The honeymoon hype

peachy13 · September 2015

Now that we're getting close to wedding time, I've been getting asked what our honeymoon plans are. I've been telling everyone that my aunt gave us access to her condo in Florida and that we're flying there the day after our wedding and hanging out at the condo rent-free for 4 days. FI and I know the neighborhood well, there is a pool, a beach, and lots of great restaurants and bars in walking distance. Hell. Yes.

Is it the most romantic, exciting, lavish honeymoon? No.. and in the "dream vacation" part of my brain I could list off a bunch of beautiful locations for a lovely honeymoon, but I also know that I'm burnt out from planning a wedding over the last two years and don't want to go anywhere that requires a lot of travel and/or planning. I also know that FI and I, who are paying for the wedding ourselves, can't exactly afford a big expensive trip either. I'm excited for my honeymoon... at this point of the planning I think I'm actually more excited about my honeymoon than I am for my wedding.

So it bothers me that when I tell people our plans, they ask if this is just our "mini moon" based on the fact that it's only a 4-day vacation and also because it's in Florida, which being a Northeaster, is not really a thrilling vacation. My sister asked me if we're going to do a "real honeymoon" in the winter and I said that this was our "real" honeymoon. My boss asked my plans and after I told her she goes "oh, that's it? I figured you'd go take 2 weeks off work and go somewhere wild!"

Anyone else dealing with this? To me, a honeymoon is spending time with your new spouse to unwind and relax from the wedding planning. I don't think it matters where you are or long it is but I know the hype exists that a good honeymoon should be a long vacation to an other-worldly location.

NowIamMrsKlein · September 2015

FI and I are doing a 'big' honeymoon. We are doing a week in Paris. We've been together 4 years and have never done a trip together, and probably wont have the chance to again for a long time so we figured it was 'now or never'

We're getting snarky comments about it as well. People saying that we are going to be so burnt out we shouldn't waste our money. That we should go to an all inclusive somewhere and just relax. That we won't enjoy ourselves because of how tired we are etc etc.

FI and hate the beach. We like history and exploring. A honeymoon on the beach sounds awful to me.

Seriously, you can't win. If your trip doesn't line up with what another person thinks the 'dream trip' is then they're going to have an opinion. People seem to forget that everyone has different tastes and what might sound awesome to you may sound terrible to them.

Really in my opinion, in regards to wedding and honeymoon people just need to mind their own business.

julieanne912 · September 2015

We're not having a honeymoon at all. People's reaction range from "Oh you can take a fun vacation in a year" (which is likely what we will do... camping at Yellowstone perhaps) to "OMG why not, that's so sad". I tell them we can't afford it right now, and then some are like "Why?? and make it sound like we're losers. It's like uhhh we just bought a house in February and dropped $30,000+ into new landscaping in our front yard and a new driveway.

I don't even get into the fact I don't have any vacation time at all since I just started in June and I'm taking unpaid time and a personal time off for the few days surrounding the wedding.

And MrsKlein, I think your Paris trip sounds amazing... I too am not a fan of the beach. Pale girls unite!

thisismynickname2 · September 2015

Ugh, I'm sorry, people just never stop with the judging. Judging someone's honeymoon is like judging someone's engagement ring size, in my opinion.

Just repeat: "We're so excited to just relax and unwind, hit the beach and go to some fabulous restaurants."

Maggie0829 · September 2015

It is either you aren't going on a "big" enough trip or you are spending too much money on a vacation. I don't think anyone can win either way.

H and I went to Key West and Miami Beach for our honeymoon. I got some of those "oh that is all you are doing" looks, but I quickly ignored them because sorry not sorry we decided that buying our first home together was a more important use of our money then the Hawaii trip we originally wanted to go on.

In my circle of friends if you don't go out of the country on your honeymoon then you aren't doing it right. Ridiculous.

redwoodoriginal · September 2015

yeah, even going to Mexico (our honeymoon) was met with.. "Oh that's it?" Sorrynotsorry we can't afford to go to europe or iceland or Bali or Hawaii.... we found super cheap RT tickets and used a groupon for the hotel... we just want to spend time together and relax and go somewhere neither of us have been...

libride2015 · September 2015

peachy13 I am in the same boat as you. We are going to naples for 6 nights the day after our wedding - our reasoning is that my FI doesnt fly and we are going to drive down.

I am getting so much flack - "you are ruining your honeymoon because he wont get on an airplane"...NO IM NOT - we are going to have a FANTASTIC TIME - and have a GREAT VACATION.

I am just getting to the point where I am telling everyone at this point to go screw!

YOU ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON! do not worry about anyone else!

xo

frenchiekin · September 2015

Yup, if I've learned anything these past 2 years of planning, it's that EVERYONE has something to say about something you are doing "wrong." We are going to the Azores for a week for our honeymoon. We are fucking PUMPED. Most people we've told don't know where it is (they are Portuguese islands about 1,000 miles off the coast of mainland Portugal, btw) because it's not very well-known. It's beautiful but pretty rural and mostly untouched by tourists.

People ask why we would want to go there when there aren't any luxury mega-resorts or all-inclusives, or because it'll probably only be 70 degrees when we're there in October and a honeymoon is OBVIOUSLY not a honeymoon if it isn't on a tropical island in a huge hotel with your own personal butler. It was affordable for us, we're pretty adventurous and don't like to be confined to a resort for a week, and it was a happy compromise between Iceland (FI) and Mexico (me).

Justifying our choices for everything concerning the wedding and honeymoon is exhausting. I can't wait to not do it anymore.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

Fiance and I are going for 3 nights to Lake Geneva, WI; about 40 minutes from where we live.

Good enough for me and my parents offered to gift us with the trip when they found out this is the extent of what we were planning.

So far no one has made snarky comments to me about it. In fact, I've told a few people who shared their honeymoon stories of Lake Geneva.

Next time someone snarks ask them if they'd like to pay for and plan something more extravagant for you- they'll probably get the hint.

ETF: missing words

Pupatella · September 2015

peachy13 said:

Now that we're getting close to wedding time, I've been getting asked what our honeymoon plans are. I've been telling everyone that my aunt gave us access to her condo in Florida and that we're flying there the day after our wedding and hanging out at the condo rent-free for 4 days. FI and I know the neighborhood well, there is a pool, a beach, and lots of great restaurants and bars in walking distance. Hell. Yes.

Is it the most romantic, exciting, lavish honeymoon? No.. and in the "dream vacation" part of my brain I could list off a bunch of beautiful locations for a lovely honeymoon, but I also know that I'm burnt out from planning a wedding over the last two years and don't want to go anywhere that requires a lot of travel and/or planning. I also know that FI and I, who are paying for the wedding ourselves, can't exactly afford a big expensive trip either. I'm excited for my honeymoon... at this point of the planning I think I'm actually more excited about my honeymoon than I am for my wedding.

So it bothers me that when I tell people our plans, they ask if this is just our "mini moon" based on the fact that it's only a 4-day vacation and also because it's in Florida, which being a Northeaster, is not really a thrilling vacation. My sister asked me if we're going to do a "real honeymoon" in the winter and I said that this was our "real" honeymoon. My boss asked my plans and after I told her she goes "oh, that's it? I figured you'd go take 2 weeks off work and go somewhere wild!"

Anyone else dealing with this? To me, a honeymoon is spending time with your new spouse to unwind and relax from the wedding planning. I don't think it matters where you are or long it is but I know the hype exists that a good honeymoon should be a long vacation to an other-worldly location.

People are just so judgmental and rude for no reason. You shouldn't have to defend your honeymoon plans, this is ridiculous.

The next time says "Oh, that's it?" just say:

"Well, since FI and I won't be leaving our room much, if at all, during our honeymoon, we figured it doesn't really matter where we get away to". End of convo and walk away.

People can be jerks.

CMGragain · September 2015

"Well, since FI and I won't be leaving our room much, if at all, during our honeymoon, we figured it doesn't really matter where we get away to". End of convo and walk away.

Ha,ha,ha!

This applied to DH and I on our mini-honeymoon, 39 years ago! Enjoy your beautiful honeymoon. It's more than DH and I got, but I'm not sorry!

lnixon8 · September 2015

Your honeymoon sounds lovely!

knottie93f96a98e60cf4f2 · September 2015

I also think it sound lovely. We are also gonna have "only" 4-5 days (which is a lot for me cause I do contract work from home so any time off is certainly unpaid). Even if we had the time and money to do a 2 week vacay i think I'd be done after a week. I'm a homebody.

We are still debating where to go though. Our top contenders are flying to Florida (we're waiting till Dec to see how many sky miles Fi has) or hopping on the motorcycle and finding a place to say in the mountains.

People will snark and give their unwanted opinions about anything and everything. Especially if you decide to have children. People are the worst about kids, I tell ya.

You can either ignore them, bean dip, or come up with some witty or smart ass replies.

Heffalump · September 2015

FeeleyToBe said:

Fiance and I are going for 3 nights to Lake Geneva, WI; about 40 minutes from where we live. Good enough for me and my parents offered to gift us with the trip when they found out this is the extent of what we were planning. So far no one has made snarky comments to me about it. In fact, I've told a few people who shared their honeymoon stories of Lake Geneva. Next time someone snarks ask them if they'd like to pay for and plan something more extravagant for you- they'll probably get the hint. ETF: missing words

My parents' honeymoon was in Lake Geneva. My brother's wedding was there, too. (He's divorced now, but it was a lovely wedding, just the same.)

DH and I went to Curacao for a week. So many people wrinkled their noses and said "What? What's there? Where is it?" We got used to saying "next to Aruba" a lot.

spockforprez · September 2015

I'm pretty sure I responded to you on reddit recently

but, I definitely feel you. There is definitely a lot of pressure to have an amazing tropical or European vacation and if you're not into that or can't afford it you get the side-eye.

We're doing 2 nights in a bed & breakfast near my FH's alma mater and will be visiting family while we're there. Then we're going on our annual camping trip to our favorite bluegrass festival. It was the perfect choice for us.

I hope your low-key honeymoon is full of lots of relaxation, beach views, & good food!

DarthV8r · September 2015

Your honeymoon sounds perfect. F.I. and I are planning a honeymoon similar to yours. We are going a whole 2 hours away from our house for 3 days.

All I want to do is sleep, get drunk on the beach, fuck and eat a nice dinner. In that order.

Why do we have to go half way around the world for that?

lovesclimbing · September 2015

H and I went to Washington and Oregon because that's all we could afford. It was fun! We have talked about taking a nice trip somewhere hot frequently but almost three years in, haven't found the time. Ignore them. You are being smart by saving money.

thisismynickname2 · September 2015

I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."

We paid for our plane tickets with miles. The hotel was far, faaaar less expensive than a Caribbean all-inclusive resort. We ate a lot of pizza and pasta and drank house wine (we ate cheaply, in other words). We took the ferries and buses, not hired cars. Or, you know, walked. On the honeymoon board some people say that going to Italy is expensive, but I'm the one chiming in saying you can do it on a low budget. Maybe people think Lake Como is all fancy because George Clooney has a villa there, but seriously, this was more cost effective for us than a lot of other options.

You can go to South Beach, Miami FL and spend a huge amount of money and stay at very fancy hotels. You can go to a ridiculously expensive spa in Napa Valley and spend a huge amount of money wine tasting and having a hired car. There's a resort in Wisconsin that is 3x more expensive than my Lake Como hotel. Ultimate point- why judge? You don't know anyone's circumstances. The location you choose, alone, says nothing about how you decide to enjoy your new spouse's company.

anjemon · September 2015

Thanks guys, this is really timely. H and I did a 3 day stay home "mini-moon" after the wedding because that's all the vacation time he had and we didn't want to go away when it was actually nice in MN.

But now that we're starting to plan I'm having doubts about what we want to do. I sort of have the fancy all-inclusive Caribbean hotel in my head as the ideal. H suggested Florida so I'm looking at places there, but I'm hesitant. I know my only problem with going to Florida is that it doesn't feel very fancy. But I need to get over that crap because it's a total hassle to get H out of the country (because of his job) and Florida is lovely. And there's tons of fun stuff to do. And it fulfills my requirements of warm and sunny during winter.

Now I just have to tackle whether or not I can get H on a plane or if I have to drive there...

libride2015 · September 2015

anjemon I feel your pain. FI doesnt fly - wont fly - and I have come to terms with that. I am ok with it, although I do love to fly and feel like he is holding himself back from experiencing so much, I will have to go other places with family and friends.

ANYWAY - we are going to Naples for our honeymoon the resort is called LaPlaya and we have heard nothing but AMAZZZZZING things about it - its very tropical island like.

If you want to go further down to key west, thats super carribean, but we are leaving from NY and FI doesnt want to drive THAT FAR. We compromised.

Key West, Naples, Sanibel Island, Little Palm - - all GORGEOUS for a honeymooon!!!

aliwis000 · September 2015

Your honeymoon sounds awesome! To be honest I am dreading getting to ours. It is a cruise overseas and the long flight is going to suck. (I travel weekly for work so I am on plans way too much already)

However, I do give SOME people slack. Not everyone, just SOME and in VERY specific instances. Example: Lots of people have asked me about our honeymoon. They are just excited for us, and when it is asked you can tell its done with a pure heart. They just want to show their interest. I have done the same for my friends/loved ones. If someone responded to my question with "We are not taking a honeymoon." I would feel terrible and fumble my way through some response doing damage control. I most likely would say something like "well maybe next year" or something stupid.

If they said anything, from 3 days in Florida to a 8 week trip around the world I would say pretty much the same thing "That sounds fantastic! You will have a great time!" (Ok OK if it is the 8 week world tour I will probably have to pick my jaw up off the ground first.)

I think it is rude for people to act judgy on this. Then again these are the same people who probably judge people on their cars too.

anjemon · September 2015

libride2015 Yeah, a non-flying SO makes it hard to vacation. I think H has flown once since I've known him (about 5 years). He just really hates it. He rode a bus to Florida when he had to go there for work training, but I think he flew to Cali because it's further away from MN. I'm willing to compromise and drive a lot of places, but it's 22 hours from MN to FL with no stops and I can't imagine having to spend four days of our Honeymoon just driving to our location.

Luckily for my other travels a few friends have mentioned wanting to go places I'll never get H (like Hawaii).

TheCheeseWench · September 2015

thisismynickname said:
I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."
We paid for our plane tickets with miles. The hotel was far, faaaar less expensive than a Caribbean all-inclusive resort. We ate a lot of pizza and pasta and drank house wine (we ate cheaply, in other words). We took the ferries and buses, not hired cars. Or, you know, walked. On the honeymoon board some people say that going to Italy is expensive, but I'm the one chiming in saying you can do it on a low budget. Maybe people think Lake Como is all fancy because George Clooney has a villa there, but seriously, this was more cost effective for us than a lot of other options.

You can go to South Beach, Miami FL and spend a huge amount of money and stay at very fancy hotels. You can go to a ridiculously expensive spa in Napa Valley and spend a huge amount of money wine tasting and having a hired car. There's a resort in Wisconsin that is 3x more expensive than my Lake Como hotel. Ultimate point- why judge? You don't know anyone's circumstances. The location you choose, alone, says nothing about how you decide to enjoy your new spouse's company.

^^^This. My TA said to budget $200-$300 per night for hotels since we are going to Belgium and France. The most we are paying is $60 a night for an entire flat (in Paris) on airbnb. I found a B&B at one of the grower Champagne houses for $50 including breakfast. Signing up for some package deal would have been way more expensive. Traveling on the cheap is possible, if you are willing to put a little leg work in yourself.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

We are driving from San Antonio to Orlando the night of out wedding and having a Theme Park heavy honeymoon. OH the comments!! Mind you Fi will be 38 and I will be 37 but he's never been to Disney or Universal and we've spent our whole summer at ^ flags and Sea world this year. Its fun for US, WE are paying for it, WE did the research and I didn't want to leave the country and go somewhere that I'm not familiar with the customs or money or language. I'm suoer excited that I get to be the person my FI experiences Disney and Universal with for the first time.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

BaileySanders said:

We are driving from San Antonio to Orlando the night of out wedding and having a Theme Park heavy honeymoon. OH the comments!! Mind you Fi will be 38 and I will be 37 but he's never been to Disney or Universal and we've spent our whole summer at ^ flags and Sea world this year. Its fun for US, WE are paying for it, WE did the research and I didn't want to leave the country and go somewhere that I'm not familiar with the customs or money or language. I'm suoer excited that I get to be the person my FI experiences Disney and Universal with for the first time.

My FI and I are also from San Antonio and also honeymooning in orlando! He's never been to Disney and I LOVE disney, we're going when the new Star Wars movie comes out so he's pumped to be there for the premiere. Some people have actually said to us that we should take a more "adult" trip. Um, what is not adult about getting drunk in epcot??

all jokes aside, you just can't please anyone.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

The bolded is making me crazy here. I went to Hawaii with my FI in January and we absolutely fell in LOVE with it, hence my avi pic. It's also kind of expensive to get to Hawaii where I'm from. The fact that anyone could go there and say it's "just" Hawaii makes me sad. But I guess that's just the honeymoon culture at work. I think it's SO awesome that yall did Italy on a budget!

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."

thisismynickname2 · September 2015

sarahjhd said:

The bolded is making me crazy here. I went to Hawaii with my FI in January and we absolutely fell in LOVE with it, hence my avi pic. It's also kind of expensive to get to Hawaii where I'm from. The fact that anyone could go there and say it's "just" Hawaii makes me sad. But I guess that's just the honeymoon culture at work. I think it's SO awesome that yall did Italy on a budget!

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."

LOL right?? I've never been to Hawaii. Everyone I know who has says it's incredible! I think the "just went" people are coming from the point of view that it's such a popular honeymoon destination in general (because it's fabulous); in other words, it's not exotic or uncommon. I know a couple who just honeymooned in the Galapagos- everyone's all slack-jawed and wide-eyed, like, wow, realllllyyy????? Because who knows a lot of people who've hit up the Galapagos?

ryanandjoe4 · September 2015

thisismynickname said:

sarahjhd said:

The bolded is making me crazy here. I went to Hawaii with my FI in January and we absolutely fell in LOVE with it, hence my avi pic. It's also kind of expensive to get to Hawaii where I'm from. The fact that anyone could go there and say it's "just" Hawaii makes me sad. But I guess that's just the honeymoon culture at work. I think it's SO awesome that yall did Italy on a budget!

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."

LOL right?? I've never been to Hawaii. Everyone I know who has says it's incredible! I think the "just went" people are coming from the point of view that it's such a popular honeymoon destination in general (because it's fabulous); in other words, it's not exotic or uncommon. I know a couple who just honeymooned in the Galapagos- everyone's all slack-jawed and wide-eyed, like, wow, realllllyyy????? Because who knows a lot of people who've hit up the Galapagos?

I totally agree, I have never been to Hawaii, but I have been to Ecuador, and visited the Galapagos it was awesome, but I still want to go to Hawaii just for the experience.. visiting the Islands are actually one of the things I leave out when I talk about this since it was a trip to present data for my research, and the only real time I talk about this trip is in interviews or people in my field..

PrettyGirlLost · September 2015

sarahjhd said:

The bolded is making me crazy here. I went to Hawaii with my FI in January and we absolutely fell in LOVE with it, hence my avi pic. It's also kind of expensive to get to Hawaii where I'm from. The fact that anyone could go there and say it's "just" Hawaii makes me sad. But I guess that's just the honeymoon culture at work. I think it's SO awesome that yall did Italy on a budget!

thisismynickname said:

I just thought of another point. Leaving the country doesn't make your honeymoon any fancier. When people hear that we went to Lake Como, Italy, they're all, "Ooooooo! We just went to Hawaii..."

I think they say that because for them a European trip *is* fancier and possibly more expensive than even a trip to Hawaii. It's not a dig at Hawaii.

[Deleted User] · September 2015

sarahjhd said:

BaileySanders said:

We are driving from San Antonio to Orlando the night of out wedding and having a Theme Park heavy honeymoon. OH the comments!! Mind you Fi will be 38 and I will be 37 but he's never been to Disney or Universal and we've spent our whole summer at ^ flags and Sea world this year. Its fun for US, WE are paying for it, WE did the research and I didn't want to leave the country and go somewhere that I'm not familiar with the customs or money or language. I'm suoer excited that I get to be the person my FI experiences Disney and Universal with for the first time.

My FI and I are also from San Antonio and also honeymooning in orlando! He's never been to Disney and I LOVE disney, we're going when the new Star Wars movie comes out so he's pumped to be there for the premiere. Some people have actually said to us that we should take a more "adult" trip. Um, what is not adult about getting drunk in epcot??

all jokes aside, you just can't please anyone.

Yeah I've been told that too. That and "OMG YOUR DRIVING!!" yes it costs $1200 LESS to drive and he has disabled vetran handicap plates. This way we don't have to pack the placard and risk losing it. Plus....it's freaking fun! Amazing world of Harry Potter here I come. He's big in to Star Wars too, I'm hoping by next year he can at least see some of the build out fortheGeorge Lucas area.

trisha810 · September 2015

A honeymoon doesn't have to be a long, exotic vacation. I wish I did know someone who would let us use their FL condo for a few days!

We're planning to spend a couple of days in Key West, then head to Key Largo or Islamorada for a few days. We take extended vacations every year (our last one was a transatlantic cruise with a few days in London added on), so for our honeymoon we just wanted to go somewhere for relaxation that's no further than a 2 hour flight from home.

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