Engagement Party Gifts..

Knottie31321366 · August 2015

My aunt just threw me and my FI a beautiful engagement party over the weekend and it was a lot of fun! Previously, people had asked me if we were registered anywhere, and we are not. Our wedding is June 2017. I actually had to tell a lot of people that gifts weren't necessary, but we still received quite a few. My question is, does the rule still apply that you don't use the gifts you receive at pre-wedding parties until after the wedding? That would be quite a long time to wait!

AddieCake · August 2015

If you use them, you should be prepared to return or pay for them if the wedding doesn't take place.

climbingwife · August 2015

This is an interesting question. I can see why wedding shower gifts would be returned if the wedding is canceled. But an engagement party is supposedly just celebrating the engagement, yes?

My brother got engaged a few years ago and they had an engagement party. They broke up and the wedding was canceled. I personally didn't expect to receive my gift back.

I guess I can see both sides of this though.

AddieCake · August 2015

climbingwife said:

This is an interesting question. I can see why wedding shower gifts would be returned if the wedding is canceled. But an engagement party is supposedly just celebrating the engagement, yes?
My brother got engaged a few years ago and they had an engagement party. They broke up and the wedding was canceled. I personally didn't expect to receive my gift back.

I guess I can see both sides of this though.

Yeah, it is a bit different, but I rationalize treating it the same because I gave you a gift because you got engaged to get married. If you don't GET married, then I kind of gave you a gift for nothing. Not likely to happen, but anyone can get engaged, get gifts, and then it never happen, you know? This is part of why I think engagement parties are silly. I probably wouldn't expect my gift back either, personally, but some people would.

MyNameIsNot · August 2015

I see an engagement gift as something different from a wedding gift. It's not a huge difference, but I doubt most people would expect an engagement gift to be returned if the wedding were called off during a long engagement.

I would hold off on using anything big (e.g. kitchenaid mixer) unless you are able to replace it, but with the typical stuff like picture frames and wine, I'd go ahead.

aliwis000 · August 2015

I just plain do not understand big engagement parties.

I mean, if you are talking immediate families meeting or just seeing each other after an engagement I get that, heck I think I did that. But it was not titled as an engagement party, it was just a get-together. We got BBQ, end of story.

However, doing a formal party with invites and such is so AWish in my opinion and seems to create more problems than anything. I do not think I would give an engagement gift to anyone. I mean, I am getting you a wedding gift because you are starting a life together and have made a formal legal commitment. Giving you an engagement gift would just be saying "Congratulations you are about to plan a party...."

climbingwife · August 2015

I can't hate on engagement parties. I love parties - assuming they're properly hosted. I've been to quite a few for family members, both very casual and very fancy. I've looked forward to going to each one and honestly enjoyed myself. It was nice to meet friends and family members of the other person marrying into our family.

I had an unintentional engagement party. Back in August 2013, my then boyfriend was turning 40 the next month. I planned a huge party at our house. Little did I know, he was planning to propose to me while we were on a cruise in early September. By the time the party rolled around in the last week in September, we were engaged. I never called it an engagement party - the invites still went out as H's 40th birthday. And it was a backyard BBQ that I hosted myself. But people ended up bringing us engagement gifts and cards. It was the first time our families all met, and it was really cool. All of them really hit it off. When we got married a year later, it was nice to see our family members hanging out, as they already knew each other. Some had friend requested each other on FB after the birthday party.

Not to say this doesn't happen if they don't meet until the wedding. Just giving my $0.02 on e-parties.

futuremrssaleh · August 2015

We were thrown an engagement party in February 2015 (getting married May 2016). Various cultures believe in these types of parties as a way to "present the future bride and groom" to both families and have them meet. We have used a lot of the gifts we received, mainly because so many people have asked us if we did! We did not register, but received different things such as frames, nice glasses, decanters etc. People were really excited to see us using the things that they wanted us to have and even more excited to see things such as frames with pictures from the party at the house when they stop by! Especially friends & older relatives. It is a personal decision what you choose to do, but like PPs have said you may feel better only using the items you would be able to return/replace if need be.

MobKaz · August 2015

Knottie31321366 said:

My aunt just threw me and my FI a beautiful engagement party over the weekend and it was a lot of fun! Previously, people had asked me if we were registered anywhere, and we are not. Our wedding is June 2017. I actually had to tell a lot of people that gifts weren't necessary, but we still received quite a few. My question is, does the rule still apply that you don't use the gifts you receive at pre-wedding parties until after the wedding? That would be quite a long time to wait!

Because you are having a long engagement, please be aware that whether circumstances change or not, anyone in attendance at this engagement party must be invited to your wedding.

Engagement parties are not a common event in our area and circle of friends. However, at the few I am familiar with, the few gifts that were given were meant to be used immediately. The gifts that were given were things like wedding planning books and magazines, frames for engagement photos, and bottles of wine or champagne.

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