Anyone else getting ready to TTC? Or any advice?

chloe97 · September 2015

H and I are back from our honeymoon and now the focus has turned to TTC. Because I am 36 and we want at least 2 kids, the plan all along was to start trying right after the hoenymoon and now I'm starting to freak out a bit.

I started perusing The Bump and all I got was major anxiety. All of the new acronyms, learning about temping, and ovulation prediction and the posts about trouble conceiving and losses are not helping me calm down. Part of me wants to be pregnant immediately, but part of me is very resentful that we can't enjoy this time together as newlyweds acclimating to marriage. Damn biology.

Anyone else in this boat? Any advice before we set forth on this next adventure?

Pupatella · September 2015

Hi @chloe97. Yes, I'm in the same boat as you!! My FH and I are going to TTC immediately.

I recommend the "Babies on the Brain" board over on TB. I find that a lot more go with the flow than the "Trying to get Pregnant" board.

Also, yes temping and charting, etc. are methods of helping you TTC, but there is nothing wrong with just having fun, and seeing what happens.

My FH and I are not going to temp, or chart, or any of that stuff for a few months, and are just going to cross our fingers and hope for the best. I want to enjoy my marriage, and our sex life, and for some reason I can see temping and charting adding some stress, and kind of ruining the fun.

I wish you and your H the best of luck TTC!!

ShesSoCold · September 2015

Don't tell your H that you're pregnant until you actually are.

cgss11 · September 2015

I'm not quite ready, but soon-ish (probably the beginning of the new year). However, because of some medical/genetic stuff that was discovered with me, I'm having a "preconception" appointment in October with a perinatologist, as well as meeting with a genetic counselor. So the wheels are sort of in motion already.

Like you, I wish I could "unread" or "unknow" certain things..makes it hard to just relax and enjoy the ride!

lovesclimbing · September 2015

Ditto, Pupatella. We're not TTC at this point. We're waiting to be a bit more financially stable, but probably within 1-2 years.

H and I are certainly not going to do all the temping and charting stuff until and unless we have problems conceiving, which I think is unlikely considering we have no health issues or family history and we are young and have plenty of time.

It sounds like you guys do want to have kids pretty quick, so you might want to start doing that right away. But even if you do, it will take at least a month or two to get a baseline of all that established.

julieanne912 · September 2015

The Bump freaked me out too. Not just the acronyms but some of those ladies are hardcore TTCers over there on the Trying to Get Pregnant board. I'm afraid to even post there LOL I'll have to try out the Babies on the Brain one instead.

My last pack of pills was over right after the wedding. I started temping this last week but realized I didn't have the right kind of thermometer, so I'm just going to wait til next cycle to do that... who knows if my body is even regulated yet since I just got off the pill, so I'm waiting to have one regular cycle (I was SUPER regular before the pill) before we really get going. I did download the Fertility Friend app just to have a place to log the temps. Also I started taking some pre-natal vitamins, because my mom bought them for me and I needed to be taking a multi-vitamin anyway.

My BFF was a TTCer for 4 years before they ended up adopting, so she's given me huge lists of suggestions, and I watched what she went through with multiple miscarriages, including 2 failed IVFs. It gives me some anxiety sometimes but I also just try to tell myself she's 10 years older than me and we have totally different bodies.

I think it also helped to have a chat with H about the possibilities of NOT having a kid. Like, how far would we take it to have one? We only want one. Right now, we both agreed we wouldn't do IVF or adoption if we weren't able to get it done the old fashioned way, but who knows, that could change. We both agreed we'd be disappointed if it didn't happen for us, but that it also wouldn't be the end of the world, we could be happy without one too. It helped me to have that conversation, and knowing that while we'd both be bummed, I wouldn't be letting him down if it didn't happen.

chloe97 · September 2015

I have the added bonus of having had a loss 4 years ago (wasn't trying and was in a bad relationship- so it was blessing). I know I can get pregnant, I'm just not sure I can keep a pregnancy. Add to the mix that between 3 of my best friends had 5 rounds of IVF, 7 miscarriages, and one post-20 week termination due to severe chromosomal abnormalities, it does not help my anxiety levels.

All I can think about is everything that could go wrong or how annoying upcoming events are going to be when I can't enjoy wine. Getting through the holiday sober sounds dreadful! I think what set me off today was a STD for a black tie wedding that H's is in May. The thought of having to buy a floor length ballgown is dreadful enough, but one that comes in maternity sizes.? Hell no. I told H if I am pregnant, I seriously may skip it.

I bought a basal thermometer this summer, but I keep forgetting to use it. I have ovulation strips coming in the mail and I know my cervical mucus pretty well, I also know that last time I got pregnant 3 weeks into my cycle, so I'm assuming that it will be similar this time around too.

Babies are totally worth all this, right?

ETA words

redwoodoriginal · September 2015

I recently read this article and it made me calm down a lot and helped a lot of my friends who are in their 30s calm down bc of the stupid age thing.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?utm_source=SFFB

The only thing I'll say is if you get all stressed out its not going to make baby-making a fun exciting thing, so it may be worth it to wait a few months to not feel resentment at not enjoying newlywed time.

chloe97 · September 2015

redwoodoriginal said:

I recently read this article and it made me calm down a lot and helped a lot of my friends who are in their 30s calm down bc of the stupid age thing. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/?utm_source=SFFB The only thing I'll say is if you get all stressed out its not going to make baby-making a fun exciting thing, so it may be worth it to wait a few months to not feel resentment at not enjoying newlywed time.

Ha! I totally posted this article on a TTC thread a few months back. It's great! And when I read it, made me feel so much better that I was single and not ready to try after losing the last pregnancy.

Gustafson28 · September 2015

It's not easy... H and I decided in April to go for it.. I got pregnant in end of june/early july.. Then I miscarried. Cliche, but there is no good time. Do what you want and stay off the bump for a while if it gives you anxiety. I spaced out from there after my loss because it was too hard.

chloe97 · September 2015

Gustafson28 said:

It's not easy... H and I decided in April to go for it.. I got pregnant in end of june/early july.. Then I miscarried. Cliche, but there is no good time. Do what you want and stay off the bump for a while if it gives you anxiety. I spaced out from there after my loss because it was too hard.

So sorry about your loss. The good thing about TK is that yo can always come back here and distract yourself with wedding planning talk.

julieanne912 · September 2015

Gustafson28 said:

It's not easy... H and I decided in April to go for it.. I got pregnant in end of june/early july.. Then I miscarried. Cliche, but there is no good time. Do what you want and stay off the bump for a while if it gives you anxiety. I spaced out from there after my loss because it was too hard.

Sorry for your loss

Gustafson28 · September 2015

Thanks @julieanne912 and @chloe97. Wedding talk is def a great distraction!

AprilH81 · September 2015

Another website I found way more helpful than The Bump is www.thencomesfamily.com The forums are a lot of old Bump users and the feedback is similar to what it is here. They don't tolerate nonsense and special snowflakes but they have a TON of good advice that is based in science.

I started TTC a year ago and I started temping immediately because I had always had irregular cycles and I suspected PCOS. I'm glad I started temping because I only had one "normal" cycle after stopping the pill. The rest of the cycles were never ending (90+ days) until I took medicine to induce a period.

Since I had the data I was able to get an appointment with a fertility specialist before the normal one year of trying. I was officially diagnosed with PCOS in February and started fertility treatments last month.

Another good side is that temping will help you learn your cycles. Not all women ovulate on day 14 of their cycles. If you focus all of the sex on that week you could never get the right timing. Temping can only confirm (not predict) ovulation, but after a few cycles you should be able to predict your fertile window to optimize your chances.

Not to scare you, but normal, healthy couples only have a 20% chance of conceiving on any given cycle. Don't panic that something is wrong if it takes you a few months.

Pupatella · September 2015

@chloe97 and @Gustafson28 I am so sorry for your losses.

@cgss11, FH and I had our preconception visit recently, and I got the genetic testing done because of my Jewish ancestry. I got my results and they are fascinating. A ton of information that is overwhelming, but still...fascinating!! I hope your pre-TTC appointment goes well!

luckya23 · September 2015

DH says he wants to start trying, but I don't think he is ready. I am definitely not ready, having been around a couple more small children than he has.

His job is also totally up in the air. I think he has secret fantasies of losing his job and just being a SAHD. We certainly can't afford that, so I'm pretty sure he's just completely in dream land.

redheadbride15 · September 2015

We've been TTC since our wedding (almost exactly 4 months), and started temping/charting 2 months ago. It's easy to get a bit OCD with the charting, but I've actually found it very informative and it has decreased my anxiety.

I agree with what the PPs have said. @redwoodoriginal makes a very good point about that Atlantic article - I read it when it first came out and it made me feel a lot better about age-related risks. (I'm 38). I'll also especially echo EVERYTHING that @julianne912 and @AprilH81 said.

TTC boards are kind of crazy... I agree that TB is really intimidating. First, there are TONS of posters, and people are often transient - they post a few times, get knocked up, and then move on, so it's impossible to really get a sense of "community". Also, there are TONS of rules, and some people seem to get offended really easily. There's a TTC over 35 board there that is a little less scary because there are fewer people and the women there don't seem to be quite as wound up about everything, though I've been finding it discouraging because pretty much everyone is having a tough time TTC. Someone else mentioned thencomesfamily to me as well, which is another option. I've been happy to mostly do my own thing though.

luckya23 · September 2015

chloe97 said:

Gustafson28 said:

It's not easy... H and I decided in April to go for it.. I got pregnant in end of june/early july.. Then I miscarried. Cliche, but there is no good time. Do what you want and stay off the bump for a while if it gives you anxiety. I spaced out from there after my loss because it was too hard.

So sorry about your loss. The good thing about TK is that yo can always come back here and distract yourself with wedding planning talk.

I think we're running out of brides around here!!

sarahufl · September 2015

H and I got married last July and waited till Christmas to go on our honeymoon. That was going to be our last big hoorah before starting TTC. Got pregnant the next month, which I promptly lost to a very expensive and painful ectopic pregnancy in March.

Had to wait 3 months to start trying again and apparently I am very fertile, because I got pregnant that time, too. Currently 13 weeks and feeling optimistic. The point of my story is you never know what may happen. It will take us 14 months (provided everything happens as planned) to take home a baby and that is with me being apparently ultra-fertile.

As PPs said, I found temping very useful. I don't ovulate "on schedule" and it clearly allowed me to have 2, very well-timed pregnancies by keeping track of what my body was up to. I do understand it's not for everyone and it is SUPER easy to get all wrapped up in timed sex, etc. But it can still be fun, you just have a goal to work toward!

AprilH81 · September 2015

Congrats @sarahufl !!! I didn't realize you were pregnant again. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months.

sarahufl · September 2015

AprilH81 said:

Congrats @sarahufl !!! I didn't realize you were pregnant again. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months.

Thank you! That post was the first mention

I know how hard it can be to see pregnancy announcements on a wedding chat board and I didn't want to cause any hurt feelings.

banana468 · September 2015

Congratulations @sarahufl!

I liked paying attention to my cycles to get to know my body better. Then it helped as we TTC. Definitely try to keep sex fun. I'm guilty of making it feel like a job when we were TTC #2. And that's a guilty not so fun feeling.

themosthappy91 · September 2015

I feel what you're saying about the TTGP board on The Bump BUT I definitely recommend sticking around there and trying to acclimate if you are serious about getting pregnant on a timeline.

I personally am far from TTC but stumbled across that board and have asked a few questions there about using temping etc. as a form of birth control. I've hung around quite a bit out of curiosity, and I really see the sense in how they approach it- they assume everyone who considers themselves as "TTGP" is serious about it and wants a baby ASAP, so they arm you with the knowledge you need to give yourself the best possible shot at getting pregnant each month. It's a very Type-A approach, but I know when eventually I am TTGP that is the only thing that will make me feel sane about it- knowing I'm maximizing my chances every single cycle.

So basically, you have to ask yourself what is more important- maintaining a more "laid-back" attitude or giving yourself the best chance at pregnancy every month. Either approach is 100% reasonable, it's just personal preference about which path will help you keep sane better.

chloe97 · September 2015

Thanks all. This is great advice! It's good to know that there a bunch of people in a similar situation as we are. We were going to wait until next cycle, but Im ready to just get started. We had dinner with the in-laws tonight and may potential future pregnancy was brought up no fewer than 15 times. I was drinking wine, so it started out with " oh so you aren't pregnant". Every conversation led back to conversations about me potentially being pregnant or their grandchildren/ niece/ nephews. This is a lot of pressure!! I'm seriously considering avoiding them all (we live in the same city) the first 3 months. I can't even imagine how bad this will be if it's not happening after we start trying.

sarahufl · September 2015

chloe97 said:

Thanks all. This is great advice! It's good to know that there a bunch of people in a similar situation as we are. We were going to wait until next cycle, but Im ready to just get started. We had dinner with the in-laws tonight and may potential future pregnancy was brought up no fewer than 15 times. I was drinking wine, so it started out with " oh so you aren't pregnant". Every conversation led back to conversations about me potentially being pregnant or their grandchildren/ niece/ nephews. This is a lot of pressure!! I'm seriously considering avoiding them all (we live in the same city) the first 3 months. I can't even imagine how bad this will be if it's not happening after we start trying.

For your own sanity, I would (nicely) ask your in-laws to stop inquiring. Not only is it not their business, but it gets hard after awhile to be nice about it. I will never forget getting teased about it from my in-laws WHILE I was miscarrying. I literally ran out of the room in tears.

l9i · September 2015

We are going to start TTC in November after a big trip we have planned. I recently went off birth control so anything could happen in the meantime. I don't plan to chart or temp until maybe after the new year if we are still trying. I'm right there with everyone else though about the bump - I also find it very intimidating!

kvruns · September 2015

we're in the same boat as H is 39 and we just got married. I am tracking on Fertility Friend app but that was to see if the cycle was consistent after being on BCP for a long time. My doc said everything looks fine and if it doesn't happen within 6 months of trying then to let her know and we can do some tests. I'm not doing temping or anything just tracking on the app so there's no guarantee it is completely accurate but it has been consistent. Might try temping if we hit the 6 month mark but I don't want to get too obsessed with it all

FiancB · September 2015

sarahufl said:

H and I got married last July and waited till Christmas to go on our honeymoon. That was going to be our last big hoorah before starting TTC. Got pregnant the next month, which I promptly lost to a very expensive and painful ectopic pregnancy in March.

Had to wait 3 months to start trying again and apparently I am very fertile, because I got pregnant that time, too. Currently 13 weeks and feeling optimistic. The point of my story is you never know what may happen. It will take us 14 months (provided everything happens as planned) to take home a baby and that is with me being apparently ultra-fertile.

As PPs said, I found temping very useful. I don't ovulate "on schedule" and it clearly allowed me to have 2, very well-timed pregnancies by keeping track of what my body was up to. I do understand it's not for everyone and it is SUPER easy to get all wrapped up in timed sex, etc. But it can still be fun, you just have a goal to work toward!

Congrats, truly, and I know you're only sharing your experience and trying to be helpful, but I can't be the only one seeing the irony that someone that freaked out on someone for accidentally possibly getting pregnant is going on and on about how fertile they are.

Maybe now I'm the resident bitter not-pregnant lady since yesterday I thought I saw a line and today I did not.

I don't get the hate for the bump, I rather like that (maybe that means I'm one of the bitchy hardcore TTC-ers- see first comment). I started temping way before even TTC, but then I was already familiar with it since my sister is very Catholic and has been using NFP for years, both to conceive and prevent. While temping mainly just confirmed that I thought I had pretty regular cycles, I still find that info to be helpful. I'm on a med I can't take if pregnant, so it's nice to know what part of my cycle I'm on so I know if I'm totally okay to take it vs maybe I should skip it for a few days until I know for sure I am not pregnant. I think it would be a huge pain with paper charting, but Fertility Friend makes it super easy, so I don't really get why people wouldn't want to do it.

It definitely can make you feel crazy and obsessive, although other than my current incident, I've calmed down over time and don't feel like TTC is consuming my brain anymore. Try to be patient and take advantage of the time that you have. Also keep in mind a place like TTGP on the bump is going to make it seem much harder than it is on average- of course it's going to have a lot of people on there that have been trying for a long time, have had losses, needed fertility treatments, etc when in reality, it's probably safe to say the majority of pregnancies are accidental, or at least come pretty easily.

STARMOON44 · September 2015

Now is a great time to throw up your hands at dinner and say to the table "stop! Stop pressuring me, stop asking, stop chatting about my uterus. If and when we have news we will tell you."

You don't just have to sit there and smile about it.

sarahufl · September 2015

FiancB said:

sarahufl said:

H and I got married last July and waited till Christmas to go on our honeymoon. That was going to be our last big hoorah before starting TTC. Got pregnant the next month, which I promptly lost to a very expensive and painful ectopic pregnancy in March.

Had to wait 3 months to start trying again and apparently I am very fertile, because I got pregnant that time, too. Currently 13 weeks and feeling optimistic. The point of my story is you never know what may happen. It will take us 14 months (provided everything happens as planned) to take home a baby and that is with me being apparently ultra-fertile.

As PPs said, I found temping very useful. I don't ovulate "on schedule" and it clearly allowed me to have 2, very well-timed pregnancies by keeping track of what my body was up to. I do understand it's not for everyone and it is SUPER easy to get all wrapped up in timed sex, etc. But it can still be fun, you just have a goal to work toward!

Congrats, truly, and I know you're only sharing your experience and trying to be helpful, but I can't be the only one seeing the irony that someone that freaked out on someone for accidentally possibly getting pregnant is going on and on about how fertile they are.

Maybe now I'm the resident bitter not-pregnant lady since yesterday I thought I saw a line and today I did not.

I don't get the hate for the bump, I rather like that (maybe that means I'm one of the bitchy hardcore TTC-ers- see first comment). I started temping way before even TTC, but then I was already familiar with it since my sister is very Catholic and has been using NFP for years, both to conceive and prevent. While temping mainly just confirmed that I thought I had pretty regular cycles, I still find that info to be helpful. I'm on a med I can't take if pregnant, so it's nice to know what part of my cycle I'm on so I know if I'm totally okay to take it vs maybe I should skip it for a few days until I know for sure I am not pregnant. I think it would be a huge pain with paper charting, but Fertility Friend makes it super easy, so I don't really get why people wouldn't want to do it.

It definitely can make you feel crazy and obsessive, although other than my current incident, I've calmed down over time and don't feel like TTC is consuming my brain anymore. Try to be patient and take advantage of the time that you have. Also keep in mind a place like TTGP on the bump is going to make it seem much harder than it is on average- of course it's going to have a lot of people on there that have been trying for a long time, have had losses, needed fertility treatments, etc when in reality, it's probably safe to say the majority of pregnancies are accidental, or at least come pretty easily.

Criticism taken. And that was not my finest moment, but I apologized to the OP, she accepted it, and we moved on. But that is also why I haven't mentioned being pregnant on TK until now, when the topic came up. Because I know how hard it can be to see other sharing that kind of stuff when it isn't happening for you.

I would also never make a similar comment on someone's post if they were saying they were unable to get pregnant. Despite what you may think, I do have some manners. And everyone is entitled to a bad day.

emmaaa · September 2015

Congrats @sarahufl!

Anyone else getting ready to TTC? Or any advice?

Re: Anyone else getting ready to TTC? Or any advice?

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