Wishful Wednesday

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

Thank you all for the advice and thoughts.

@AlPacina, definitely Fuck Facebook. It makes things really complicated sometimes. I don't tend to share my beliefs on there too often for these exact reasons. And that's something that I am wavering on now. The bride and I haven't really reconciled after our falling out. We are civil, but it's not the same anymore and we don't talk much. And after seeing his post and comments (including insults at the one person trying to argue that marriage is not a religious term), I'm honestly not sure if I want to remain friends with him either. FI thinks we should talk to them about it and tell them we were offended by his statements, so we may end up doing that and see what happens. If he repeats the same thing (which I think he will based on what I saw on there and knowing how stubborn he can be), then we will end the friendship.

@speakeasy14, FI wants to go and snark on the whole thing, and is trying to convince me to go still so that I "have an essay to write for my Knot friends and learn other things not to do at ours".

@LaBro I like the emergency idea, but I think in this case they should know why we are changing our RSVP if that's what we decide to do. And to answer you and @speakeasy14, our flights aren't refundable, but it is the same area we are getting married in and we have appointments with our florist, venue, and DJ while we are back. We didn't book any hotel rooms and just planned to stay with our families in the first place. Our families also keep saying how excited they are to see us. So I think we would still go back to NY, but our Saturday would now be free if we decide not to go.

@bethsmiles, I understand your statement to a point. We were going to be happy for them even though we aren't religious. We are always very respectful of religious ceremonies, and do not snark on them even if they have different beliefs. But it is hard for me to be happy for someone who will look down on me, my FI, and some of our other guests (including my cousin and his husband) because we didn't get married in a church and say that our marriage isn't valid because marriage is a religious thing only. I hope that made sense.

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

@futuremrshistorian I feel very much the same. Initially we were going to support the groom, but now I can't even do that, so what is the point of going and buying a new dress to spend a day in NY at an event that I can't support (where many other family and friends would jump on the chance to spend more time with us instead).

Anyways, questions:

Would $1,000,000 be enough for you to retire on if your house and car were paid off? I don't think so. We plan on hopefully having between $4-8 million saved by the time we can retire (depending on the stock market). I don't trust SS either, and I have a feeling healthcare costs will be expensive. I also want some set aside to travel.

Where would your dream location be to retire? Probably a summer home on a lake in Upstate NY and a winter home somewhere warm. Or just a house on a lake in NY and travel all winter to warm places.

Would you still work (albeit with less stressful)? Volunteer? Maybe. It depends on what the work would be. I might volunteer somewhere though. Only if I really enjoy it and hopefully not for the money though.

When do you think you will be able to retire? Hopefully by age 55. Ideally by 45-50.

What are you wishing for today for yourself? For someone else? ETA: forgot to answer the last question! I honestly don't know. That we have enough money for the wedding we want (our guest list has increased rapidly). We have enough for a wedding, but if we get 100% attendance it won't be what we want, if that makes sense. We will have to cut back on some of the food options and other things that would be nice to have. Everyone would still be properly hosted, but we won't have the ridiculous amount of food that we both want.

speakeasy14 · September 2015

AuroraRose41 said:

@speakeasy14, FI wants to go and snark on the whole thing, and is trying to convince me to go still so that I "have an essay to write for my Knot friends and learn other things not to do at ours".

^^I like the way he thinks haha

But seriously, let them know you don't agree with what they've said; their reaction will help you determine if you should spend extra time with your family or not.

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

Lol he's definitely a keeper @speakeasy14. I think that's the best course of action, but I don't have high hopes that this conversation will go well.

beanbot2002 · September 2015

Swazzle said:

@beanbot2002 - EEEEEEEEEEEE! I just put in for Monday and Tuesday off (I'm already off for Veterans Day on Wednesday but H isn't so we have to come home at some point on Tuesday).

@southernpeach89 - I'm obviously not even sort of an expert on the subject but I feel like your doc jumped the gun a bit. I think Callie is just trying to get to watermelon status!

@KeptInStitches - H and I have never been there together! We both went for school trips way back when and I went there with @beanbot2002 and @cu97tiger and other NEYers a couple years ago. I'm excited to do touristy stuff with him there too

I GET TO SPEND EXTRA TIME WITH YOU?!?!?!? iCan't Wait!!

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

Update on the wedding thing. I couldn't handle not knowing what he thought about FI and I, so I texted him since I am at work (text is also his preferred method of communication with me). I told him I saw the post and was a little confused, and asked what he would consider FI's and my relationship to be after our wedding.

He told me, and I quote "It's a secular marriage, but I wouldn't consider it a marriage by the religious definition. Legally they are equivalent, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. Yes they are both fruit, but have drastically different flavors to them. I think calling them both marriage is foolish for clarity's sake."

Honestly, I was mostly on board with agreeing to disagree due to a difference in beliefs (and let it go) until that last sentence. We aren't having a religious ceremony, so of course it won't fit the religious definition. But I think a marriage is a marriage, no matter what type of ceremony you have. I don't even know how to respond. But I am very offended.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

@AuroraRose41 - I would be offended too...and marriage in my tradition is a religious sacrament! I would definitely not be going to that wedding after that.

Swazzle · September 2015

@CocoBellaF - Here's a pic of the hooded cardigan that I said I'd take wayyyy earlier!

And the back:

lavenderfields13 · September 2015

AuroraRose41 said:
Update on the wedding thing. I couldn't handle not knowing what he thought about FI and I, so I texted him since I am at work (text is also his preferred method of communication with me). I told him I saw the post and was a little confused, and asked what he would consider FI's and my relationship to be after our wedding.

He told me, and I quote "It's a secular marriage, but I wouldn't consider it a marriage by the religious definition. Legally they are equivalent, but it's like comparing apples and oranges. Yes they are both fruit, but have drastically different flavors to them. I think calling them both marriage is foolish for clarity's sake."

Honestly, I was mostly on board with agreeing to disagree due to a difference in beliefs (and let it go) until that last sentence. We aren't having a religious ceremony, so of course it won't fit the religious definition. But I think a marriage is a marriage, no matter what type of ceremony you have. I don't even know how to respond. But I am very offended.

Oh hell no

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

@swazzle I love that cardigan and your entire outfit! You are so pretty!

Swazzle · September 2015

@aurorarose41 - I would be super offended and I would be declining that wedding ASAP. What does your FI say about everything? And thank you! It's from the StitchFix I got on Saturday and I'm in loooooove with it

minskat30 · September 2015

Sorry just testing here for the freaking poll I'm trying to create

labro · September 2015

@minskat30 You have to create a new thread.

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

@Swazzle FI thinks the groom is "butthurt over semantics". I responded with "semantics or not I am still very offended and I don't feel comfortable going." We are both at work and also having this conversation through text, so FI hasn't responded yet. I think he was really looking forward to snarking on the wedding, but I don't want to go. We will see what he says.

Are you and any other NY area knotties free on Sept. 19? Looks like my schedule just opened up that day. I could probably take a train down to the city that day, or if anyone feels like going up north to the Capital Region I could meet you somewhere in that area.

ETA: Actually as soon as family finds out that we won't be going to this wedding, they will probably make more plans with us. So if anyone is in the Capital Region around then I could probably sneak away for a few hours, but I don't think I can get away with taking a train to NYC for the day.

minskat30 · September 2015

I will @labro if I can figure out how to create a damn poll...25 years of schooling and I fail at technology. I'm doing this the old fashioned way and am creating a seperate post without a poll (you all can just comment from the selections in April). Will post shortly.

bethsmiles · September 2015

@AuroraRose41 - Ugh, that sucks that your friend is being an ass. I 100% understand why you are offended, in my OP I just meant you don't have to see going to the wedding as supporting his view if you still wanted to be friends but I wouldn't want to go to the wedding or be friends with him after this

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

@bethsmiles gotcha. Yea, I definitely don't want him on our wedding guest list, and I can't reasonably support their wedding after all of this, nor do I think I can remain friends with them.

I think the worst part of all of this for me is that the groom texted me a few weeks ago telling me about how much he was enjoying living away from her because he didn't have to listen to her "run her mouth". I would NEVER say something like that about FI, so I feel like our relationship is being judged by someone who really doesn't have the authority to judge it.

bethsmiles · September 2015

AuroraRose41 said:
@bethsmiles gotcha. Yea, I definitely don't want him on our wedding guest list, and I can't reasonably support their wedding after all of this, nor do I think I can remain friends with them.

I think the worst part of all of this for me is that the groom texted me a few weeks ago telling me about how much he was enjoying living away from her because he didn't have to listen to her "run her mouth". I would NEVER say something like that about FI, so I feel like our relationship is being judged by someone who really doesn't have the authority to judge it.

Wow, I'd be so hurt if FI ever said something like that! Why marry someone you don't want to be around? Sounds like someone you won't miss in your life.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

AuroraRose41 said:

@bethsmiles gotcha. Yea, I definitely don't want him on our wedding guest list, and I can't reasonably support their wedding after all of this, nor do I think I can remain friends with them.

I think the worst part of all of this for me is that the groom texted me a few weeks ago telling me about how much he was enjoying living away from her because he didn't have to listen to her "run her mouth". I would NEVER say something like that about FI, so I feel like our relationship is being judged by someone who really doesn't have the authority to judge it.

Whoa. For some reason I feel like saying this about your FI is generally not a good thing. Maybe I'm overly sensitive because I have an ex who used to tell me he was glad we were long-distance so he didn't have to deal with my crazy...

Yeah, no, not overly sensitive. That's absurd.

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

futuremrshistorian said:

AuroraRose41 said:

@bethsmiles gotcha. Yea, I definitely don't want him on our wedding guest list, and I can't reasonably support their wedding after all of this, nor do I think I can remain friends with them.

I think the worst part of all of this for me is that the groom texted me a few weeks ago telling me about how much he was enjoying living away from her because he didn't have to listen to her "run her mouth". I would NEVER say something like that about FI, so I feel like our relationship is being judged by someone who really doesn't have the authority to judge it.

Whoa. For some reason I feel like saying this about your FI is generally not a good thing. Maybe I'm overly sensitive because I have an ex who used to tell me he was glad we were long-distance so he didn't have to deal with my crazy...

Yeah, no, not overly sensitive. That's absurd.

Nope not overly sensitive at all. I never had anyone say that about me that I know of and I still thought it was a huge red flag. But her and I weren't on speaking terms when he sent that to me. I still have the text.

Also, FI hadn't read the entire Facebook post until this evening, so he thought I was overreacting a little bit. After he read the entire status and all of the comments, he was so offended that he posted about how he and I were both raised in Christian faiths and could have had a religious ceremony, but we would have been going through the motions to fit a belief system that we didn't agree with to please others instead of having a ceremony meaningful for us. And that won't change our love or commitment to one another. He ended with that he would call our relationship whatever he damn well pleases and someone else's religion shouldn't dictate the words he uses to describe our relationship.

I love that man. I love him so much.

He was trying to convince me to go to the wedding still before reading the post. I asked him his thoughts after he read and commented on the post, and he told me he was leaning toward saying no as well. I think once the groom responds to FI's comment, it isn't going to be pretty, and we will probably end up getting kicked off the guest list anyways. I think FI is going to end up wanting to not go to this either way though.

Swazzle · September 2015

@AuroraRose41 - Gahhhh I definitely can't come up there that weekend but I'll be there briefly the following Friday! SO CLOSE yet so far

AuroraRose41 · September 2015

Swazzle said:

@AuroraRose41 - Gahhhh I definitely can't come up there that weekend but I'll be there briefly the following Friday! SO CLOSE yet so far

Oh no! Well I will be back in that area for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and a few times in the spring again!

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