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Its a BBQ...now with a twist.

dyerwisedyerwise member
250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
in Pre-wedding Parties
I posted a little bit about having an engagement party even though we thought we would be hosting it ourselves and we've been engaged since November last year.

We decided against having an engagement party and just having a BBQ with our families and wedding party members so that they could meet and mingle. (its important to me for my bridesmaids(sisters) and FI's groomsmen (college pals) to meet, because I have been in so many weddings where you don't know any of the other wedding party until the actual day and it feels so awkward to me.)

I told my FMIL that we didn't want to do an engagement party, but just have a casual BBQ with close friends and family. Since we were having it at my In-laws home, she offered to send out the invites and essentially host the party. I didn't see the invites before they went out, but did see one hanging on my sister's fridge and it said "I DO BBQ".

I've had friends and family asking me if we're registered and what gifts we want, and I've been very firm in saying no gifts, its just a casual BBQ.

Any advice on how to right this ship before the party? Do I just go with it? or should I just let it go and try to make the party as un-engagement-y as possible?

Note: Absolutely everyone we invited to the BBQ is invited to our wedding.
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Re: Its a BBQ...now with a twist.

  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Doesn't sound like much of an issue to me - it sounds like it'll be more of a hassle (and cause more problems with your family) if you backtrack on the invitations now.

    Presents shouldn't ever be expected at an engagement party, so you certainly don't have to stress about that. Just let everyone know that you don't expect them, and make sure that your mom is on the same page. DON'T register before the party. If you do get gifts, accept graciously, but open them privately and send out thank you cards.


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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Yeah, I think it's too late to undo it, since invites have already been sent.  Like PP said, don't register before the party.  And if anyone asks about gifts, just tell them that this is meant just as a get together for everyone to meet and no gifts are expected. Also, make sure that FMIL, your parents, and anyone else who may be a contact person knows that gifts are not expected and they can relay that when asked.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    This sounds pretty predictable, honestly. FMIL wants to a host an e-party. You decide not to. You let her send the invites for your BBQ where wedding guests will be meeting each other. She makes a wedding-related punch line.... Sorry but you probably could have seen that coming from a mile away and prevented it.

    Anyway, what's done is done. Invitations are out. Just continue to tell people who ask that you do not want gifts. And tell them to spread the work that "it's just a BBQ with friends." If you've started your registries, go online and make them private until after the party.

    "Are you registered?"    
    "Not right now. And we really do not want gifts. It's just a BBQ, sorry for any confusion."
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  • dyerwisedyerwise member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    Geesh @southernbelle0915! I'm not a regular here, I've never been married before, and my FMIL didn't seem super invested in having an engagement party, so I am SO very sorry for not being suspicious of her and not seeing it a mile away.

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  • dyerwisedyerwise member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    You can close this thread too. Thank you!
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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    dyersamwise said:
    Geesh @southernbelle0915! I'm not a regular here, I've never been married before, and my FMIL didn't seem super invested in having an engagement party, so I am SO very sorry for not being suspicious of her and not seeing it a mile away.
    Many of us have not been married before and don't exactly know what we're doing so I hate when people use that excuse... I can see why you'd trust your FMIL, I tend to overly trust people too and take them at their word. Though I have to agree with southernbelle this does seem like it's not surprising at all. Overall unless you make a big deal out of it, it's not a big deal. So the invites say I DO, that is the reason everyone is meeting is they are involved in your big day. Just continue to politely say presents are not expected. People will bring them or not as they wish.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    dyersamwise said:
    Geesh @southernbelle0915! I'm not a regular here, I've never been married before, and my FMIL didn't seem super invested in having an engagement party, so I am SO very sorry for not being suspicious of her and not seeing it a mile away.
    Hi Stranger. You're welcome for me taking time out of my day to respond to your self-explanatory post/question and provide you with advice. Instead of responding with sarcasm, you COULD take away from this a lesson to double check things that you delegate to other people. Or you could respond with snark. Your call. Happy planning.

    Also to this:
    dyersamwise said:
    You can close this thread too. Thank you!
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Threads do not get closed because someone doesn't like the advice received or a particular response.

    You've gotten good advice on how to answer people who ask about gifts. Andplusalso, you learned that when you have people helping you plan the wedding (or with anything in life), if you want a specific message to get across, you have to spell out exactly what you want. It's very nice your FMIL offered to host a party and send out invites, but you should have told her that you didn't want it to be WR in any way. She just sounds really excited about the wedding!

     







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