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Thank Yous for my Bridesmaids

Penguins1987Penguins1987 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
in Moms and Maids
Hi everyone,

My wedding was a few weeks ago. I'm going to do my thank you's soon, now that we're back from our honeymoon. 
A few people in our bridal party did not give us gifts, which is 10000% fine-- in fact, I don't think it's appropriate to give a gift after spending all that money on the wedding. I know you're not supposed to send thank you's to people who just attend without giving a gift, but is it okay to send thank you's to those in the bridal party that didn't? We want to thank them for standing up with us and being so helpful, etc, etc. Personally if I didn't receive this thank you after being in a bridal party I would be kind of offended, so I'm thinking it's okay. What do you all think?

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Re: Thank Yous for my Bridesmaids

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Did you get them wedding party gifts?  If so, that is your thank you to them for being in your wedding.  Of course writing another note saying as much is fine, but it is kind of repetitious since the gifts you have given them were a way to show your gratitude.

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  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    As said, if you've given them each a bridal party gift, that is your thank you to them. If you feel like sending them a nice, heart-felt note after the fact in addition, that's fine, too.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    A nice note after the wedding in addition to the gifts you've already given them is okay but not required-whether or not they gave you gifts.
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  • Penguins1987Penguins1987 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yes, I definitely gave them gifts! 

    I was also thinking after I wrote, that a thank you is never, ever a bad thing. 
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  • girleyeslightupgirleyeslightup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
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  • girleyeslightupgirleyeslightup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
    Phew, glad the thank you note police weighed in.  I'm writing all guests a thank you note, because they are my friends and family and I love them and want them to know how appreciated they are.  Jeez.  Not like I'm writing nasty-grams.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    girleyeslightup said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
    Phew, glad the thank you note police weighed in.  I'm writing all guests a thank you note, because they are my friends and family and I love them and want them to know how appreciated they are.  Jeez.  Not like I'm writing nasty-grams.
    If you're going to post on a public forum, then it's open to commentary.  If you don't want commentary on what you post, then don't post.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
    Phew, glad the thank you note police weighed in.  I'm writing all guests a thank you note, because they are my friends and family and I love them and want them to know how appreciated they are.  Jeez.  Not like I'm writing nasty-grams.
    If you're going to post on a public forum, then it's open to commentary.  If you don't want commentary on what you post, then don't post.
    Exactly.  Some people who get your note who didn't give you a gift, may see the note as a passive aggressive attempt to guilt them for not sending a gift.  Since you put this information out there, previous posters are telling you how it might come across to some of your guests.
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  • snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    adk19 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
    Phew, glad the thank you note police weighed in.  I'm writing all guests a thank you note, because they are my friends and family and I love them and want them to know how appreciated they are.  Jeez.  Not like I'm writing nasty-grams.
    If you're going to post on a public forum, then it's open to commentary.  If you don't want commentary on what you post, then don't post.
    Exactly.  Some people who get your note who didn't give you a gift, may see the note as a passive aggressive attempt to guilt them for not sending a gift.  Since you put this information out there, previous posters are telling you how it might come across to some of your guests.
    You've got to be kidding me. Since when is a thank you note thanking people for taking the time out of their day to come to your wedding and witness you get married a bad thing? I think anyone who thinks it's a passive aggressive attempt to guilt them has bigger problems frankly.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    snowywinter said:
    adk19 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    Jen4948 said:
    girleyeslightup said:
    I'm planning to send a thank you note to every guest that attended our wedding, whether or not they give a gift.  Gifts don't matter, and I'd like to thank them for taking the time to spend the day with us.  So yes, write them a note!
    The reception itself is a thank you to the guests for attending your wedding.  Any notes beyond that should be written only for gifts received.
    Phew, glad the thank you note police weighed in.  I'm writing all guests a thank you note, because they are my friends and family and I love them and want them to know how appreciated they are.  Jeez.  Not like I'm writing nasty-grams.
    If you're going to post on a public forum, then it's open to commentary.  If you don't want commentary on what you post, then don't post.
    Exactly.  Some people who get your note who didn't give you a gift, may see the note as a passive aggressive attempt to guilt them for not sending a gift.  Since you put this information out there, previous posters are telling you how it might come across to some of your guests.
    You've got to be kidding me. Since when is a thank you note thanking people for taking the time out of their day to come to your wedding and witness you get married a bad thing? I think anyone who thinks it's a passive aggressive attempt to guilt them has bigger problems frankly.
    No we aren't kidding you.  That is how some people can take thank you notes for just their attendance.  The reception is the thank you to your guests.  And also when you walk around and thank each person individually.  An additional thank you is just over kill.  The reason thank you notes are written after weddings are to thank those that did give you a gift, for that gift.  Not to thank them yet again for coming to your wedding (because you have already done that at least twice).

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    And to add to my post above, lets take the wedding out of it.  If it was a birthday party or graduation party where you have gone around and thanked everyone for coming, would you then write another thank you to that person to reiterate what you had already said to them in person?  No.  Thank you notes are generally for gifts.  Rarely do you write a thank you to someone just because they attended an event, because you should have already thanked them face to face.

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  • snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    Well, I write thank you notes and yes, I write them just for coming, to birthday parties, graduations, whatever. At my college graduation, my parents threw me a party. I sent thank yous to everyone. We had a lot of out-of-town guests who flew in for this and whether they got me a gift or not didn't matter. They still got a thank you. If they did get a gift, I mentioned the gift. If not, then I just told them how great it was to see them and how touched I was that they took time out of their own lives to fly in/drive in to see my graduate. Yes, I thanked them in person for coming, but I sent formal thank yous afterwards, as I always do. I find nothing the least bit wrong with that and if anyone makes more of it than it is, that's their issue.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    snowywinter said:

    Well, I write thank you notes and yes, I write them just for coming, to birthday parties, graduations, whatever. At my college graduation, my parents threw me a party. I sent thank yous to everyone. We had a lot of out-of-town guests who flew in for this and whether they got me a gift or not didn't matter. They still got a thank you. If they did get a gift, I mentioned the gift. If not, then I just told them how great it was to see them and how touched I was that they took time out of their own lives to fly in/drive in to see my graduate. Yes, I thanked them in person for coming, but I sent formal thank yous afterwards, as I always do. I find nothing the least bit wrong with that and if anyone makes more of it than it is, that's their issue.

    Look, there's no "thank you" police who are going to arrest or fine you for writing thank you notes even when you don't have to. But when you do send unnecessary thank you notes, they don't necessarily have the effect you would like them to have of making their recipients feel appreciated for their generosity, and when that happens, sending them can be counterproductive.
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