gift giving etiquette...for non-gift givers HELP!!!

redoryx · October 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

I love how the "best answer" is the Troll in the Dungeon gif. Doesn't the OP choose the best answer?

No, one of the Mods did

redoryx · October 2015

MesmrEwe said:

1) You can do a "courtesy call" to make sure they got it... Not everyone is TY note savvy (typically give them up to a year), acknowledging the gift is the TY (I have family who have LD/functionally illiterate so a TY in any form is incredibly difficult for them to pen, and even still, our family is generally a non-TY note family for most things because of the cost, so we never take it personally)... We have had brides both here on TK and IRL who only discovered after the fact that someone had stolen cards/gifts only because a guest inquired. Be aware though that you're walking on thin ice by doing so, and only want to confirm that they did receive it, nothing more, nothing less in a non-confrontational/judgmental way. I know from our wedding that DH decided one day he was going to "help" in the process of writing TY's for our 400+ guests' gifts, about a year or two later I found a stack I'd written but hadn't put in an envelope to send because he'd marked some as being sent that weren't, and knew I'd re-written a bunch and sent them earlier and yea, I'm hoping that all of them had gotten their TY's!
2) Wedding gifts are not tit for tat. It's not mandatory that someone give you a wedding gift, or even a card. You don't know what's going on in their lives (heard a story of a cousin who was going through identity theft and had their cards/accounts all frozen and couldn't give the couple a gift and had to get essentially a "loan" from family to cover the hotel room). Attending a wedding is by itself very expensive. Life factors change, it's a lot different to give a gift when you're in your 20's and can barely afford renting an apartment vs. working a great job at 40 with the house paid off. With 10 siblings, you could decide "Everyone gets a Fry Daddy"/set of bathroom towels/wine basket/toaster/etc. as their gift, no one better no one worse." But that's up to you two to decide in that moment. It's a GIFT, not entitlement, you don't need to spend a certain value. Be the kind of gift giver you'd want someone to return the favor on without ever expecting anything in return, and know your recipient (i.e. don't give a wine basket to a teetotaler or recovering addict). It's one thing to ask "What is decorum on a gift for someone who is barely making ends meet/2nd wedding/rich & retired well above your pay grade/church relationship/office invite/client/etc. But it's not o.k. to make it a tit for tat when it comes to gifts..

Nope. Guests have a year to give gifts, but TYs need to be sent right away.

photokitty · October 2015

redoryx said:

huskypuppy14 said:

I love how the "best answer" is the Troll in the Dungeon gif. Doesn't the OP choose the best answer?

No, one of the Mods did

And it gets you that fun checkmark badge

[Deleted User] · October 2015

Black is pretty acceptable in weddings now, I wore a black dress as my sister's MOH, and my MOH is wearing black. My colors are black and red. I do,t see the issue?

climbingsingle · October 2015

My face reading this thread

bCatron.defunct635801501030652888 said:

love how you ALL assume that because I kicked MOH out of my wedding I'm the bad guy...the straw that broke the camels back
...ONE month before the wedding she still hadn't found anything to wear...she had multiple color choices to choose from (pink, baby blue, white, black, silver) she didn't like any of them, told her she could do a skirt/shirt combo, so maybe that fav. skirt she barely wears she can sport...nope, she is MOH and needs a dress not a skirt. maybe that lil black dress she had in her closet, that we all have, she could wear...nope because people don't wear black to weddings...i know that would frustrate any bride

People don't wear black to weddings? My mom and MIL both wore black by their choice as did many of the guests. In fact, come to a wedding in my neck of the woods, and most women are wearing black dresses.

Blue_Bird · October 2015

BaileySanders said:

Black is pretty acceptable in weddings now, I wore a black dress as my sister's MOH, and my MOH is wearing black. My colors are black and red. I do,t see the issue?

MOH said this, not OP. She does sound a bit hard to please, but that doesn't excuse OP kicking her out.

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

drunkenwitch said:

love how you ALL assume that because I kicked MOH out of my wedding I'm the bad guy...the straw that broke the camels back
...ONE month before the wedding she still hadn't found anything to wear...she had multiple color choices to choose from (pink, baby blue, white, black, silver) she didn't like any of them, told her she could do a skirt/shirt combo, so maybe that fav. skirt she barely wears she can sport...nope, she is MOH and needs a dress not a skirt. maybe that lil black dress she had in her closet, that we all have, she could wear...nope because people don't wear black to weddings...i know that would frustrate any bride

love how you ALL assume that because I kicked MOH out of my wedding I'm the bad guy...the straw that broke the camels back
...ONE month before the wedding she still hadn't found anything to wear...she had multiple color choices to choose from (pink, baby blue, white, black, silver) she didn't like any of them, told her she could do a skirt/shirt combo, so maybe that fav. skirt she barely wears she can sport...nope, she is MOH and needs a dress not a skirt. maybe that lil black dress she had in her closet, that we all have, she could wear...nope because people don't wear black to weddings...i know that would frustrate any bride
Oh the humanity. The last wedding I was in I bought my dress the week before the wedding. What an awful, horrible person I am. No, wait, my friend didn't give a shit because I mattered more to her than a stupid dress. ETA Oops, that quoted twice, weird.

My mother bought hers the day before the wedding..

EDT: I know late the to party..

gift giving etiquette...for non-gift givers HELP!!!

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