At the beginning of our wedding planning my FFIL told me that he would cover the rehearsal dinner. We just needed to let him know when and where it would be. Traditionally, that's what the grooms family does and while I thought it odd that they left picking a location and planning it up to us I just figured they were being nice.
We made our guest list, picked our location, and told the FILs. That's when shit started to go downhill. They didn't like the location because it had a couple bad google reviews. They didn't like the guest list because we made it bridal party, immediate family, and any significant others (like, REAL significant others not just a random date.) They didn't want the SOs invited, they didn't understand why our bridal party was so big, etc. I lost my cool and told my FH that if they didn't like what we were planning then they could cancel the reservation and plan it themselves like they should have done all along.
FH worked it out where now the guest list is just parents, bridal party, and bridal party SOs. But the problem remains the bill. FFIL said that while he's picking up the bill he won't be paying for alcohol. The guests are expected to pay for their own, even me and FH. Now, this is not a fancy or expensive restaurant. In fact it's like down home food and cheap drinks. I think a glass of wine there is $3 - $4. With cutting out immediate family except parents we're down to less than 30 guests for the dinner and we're all ordering off the menu. At most I think people might have one or two drinks and it would probably just be beer or wine.
When I was speaking to my parents about it my father was apalled at the thought of making bridal party members pay for their own drinks. He said, and my mother agreed, that the rehearsal dinner is a thank you to the bridal party and there was no way he'd let this happen so he said I need to call the restaurant and let them know that food and non-alcoholic drinks are to go on one tab, and alcohol is to go on another that he will pay for. Obviously, I'm grateful to my father because I was also flustered about FFIL not paying for the alcohol. But I'm left with lingering confusion and questions about this situation.
1. Was I wrong to think that traditionally the groom's parents not only pay for the rehearsal dinner but plan it as well?
2. Who is traditionally invited to a rehearsal dinner? Was our original list, which included FH's sisters with their spouses and children too many? Because I thought that if you really want to get technical all out-of-towners were invited as well?
3. Is it normal for bridal party members to have to pay for their own drinks at a rehearsal dinner?
4. How should we handle my father picking up the alcohol tab? Should he go up and discreetly pay at the bar? Should he have them bring him the check to the table and just be honest should FFIL ask what it is?
Having never planned a wedding before I'm totally lost on what is "normal" for a rehearsal dinner. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.