I'm new! I've read a lot in the past two days and I know that only I can choose my wedding party and that I want to go with my nearest and dearest. With that said, I know that while everyone continues to tell me that "it's your day!", many others have feelings and expectations about it which is making it more complicated when I think about choosing my bridesmaids.
We're getting married next May. FI plans to have 5 groomsmen, including my brother, and 4 close friends. He's debating including his BIL of 2 years, who he is getting closer to.
I have conflicted feelings about who to choose. I have 2 sisters, he has 2 sisters, and I have 1 long-time best friend who I plan to include, no matter what.
I'm considering including 2 or 3 friends who I work with, who I've gotten close to over the past 8+ years. 8 years ago, the 4 of us did everything together. More recently, there's been disagreements that have pulled the group apart. Two of the three friends don't speak to each other after a bad argument last spring. I'm still on speaking terms with everyone. At this point, I'm really close to two of the women and would love for them to be apart of my day. The third is very wrapped up in being a mom and basically has told me that she doesn't have time to be a good friend. It is a struggle to maintain our friendship and I need to initiate any contact we have outside of work. From past experience with last spring's friendship ending argument, I know that asking the first two, but not asking the third to be a bridesmaid will end my friendship with her, plain and simple. Another reluctance is that she and I were in a wedding for one of the other girls a few years ago and she told me several times that she hates being a bridesmaid and never wanted to be in another one. Since I got engaged, the other two have expressed interest in being involved in the wedding and I know would love to be bridesmaids, and I would love having them. The third has not asked anything about the wedding and seems pretty disconnected that it is happening. All would still be invited to the wedding, no matter what.
So I feel like my choices are:
1. Decide now and just include sisters + best friend
2. Decide now and include sisters, best friend, 2 friends... likely ending friendship with 3rd friend.
3. Decide later (by mid October?) and figure out what feels right then... perhaps the absent friend will get closer or farther apart, making the decision easier.
4. Include everyone and see if the third friend is even interested. How does that conversation go? "Do you want to be a bridesmaid, or would you prefer to be guest?"
Which option do you think is the best at this point?