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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Knottie42087830
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Re: .
EDT: words
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Yes, it is selfish.
First of all, you get one day, and your cousin gets one day. That's it.
Second, the only "duties" an MOH has are to get the appropriate outfit and show up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits. You are not entitled to "expect" her to plan or host parties for you, plan the wedding with you, or do DIY projects for you. You can ask her, but she can say no, because these are not "duties."
She also might want an late spring / early summer wedding, as many, many, many people do. So she picked a date in late spring / early summer.
You can't claim a whole season for your wedding. You can claim a day.
Do you really think your cousin shouldn't be able to get married in the season she's dreamed of because of your wedding? I hope not.
She did nothing wrong here. And take heart that there's a 99% that she had no intention of upsetting your upstaging you.
This just happens to be the length of engagement she wants and the time of year that works best for her / her venue.
Don't worry about this or be upset. It will work out fine. Just be happy for each other.
I get why you're upset, but there's nothing you can do about it. Bringing it up makes you look petty. Just accept this is what she's done and try to move on and be happy for her. I doubt she did it on purpose or as a "dig" as you say. I would bet that she just wants a September wedding and didn't want a long engagement.
She can be disappointed that there might be a few guests that choose her cousin's wedding over hers. But odds are that's just one of many reasons people might miss her wedding. Not everyone can afford to travel to even one wedding. People might have other plans (like other weddings considering how big a wedding month June is). Some people will have to work. Some people might not be able to find childcare. Etc etc etc. Odds are OP is not fixating on all those possible conflicts, ergo she should not fixate on her cousin's wedding either.
And what the heck is wedding fatigue? I don't think that's even a thing, but if it is, OP brought that on herself by having her wedding in early June.
Late May / Early June and late September / early October always seem to have tons of weddings. The vast majority of weddings I've gone to have fallen in those time frames. If a bride has a wedding in that time frame and honestly thinks that she's the only wedding on the books that month for the majority of her guest list, she's delusional.
And no, I don't think she brought it on herself. I would be frustrated too if someone close to me with the same circle of family and friends had their wedding two weeks before or two weeks after mine. Would I make it a thing? Absolutely not because I'd know it's petty. But it wouldn't change the fact that I'd be frustrated.
guess OP isn't coming back, but for the benefit of lurkers:
One of my best friends, who was a bridesmaid in my wedding (and I was one in hers) got engaged about 6 months after me and married two weeks before me. I gave zero fucks. We both did all of the activities for each others' weddings and none of our common friends cared that they had back to back weddings to go to. My friend even made sure to be back from her honeymoon in time for my rehearsal, which was awesome and totally unnecessary (honestly, if she had backed out of my wedding because of her honeymoon plans, I would not have held that against her in any way).
No one cares about or thinks about your wedding as much as you do. Now if your common family will have to travel to both of these weddings that are so close together, and as a result you think some of them will have to pick between the two, that does stink, but there's still nothing you can do about it other than get out your save the dates ASAP. My friend from the above story and I had a common friend that was a bridesmaid in both of our weddings and she lives out of state, but happily attended both. Neither of us would have been mad if she had to skip one. You can't control other people's decisions.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Dude that just made my fucking day. You rock.
That said, there's no requirement for spacing out weddings. Sure, it might be nice for some family, but it's really her choice.
As for the MoH thing, all she has to do is get the dress and show up. There's no reason for her to be pulled in different directions.
As for you thinking it's a dig and she should get married first, I think that's silly unless she said it specifically. Even if she does, ignore it. Who gets married first is just silly.
I got married first, my younger sib got married second and our older sib got married third. In my husband's family, he got married first, his sister got married second and the sib in between isn't even dating anyone yet. My cousins - oldest got married first, second oldest got married second, fourth oldest got married third, and third oldest got married fourth.
My younger sib and spouse just had a baby. She's been married a shorter time than me and is younger than me and yet had the first grand kid. I expect H's recently married sib will have the first grand kid on his side. Who cares? If anyone gets bent out of shape over it, they are absurd. Everyone should do their thing in the timing that works for them.