Mom decided to get married one week after me!

vikinganna87 · August 2015

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

AddieCake · August 2015

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

Why is it a social courtesy? What difference does it make? OPs wedding will be over. Life moves along.

arrippa · August 2015

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

So does that mean that siblings can't have their weddings a week apart? Or friends? Can I plan my wedding for a week after my friend's wedding? I am with Addie, I guess I just don't see this as breaking any kind of social courtesy. Her wedding is one day. After that, anyone can have their wedding.

lyndausvi · August 2015

AddieCake said:

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

Why is it a social courtesy? What difference does it make? OPs wedding will be over. Life moves along.

This was me reading viking's reply

News flash - life goes on. Friends or family may get married in the days and weeks after you. People are able to celebrate more than one event within a short period of time. Really. True story.

I think it's pretty fucking selfish to think there is a waiting period between events. Weddings are not be all end all life events. Maybe it's something that comes with age?

I mentioned before, but my dad has 3 cousins who are sisters. All 3 got married within a few weeks/months of each other. They just celebrated their 50th. TOGETHER. Yep, the 3 (well 6 when you add their husbands) of them had a joint 50th anniversary party. It wasn't an issue for them then and it wasn't 50 years later either.

lovesclimbing · August 2015

I have two cousins who got married four days apart so family wouldn't have to fly up twice. It was NBD.

ETA: also, in a few weeks, I'm going to a wedding for a girl and then the at home reception for her sister three days later.

climbingsingle · August 2015

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

No. Please stop giving bad advice. You get ONE day. You don't get to claim any more than that. I seriously don't understand why it matters that her mom is getting married a week later. Please tell me WHY that "blows".

vikinganna87 · August 2015

AddieCake said:

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

Why is it a social courtesy? What difference does it make? OPs wedding will be over. Life moves along.

In my opinion this falls into the "too much of a good thing" category. I'm assuming there will a lot of guest overlap. If you have the choice of attending 2 weddings in 2 weekends with a lot of the same guests or 2 weddings over the course of 3-6 months I think most people would choose the latter (not all, but most). Christmas once a year: awesome! Christmas every weekend: exhausting. On top of that, even though I'm usually not in the "I'm a princess; this is my day" camp, it IS her & H's day, their big celebration. I just don't understand why it would be fun, practical or romantic to schedule a similar type event 7 days later. The third reason is I just think it's odd. I don't understand the motivation.

But I also think it's odd that my upstairs neighbor who lives on the 3rd floor of our apartment building chooses to dedicate one room of a 2BR apartment to her treadmill and run on that treadmill for 1 hour every evening. Though I admire her stamina, I don't understand why she won't run outside. The only activity that should shake the entire building is sex. Are there worse things? Yes. But I still think it's f'n strange. There's plenty of room for exercise equipment in the basement.

PS- I'm not comparing weddings to treadmills or Christmas per se, just to my feelings about the occurence, regularity, oddness and "specialness" of these things and events.

jacques27 · August 2015

vikinganna87 said:

AddieCake said:

vikinganna87 said:

@FutureMrsRothwell That totally sucks. You're being cool about it, but I'd be pissed. There is a certain unwritten social courtesy about these types of things. You don't announce your engagement at someone else's wedding, you don't have your wedding ONE WEEK after your daughter's, etc. Of course your mom can do whatever she wants but it still blows. Good luck.

Why is it a social courtesy? What difference does it make? OPs wedding will be over. Life moves along.

In my opinion this falls into the "too much of a good thing" category. I'm assuming there will a lot of guest overlap. If you have the choice of attending 2 weddings in 2 weekends with a lot of the same guests or 2 weddings over the course of 3-6 months I think most people would choose the latter (not all, but most). Christmas once a year: awesome! Christmas every weekend: exhausting. On top of that, even though I'm usually not in the "I'm a princess; this is my day" camp, it IS her & H's day, their big celebration. I just don't understand why it would be fun, practical or romantic to schedule a similar type event 7 days later. The third reason is I just think it's odd. I don't understand the motivation.

But I also think it's odd that my upstairs neighbor who lives on the 3rd floor of our apartment building chooses to dedicate one room of a 2BR apartment to her treadmill and run on that treadmill for 1 hour every evening. Though I admire her stamina, I don't understand why she won't run outside. The only activity that should shake the entire building is sex. Are there worse things? Yes. But I still think it's f'n strange. There's plenty of room for exercise equipment in the basement.

PS- I'm not comparing weddings to treadmills or Christmas per se, just to my feelings about the occurence, regularity, oddness and "specialness" of these things and events.

So then what is the acceptable amount of time that people must bask in the glory of someone else's wedding and pretend that nothing else could ever be so important? A year? Just like Christmas? Only one family wedding per year?

I think your example rings pretty hollow. Her mother isn't getting married every weekend for the next 52 weekends. I find it pretty hard to believe that people having fun with their family and friends two weekends in a row can be so harrowing and taxing on a person that we can't possibly fathom why anyone would ever want to do such a thing.

You're telling me you've never attended events for something two weekends in a row? You do a coin flip and only celebrate Christmas or New Year's but never both? You've never attended a barbecue one weekend, and then the next weekend attended someone's graduation party? Or hung out with your friends and family two weekends in a row? No one in your circle of friends or family happen to have birthdays remotely near each other (assuming your circle is bigger than 12 people total). I'm a pretty introverted person, but I gotta say that sounds like the most boring social life ever if that's the case.

AddieCake · August 2015

I, too, would like to know what the acceptable length of time would be for the mom to have her wedding if a week later is too soon.

lyndausvi · August 2015

I've attended 2 weddings on the same day twice in my life. One cousin, one friend.

I've attended 3 weddings in 4 weeks before. Cousin on one side of the family. Cousin on the other side of the family and a friend.

So even if you could get your family not to have 2 weddings close by, you might have another side of a family, friends, co-workers, etc to deal with.

Sometimes you have multiple weddings close to each other. Sometimes it's family, sometimes it's friends. It's just life. A couple should not have to arrange their life event around other people. Gezz.

lovesclimbing · August 2015

I have two cousins who got married four days apart to take advantage of all the family being in town. I have another two cousins (these two are actually siblings) one of whom is getting married and then the other is having an AHR (who got married about three weeks prior 3/4 of the way across the country) three days later.

As far as I know, no one is upset with anyone else. Sometimes, there just aren't other times that work out. It can be really nice to take advantage of when family is in town, especially when, like me, you live in Alaska where tickets are expensive and it's usually multiple flights just to get here.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I want to thank @vikinganna87 for getting it! Maybe it's a Boston thing. ;-)

ShesSoCold · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I want to thank @vikinganna87 for getting it! Maybe it's a Boston thing. ;-)

I'm pretty sure selfishness is everywhere.

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I want to thank @vikinganna87 for getting it! Maybe it's a Boston thing. ;-)

I'm really curious as to what is happening in the week AFTER your wedding that makes you upset about this. I could understand if you were heading out on your honeymoon and therefore would miss your moms wedding, but if thats not the case, I really don't understand being upset about this.

You get married on a day. Its awesome super exciting and everyone happy for you. And then you return to daily life.You may still be basking in the afterglow of being married but no one else will be. Even if your mom didn't get married the week after you, once your day is over with, people move on to the next thing. They arent going to be sitting at home reminicing about your wedding. And they aren't going to forget your married or think your wedding was any less meaningful by attending another wedding the next weekend.

I really really am struggling to understand why you need the focus to continue to be on you a week after your wedding is done.

NowIamMrsKlein · August 2015

I'm also curious as to what you would think would be an 'acceptable' amount of time between your wedding and hers....

arrippa · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I want to thank @vikinganna87 for getting it! Maybe it's a Boston thing. ;-)

Uh no. I live in Boston and I would not have a problem with my mom (or anyone) getting married a week after me. I have to deal with cash bars and gaps here. Please don't give people anymore ammunition that Boston is a rude place to live.

climbingsingle · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I want to thank @vikinganna87 for getting it! Maybe it's a Boston thing. ;-)

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I didn't mean it's a Boston thing that my mom is doing this to me. I meant I was happy one girl on here understands where I am coming from!!!

I am not mad! My day is special. Her day is special. Blah blah blah. Some of the girls on this site are not very nice and not supportive at all.

AddieCake · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I didn't mean it's a Boston thing that my mom is doing this to me. I meant I was happy one girl on here understands where I am coming from!!!

I am not mad! My dad is special. Her day is special. Blah blah blah. Some of the girls on this site are rude and not supportive at all.

And so are some people's daughters.

arrippa · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I didn't mean it's a Boston thing that my mom is doing this to me. I meant I was happy one girl on here understands where I am coming from!!!

I am not mad! My day is special. Her day is special. Blah blah blah. Some of the girls on this site are not very nice and not supportive at all.

I think most people knew exactly what you meant with that comment. I don't think what yoru mom is doing is rude, I think your attitude about it is rude.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I didn't mean it's a Boston thing that my mom is doing this to me. I meant I was happy one girl on here understands where I am coming from!!!

I am not mad! My day is special. Her day is special. Blah blah blah. Some of the girls on this site are not very nice and not supportive at all.

To the bolded

Your mother isn't doing anything to you. She's getting married. Something that has nothing to do with you. Maybe she thought you would be excited for her and that you could plan together and it would be fun for both of you. Instead here you are being selfish and totally dismissing her feelings and wedding. I don't like to throw this out there often, but I feel bad for your mom.

Edited for typo

[Deleted User] · August 2015

I figured coming on this board would be a good place for getting some support from fellow brides but I guess I was wrong. I have gotten attacked and made out to be an awful bridezilla, which I am the furthest thing from.

TrixieJess · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I didn't mean it's a Boston thing that my mom is doing this to me. I meant I was happy one girl on here understands where I am coming from!!!

I am not mad! My day is special. Her day is special. Blah blah blah. Some of the girls on this site are not very nice and not supportive at all.

Here's your support, I think you'll need it:

AddieCake · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I figured coming on this board would be a good place for getting some support from fellow brides but I guess I was wrong. I have gotten attacked and made out to be an awful bridezilla, which I am the furthest thing from.

You just assumed everyone would agree it was wrong if your mom, and not everybody did. SorryNotSorry that we didn't support you feeling like your wedding needs to be celebrated beyond the wedding day.

ETA: Please answer the burning question of when would be an acceptable time for your mom to get married.

jacques27 · August 2015

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I figured coming on this board would be a good place for getting some support from fellow brides but I guess I was wrong. I have gotten attacked and made out to be an awful bridezilla, which I am the furthest thing from.

People on here are plenty supportive. If your mom, also a bride, came on here to kvetch about how her daughter seems to be so self-absorbed that she needs to have multiple days/weeks/months (we never did establish how long you think your mom needs to wait) where people need to bask in the glory of her wedding, she'd probably get a lot of support.

We don't support people just because they are brides (or grooms) and we don't validate a person's selfish attitude just because they're a bride (or groom). If you lingered at all on this board, you'd see that most people here who post on a regular basis generally aren't of the mind frame that people who are engaged to be married are somehow more special or their parties are somehow deserving of more attention than anyone else's good thing or they are entitled to behave selfishly or should be blindly validated. Displaying humility, consideration of your loved ones, and general self-awareness buys you a lot with this group (and in life in general). It's not a group that's big on people who use their bride status and wedding as an excuse to get attention or be inconsiderate of their loved ones. If you lingered at all on this board, you'd also see this is a group that isn't really afraid to call out shitty attitudes or put things in perspective.

So, I'm really curious why you thought your status of being engaged meant that people would just automatically validate you and not call you out on the attitude about how a loved one's good thing a full eight days later supposedly takes attention away from you? It's a message board of ordinary people from all walks of life, not a sorority.

STARMOON44 · August 2015

I get you only get one day, and there's nothing to be done, but I think this is really weird of your mom and I'd be annoyed too.

ShesSoCold · August 2015

jacques27 said:

FutureMrsRothwell said:

I figured coming on this board would be a good place for getting some support from fellow brides but I guess I was wrong. I have gotten attacked and made out to be an awful bridezilla, which I am the furthest thing from.

People on here are plenty supportive. If your mom, also a bride, came on here to kvetch about how her daughter seems to be so self-absorbed that she needs to have multiple days/weeks/months (we never did establish how long you think your mom needs to wait) where people need to bask in the glory of her wedding, she'd probably get a lot of support.

We don't support people just because they are brides (or grooms) and we don't validate a person's selfish attitude just because they're a bride (or groom). If you lingered at all on this board, you'd see that most people here who post on a regular basis generally aren't of the mind frame that people who are engaged to be married are somehow more special or their parties are somehow deserving of more attention than anyone else's good thing or they are entitled to behave selfishly or should be blindly validated. Displaying humility, consideration of your loved ones, and general self-awareness buys you a lot with this group (and in life in general). It's not a group that's big on people who use their bride status and wedding as an excuse to get attention or be inconsiderate of their loved ones. If you lingered at all on this board, you'd also see this is a group that isn't really afraid to call out shitty attitudes or put things in perspective.

So, I'm really curious why you thought your status of being engaged meant that people would just automatically validate you and not call you out on the attitude about how a loved one's good thing a full eight days later supposedly takes attention away from you? It's a message board of ordinary people from all walks of life, not a sorority.

It's not that she's engaged, it's that she's engaged for the first time. That's totes mega more important than a second wedding. Obvs. I hope OP isn't part of the divorce statistic, but if she is, I hope she remembers this.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

THANK YOU @starmoon44!!!!

emmaaa · August 2015

Re: supporting community

I specifically said that I understand being annoyed at first and venting but then when it was pointed out to you that this is not something you want to blow out of proportion, you should have backed away and realized that. Venting is okay. But sometimes venting also helps you realize when you are acting ridicukous.

kimmiinthemitten · August 2015

A long time ago I had a very close girlfriend and we ended our friendship on a very sour note. She wanted me to be the friend who validated her every move, even when they were crazy, and I wanted to surround myself with people who were honest and supportive. Looking back, I'm not sure how she and I ever became so close in the first place.

The Knot reminds me of this relationship all the time. There were a couple times early on where I may have side eyed a comment on a question *I asked*, but then I remembered, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want honest feedback, that every persons opinion won't necessarily the same, and that a random group of people on an internet chat board have no reason to lie or bullshit their opinions (unlike say a Yelp review) so it was worth sitting back and listening. And I'm glad I did. I have learned a ton in a couple short months.

If you're looking for validation call your girlfriend who has let you leave the house looking like a fool insisting you're cute. If you want the girls that will tell you you're wearing mom jeans, ask The Knot.

Mom decided to get married one week after me!

Re: Mom decided to get married one week after me!

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