Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelor "vacation"

My FI and I are both in school. Serious science programs.
My FI's BM wants them to go on a week long roadtrip. Vegas, the grand canyon, LA. And he wants me to tell my FI to skip school for it. Um, skip a microbiology lab? Are you CRAZY??? I love my FI obviously and I want him to have a great time. But a week long just is outrageous in my opinion, with our school situations!

Aaaaand it gets worse. The trip locations are supposed to be a surprise. At least until it gets closer to the trip. Well, my FI made a joke about them going to Vegas and next thing you know, I'm getting angry texts from the BM telling me I ruined the surprise, etc etc. Just plain awful. I'm not only planning my wedding right now but planning a honeymoon, searching for a new car, working my butt off both in school and at work. And the BM has the nerve to come at me? I literally did not tell my FI ANYTHING and even if I did, my FI has no interest in Vegas. He's not that type. I feel like he would want to know, though I truly didn't tell him.
Anyway, I had to tell my FI what the BM said. Of course my FI told BM to leave me alone and get off my case. I was happy he took my side on that. But it just sucks. I know that the BM has "other reasons" for planning this trip. He had a child young and never gets a break, never gets to go anywhere. So this is kind of a trip for him too, hence him picking Vegas when my FI doesn't even care for that type of thing. And I understood that and told him that I would help my FI schedule appropriate dates for the trip. But then BM has to come at me for "ruining everything"?? Hello, this isn't your bachelor party dude! Sorry my FI is just amazing at guessing things!

Anyway... am I crazy for thinking that a week is too long? Am I being a stick in the mud or am I right for caring about our educations this much? And is the BM a total douche or what?

Re: Bachelor "vacation"

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Does your FI think that a week is too long?  I'd say it's up to him if he wants to go or not.  If he thinks it's too long, he needs to tell BM no. If he's okay with locations being a surprise, then fine, let it be a surprise.  If he wants to know, he needs to discuss that with his BM.  I think planning should be between the boys, not involving you.  Your FI is a grown man and should be able to make his own decisions and schedule his own trip.  And that would get you out of the middle of it. 

    And Vegas is the stereotypical bachelor trip, so most people would guess that.

    image 

    ShesSoColdBlue_Birdlc07

  • Does your FI think that a week is too long?  I'd say it's up to him if he wants to go or not.  If he thinks it's too long, he needs to tell BM no. If he's okay with locations being a surprise, then fine, let it be a surprise.  If he wants to know, he needs to discuss that with his BM.  I think planning should be between the boys, not involving you.  Your FI is a grown man and should be able to make his own decisions and schedule his own trip.  And that would get you out of the middle of it. 

    And Vegas is the stereotypical bachelor trip, so most people would guess that.
    He thinks it's too long, he doesn't want it to be a surprise. He wants to be involved with planning and that's why he got so mad at his BM  for getting me in the middle and going all crazy on me. The bolded is what really got me going. It's freaking VEGAS! Anyone would guess that!
    I think all of this is just me coming to the realization that I can't stand the BM... the rest of the groomsmen are a great bunch. But this guy just needs to grow up.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    sarahjhd said:

    Does your FI think that a week is too long?  I'd say it's up to him if he wants to go or not.  If he thinks it's too long, he needs to tell BM no. If he's okay with locations being a surprise, then fine, let it be a surprise.  If he wants to know, he needs to discuss that with his BM.  I think planning should be between the boys, not involving you.  Your FI is a grown man and should be able to make his own decisions and schedule his own trip.  And that would get you out of the middle of it. 

    And Vegas is the stereotypical bachelor trip, so most people would guess that.
    He thinks it's too long, he doesn't want it to be a surprise. He wants to be involved with planning and that's why he got so mad at his BM  for getting me in the middle and going all crazy on me. The bolded is what really got me going. It's freaking VEGAS! Anyone would guess that!
    I think all of this is just me coming to the realization that I can't stand the BM... the rest of the groomsmen are a great bunch. But this guy just needs to grow up.

    Yeah, I think you need to step back and tell them both that you think the planning needs to be done by them, not you, and let them resolve it.  The bachelor party isn't your place and you certainly don't need to be in the middle of that stress. If your FI doesn't want the surprise, week long trip, then he needs to learn how to adult and stand up to his BM and tell him that it's just not possible for him to do. Unless they actually kidnap him, they can't force him to go on the trip. And if FI decides to give in and go on the week long surprise trip, that's his choice.

    image 

    [Deleted User]STARMOON44lc07
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Skipping a week of school for a bachelor party is crazy. You pay to much for a good education to screw it up for a long bachelor party. Your FI needs to tell his BM that he can't and won't take a week off school for it.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    onefootinthebayou
  • Skipping a week of school for a bachelor party is crazy. You pay to much for a good education to screw it up for a long bachelor party. Your FI needs to tell his BM that he can't and won't take a week off school for it.
    So it looks like what they are doing is leaving on a Wednesday after he gets out of class and coming back on a Sunday evening. He wouldn't be missing school, and he'd have tons of drive time to study, so technically everything I was concerned about has been fixed. I still am not exactly enthused since this just involves so much driving and right before thanksgiving too :( also during the time we have to confirm with vendors, make the seating chart, etc. It's a lot, but if he does choose to go, I will just smile and accept it. As long as he does well in school I can't complain. It's just that we really try to keep each other motivated when it comes to school. We rarely go out on dates anymore, we just study together, make a nice dinner and call that a date :)
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I personally think that a week long bachelor party is overdoing it. Your FI and his BM need to figure this out themselves. I wouldn't get involved at all. If BM tries to bring it up to you again, tell him to talk directly to your FI. 

  • sarahjhd said:



    Skipping a week of school for a bachelor party is crazy. You pay to much for a good education to screw it up for a long bachelor party. Your FI needs to tell his BM that he can't and won't take a week off school for it.

    So it looks like what they are doing is leaving on a Wednesday after he gets out of class and coming back on a Sunday evening. He wouldn't be missing school, and he'd have tons of drive time to study, so technically everything I was concerned about has been fixed. I still am not exactly enthused since this just involves so much driving and right before thanksgiving too :( also during the time we have to confirm with vendors, make the seating chart, etc. It's a lot, but if he does choose to go, I will just smile and accept it. As long as he does well in school I can't complain. It's just that we really try to keep each other motivated when it comes to school. We rarely go out on dates anymore, we just study together, make a nice dinner and call that a date :)




    Then maybe you should go out on dates, because grinning and bearing it doesn't make for a happy couple.
    lc07
  • Skipping a week of school for a bachelor party is crazy. You pay to much for a good education to screw it up for a long bachelor party. Your FI needs to tell his BM that he can't and won't take a week off school for it.
    So it looks like what they are doing is leaving on a Wednesday after he gets out of class and coming back on a Sunday evening. He wouldn't be missing school, and he'd have tons of drive time to study, so technically everything I was concerned about has been fixed. I still am not exactly enthused since this just involves so much driving and right before thanksgiving too :( also during the time we have to confirm with vendors, make the seating chart, etc. It's a lot, but if he does choose to go, I will just smile and accept it. As long as he does well in school I can't complain. It's just that we really try to keep each other motivated when it comes to school. We rarely go out on dates anymore, we just study together, make a nice dinner and call that a date :)
    Then maybe you should go out on dates, because grinning and bearing it doesn't make for a happy couple.
    We are an extremely happy couple. We just don't have the room in our budget at the moment to go out on dates that cost money.
  • sarahjhd said:
    Skipping a week of school for a bachelor party is crazy. You pay to much for a good education to screw it up for a long bachelor party. Your FI needs to tell his BM that he can't and won't take a week off school for it.
    So it looks like what they are doing is leaving on a Wednesday after he gets out of class and coming back on a Sunday evening. He wouldn't be missing school, and he'd have tons of drive time to study, so technically everything I was concerned about has been fixed. I still am not exactly enthused since this just involves so much driving and right before thanksgiving too :( also during the time we have to confirm with vendors, make the seating chart, etc. It's a lot, but if he does choose to go, I will just smile and accept it. As long as he does well in school I can't complain. It's just that we really try to keep each other motivated when it comes to school. We rarely go out on dates anymore, we just study together, make a nice dinner and call that a date :)
    Then maybe you should go out on dates, because grinning and bearing it doesn't make for a happy couple.
    We are an extremely happy couple. We just don't have the room in our budget at the moment to go out on dates that cost money.
    Everyone seemed to answer your original inquiry so I'm going to address the bolded. You don't have to have dates that cost money. FI and I go on dates that don't cost anything, we're going on one tonight. I'm sure there are events in your city that you can go to for free: Movies in the park, Art Openings, Festivals and fairs. Pack a lunch, dinner, snack and go.
    lnixon8lc07


  • Everyone seemed to answer your original inquiry so I'm going to address the bolded. You don't have to have dates that cost money. FI and I go on dates that don't cost anything, we're going on one tonight. I'm sure there are events in your city that you can go to for free: Movies in the park, Art Openings, Festivals and fairs. Pack a lunch, dinner, snack and go.
    We do. Just the other day we went to a local history museum since students get in for free. I think when I said that we DON'T go out on dates, I meant to say that we RARELY go out on dates. It works for us. After the wedding and honeymoon is said and done I'm sure we'll go out more, but between school and our work schedules (we both work weekends) we just don't at the moment.
    lnixon8
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