Double Snark

nerdwife · October 2015

Two types of women/brides I need to snark about right now:

1. Brides who (on these boards particularly, but actually humans in general who do this) say "I'm actually a really generous person," "I always put other people before myself, even if it hurts me," "I'm very selfless," etc. ad nauseum = liars. Sorrynotsorry, if you have to say it, you are defending you're not-at-all-selfless behavior and therefore are not selfless. BYE.

2. Brides/women (particularly women who are not currently planning a wedding) who are all like "I would never spend X amount on a wedding" or "I would never buy a dress I could only wear once" or "I would never do X wedding thing." That is so super interesting, thanks for sharing. I really appreciated your judgmental response to the wedding plans you asked me about or in the conversation you joined without invitation. I also appreciate your commentary on an event you are not planning, as I'm sure you will 1000000% stick to all of these very important decisions if you ever plan one.

Okay, mini-rant over. Wedding planning/talk just brings out the best in everyone, no?

MegEn1 · October 2015

Mine isn't for people on these boards, but women who got married a long time ago or who have never been married laughing off the "stress." It's either that wedding planning is so much fun there can't be any stress associated with it or people assume I'm stressed and unsure about the man I want to wed. I'd have married him a year and a half ago when he

colasuda · October 2015

My favorite is when a bride says something terrible, immediately acknowledges that it's terrible, then justifies it anyway. Real quote: "We're inviting people in waves. Some can come to the first reception, then everyone can come to the dancing a few hours later. I know it will hurt some feelings, but it's like $100 per plate! They'll just have to deal, at least they get to come to part of it." Girl, you are straight up rude. You acknowledge that you're hurting your guests' feelings, and then just dismiss it and act like coming to your wedding is some big honor and that they should be grateful for being mistreated! I mean, it's not like this is some obscure piece of etiquette. It's just straight up awful.

P.S. This was right before she asked me to be a bridesmaid, if one of her other bridesmaids dropped out. Glad to know I'm a second tier friend!

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

MegEn1 said:

Mine isn't for people on these boards, but women who got married a long time ago or who have never been married laughing off the "stress." It's either that wedding planning is so much fun there can't be any stress associated with it or people assume I'm stressed and unsure about the man I want to wed. I'd have married him a year and a half ago when he

Date Twin hello again, excited it is the week!!?? (sorry had to)

Same type of thing when you don't gush about details to everyone that asks. they assume that it is going bad, you are stressed, or just not that in to it..

anjemon · October 2015

When people say "We only spent $5,000 on our wedding, but my mom paid for a bunch of stuff" or "We only spent $5,000 on our wedding. My mom made all the dresses and it was so cheap!"

That's not how it works. If we were going by money spent out of our own saving, I could say we had a $1,000 wedding. But we didn't and saying we did would just be weird. I just hate when people brag about how little their wedding cost when there are other not-them people paying.

colasuda · October 2015

anjemon said:

When people say "We only spent $5,000 on our wedding, but my mom paid for a bunch of stuff" or "We only spent $5,000 on our wedding. My mom made all the dresses and it was so cheap!"

That's not how it works. If we were going by money spent out of our own saving, I could say we had a $1,000 wedding. But we didn't and saying we did would just be weird. I just hate when people brag about how little their wedding cost when there are other not-them people paying.

What I hate even more is seeing an article or blog post about this. Like, "How to Have An Amazing Wedding On The Cheap" and then three of the five points will be "Have your friend be the photographer!" or "Ask for money from relatives!" or "Use your connections!" Those are not tips for saving money. It's just bragging that you know someone with a camera or have a friend who works at a dress shop. Not everyone has those types of connections, or wants a non-professional taking their photos, or has some random rich uncle to hit up for money (not that we would, anyway. Because fuck that.)

monkeysip · October 2015

WORSE... when people brag about how cheap their wedding was because they did "potluck", didn't invite significant others, had a cash bar, and registered for their honeymoon. Gag. You're not frugal... you're cheap and rude.

Cookie Pusher · October 2015

nerdwife said:

Two types of women/brides I need to snark about right now:

1. Brides who (on these boards particularly, but actually humans in general who do this) say "I'm actually a really generous person," "I always put other people before myself, even if it hurts me," "I'm very selfless," etc. ad nauseum = liars. Sorrynotsorry, if you have to say it, you are defending you're not-at-all-selfless behavior and therefore are not selfless. BYE.

2. Brides/women (particularly women who are not currently planning a wedding) who are all like "I would never spend X amount on a wedding" or "I would never buy a dress I could only wear once" or "I would never do X wedding thing." That is so super interesting, thanks for sharing. I really appreciated your judgmental response to the wedding plans you asked me about or in the conversation you joined without invitation. I also appreciate your commentary on an event you are not planning, as I'm sure you will 1000000% stick to all of these very important decisions if you ever plan one.

Okay, mini-rant over. Wedding planning/talk just brings out the best in everyone, no?

Hopefully you don't include "I'd never have a cash bar/huge gap/not invite SOs/have a potluck/B-list/have a tiered reception/have a dollar dance/other etiquette fuckery" in the bolded!

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

monkeysip said:

WORSE... when people brag about how cheap their wedding was because they did "potluck", didn't invite significant others, had a cash bar, and registered for their honeymoon. Gag. You're not frugal... you're cheap and rude.

I hate the people who brag about how cheap their wedding was 10+ years ago. Real things we've heard.

"I only spent $1,000 on my photographer (married 10 years now) and we had 2 photographers and a CD of all of our photos."

"Aunt SoandSo (married 15 years now) only spent $600 on flowers and she had 5 bridesmaids!"

ETF words

julieanne912 · October 2015

monkeysip said:

WORSE... when people brag about how cheap their wedding was because they did "potluck", didn't invite significant others, had a cash bar, and registered for their honeymoon. Gag. You're not frugal... you're cheap and rude.

Yeah FI's dad's gf did this to me this weekend. She asked me how much our wedding cost (a bit rude, but whatever). I told her I didn't know for sure but it was around $17,000. She then started talking about her daughter (who got married 7 years ago in a different state), did her wedding for half that. They paid for 1 keg, rest was cash bar, had less people, had it in a hotel conferencey type room in Wyoming, and had a friend cook prime ribs for them. So... not really apples to apples at all. Then again, this is the lady who brags about doing a keg stand at her daughter's wedding so... yeah.

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

julieanne912 said:

show previous quotes

monkeysip said:

WORSE... when people brag about how cheap their wedding was because they did "potluck", didn't invite significant others, had a cash bar, and registered for their honeymoon. Gag. You're not frugal... you're cheap and rude.

Yeah FI's dad's gf did this to me this weekend. She asked me how much our wedding cost (a bit rude, but whatever). I told her I didn't know for sure but it was around $17,000. She then started talking about her daughter (who got married 7 years ago in a different state), did her wedding for half that. They paid for 1 keg, rest was cash bar, had less people, had it in a hotel conferencey type room in Wyoming, and had a friend cook prime ribs for them. So... not really apples to apples at all. Then again, this is the lady who brags about doing a keg stand at her daughter's wedding so... yeah.

Sadly, I could see my family doing this, I have had nightmares of my family getting crazy and FI family looking on like:

julieanne912 · October 2015

ryanandjoe4 said:

show previous quotes

julieanne912 said:

monkeysip said:

WORSE... when people brag about how cheap their wedding was because they did "potluck", didn't invite significant others, had a cash bar, and registered for their honeymoon. Gag. You're not frugal... you're cheap and rude.

Yeah FI's dad's gf did this to me this weekend. She asked me how much our wedding cost (a bit rude, but whatever). I told her I didn't know for sure but it was around $17,000. She then started talking about her daughter (who got married 7 years ago in a different state), did her wedding for half that. They paid for 1 keg, rest was cash bar, had less people, had it in a hotel conferencey type room in Wyoming, and had a friend cook prime ribs for them. So... not really apples to apples at all. Then again, this is the lady who brags about doing a keg stand at her daughter's wedding so... yeah.

Sadly, I could see my family doing this, I have had nightmares of my family getting crazy and FI family looking on like:

Thankfully everyone behaved at the wedding. But, neither of her kids showed up...and I'm glad. I actually like her daughter a lot, but her husband gets out of control when he drinks a lot. Last time we partied with them was at a college football game, and he decided it'd be fun to tip over a porta potty in the parking lot. Ugh.

AdventureisCalling · October 2015

I am so glad I am reading this. I have become very self conscious about even talking to people about my plans because they often are like, "wow that must be expensive." Or "Geez, you know how we saved money." I would be okay with these kinds of "tips" if I was asking for them, but I have never asked or complained about how much we are spending. But as mentioned, the kind of tips we are getting is "ask a friend to be a photographer" or "cash bar."

Just as a note, early in the process, I looked at our lifestyle and jobs and we had a conversation where we both agreed the only way we would not get TOO stressed was if we just spent the money to have this all coordinated by someone else. It was not that money was no object, but more that our time was very valuable, and we really wanted to be pretty hands off. Convenience was worth it for us. But friends don't see that and want to help with "money saving tips".

MegEn1 · October 2015

ryanandjoe4 said:

show previous quotes

MegEn1 said:

Mine isn't for people on these boards, but women who got married a long time ago or who have never been married laughing off the "stress." It's either that wedding planning is so much fun there can't be any stress associated with it or people assume I'm stressed and unsure about the man I want to wed. I'd have married him a year and a half ago when he

Date Twin hello again, excited it is the week!!?? (sorry had to)

Same type of thing when you don't gush about details to everyone that asks. they assume that it is going bad, you are stressed, or just not that in to it..

This week is eating my soul. A thousand little things and no time to do it. I freak out hosting a back yard BBQ and this is just ... huge.

Got the beer and wine from Costco yesterday, that was kind of fun. But programs, escort cards and table cards are still with the printer.

Are you guys all set to go?

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

We will be having Yuengling as well, crazy!!

I am set, the venue has a bar and is a caterer so that has been good for months now, I am stressed about getting everything done and working 10hrs this week for Friday off.. Biggest thing we have to do is get catered food for RD, we are doing a backyard BBQ for the RD but it is only 20ppl..

I think what is stressing me out the most is my allergies are going haywire!! I have a runny nose, and sore throat, so sinus infection coming on.. All because of a air freshener someone decided to put in the hall outside my office..

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

ryanandjoe4 said:

We will be having Yuengling as well, crazy!!

I am set, the venue has a bar and is a caterer so that has been good for months now, I am stressed about getting everything done and working 10hrs this week for Friday off.. Biggest thing we have to do is get catered food for RD, we are doing a backyard BBQ for the RD but it is only 20ppl..

I think what is stressing me out the most is my allergies are going haywire!! I have a runny nose, and sore throat, so sinus infection coming on.. All because of a air freshener someone decided to put in the hall outside my office..

EDT: I am ready for the day to be here, so I can finally enjoy all the plans.. I am excited about seeing everything come together..

nerdwife · October 2015

Cookie Pusher said:

show previous quotes

nerdwife said:

Two types of women/brides I need to snark about right now:

1. Brides who (on these boards particularly, but actually humans in general who do this) say "I'm actually a really generous person," "I always put other people before myself, even if it hurts me," "I'm very selfless," etc. ad nauseum = liars. Sorrynotsorry, if you have to say it, you are defending you're not-at-all-selfless behavior and therefore are not selfless. BYE.

2. Brides/women (particularly women who are not currently planning a wedding) who are all like "I would never spend X amount on a wedding" or "I would never buy a dress I could only wear once" or "I would never do X wedding thing." That is so super interesting, thanks for sharing. I really appreciated your judgmental response to the wedding plans you asked me about or in the conversation you joined without invitation. I also appreciate your commentary on an event you are not planning, as I'm sure you will 1000000% stick to all of these very important decisions if you ever plan one.

Okay, mini-rant over. Wedding planning/talk just brings out the best in everyone, no?

Hopefully you don't include "I'd never have a cash bar/huge gap/not invite SOs/have a potluck/B-list/have a tiered reception/have a dollar dance/other etiquette fuckery" in the bolded!

No haha, someone literally said this to me about buying a wedding dress. "Buy a dress I would only wear once? I would NEVER do that!"

Like great, thanks so much for that!

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