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Is it okay if I invite my dad's ex?

vanadisislandvanadisisland member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Don't really know if this is an etiquette question or not, but here we go.

My fiancée and I are just trying to write up our guest list, and we are having trouble decided weather we should invite my step-mother or not. She and my dad only divorced 2 years ago, and she was with my dad for 17 years, so I love her, and she was part of my life for a long time, and I still speak to her as often as my dad. She has a boyfriend, so I'd be inviting him as well. My fiancée and I really want to invite them since I still see her as part of my family, but I'm worried that its inappropriate. i also know for a fact that my dad and his girlfriend won't be civil with her and her boyfriend, since he still has trouble being civil with my mum and step-father, and my parents have been divorced for 23 years.
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Re: Is it okay if I invite my dad's ex?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Absoultely invite her if you want.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you want her there, invite her.  It would suck not to be invited just because your dad couldn't put on his big boy pants for a few hours.  Ditto what ADK said.  


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  • TheCheeseWenchTheCheeseWench member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    I consider my former step father to be more like a Dad than my bio father (who is not invited). My Mother is not excited about him being invited, but she knows that it is not up for discussion. Just because someone else is finished having a person in their life, does not mean that you should have to feel the same. If she has been/is an important part of your life and has been good to you, I think it would be hurtful to exclude her based on your Dad and his GF not wanting her there.
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  • PupatellaPupatella member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Agree with PP's. Invite her and her BF (it sounds like you want her there!). Put them at separate tables. Hopefully they can be civil for a few hours and put their differences aside for your wedding.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Invite her.  I would give your dad a heads up that you will be inviting her, its a final decision, and that you hope they can all behave for one day since you are getting married. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Invite her. You can invite anyone whom you'd like to have at your wedding :)

    Seat her and her boyfriend at a separate table from your dad, ideally with another table as a buffer in between. They don't have to interact at all. 

    I would tell your dad though- not to ask his permission, but to let him know so he isn't surprised. "Dad, I'm inviting Jane and her boyfriend to the wedding. I expect everyone to act like adults". 
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  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I would invite her, however, is your Dad contributing money to your wedding? If so, then he does get a say in the guest list, and I'd check with him.  If he's really adamant that he doesn't want her there, and he's contributing $ to the wedding, then I may not invite her.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    futuremrsjms said:
    I would invite her, however, is your Dad contributing money to your wedding? If so, then he does get a say in the guest list, and I'd check with him.  If he's really adamant that he doesn't want her there, and he's contributing $ to the wedding, then I may not invite her.
    I don't think contributing to money to the wedding allows you to veto the invite list, I think it only allows you to add to the invite list within reason.  If he's really adamant that he doesn't want her there and is contributing money, decline his money.  Done and done.
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