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Maid of Honor Dropped out

weddingbells6789weddingbells6789 member
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in Moms and Maids
So my Maid of Honor told me recently she is not sure if she can get off work for my wedding. She recently started and won't know for sure until closer to the wedding. At this time she is not comfortable saying she can be there for me. I am worried about waiting for her answer since my wedding is a little over 2 months away. My fiance and I am having a smaller wedding and we chose to only have one MOH and one best man. So, I don't have any bridesmaids to stand up with me. 

I am worried that if I ask someone so close to the date, that they will be offended or upset. Any advice?
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Re: Maid of Honor Dropped out

  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2015
    weddingbells1013 said:
    So my Maid of Honor told me recently she is not sure if she can get off work for my wedding. She recently started and won't know for sure until closer to the wedding. At this time she is not comfortable saying she can be there for me. I am worried about waiting for her answer since my wedding is a little over 2 months away. My fiance and I am having a smaller wedding and we chose to only have one MOH and one best man. So, I don't have any bridesmaids to stand up with me. 

    I am worried that if I ask someone so close to the date, that they will be offended or upset. Any advice?
    You do not ask anyone to replace a MOH or BM position. This makes them feel as if they were not good enough to be asked to stand up there with you in the first place. Don't treat your friends/family like props that can easily be replaced.

    It would be disappointing if your MOH can't make it, but things like this happen. The best you can do is wait and see what happens with her schedule. If she is able to make it, great. If not, you have no MOH or BMs. That is not a bad thing nor is it a reflection on you--you technically do not need a MOH or BM.
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  • weddingbells6789weddingbells6789 member
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    The only thing is then we have to tell the Best Man that he is no longer doing his role standing up with us, which I think is slightly unfair to him.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    weddingbells1013 said:
    The only thing is then we have to tell the Best Man that he is no longer doing his role standing up with us, which I think is slightly unfair to him.
    Why would the best man be kicked out because your MOH may not be able to attend?  You are right, that is not fair to him.  If your MOH cannot come due to work then you leave everything else exactly the same.

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  • PupatellaPupatella member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    weddingbells1013 said:
    The only thing is then we have to tell the Best Man that he is no longer doing his role standing up with us, which I think is slightly unfair to him.
    Why would you do this? If your BM can make it - great! He stands up there with you no matter what. I wouldn't tell him he is no longer doing his role just because your MOH can't make it. You don't need even sides!!

    The people that are standing up there with you are standing there because you want them there. One person not making it, should have zero impact on the others standing up there with you guys.

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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    Do not change anything about your WP.  If the MOH cannot make it and you feel uncomfortable, then have the BM sit in the front row.  Do not ask anyone to replace the MOH.  Do not ask the BM to drop out.  If MOH can't make it then, send her the bouquet she would have carried and tell her you will miss her.

    The only thing that you may need to ask someone else would be to sign your marriage license after the ceremony.  But this is dependant on the laws on marriage licenses in your state.

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  • auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    This sucks for you. But do nothing.

    If you're having programs printed, I think it's still ok to put her name in them as MOH, as she is the one you gave the honor to and she'd be there if she could be.
    But definitely do not get a new MOH and do not kick out the BM.

    Hopefully things work out and she can come. But if not, you will still get married and it will be lovely.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    weddingbells1013 said:
    The only thing is then we have to tell the Best Man that he is no longer doing his role standing up with us, which I think is slightly unfair to him.
    Why would the best man be kicked out because your MOH may not be able to attend?  You are right, that is not fair to him.  If your MOH cannot come due to work then you leave everything else exactly the same.
    I think that is the most bizarre response to a MOH dropping out that I've ever heard.  "Sally, I hope you can make it, but even if you can't you're still my MOH in my heart."  And the Bestman definitely gets to stay the best man.  That's just weird to kick him out.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    weddingbells1013 said:
    The only thing is then we have to tell the Best Man that he is no longer doing his role standing up with us, which I think is slightly unfair to him.
    What?  This doesn't even make sense.  He can still stand up beside your FI.  And asking someone else to be your MOH is both hurtful to your MOH, and it tells the other person they were second string and are just being used as a photo prop.  


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