OP, I feel for you. Regardless of how long you spent planning (2 years or just 5 months), you still put a lot of effort and time and money into this event and when it all goes to shit it sucks big time. But you need to just focus on the good parts, mainly the fact that you are married! So focus on that. Go on lots of married dates and have lots of married sex and just bask in your married happiness. Tomorrow is August 1st, so let today be your last day to dwell on what went wrong. Nothing you can do can change what happened, but you can change your attitude about it.
Sometimes it's all about the tone of the OP. This person doesn't give me a "waaaaah, my special day was less than perfect!" vibe. She seems very sad, my heart goes out to her, and I don't think it was helpful of you to ask why she didn't have a backup plan. You can disagree all you like; it won't change how I feel about it.
We'll have to agree to disagree then. I felt she was all "woe is me" in her post. And I still don't think my question was out of line.
Sometimes it's all about the tone of the OP. This person doesn't give me a "waaaaah, my special day was less than perfect!" vibe. She seems very sad, my heart goes out to her, and I don't think it was helpful of you to ask why she didn't have a backup plan. You can disagree all you like; it won't change how I feel about it.
We'll have to agree to disagree then. I felt she was all "woe is me" in her post. And I still don't think my question was out of line.
I totally think it was out of line. Kicking her while she's down. What good does it do by "asking a question" that you already know the answer to, but just want to rub her nose in it that she forgot something?
It rained on my wedding day. The plan was for my dad to drive me to the ceremony site in his classic (soft top) car. The roof leaked onto him the entire drive there, and I had to spend 30 minutes sitting in the car by myself while I waited on the rain to stop. There were a lot of instances that day of the rain basically ruining the plans and getting everyone all confused and Kerfluffled.
I felt like a jerk because we almost forgot to do the in law side of pictures because we weren't able to do them at the first agreed upon time (rain stopped the pre-ceremony pictures).
But guess what? The day went off with at least one hitch (har dee har). It sucks when you have regrets about things that you shoulda coulda woulda, but sometimes (and perhaps more often than people here would like to admit), people really do have good but maybe misdirected intentions and your family and friends really will forgive you.
I have been happily married for 39 years. My wedding day was the most stressful day of my life. The families were fighting and being ridiculous. I just wanted to get it over with and get the hell out of there. 39 years later, none of it matters. I like to look at my wedding pictures every anniversary. Oh, my, wasn't I thin? My DH had hair - lots of it. It was 1976! Sideburns, OMG. The sour look on my MIL's face in all the photos is priceless. She finally forgave me for marrying her son when I presented her with her perfect first granddaughter. Give it time. What seems important, now, won't seem important years down the road. Time changes a lot of things.
I was just recently married in April 2015 and I just haven't been able to shake off all of the things that went wrong. I've tried reading other bride's stories and talking to close friends, but nothing seems to help.
I will start out by saying that the wedding planning was not as fun as I expected. I was stressed the entire time. We had a 5 month engagement & we had originally planned an intimate wedding with a 30 people guest list. We didn't want anything fancy or extravagant, but of course that changed once friends & family got involved. To make a long story short, I ended up getting wrapped up in all the stuff that didn't matter. That's when the stressed kicked in. I was suddenly more focused on everything looking perfect & instead of on the love my husband & I shared. We hardly saw each other during the planning, there wasn't very much communication. My best friends did a ton of work for us, to the point where I felt guilty. I let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning, mainly due to the fact that everything started becoming so last min & spur of the moment. Our small wedding ended up turning into 100 guests & triple the amount of our budget. I kept telling myself it would all pay off in the end, that our day would be perfect & worth it... little did I know...
It rained the whole time on our wedding day & yes it was an outdoor wedding. I didn't get to walk down the aisle like I always dreamt of doing. I walked down the side stairs of the beach house and right to the wedding arch while I was holding an umbrella over my dad & I (I also accidentally poked him in the eye) all of the wedding guests were getting rained on too. I also forgot to communicate about not having a microphone during the ceremony. I wasn't able to say my vows the right way because of it. I got stage fright & I honestly can't even remember all that I said, all I know is that it wasn't very romantic & I made a comment about the rain. (The microphone kept going in & out as well) We were supposed to do a photo shoot after the ceremony, but that didn't happen due to the weather. It was so hot & humid. My hair frizzed up & make up started running & I was sweating the entire time. Due to the chaos I didn't get any family pics with my husband's side. (They didn't come to me either) though things have always been rocky between us, it still wasn't intentional to forget about taking pictures with them & it's one of my biggest regrets. I didn't get to throw my garter or bouquet. No one saw us cut the cake. Our first dance was awkward because we were cramped in a small spot where everyone was watching & we didn't even have it rehearsed. I didn't get to eat any of the food or enjoy the cake or even sit down at our table. Everything was gorgeous, but nothing was organized. I even started getting frustrated with some family members. It was a really big let down for my husband & I. By the end of the night, we were so exhausted & we still had to gather our things to head out to a hotel for the evening before leaving for our cruise the next day. EVERYTHING was rushed & there isn't a single moment I enjoyed. I'm grateful for everyone who helped & everyone who came despite of the weather, but I just wish I could go back in time & change it all. I'm hurt & crushed every time I think of our wedding or even see someone else' wedding. It rained on our honeymoon too.
We were told about rain being good luck & that the guests still enjoyed themselves. Some days I'm okay with things & love our rainy day wedding. Other days I just feel so embarrassed and want to cry for listening to everyone else (although it was ultimately my decision) I'm sure other bride's know the pressure I felt... Any advice on how to feel better?
Ps. Thanks for reading!
Did you not have a backup plan? You in case it rained? You still had the wedding outside?
I really don't think it is necessary to harp on her for the things she did wrong. She is upset enough as it is.
I am late to this party but I agree with @thespeshulestsnowflake. OP is complaining about who her day went. When most of the things that went wrong were a result of poor planning.
Are we seriously pretending to be okay with the fact that OP made her guests sit out on the rain?
Some examples of the poor planning OP was complaining about: spending triple their budget, not communicating with Fi/ H, the microphone, the pictures, the first dance, etc
I was just recently married in April 2015 and I just haven't been able to shake off all of the things that went wrong. I've tried reading other bride's stories and talking to close friends, but nothing seems to help.
I will start out by saying that the wedding planning was not as fun as I expected. I was stressed the entire time. We had a 5 month engagement & we had originally planned an intimate wedding with a 30 people guest list. We didn't want anything fancy or extravagant, but of course that changed once friends & family got involved. To make a long story short, I ended up getting wrapped up in all the stuff that didn't matter. That's when the stressed kicked in. I was suddenly more focused on everything looking perfect & instead of on the love my husband & I shared. We hardly saw each other during the planning, there wasn't very much communication. My best friends did a ton of work for us, to the point where I felt guilty. I let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning, mainly due to the fact that everything started becoming so last min & spur of the moment. Our small wedding ended up turning into 100 guests & triple the amount of our budget. I kept telling myself it would all pay off in the end, that our day would be perfect & worth it... little did I know...
It rained the whole time on our wedding day & yes it was an outdoor wedding. I didn't get to walk down the aisle like I always dreamt of doing. I walked down the side stairs of the beach house and right to the wedding arch while I was holding an umbrella over my dad & I (I also accidentally poked him in the eye) all of the wedding guests were getting rained on too. I also forgot to communicate about not having a microphone during the ceremony. I wasn't able to say my vows the right way because of it. I got stage fright & I honestly can't even remember all that I said, all I know is that it wasn't very romantic & I made a comment about the rain. (The microphone kept going in & out as well) We were supposed to do a photo shoot after the ceremony, but that didn't happen due to the weather. It was so hot & humid. My hair frizzed up & make up started running & I was sweating the entire time. Due to the chaos I didn't get any family pics with my husband's side. (They didn't come to me either) though things have always been rocky between us, it still wasn't intentional to forget about taking pictures with them & it's one of my biggest regrets. I didn't get to throw my garter or bouquet. No one saw us cut the cake. Our first dance was awkward because we were cramped in a small spot where everyone was watching & we didn't even have it rehearsed. I didn't get to eat any of the food or enjoy the cake or even sit down at our table. Everything was gorgeous, but nothing was organized. I even started getting frustrated with some family members. It was a really big let down for my husband & I. By the end of the night, we were so exhausted & we still had to gather our things to head out to a hotel for the evening before leaving for our cruise the next day. EVERYTHING was rushed & there isn't a single moment I enjoyed. I'm grateful for everyone who helped & everyone who came despite of the weather, but I just wish I could go back in time & change it all. I'm hurt & crushed every time I think of our wedding or even see someone else' wedding. It rained on our honeymoon too.
We were told about rain being good luck & that the guests still enjoyed themselves. Some days I'm okay with things & love our rainy day wedding. Other days I just feel so embarrassed and want to cry for listening to everyone else (although it was ultimately my decision) I'm sure other bride's know the pressure I felt... Any advice on how to feel better?
Ps. Thanks for reading!
Did you not have a backup plan? You in case it rained? You still had the wedding outside?
I really don't think it is necessary to harp on her for the things she did wrong. She is upset enough as it is.
I am late to this party but I agree with @thespeshulestsnowflake. OP is complaining about who her day went. When most of the things that went wrong were a result of poor planning.
Are we seriously pretending to be okay with the fact that OP made her guests sit out on the rain?
Some examples of the poor planning OP was complaining about: spending triple their budget, not communicating with Fi/ H, the microphone, the pictures, the first dance, etc
I don't think anyone is pretending to be okay with the ceremony in the rain, but OP is looking for help moving on. Telling her how shitty her wedding was won't help. I know we can - and do - comment on whatever we want, but I don't think focusing on the wrong here is helpful to her. When brides come in here in a panic because their dress is too small we don't respond with, "well why'd you eat so damn much, tubby?". I think this is similar. I do agree, however, that a lot of these issues are self-inflicted and OP isn't really owning that and it does sound like she's playing a bit of a victim.
Ditto on the poor planning - and I mostly say that as a lesson for lurkers rather than the benefit for OP. There were so many preventable things here.
OP - I think the one thing that struck me most from your post is that during the process (and possibly after) you treated a lot of people poorly. Yeah, all those little things for your wedding "vision" that didn't turn out kinda sucks, but that shit happens and you learn to laugh about it and move on to focus on what's really important. In your post you even admit - you made your friends do a lot of work for your wedding, you rarely communicated with your FI, now husband, you made your guests sit out in the rain, you say you "got frustrated" with your family during the reception, and you managed to alienate your husband's family by not getting family photos with them.
You say that you "let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning". I'm not seeing that as your failing here. I think your failing here was not remembering that you need to maintain your relationship with these people and be a good spouse/daughter/sibling/friend outside of your wedding and you lost sight of that. It's not the rain, it's not accidentally poking your dad in the eye, it's not about a microphone fail. You dropped the ball on your relationships to focus on one day and now that that one day is over it kinda sounds like you're continuing to let that one day be your focus. Instead of feeling guilt like you need to apologize to them and instead of asking them for reassurance that they really did enjoy themselves at your wedding, start working on repairing your friendships with people. And not as a "way to make it up to them" - as a way to start being the good spouse/daughter/sibling/friend you probably were before all this happened and enjoy the kind of relationship you want to have with them. Make plans with them, call them to chat and ask about their day, invite them over for dinner, etc. Start focusing on the relationships you let languish over this. I'm willing to bet that if you work on your relationships with the people you feel you let down in this process and start feeling good about those, you'll start to be able to let go of other details, like frizzy hair.
Perspective. My engagement, my, now, husband got down on one knee and proposed to me. He ordered a bottle of champagne. The waiter brought by the champagne, my H took my hand and knocked over BOTH glasses of champagne into my lap (it looked like I peed myself.) I literally had a puddle in my lap, that the dress wasn't even completely absorbing. I started laughing. It made our engagement story ours and unique. Sometimes, something you would think would be terrible, would be something to remember for always... how could that ever be a bad thing, when it comes to a love story?
Re: My wedding regrets. Any advice on how to move on?
I totally think it was out of line. Kicking her while she's down. What good does it do by "asking a question" that you already know the answer to, but just want to rub her nose in it that she forgot something?
I felt like a jerk because we almost forgot to do the in law side of pictures because we weren't able to do them at the first agreed upon time (rain stopped the pre-ceremony pictures).
But guess what? The day went off with at least one hitch (har dee har). It sucks when you have regrets about things that you shoulda coulda woulda, but sometimes (and perhaps more often than people here would like to admit), people really do have good but maybe misdirected intentions and your family and friends really will forgive you.
39 years later, none of it matters. I like to look at my wedding pictures every anniversary. Oh, my, wasn't I thin? My DH had hair - lots of it. It was 1976! Sideburns, OMG. The sour look on my MIL's face in all the photos is priceless. She finally forgave me for marrying her son when I presented her with her perfect first granddaughter.
Give it time. What seems important, now, won't seem important years down the road. Time changes a lot of things.
I am late to this party but I agree with @thespeshulestsnowflake. OP is complaining about who her day went. When most of the things that went wrong were a result of poor planning.
Are we seriously pretending to be okay with the fact that OP made her guests sit out on the rain?
Some examples of the poor planning OP was complaining about: spending triple their budget, not communicating with Fi/ H, the microphone, the pictures, the first dance, etc
I don't think anyone is pretending to be okay with the ceremony in the rain, but OP is looking for help moving on. Telling her how shitty her wedding was won't help. I know we can - and do - comment on whatever we want, but I don't think focusing on the wrong here is helpful to her. When brides come in here in a panic because their dress is too small we don't respond with, "well why'd you eat so damn much, tubby?". I think this is similar. I do agree, however, that a lot of these issues are self-inflicted and OP isn't really owning that and it does sound like she's playing a bit of a victim.
OP - I think the one thing that struck me most from your post is that during the process (and possibly after) you treated a lot of people poorly. Yeah, all those little things for your wedding "vision" that didn't turn out kinda sucks, but that shit happens and you learn to laugh about it and move on to focus on what's really important. In your post you even admit - you made your friends do a lot of work for your wedding, you rarely communicated with your FI, now husband, you made your guests sit out in the rain, you say you "got frustrated" with your family during the reception, and you managed to alienate your husband's family by not getting family photos with them.
You say that you "let down loved ones & didn't include them in the planning". I'm not seeing that as your failing here. I think your failing here was not remembering that you need to maintain your relationship with these people and be a good spouse/daughter/sibling/friend outside of your wedding and you lost sight of that. It's not the rain, it's not accidentally poking your dad in the eye, it's not about a microphone fail. You dropped the ball on your relationships to focus on one day and now that that one day is over it kinda sounds like you're continuing to let that one day be your focus. Instead of feeling guilt like you need to apologize to them and instead of asking them for reassurance that they really did enjoy themselves at your wedding, start working on repairing your friendships with people. And not as a "way to make it up to them" - as a way to start being the good spouse/daughter/sibling/friend you probably were before all this happened and enjoy the kind of relationship you want to have with them. Make plans with them, call them to chat and ask about their day, invite them over for dinner, etc. Start focusing on the relationships you let languish over this. I'm willing to bet that if you work on your relationships with the people you feel you let down in this process and start feeling good about those, you'll start to be able to let go of other details, like frizzy hair.