Facebook wedding planning groups and etiquette mistakes

catlover30 · September 2015

My local FB wedding planning group is driving me nuts. Every day I see someone ask a question or post something that is totally rude/ against etiquette. I mostly say nothing but today I stated my opinion about a woman that was asking for advice about wording for how to invite people to just the wedding dance instead of the whole event. I replied that this is rude to her guests and against etiquette and that all her guests should be fully hosted for the whole event. I got jumped on saying I was the rude one and that it's "their day" And that I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I will keep my opinions to myself. I may leave the group because the etiquette is so bad. Cash bars and everything else you could imagine that people have said they had. I knew that the ladies here would not think I am crazy

Blue_Bird · September 2015

catlover30 said:

My local FB wedding planning group is driving me nuts. Every day I see someone ask a question or post something that is totally rude/ against etiquette. I mostly say nothing but today I stated my opinion about a woman that was asking for advice about wording for how to invite people to just the wedding dance instead of the whole event. I replied that this is rude to her guests and against etiquette and that all her guests should be fully hosted for the whole event. I got jumped on saying I was the rude one and that it's "their day" And that I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I will keep my opinions to myself. I may leave the group because the etiquette is so bad. Cash bars and everything else you could imagine that people have said they had. I knew that the ladies here would not think I am crazy

This sounds like a good plan. Just the idea of a Facebook "Wedding Planning Group" sounds like an absolute nightmare.

catlover30 · September 2015

It is a nightmare, I have gotten vendor information from there but that's about it. I am trying to plan a wedding and not be rude to my guests. I guess many people on there don't understand that. I guess it is strength in numbers there and I'm the odd man out. I'm not going to let it bother me though, I always get the best advice I need from here and am happy to say that my wedding will be awesome because of this forum. Thanks ladies.

julieanne912 · September 2015

Most wedding groups on Facebook are like that. I got jumped on for saying that putting a cute poem on your invitations to ask for cash was rude. I found most of my vendors and some of my decor items for cheap through those pages though, so they do have some benefits if you can sift through the grossness.

catlover30 · September 2015

I may just use that group for finding vendors and that's it. It is crazy how much people think that they can do. Like large gaps are the norm there as well as cash bars. My wedding may very well be the first in my small town that doesn't have any of these.

Pupatella · September 2015

julieanne912 said: Most wedding groups on Facebook are like that. I got jumped on for saying that putting a cute poem on your invitations to ask for cash was rude. I found most of my vendors and some of my decor items for cheap through those pages though, so they do have some benefits if you can sift through the grossness.
________________boxes__________________
Sorry but I have to ask - do you have this poem that a bride thought was cute to put on her invitation to ask for cash!!? I'm SMH.

ETA: boxes

photokitty · September 2015

Mine is run by a bottom shelf wedding planner, who also is a wedding officiant, and use the page to hauck herself. So she obviously coddles the SS and even says things like "everyone's situation kids different" and "you doubt know this bride or her budget."

I gave up on offering etiquette advice when a bride wanted to know how to keep the guests out of the dinner reception in the church hall, after the punch and mints receiving line concluded in the church gathering space. So not only is it tiered, but you get to watch all the important guests be ushered in for food and festivities, while you're shoved out the door!

Then there was the great advice to the bride who forgot to put her reception start time on the invite...OF COURSE, she had a gap...DUH!! The peanut gallery told her it's totes fine to just announce it at the end of the ceremony. Part of me hoped she wouldn't listen to me, but to all the morons, bc I'm certain half her guests would be no shows after learning about the gap they now had to endure.

catlover30 · September 2015

photokitty said:

Mine is run by a bottom shelf wedding planner, who also is a wedding officiant, and use the page to hauck herself. So she obviously coddles the SS and even says things like "everyone's situation kids different" and "you doubt know this bride or her budget." I gave up on offering etiquette advice when a bride wanted to know how to keep the guests out of the dinner reception in the church hall, after the punch and mints receiving line concluded in the church gathering space. So not only is it tiered, but you get to watch all the important guests be ushered in for food and festivities, while you're shoved out the door! Then there was the great advice to the bride who forgot to put her reception start time on the invite...OF COURSE, she had a gap...DUH!! The peanut gallery told her it's totes fine to just announce it at the end of the ceremony. Part of me hoped she wouldn't listen to me, but to all the morons, bc I'm certain half her guests would be no shows after learning about the gap they now had to endure.

This one is run by a wedding photographer and has suggested herself on many occasions that a bride and groom should have at least 2.5 hours for pictures in between the ceremony and reception. I was like OMG, that is so rude and the "peanut gallery" agreed with her of course. I just gave up, I will just laugh from afar and go on with my wedding planning knowing that I will not have any of these things and that my guests will be taken care of and happy at my wedding.

kvruns · September 2015

I use mine for vendors and buying/reselling of items. I don't know if it is different but mine is more of a "wedding resale page" and seems to be mostly people selling stuff or looking for vendors and maybe 15-20% planning questions/etiquette disasters.

twitterbird · September 2015

OMG from your picture I bet your local facebook wedding group is the SAME ONE that was driving me crazy last year. There were a few conversations I actually screen capped just to show my fiance.

aurianna · September 2015

catlover30 said:

My local FB wedding planning group is driving me nuts. Every day I see someone ask a question or post something that is totally rude/ against etiquette. I mostly say nothing but today I stated my opinion about a woman that was asking for advice about wording for how to invite people to just the wedding dance instead of the whole event. I replied that this is rude to her guests and against etiquette and that all her guests should be fully hosted for the whole event. I got jumped on saying I was the rude one and that it's "their day" And that I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I will keep my opinions to myself. I may leave the group because the etiquette is so bad. Cash bars and everything else you could imagine that people have said they had. I knew that the ladies here would not think I am crazy

You should have just answered her honestly.

"You write in their invite 'I want you to come look at how pretty I am and bring me a present, but I'm too cheap to feed you so wait until dinner is over.'"

catlover30 · September 2015

twitterbird said:

OMG from your picture I bet your local facebook wedding group is the SAME ONE that was driving me crazy last year. There were a few conversations I actually screen capped just to show my fiance.

Well I guess it may be if you are in Newfoundland. I am not originally from here but wow do they ever jump on you for being honest. Almost everyone on there said well tiered receptions are normal here as well as cash bars so I should just accept that and move on. Many of them called me rude for pointing out the truth and that I was attacking her or something. I have no reason to lie or blow smoke up any ones butt. I was just saying how rude what she is going to do is.

catlover30 · September 2015

aurianna said:

catlover30 said:

My local FB wedding planning group is driving me nuts. Every day I see someone ask a question or post something that is totally rude/ against etiquette. I mostly say nothing but today I stated my opinion about a woman that was asking for advice about wording for how to invite people to just the wedding dance instead of the whole event. I replied that this is rude to her guests and against etiquette and that all her guests should be fully hosted for the whole event. I got jumped on saying I was the rude one and that it's "their day" And that I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I will keep my opinions to myself. I may leave the group because the etiquette is so bad. Cash bars and everything else you could imagine that people have said they had. I knew that the ladies here would not think I am crazy

You should have just answered her honestly.

"You write in their invite 'I want you to come look at how pretty I am and bring me a present, but I'm too cheap to feed you so wait until dinner is over.'"

I should have done just that, why didn't I think of that? LOL Oh well they all know my feelings now.

SP29 · September 2015

I was also part of a couple of FB wedding groups. I initially joined them to sell a few items, but etiquette questions still came up!

I ultimately left all the groups because of the same stuff. Someone would ask a question, I would post the etiquette-conscious thing to do. Other people would validate the OP, say I was being mean, or point out that "everyone does it!".

Ugh. I just couldn't even.

catlover30 · September 2015

SP29 said:

I was also part of a couple of FB wedding groups. I initially joined them to sell a few items, but etiquette questions still came up!

I ultimately left all the groups because of the same stuff. Someone would ask a question, I would post the etiquette-conscious thing to do. Other people would validate the OP, say I was being mean, or point out that "everyone does it!".

Ugh. I just couldn't even.

Well I guess I was removed from the group for my comments. oh well no skin off my teeth. I know where to go for honest advice and I am confident that I won't have any etiquette blunders hopefully.

julieanne912 · September 2015

Pupatella said:

julieanne912 said:

Most wedding groups on Facebook are like that. I got jumped on for saying that putting a cute poem on your invitations to ask for cash was rude. I found most of my vendors and some of my decor items for cheap through those pages though, so they do have some benefits if you can sift through the grossness.

________________boxes__________________

Sorry but I have to ask - do you have this poem that a bride thought was cute to put on her invitation to ask for cash!!? I'm SMH.

ETA: boxes

haha no I wish I did. It was just a suggestion to a bride who asked what a nice way to ask for cash was...

FTR My advice was to just not register anywhere and if people ask, tell them you're saving up for XX. They'll get the hint.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

I had to leave the ones I was in too. Couldn't stand it.. It's kind of like here too if you ask a question about etiquette and get told the true etiquette answer and get all worked up about it.. Why ask.. you are just going to do what you want regardless... I did sell most of my décor on those sites to be fair but now they are turning into a Q&A type of thing. With the main topics being: I am having a honeymoon registry, unhosted bar, 2 hour gap, dollar dance plus garter auction, to name a few. With everyone saying YEAAAAAA it's your day. People can suck it up. Or my fave.. Guests like going back to their hotel to refresh so a 4 hour gap is ok. People expect it for Catholic weddings. That is the one I left the group over after I said NOPE. All Rude.

julieanne912 · September 2015

I got jumped on again on one of mine for saying I didn't agree w/ cash bars since I wouldn't ask people to my house and then ask them to pay for their drinks, so I wasn't going to do with my wedding. I got the whole "well some of us are on a budget" and "some of us are paying for our own weddings". Thankfully a few people agreed with me. One girl said she provided beer and wine and then put a request ON THE INVITATION for everyone to bring a bottle of liquor to stock the bar. Then one guy went off about how alcohol is poison and nobody should be poisoning their guests LOL

Jen4948 · September 2015

Just stay off Facebook when you're trying to plan your wedding...or at least, don't go looking there for opinions that constitute valid etiquette.

leroweb · September 2015

I'm in a group. I do not comment Much but it's a place I can share all my wedding stuff ao I stay.
This morning I read a post on honeymoon registries on how they are great because you can use the money they send for anything not what the "bought"
And how to ask no cell phones at a wedding.
I just read and laugh, etiquette wise I am vastly out numbered
Sigh
Its sickly

lnixon8 · September 2015

This morning a girl asked about having BYOB weddings and how to go about it. Most people warned her about liability but its a know your guests thing. Someone said it was tacky and all of these women went off. Picture lots of "it's your day hunny do what you want"s.

OP eventually got involved and said oh don't worry it won't be tacky we will be letting them know its BYOB on the invitations so if they don't support us they don't have to come. We just don't want to pay for it out of our own pockets after we're paying $16 a head for their meal.

Icky all around.

kimmiinthemitten · September 2015

Man, I luck out apparently. Aside from the invitation designer who posted her samples with "monetary gifts appreciated" on the bottom, they're all obnoxious self promoters or vague bookers (does anyone know of any reasonable priced venues in all of Metro Detroit that can hold a large family?)

XrebeccaX · September 2015

photokitty said:

Mine is run by a bottom shelf wedding planner, who also is a wedding officiant, and use the page to hauck herself. So she obviously coddles the SS and even says things like "everyone's situation kids different" and "you doubt know this bride or her budget." I gave up on offering etiquette advice when a bride wanted to know how to keep the guests out of the dinner reception in the church hall, after the punch and mints receiving line concluded in the church gathering space. So not only is it tiered, but you get to watch all the important guests be ushered in for food and festivities, while you're shoved out the door! Then there was the great advice to the bride who forgot to put her reception start time on the invite...OF COURSE, she had a gap...DUH!! The peanut gallery told her it's totes fine to just announce it at the end of the ceremony. Part of me hoped she wouldn't listen to me, but to all the morons, bc I'm certain half her guests would be no shows after learning about the gap they now had to endure.

It amazes me so many people still do gaps when I have never heard a single person say how much they enjoyed the awkward three hours they spent twiddling their thumbs in their dress clothes.

JellyBean52513 · September 2015

lnixon8 said:
This morning a girl asked about having BYOB weddings and how to go about it. Most people warned her about liability but its a know your guests thing. Someone said it was tacky and all of these women went off. Picture lots of "it's your day hunny do what you want"s.

OP eventually got involved and said oh don't worry it won't be tackywe will be letting them know its BYOB on the invitations so if they don't support us they don't have to come. We just don't want to pay for it out of our own pockets after we're paying $16 a head for their meal.

Icky all around.

to the bold & underlined: I just have to laugh at people who think they can predict or even dictate how others will feel/think. Pure ignorance.

kimmiinthemitten · September 2015

I thought of something that my FB group does that drives me nuts....

All of the ladies selling a dirty dress! Gross, seriously! You're trying to sell something you wore for 8 hours, sweating, hugging strangers, dragging the train on the ground, and who knows how the hell you peed in the thing but cleaning it is too much before you try and get someone else to purchase it! I can't even.

Facebook wedding planning groups and etiquette mistakes

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