Bridesmaids missing bridal tea

Knottie1440405724 · August 2015

So I'm getting married in one week and my aunt is throwing me a bridal tea for friends and family that are from out of town. Kind of like a welcome brunch. She sent out invitations a month ago.

All of my bridesmaids are originally from the same area, but after college we have all moved within a 3 hour radius.

None of my bridesmaids RSVP'd to the tea..so I texted them asking if they would be there.

NONE are attending. Many gave excuses...which were pretty lame, in my opinion.

I understand that most of us are from out of town, including myself. However, I can't help but feel kind of hurt by it. I mean...no one can make it?! Am I over reacting, or are there other brides out there that would be kind of disappointed?

I also sent a text to them stating that I understand if it would not be possible to make it, but that it would also mean a lot to me if they could. I'm trying my best to be understanding.

Liatris2010 · August 2015

Knottie1440405724 said:

So I'm getting married in one week and my aunt is throwing me a bridal tea for friends and family that are from out of town. Kind of like a welcome brunch. She sent out invitations a month ago.
All of my bridesmaids are originally from the same area, but after college we have all moved within a 3 hour radius.
None of my bridesmaids RSVP'd to the tea..so I texted them asking if they would be there.
NONE are attending. Many gave excuses...which were pretty lame, in my opinion.

I understand that most of us are from out of town, including myself. However, I can't help but feel kind of hurt by it. I mean...no one can make it?! Am I over reacting, or are there other brides out there that would be kind of disappointed?

I also sent a text to them stating that I understand if it would not be possible to make it, but that it would also mean a lot to me if they could. I'm trying my best to be understanding.

You are over reacting.

MobKaz · August 2015

If you are getting married in one week, I am assuming this tea is being held over the prior weeend.

It is disappointing and frustrating that none of your BM's can attend. Because they are OOT, they are already "losing" next weekend to your wedding events. Some may have to take time off from work if you are having a rehearsal dinner on Friday night.

Giving up two weekends in a row would be hard for me to do. I use them to catch up on lots of things, and I am an empty nester. Your BM's may need that weekend to not only catch up with their normal chores/responsibilities, but may very well need it to ready themselves for your wedding weekend as well. They will be there for you when it counts.

ETA: I fault them more for not having the manners and consideration to RSVP. That BS makes me crazy ragey!

Maggie0829 · August 2015

I answered you on the other board where you posted this as well.

novella1186 · August 2015

Only one (out of 5) of my BMs made it to my bachelorette party and only two made it to my shower. SIL hosted a second shower for me, and no BMs made it to that.

I was a bit disappointed because obviously I love these girls and love to see them and spend time with them, but I didn't tell them I was disappointed and I didn't demand to know why they couldn't make it. I just moved on, because I understand that everyone has their own life and we're all busy.

It's understandable that you're a little bummed out, but you need to let it go and just enjoy your time with the people who are able to make it.

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

None of my bridesmaids came to one of my showers. It happens. People have lives. Let yourself be disappointed for 5 minutes and then move on. It doesn't mean that they don't value your friendship. They just can't stop their lives JUST because you are getting married. You said yourself that they live out of town, which is even more reason to not be hurt that they won't be in attendance.

teddygirl9 · August 2015

Sorry, but a bridal tea sounds really boring...Driving 3 hours each way for that is not something I'd be interested in doing.

Go yourself, enjoy what your aunt puts on, and hopefully other friends and family will be there. You'll spend a lot of time with your bridesmaids on the day of, it might be nice to have more time with the other people who are coming to see you.

climbingsingle · August 2015

I answered you on the other board, but seriously, I would not drive 3 hours to attend a bridal tea, especially a week before the wedding that I have to travel to again. You've completely overreacting.

thisismynickname2 · August 2015

Honestly, the occasion is getting married. Anything else besides a ceremony and reception is just fluff and unnecessary. How many times are people supposed to gather in your honor?

Don't worry about this.

lembaslover · August 2015

I answered you on the other board. But yea a bridal tea might not be... bad joke coming... everyone's cup of tea. I don't like tea and while I realize that you don't necessarily have to drink tea at these events, it's just not my thing, add in a 6hr round trip I'd probably decline too... That's pretty much a full day and you're taking up a full day of their time next weekend too. It probably would have gotten better response if it were more spaced out.

Again just be grateful for the people who are going and let this go.

levioosa · August 2015

Let it go

[Deleted User] · August 2015

Stop contacting them about it. Tell you aunt thank you but it isn't going to work out and ask if she'd like to do lunch.

Knottie4432496 · August 2015

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

novella1186 · August 2015

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Maybe they weren't planning on being there till later in the day, though? If it were me, I'd have to work on Friday, so I'd either take a half day or just leave an hour or two early so I could make it in time for the rehearsal dinner. Being there Friday morning may make things a bit trickier for some people.

Or maybe they want to spend time with their parents/other family members/other friends while they're back in their home town since the rest of the weekend they'll be busy with your wedding. Who knows.

I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. Like PP said, they have lives and lots of things going on.

ETF words

Maggie0829 · August 2015

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Maybe they just wanted to relax and do nothing after getting into town. Maybe they wanted to visit with others they haven't seen since they moved away. Maybe they figure since they will be at the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner that a tea was overkill. Whatever their reason for not wanting to be there shouldn't matter. Just enjoy yourself with those that come and don't hold the fact that they didn't attend against them.

Maggie0829 · August 2015

RachelLee83 said:

Stop contacting them about it. Tell you aunt thank you but it isn't going to work out and ask if she'd like to do lunch.

Why should she turn down the tea just because her BMs aren't going to attend?

lembaslover · August 2015

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Well I would have called it a brunch then if mimosas and the feature rather than tea but it doesn't really matter I suppose. However the fact that it's a Friday is probably a big reason you're getting declines. It can be hard to get time off work of if you're like me and don't have a lot of paid vacation time (unpaid is rarely accepted around here) then that's a problem too. You'll be seeing them that night for the rehearsal dinner so have a great time with your aunt and whomever else can make it

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Ah, ok. This makes a little more sense now. I was with everyone else in assuming it wasn't on the same weekend as your wedding.

I know if it was me, I would genuinely have a hard time getting off work for something like that. My time off is pretty limited and I have to choose what I take off for wisely. It might sound like a lame excuse to some people when I have to pass on events that require taking time off, but it's true! Obviously I don't know what their reasoning was for not being able to make it, just trying to offer a little perspective

On a good note, YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! Yay!!! Just enjoy yourself and don't worry about the details.

l9i · August 2015

I've had friends get married (in which I was in the wedding) within the same town that I live. If they had hosted a Friday brunch I would have declined despite being local because I have limited vacation and want to use it for my time to do things I want. Side note: I almost didn't even take the Friday before my own wedding!

I understand it can be frustrating but your bridesmaids will be there for you when it counts - at your wedding! There's an upcoming wedding that both DH and I are in and I'm dreading that they are jamming too much for the bridal party help and attend Friday and Saturday. Somewhere, something is going to have to give because we will need to be home occasionally to let our dogs out. I'm sure that will be looked at as a lame excuse but it will need done!

themosthappy91 · August 2015

Would I be sad they couldn't make it? Yes. Would I judge their reasons for missing it? No.

One thing you'll learn if you stick around here- and please do, you seem like a reasonable human being- is that people frown upon judging friends' reasoning for declining to do anything, whether that's attend something, spend money on something- whatever.

It doesn't matter if you're (general you, listing hypotheticals) upset because you know your friend gets a ton of vacation time a year and you think she should be willing to take off a day to do something with you. It doesn't matter if you know your friend just spent ten thousands dollars on an extravagant vacation and you think if she's willing to spend money on something like that she should be able to shell out $200 for a bridesmaids dress. People get to decide how the spend their time and money, and they shouldn't have to answer for it to people outside of their SOs.

thefanciestbeckler · August 2015

I agree with @themosthappy91. Stick around.

ETA: and change your name so we can recognize you

huskypuppy14 · August 2015

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Maybe they just wanted to relax and do nothing after getting into town. Maybe they wanted to visit with others they haven't seen since they moved away. Maybe they figure since they will be at the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner that a tea was overkill. Whatever their reason for not wanting to be there shouldn't matter. Just enjoy yourself with those that come and don't hold the fact that they didn't attend against them.

True story.

I specifically didn't plan my rehearsal until 6pm, so that my sisters and my BIL (who are teachers) could attend.

If they live 3 hours away, maybe they are working Thursday, packing and then coming down Friday morning, so they won't make it in time for the tea.

Remember, people have their own lives. My sister got married this year, and she was getting frustrated trying to find a night to do a girl's night at her house where all of us bridesmaids could attend (and there were only 3 of us). And this was in addition to the shower, the bachelorette, and the wedding. I love my sister, but how many weekends do we have to give up.

One weekend was my anniversary, one was my other sister's anniversary, one was my husband's birthday (which I was willing to give up, because he had to work anyway), one was father's day, one was mother's day, one the third bridesmaid was out of town for a wedding, one weekend was my sister's shower, another was her bachelorette. Friday's are hard for me because I work and live 2+ hours away from her. We ended up doing it on the Saturday night before Mother's day because we all were in town that weekend, but it was a struggle.

mileybangerz · August 2015

When I get married, fuck the idea of a "bridal tea." I want a bridal vodka.

[Deleted User] · August 2015

engagedhamstermom said:

show previous quotes

Knottie4432496 said:

All of these responses helped so much! I guess I was disappointed because it's not a different weekend than my wedding. It's the same Friday as the rehearsal dinner and would already be in town. I can see how a "tea" sounds boring, but is more of a brunch with mimosas and games and getting settled into the weekend. I guess I should have mentioned that.

Well I would have called it a brunch then if mimosas and the feature rather than tea but it doesn't really matter I suppose. However the fact that it's a Friday is probably a big reason you're getting declines. It can be hard to get time off work of if you're like me and don't have a lot of paid vacation time (unpaid is rarely accepted around here) then that's a problem too. You'll be seeing them that night for the rehearsal dinner so have a great time with your aunt and whomever else can make it

Sorry good point I guess I was reading it as a shower type of thing and with no one coming it'd really wouldn't be one. You are correct she can still attend the tea with just her aunt.

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