Fight With FI -- How do you handle your fights?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

FI and I bicker a lot. He is super moody, and he loves to be dramatic, and I just don't put up with that stuff, so it leads to little fights. For example, just a few minutes ago he told me I "don't like photos" because I didn't respond the way he wanted me to after he sent me a link to some recent pictures he took. (I said I liked them, apparently he wanted me to say something more grandiose, but I'm at work, so I'm not staring at my phone.) He likes to make sweeping generalizations for some reason, so my imperfect comment OBVIOUSLY means I don't like photography AT ALL, LIKE DUH. Usually I just tell him he is being ridiculous and he lets it be.

The only times we've ever had big fights, they were about 1) money and 2) general attitudes. I think I tend to be a "cold war"-type of person, so I don't yell, but I've mastered an icy glare and quiet fury. He gets loud, then exasperated, then needs to walk away to cool off. After that we can talk it out calmly.

novella1186 · July 2015

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

You should try this recipe from Pioneer Woman:

Get the little gold potatoes
Boil them till they're soft
Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or spread a thin layer of olive oil
Smoosh the potatoes down on the cookie sheet (make an x with a fork. IMO the flatter they get, the better)
Use a basting brush and coat them all with olive oil
Sprinkle with whatever seasoning. I like to do salt, garlic powder, and chopped fresh rosemary
Bake in the oven at 425 till they start to turn brown and crispy

They are sooo good! I'll stand at the stove and eat them straight off the tray as soon as they're done. I can't even make potatoes any other way now because whenever I go near potatoes at the grocery store H gets really excited and says "You're gonna make the smooshed ones, right?!"

Your H won't get to complain about not liking potatoes after that.

ETF yet another word fail

redheadbride15 · July 2015

novella1186 said:

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

You should try this recipe from Pioneer Woman:

Get the little gold potatoes
Boil them till they're soft
Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or spread a thin layer of olive oil
Smoosh the potatoes down on the cookie sheet (make an x with a fork. IMO the flatter they get, the better)
Use a basting brush and coat them all with olive oil
Sprinkle with whatever seasoning. I like to do salt, garlic powder, and chopped fresh rosemary
Bake in the oven at 425 till they start to turn brown and crispy
They are sooo good! I'll stand at the stove and eat them straight off the tray as soon as they're done. I can't even make potatoes any other way now because whenever I go near potatoes at the grocery store H gets really excited and says "You're gonna make the smooshed ones, right?!"

Your H won't get to complain about not liking potatoes after that.

ETF yet another word fail

Wasn't this recipe just on one of the other threads? Like the dinner thread or something? It sounds awesome though - I'm totally in favor of re-posting delicious-sounding recipes! I haven't made potatoes in months... I'm waiting for them to come in season at my farm share but rumor from their website is that new potatoes will be in this week - I can't wait!

snakeylady · July 2015

Fiance and I are very good at arguing and like having long, drawn-out discussions. We don't fight often, but when we do it's almost always because we are upset already and that hurts our ability to listen to each other.

He's not super empathetic or expressive, so when we're both upset, he acts as if he's calm and I'm hysterical. This is incredibly frustrating to me because then I feel like my emotions are invalid, which gets me more upset, and it's a feedback loop. We have discussed this though, and now we are getting batter at recognizing when this happens. Either I'll ask for a glass of water or he'll offer ask if I want one. It's basically code for "I need some empathy and validation." or "I don't know what you want from me at the moment, but I love you and want you to be okay."

Also, I can be a steamroller when I get passionate about something, which makes him feel like I'm not actually listening to what he's saying. So now when we're fighting I always try to rephrase his point so he knows I understand, even if I disagree. I usually say something like "So just to be sure I'm understanding you right, you think that...." He's said that he really appreciates that, and it's easier to agree to disagree when he knows I actually get his point.

jenna8984 · July 2015

@novella1186 Those sound awesome!! I went to my BFF's parent's for her birthday dinner and her mom made these amazing potatoes. I have been trying to eat healthier and I assumed they were baked (they were crisp slices) so I'm like "you must give me the recipe!" Her mom is like sure...then tells me they are deep fried. I was so disappointed hahaha

novella1186 · July 2015

redheadbride15 said:

novella1186 said:

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

You should try this recipe from Pioneer Woman:

Get the little gold potatoes
Boil them till they're soft
Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or spread a thin layer of olive oil
Smoosh the potatoes down on the cookie sheet (make an x with a fork. IMO the flatter they get, the better)
Use a basting brush and coat them all with olive oil
Sprinkle with whatever seasoning. I like to do salt, garlic powder, and chopped fresh rosemary
Bake in the oven at 425 till they start to turn brown and crispy
They are sooo good! I'll stand at the stove and eat them straight off the tray as soon as they're done. I can't even make potatoes any other way now because whenever I go near potatoes at the grocery store H gets really excited and says "You're gonna make the smooshed ones, right?!"

Your H won't get to complain about not liking potatoes after that.

ETF yet another word fail

Wasn't this recipe just on one of the other threads? Like the dinner thread or something? It sounds awesome though - I'm totally in favor of re-posting delicious-sounding recipes! I haven't made potatoes in months... I'm waiting for them to come in season at my farm share but rumor from their website is that new potatoes will be in this week - I can't wait!

No idea. Sorry if it's a repeat! I've honestly been ignoring food-related threads (like the dinner one) cuz I've been so nauseous :S

That recipe has been around the boards before, though

ShesSoCold · July 2015

redheadbride15 said:

novella1186 said:

loveislouder said:

jenna8984 said:

loveislouder said:

H and I don't fight often. Our last fight was about potatoes (I wanted steak and potatoes for dinner, he wanted steak and sidekicks. I told him I would make potatoes for me, sidekicks for him, he started complaining about how in his family they only eat potatoes on Christmas and Thanksgiving which according to his brother is a lie, blah blah blah)

Regardless, it's all about being able to keep a calm head. I'm with Novella... yes, sometimes I have to keep a calm head, call him out and walk away until we've both calmed down. Sometimes it's to the next room sometimes it's a walk around the block. Then we come back and talk it through.

I'm also with Arrgh... if you can't have a civil conversation about politics, blackball that shit.

WUT. Am I the only one who was like wtf is this nonsense?! Weirdest thing I've seen in a while lol

Lol it was definitely a weird one. It wasn't a screaming match or anything, but there was definitely some anger there. He was just tired of potatoes because he's only home for dinner one or two nights a week, which also happened to be the days that I made potatoes for dinner. In my family we ate potatoes every night unless we had spaghetti or pizza and they're so easy to make so why not?

You should try this recipe from Pioneer Woman:

Get the little gold potatoes
Boil them till they're soft
Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or spread a thin layer of olive oil
Smoosh the potatoes down on the cookie sheet (make an x with a fork. IMO the flatter they get, the better)
Use a basting brush and coat them all with olive oil
Sprinkle with whatever seasoning. I like to do salt, garlic powder, and chopped fresh rosemary
Bake in the oven at 425 till they start to turn brown and crispy
They are sooo good! I'll stand at the stove and eat them straight off the tray as soon as they're done. I can't even make potatoes any other way now because whenever I go near potatoes at the grocery store H gets really excited and says "You're gonna make the smooshed ones, right?!"

Your H won't get to complain about not liking potatoes after that.

ETF yet another word fail

Wasn't this recipe just on one of the other threads? Like the dinner thread or something? It sounds awesome though - I'm totally in favor of re-posting delicious-sounding recipes! I haven't made potatoes in months... I'm waiting for them to come in season at my farm share but rumor from their website is that new potatoes will be in this week - I can't wait!

Yes! I made these last night! SO GOOD.

redheadbride15 · July 2015

@novella1186

feel better soon! The food threads need you!

@jenna8984 Everything with olive oil in it is good for you, regardless of how much you use. I just pour gallons of the stuff on everything, fry everything in it, bake everything with it. YUM! And I can tell myself it's healthy (and it probably is, actually).

jenna8984 · July 2015

@reheadbride15 LOL definitely. I use my evoo on just about everything as well! I have never tried deep frying but I heard OO is not good for that because of thge low scortch temp or something.

julieanne912 · July 2015

jenna8984 said:

@reheadbride15 LOL definitely. I use my evoo on just about everything as well! I have never tried deep frying but I heard OO is not good for that because of thge low scortch temp or something.

Yeah, don't deep fry in olive oil.

redheadbride15 · July 2015

jenna8984 said:

@reheadbride15 LOL definitely. I use my evoo on just about everything as well! I have never tried deep frying but I heard OO is not good for that because of thge low scortch temp or something.

Yes, this is true. I wouldn't deep fry in evoo. But it's great for pan-frying where you can use a lower heat (I do breaded pork chops and chicken breasts in it all the time, also shredded potatoes or veggies for latkes or hash). And you can oven-roast potatoes and pretty much any veggie in evoo at 450 and they're crispy and delicious.

Fight With FI -- How do you handle your fights?

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