm fine right here, thanks. But what could you possibly still be curious about? I suggest you continue your previous posts search.
Did you read my whole post or just get right into bitch mode? Around here, open bars are almost unheard of. I'm curious as to why that is if so many other people expect it. I, for one, would never expect it and neither would anyone I know. So I'm curious .. No need to be a royal bitch.

Did you read the TOS? Pretty sure calling someone a bitch multiple times is a no-no.
I'm saying her responses are bitchy.. Not her. I don't even know her so how would I know if she's a bitch. Plus.. I've seen much much worse. Delete the post of its a no no.

Uh, no you aren't. You said "no need to be a royal bitch." Pretty sure that is calling her a bitch. So I think you should apologize.

climbingsingle · July 2015

Oh great. Another debate about cash bars.

Did you really poll everyone at every single reception to get their feelings?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

So consider this:
If you had people over to your house to celebrate a birthday, or retirement, or what-have-you, would you charge your guests for their beverages/food?
Weddings are no different. Although they tend to be held at an outside venue and are on a larger scale than a birthday party/dinner party/etc. (however, I have been to very small weddings held at the hosts' home and extremely large birthday parties at hotels/restaurants).
If you are hosting something, then you need to host everything, otherwise it is quite rude. Would you charge people for a slice of wedding cake? Or for their dinner, but the hors d'oeuvres prior to the dinner are free?
Alcohol/beverages are no different.
It's not location-specific, or culture-specific, or clique-specific. It's etiquette-specific.
Around here.. If you go to a party or something you BYOB. Its rude not to, actually.

There is a big difference between a random get together at someone's house and HOSTING a wedding or another type of event.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Am I 5?! Mommy told me to apologize.. So im sorry for calling you bad names and hurting your feelings.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

climbingwife said:
Oh great. Another debate about cash bars.

Did you really poll everyone at every single reception to get their feelings?

It's not a debate. I agree hosted is the way to go. I've just never even seen it and therefore did not know it was the norm.

MegEn1 · July 2015

I will agree that I never found it rude until I came on the Knot.

That said, I do remember the awkwardness of scrounging for cash at a wedding or some other event, wandering off to find an ATM, etc. In my younger years I was a people-pleaser. Then I realized hey wait a sec no, that's just a weird thing to put other people on the spot for.

Etiquette =/= Opinion. Just because it's not rude to you doesn't mean it's not rude. That's the great thing about etiquette -- if you stick to the rules and people get pissed at you, you know they are pissed because of their opinions and about what THEY wanted, not about what should have been expected. Because how can you cater to 300 peoples' individual opinions on etiquette?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

Am I 5?! Mommy told me to apologize.. So im sorry for calling you bad names and hurting your feelings.

Well you are acting five so that is how I am treating you. I called you out for calling another poster a bitch. Instead of apologizing to the poster you instead tried to say that you weren't calling her that but rather her responses when that is so obviously a lie.

When you are an adult you own up to your mistakes and apologize. When you try to weasel out of your mistake you get treated like you are five.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Am I 5?! Mommy told me to apologize.. So im sorry for calling you bad names and hurting your feelings.

Well you are acting five so that is how I am treating you. I called you out for calling another poster a bitch. Instead of apologizing to the poster you instead tried to say that you weren't calling her that but rather her responses when that is so obviously a lie.

When you are an adult you own up to your mistakes and apologize. When you try to weasel out of your mistake you get treated like you are five.

Lol. Okay.

Maggie0829 · July 2015

Does anyone else not understand the point of this post?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Am I 5?! Mommy told me to apologize.. So im sorry for calling you bad names and hurting your feelings.

Well you are acting five so that is how I am treating you. I called you out for calling another poster a bitch. Instead of apologizing to the poster you instead tried to say that you weren't calling her that but rather her responses when that is so obviously a lie.

When you are an adult you own up to your mistakes and apologize. When you try to weasel out of your mistake you get treated like you are five.
Lol. Okay.

I think you just made my point.

climbingsingle · July 2015

Well, for someone that completed waffled to a demanding MOH the other day, you certainly have seemed to find your backbone. You know, behind a computer to strangers...

sparklepants41 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

So consider this:
If you had people over to your house to celebrate a birthday, or retirement, or what-have-you, would you charge your guests for their beverages/food?
Weddings are no different. Although they tend to be held at an outside venue and are on a larger scale than a birthday party/dinner party/etc. (however, I have been to very small weddings held at the hosts' home and extremely large birthday parties at hotels/restaurants).
If you are hosting something, then you need to host everything, otherwise it is quite rude. Would you charge people for a slice of wedding cake? Or for their dinner, but the hors d'oeuvres prior to the dinner are free?
Alcohol/beverages are no different.
It's not location-specific, or culture-specific, or clique-specific. It's etiquette-specific.
Around here.. If you go to a party or something you BYOB. Its rude not to, actually.

There is a big difference between a random get together at someone's house and HOSTING a wedding or another type of event.

Yes. Exactly. Thank you for being far more eloquent than I am capable of being today, @Maggie0829 :-)

TrixieJess · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going. Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

In all the things you say you've read here, you still feel the need to talk about this again?
People are allowed to be curious. Take your snark elsewhere.

Yeah, no. Welcome to The Knot. It's always snarky here. Psst, it's the internet. You can't tell people how to post.

Btw, I've never been to a wedding with a Cash Bar. I find them tacky as FUCK! I'm having a dry afternoon wedding because my venue won't allow alcohol on premises. No one will care because it will still be fully hosted.

banana468 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Does anyone else not understand the point of this post?

Maybe I'm just suspicious given the recent activity here but I'm starting to wonder if there's a new Catfish.

BouxRadley · July 2015

I mean, I know I for one have never walked up to the host at the end of the night and said, "Yeah, the party was great. But it sucked and you're rude because..."

Maggie0829 · July 2015

banana468 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Does anyone else not understand the point of this post?

Maybe I'm just suspicious given the recent activity here but I'm starting to wonder if there's a new Catfish.

Eh, if she was a catfish I don't think she would ask for her account to be deleted. She would want to stay on here and stir up more poo.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2015

BreezyMac100315 said:

I've been to probably 15 weddings in the past 3 years and only 2 had completely hosted bars. Myself, nor anyone else, found it rude. I never thought a hosted bar was necessary. A few people had hosted cocktail hours. A few had for 2 hours. Some had until $x ran out then we paid ourselves. I've literally seen more cash bars than anything else. The first time I went to an open bar wedding I was shocked, actually! Is this a circle thing? Is it a location thing? I've read every single person say that a cash bar is never an option but the fact is that more people than not do cash bars and no one is ever offended. I go to a wedding to celebrate the couple.. Not to be thanked for going.

Side note: FH and I are completely hosting all 300 people. In all honesty though, if it wasn't for an amazing deal from the hotel for such a large wedding we wouldn't have been able to do it. And people would have much rather paid for their own drinks rather than having a dry wedding.

No. I'd rather bring a flask than pay for drinks at what is supposed to be a hosted event.

I'll repost what I had said about a family wedding I attended in the spring:

Just went to a family wedding. Bride and Groom paid for the wedding themselves, I believe. It was a very small reception, maybe 50 people.

They had a bait and switch cash bar- 1st hour free, then changed to cash bar during rest of reception. . .including pop and iced tea, etc. We had to pay for non alcoholic drinks too ><

Everyone was bitching about the cash bar, and since it was such a small reception everyone basically meant all family. The father of the groom was really pissed and really embarrassed.

Moral of the story- CASH BARS ARE NEVER OK!

julieanne912 · July 2015

I've never once been offended by a cash bar, even though I believe it's the hosts job to provide everything to the guest, including the liquor if you so choose to have that as part of the reception. FI told me that our wedding will be the first he's ever been to where there WASN'T a cash bar.

But, I am not everyone. So just because you personally aren't offended by something, doesn't mean it's not rude. And no, nobody will go up and say to the host that they did something that offended them, that doesn't mean it didn't annoy somebody.

Open bar/ cash bar

Re: Open bar/ cash bar

Choose Another Board

Search Boards