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what do you do with the "please donate to xyz instead of a gift" request?

mj8215mj8215 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
Hey Knotties, 
Even though I'm recently married (YAY!) I still find myself in need of your sage advice. 
We are going to my husband's (!) colleague's wedding in a few weeks and I'm looking forward to it. Now, on their website, when you click on "registry" they have a whole short story about how they don't want gifts and instead would prefer guests to donate to this and that charity etc etc.... While the sentiment is commendable, and the charities are very much worthy of recognition and support (they are local LGBT rights related charities from where the grooms are from).... I'm not really sure how to go about this. A) are we supposed to ummm write it into a card? "congrats, also we donated XX $$ to your charity!" just seems wrong...but if it was an actual gift, i.e. say a registry gift, I would want them to know what I gave them - but here? B) is it like that time in curb your enthusiasm where Ben Stiller says "no gifts" and Larry David takes that literally and is then the only Schmock who shows up without a gift? I.e. are we supposed to donate and also give a gift??
Thanks!
- The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
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Re: what do you do with the "please donate to xyz instead of a gift" request?

  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Honestly, I would just give them a check in one of their names. If they would like to donate it to a charity they can do it.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd give them a card.  That's it.  I'd donate if it was a charity I supported.  Otherwise I wouldn't.  Either way, I wouldn't say I donated.  I think that goes against the spirit of donating.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Give them a card and donate if you want. Don't if you don't. They don't need to know one way or another because it's not their business who you donate to or if you even do, which is part of why this is so inappropriate.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ditto the congratulations/best wishes card.  No need to mention what, if anything you donated.  If I had already had a gift in mind I wanted to give them, I might still give that (this would usually be the case of someone I know extremely well and the gift I had picked out was because I happened to think of the perfect gift that I really really want them to have...I don't buy gifts for people otherwise).  If I supported that particular charity, I might give a donation if it fit in my budget, but 1) I tend to plan out my charitable giving in advance and already have organizations I give to, and 2) I would only do it after doing research on the organization, their work, and how they spend their funds and those things are all things I agree with.
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