Should we tip anyone for Destination Wedding at All-Inclusive Resort - Mexico?

Knottie16516430 · July 2015

This was just brought to my attention about tipping vendors, photographers, servers, "priest" (we are having symbolic wedding), wedding planner etc. for the wedding. We are getting married at Dreams Riviera Cancun in Mexico. This is an all-inclusive resort and they are charging us 15% service charge on almost everything. The vendors are paid by resort so we only are paying resort. We are way over our budget and they have not been communicating well with us but having worked in the service industry for years, I want everyone to know we are thankful for bringing our night together, too! (hopefully!!)

My fiance says absolutely not to tip extra because of pricey packages but I am not sure what is fair or right? What would you recommend? Should everyone be tipped? And if so, how much?

Thank you!!!

WinstonsGirl · July 2015

Knottie16516430 said:

This was just brought to my attention about tipping vendors, photographers, servers, "priest" (we are having symbolic wedding), wedding planner etc. for the wedding. We are getting married at Dreams Riviera Cancun in Mexico. This is an all-inclusive resort and they are charging us 15% service charge on almost everything. The vendors are paid by resort so we only are paying resort. We are way over our budget and they have not been communicating well with us but having worked in the service industry for years, I want everyone to know we are thankful for bringing our night together, too! (hopefully!!)
My fiance says absolutely not to tip extra because of pricey packages but I am not sure what is fair or right? What would you recommend? Should everyone be tipped? And if so, how much?

Thank you!!!

If the resort is organizing the vendors through their package, and you are being charged a tip for that fee, than the tipping fee should be going to the vendors via the resort. Any vendors you hire outside of this package need to be tipped by you.

I'm a little more concerned that you're way over your budget for a symbolic ceremony. A symbolic ceremony isn't worth being in debt over, not even a real wedding is. Can you cut something to keep you under budget??

Knottie16516430 · July 2015

Well we are considering it our real wedding - we actually cut having a legal wedding because it would have been an extra ~$1000. We have a list of items we want to cut but we are including them in our budget just in case the resort/venue isn't what we are expecting. It is just so hard to make these expensive decisions when you have never seen the place! Example: lighting at night, decor, etc.

Thank you so much for your advice!! - it sounds like we just need to tip the photographer then? What is considered reasonable? 15% would be a few hundred.

msuprincess04 · July 2015

I tipped my photographers 20%, since they spent the entire day with us and did a great job. I also waited till I recieved my edited photos before tipping them.

Jells2dot0 · July 2015

I agree about tipping the photographer. My photog owned her own company, so tipping isn't mandatory, but we still bought her a bunch of treats from the US as a special gift.

As for being over budget, one thing that I think is a plus with having a DW is that the setting speaks for itself- the beautiful beach/water and a nice, upscale resort. IMHO I think adding extra décor is a waste. The natural surroundings should speak for itself! No one is going to notice extra decor touched with that beach and ocean there! We added almost nothing to our ceremony and reception, other than a hurricane lamp and some seashells.

That being said, I think that having a legal ceremony is way more important than flowers, lighting, and décor. People are spending thousands of dollars to see you get married, but your actual marriage/wedding is not there! It's when you sign your papers. Do your guests a solid one and actually get married while they are in attendance. If you don't choose to go that route, at least tell them you are not legally marrying at your Mexican ceremony. Then, they know the truth and can decide if there time and money are worth seeing a vow renewal.

CMGragain · July 2015

Knottie16516430 said:

Well we are considering it our real wedding - we actually cut having a legal wedding because it would have been an extra ~$1000. We have a list of items we want to cut but we are including them in our budget just in case the resort/venue isn't what we are expecting. It is just so hard to make these expensive decisions when you have never seen the place! Example: lighting at night, decor, etc.

Thank you so much for your advice!! - it sounds like we just need to tip the photographer then? What is considered reasonable? 15% would be a few hundred.

Oh, no. Not another special snowflake!
It doesn't matter what YOU consider to be your real wedding. You are married as soon as you sign the papers and give them to the county clerk. That IS your wedding.
You can expect to get a lot of negative feedback on the Knot. Are you telling your guests that this is only a "re-enactment", or are you inviting them to your "wedding"?
Plan a real wedding that you can afford. If you can't afford a real wedding in Mexico, then have a nice wedding somewhere else.
Oh, is the "priest" fake, too?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

To each his own. Speaking as an attendee of many symbolic weddings, I felt it was very meaningful to be part of the actual ceremony and celebration and not necessarily the signing of legal paper work. The couple will be experiencing the actual "wedding ceremony" the same as everyone else.

ShesSoCold · July 2015

Knottie16516430 said:

This was just brought to my attention about tipping vendors, photographers, servers, "priest" (we are having symbolic wedding), wedding planner etc. for the wedding. We are getting married at Dreams Riviera Cancun in Mexico. This is an all-inclusive resort and they are charging us 15% service charge on almost everything. The vendors are paid by resort so we only are paying resort. We are way over our budget and they have not been communicating well with us but having worked in the service industry for years, I want everyone to know we are thankful for bringing our night together, too! (hopefully!!)
My fiance says absolutely not to tip extra because of pricey packages but I am not sure what is fair or right? What would you recommend? Should everyone be tipped? And if so, how much?

Thank you!!!

So you're over budget with a non-communicative venue and you're not even actually getting married? Am I reading this correctly? Ignoring all the other nonsense, do your guests know that this is a fake wedding?

justsie · July 2015

rosered10 said:

To each his own. Speaking as an attendee of many symbolic weddings, I felt it was very meaningful to be part of the actual ceremony and celebration and not necessarily the signing of legal paper work. The couple will be experiencing the actual "wedding ceremony" the same as everyone else.

The "actual ceremony" IS the legal paper work. That is the actual ceremony in which you are married, not the show that you put on at a different day.

There are a lot of people that just now earned the right to this "legal paper work", try telling them it was the part that didn't matter.

artbyallie · July 2015

Why in the world would you spend a bunch of money to pretend to get married???

hellohkb · July 2015

Symbolic marriage? Would you want your boss to symbolically pay you?

frenchiekin · July 2015

justsie said:

rosered10 said:

To each his own. Speaking as an attendee of many symbolic weddings, I felt it was very meaningful to be part of the actual ceremony and celebration and not necessarily the signing of legal paper work. The couple will be experiencing the actual "wedding ceremony" the same as everyone else.

The "actual ceremony" IS the legal paper work. That is the actual ceremony in which you are married, not the show that you put on at a different day.

There are a lot of people that just now earned the right to this "legal paper work", try telling them it was the part that didn't matter.

1000 times this. Saying the "paperwork" part is unimportant is SO insulting to people who have waited for literally decades to be granted the right to have that legal paperwork. That's what makes you married.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I don't think anyone is saying that the paperwork is unimportant...but I feel like there is SO much negativity around symbolic weddings.

Am I having one? No...I do want a legal DW. But if I were invited to a symbolic wedding ceremony, the fact that it is symbolic wouldn't affect my choice of whether to go or not; my finances and ability to get time off would dictate that. The ceremony (or vow renewal, however you want to word it) is still important to the couple. The vows don't mean anything less just because they already signed the legal paperwork.

I have a friend who had a very small wedding (he's in the military) over a year ago and just this year him and his wife had another wedding where they went all out and had the ceremony and huge reception. It made them happy. They got to have both experiences and were able to include everyone they wanted.

I am new to these forums, but I must say that it is off-putting to see so many women jump down a poster's throat just because they decide to do a symbolic wedding. It's their choice. There is a polite way to express your opposing opinion, but this woman is just looking for some guidance on how to tip the vendors; not whether or not people on the internet are offended on her decision.

Jells2dot0 · July 2015

Jax43615 said:

I don't think anyone is saying that the paperwork is unimportant...but I feel like there is SO much negativity around symbolic weddings.
Am I having one? No...I do want a legal DW. But if I were invited to a symbolic wedding ceremony, the fact that it is symbolic wouldn't affect my choice of whether to go or not; my finances and ability to get time off would dictate that. The ceremony (or vow renewal, however you want to word it) is still important to the couple. The vows don't mean anything less just because they already signed the legal paperwork.
I have a friend who had a very small wedding (he's in the military) over a year ago and just this year him and his wife had another wedding where they went all out and had the ceremony and huge reception. It made them happy. They got to have both experiences and were able to include everyone they wanted.
I am new to these forums, but I must say that it is off-putting to see so many women jump down a poster's throat just because they decide to do a symbolic wedding. It's their choice. There is a polite way to express your opposing opinion, but this woman is just looking for some guidance on how to tip the vendors; not whether or not people on the internet are offended on her decision.

There are two main problems that most of the posters on here have with "symbolic weddings".

1) They don't think the paperwork means anything and want to have a "real" wedding later. Guess what? The paperwork is what makes you married! And, you can only have one wedding (to the same person without a divorce in between), which is when you get married. Andplusalso, the paperwork is something that was not available to everyone until very recently, so the whole act of becoming legally married by signing those papers is something a ton of people take for granted.

2)A lot of couples throwing symbolic weddings don't tell their guests they are symbolic. You are assuming that everyone is honest with their intentions, so you can make a very educated decision as to whether it is worth the time off and money spent. Most people would do everything they could to see a loved one get married. However, they assume that they are actually seeing the couple get legally married. Imagine if you got an invitation to a friend's wedding in the middle of fucking nowhere. You happen to have only have $2000 that year for an anniversary vacation or maybe you only have 3 days of vacation left. So, you push off your own personal plans to attend the wedding. You then find out that the couple was already married and didn't tell you beforehand. I don't know about you, but I might be mad that I gave up my anniversary trip with my H to attend a wedding that wasn't really a wedding. And, you know, you were lied to by someone you care about!

Oh, and in my case, I think it shits on the people that really do want small weddings. I eloped and didn't invite anyone. Got married by a civil celebrant on a beach. I've had a poster on here tell me my wedding wasn't real because eloping doesn't count. WTF? I am so super happy with my decision and wouldn't change it for the world, no matter what anyone thinks.

If people want to get married legally in a super small ceremony and then have a huge party down the line, no one frowns on that. Just don't make it a re-do and pretend the first wedding didn't happen. And if you want to have a vow renewal after 6 months or a year, that is a little odd, but just be honest with people. It's often forgotten that people you care about are understanding. If someone said to me "We got married at the courthouse because my H was deploying, but we would really like to celebrate our marriage and love with everyone now that things are normal" I'd be on board with that. It's the lying about it that sucks. The truth will always come out.

ETA- for clarity

justsie · July 2015

Jells2dot0 said:

Jax43615 said:

I don't think anyone is saying that the paperwork is unimportant...but I feel like there is SO much negativity around symbolic weddings.
Am I having one? No...I do want a legal DW. But if I were invited to a symbolic wedding ceremony, the fact that it is symbolic wouldn't affect my choice of whether to go or not; my finances and ability to get time off would dictate that. The ceremony (or vow renewal, however you want to word it) is still important to the couple. The vows don't mean anything less just because they already signed the legal paperwork.
I have a friend who had a very small wedding (he's in the military) over a year ago and just this year him and his wife had another wedding where they went all out and had the ceremony and huge reception. It made them happy. They got to have both experiences and were able to include everyone they wanted.
I am new to these forums, but I must say that it is off-putting to see so many women jump down a poster's throat just because they decide to do a symbolic wedding. It's their choice. There is a polite way to express your opposing opinion, but this woman is just looking for some guidance on how to tip the vendors; not whether or not people on the internet are offended on her decision.

There are two main problems that most of the posters on here have with "symbolic weddings".
1) They don't think the paperwork means anything and want to have a "real" wedding later. Guess what? The paperwork is what makes you married! And, you can only have one wedding (to the same person without a divorce in between), which is when you get married. Andplusalso, the paperwork is something that was not available to everyone until very recently, so the whole act of becoming legally married by signing those papers is something a ton of people take for granted.
2)A lot of couples throwing symbolic weddings don't tell their guests they are symbolic. You are assuming that everyone is honest with their intentions, so you can make a very educated decision as to whether it is worth the time off and money spent. Most people would do everything they could to see a loved one get married. However, they assume that they are actually seeing the couple get legally married. Imagine if you got an invitation to a friend's wedding in the middle of fucking nowhere. You happen to have only have $2000 that year for an anniversary vacation or maybe you only have 3 days of vacation left. So, you push off your own personal plans to attend the wedding. You then find out that the couple was already married and didn't tell you beforehand. I don't know about you, but I might be mad that I gave up my anniversary trip with my H to attend a wedding that wasn't really a wedding. And, you know, you were lied to by someone you care about!
Oh, and in my case, I think it shits on the people that really do want small weddings. I eloped and didn't invite anyone. Got married by a civil celebrant on a beach. I've had a poster on here tell me my wedding wasn't real because eloping doesn't count. WTF? I am so super happy with my decision and wouldn't change it for the world, no matter what anyone thinks.
If people want to get married legally in a super small ceremony and then have a huge party down the line, no one frowns on that. Just don't make it a re-do and pretend the first wedding didn't happen. And if you want to have a vow renewal after 6 months or a year, that is a little odd, but just be honest with people. It's often forgotten that people you care about are understanding. If someone said to me "We got married at the courthouse because my H was deploying, but we would really like to celebrate our marriage and love with everyone now that things are normal" I'd be on board with that. It's the lying about it that sucks. The truth will always come out.

ETA- for clarity

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

I honestly don't think I would care if I was attending a "symbolic ceremony," whether I knew about it or not. The legality of it is not what I'm there for. I'm there to celebrate with them. The couple obviously wants to show their love and have a celebration for it. If they want me to go and I want to go and can afford it, then great. Would you NOT go to a good friend's wedding celebration (whatever it may consist of) just because it's symbolic? I attended a gay wedding in OH and it was not a legal wedding: it was symbolic and it was great and beautiful. And, I may be wrong on this, but the paperwork part typically does not take place in front of everyone, right? It's done after the ceremony. I'm asking this for my own understanding. I have not been to a lot of weddings.. I have just noticed so much cattiness surrounding a few topics on these boards that it took me aback and it honestly makes me feel a bit intimidated to even ask a question about anything. But, I do understand where those who oppose not being open and honest about having a symbolic wedding are coming from. I think I just have a different opinion.

justsie · July 2015

Jax43615 said: I honestly don't think I would care if I was attending a "symbolic ceremony," whether I knew about it or not. The legality of it is not what I'm there for. I'm there to celebrate with them. The couple obviously wants to show their love and have a celebration for it. If they want me to go and I want to go and can afford it, then great. Would you NOT go to a good friend's wedding celebration (whatever it may consist of) just because it's symbolic? I attended a gay wedding in OH and it was not a legal wedding: it was symbolic and it was great and beautiful. And, I may be wrong on this, but the paperwork part typically does not take place in front of everyone, right? It's done after the ceremony. I'm asking this for my own understanding. I have not been to a lot of weddings.. I have just noticed so much cattiness surrounding a few topics on these boards that it took me aback and it honestly makes me feel a bit intimidated to even ask a question about anything. But, I do understand where those who oppose not being open and honest about having a symbolic wedding are coming from. I think I just have a different opinion.

*BOXES* Your gay friends were forced to have a symbolic wedding, because up until recently their marriage wasn't recognized- that is completely different from a heterosexual couple that can walk up and get a marriage license at any time. It is also the exact reason I (and a few other posters) have a huge issue with symbolic weddings, we go to watch the couple actually get married, not put on a play because filling out the paperwork at the ceremony is "inconvenient" to their dream day. By choosing to have a PPD you have just told me that your picture perfect wedding is more important that your family and friends actually seeing your get married. I do not want to spend money to be lied to. If you let everyone know ahead of time- fine by me, I will still choose to not go but at least you gave me the information in order to make a decision. I will wish you a happy anniversary on your actual wedding day. I will begin referring to you as Husband and Wife, because that is actually what you are. If you lie about it that becomes a slippery slope.

Also, as long as you treat your guests with respect there is no need to worry about asking a question on here. It is when posters want to be disrespectful to their guests (or even other posters) in which people will call them on their bullshit.

Edit to fix boxes. And whacky formatting?

lyndausvi · July 2015

WinstonsGirl said:

Knottie16516430 said:

This was just brought to my attention about tipping vendors, photographers, servers, "priest" (we are having symbolic wedding), wedding planner etc. for the wedding. We are getting married at Dreams Riviera Cancun in Mexico. This is an all-inclusive resort and they are charging us 15% service charge on almost everything. The vendors are paid by resort so we only are paying resort. We are way over our budget and they have not been communicating well with us but having worked in the service industry for years, I want everyone to know we are thankful for bringing our night together, too! (hopefully!!)
My fiance says absolutely not to tip extra because of pricey packages but I am not sure what is fair or right? What would you recommend? Should everyone be tipped? And if so, how much?

Thank you!!!

If the resort is organizing the vendors through their package, and you are being charged a tip for that fee, than the tipping fee should be going to the vendors via the resort. Any vendors you hire outside of this package need to be tipped by you.

I'm a little more concerned that you're way over your budget for a symbolic ceremony. A symbolic ceremony isn't worth being in debt over, not even a real wedding is. Can you cut something to keep you under budget??

IME, that is not actually the case. The resort just pays the vendor a flat rate, often much less then what they claim the service is worth. Granted the vendor agrees to the terms, but I would never assumed whatever you give the resort actually goes to the vendor. I have DJ friend, one resort charges the couple $300 per hour. They give him $200 per hour. Granted $200 is a decent amount, but the couple thinks they are giving the DJ more than he is actually getting.

I say tip everyone who does a great job, just like everyone else.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586 · July 2015

@justsie Thank you for the explanation...I actually just spent a while on here and have read some old threads and I can see how/why some people comment the way they do. Though, to a newcomer it DOES come off as being harsh, just sayin! But I understand that a lot of questions must get repeatedly asked on here. And as I think about my own upcoming wedding and how special it will be to me and FH (future husband, right? lol), I actually would like to know if I was attending a symbolic or legal ceremony. I've always agreed that honesty is always the best policy; it shouldn't be any other way for a wedding.

Should we tip anyone for Destination Wedding at All-Inclusive Resort - Mexico?

Re: Should we tip anyone for Destination Wedding at All-Inclusive Resort - Mexico?

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