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FMIL wants FSIL out of wedding 25 days to go...
So the back story is - my FSIL had a baby 14 months ago and since then her and her bf of 16 months (do the math) have not been the same.
Long story short, she has been unreliable, rude and not easy to communicate with.
After a month long plan to go bridesmaid dress shopping she backs out as I am in the driveway, no big deal it wasn't mandatory but a little more heads up with have been nice.
Attends my shower and is super sincere and nice - but her and her mother have been going at it like cat and dog behind the scenes.
A month later it is my bachlorette - we are going to my hometown three hours away for it - the morning of she texts me she isnt coming anymore.
This was three weeks ago... Since this happened FML has been LIVID with her as well as my FI, I am too but at this point, I dont need anymore stress and am just more disappointed, I am not going to sit there and yell at her, she is 30 years old.
Now - she missed her first dress fitting, her dress needs ALOT of work. And since she missed it, FMIL says she needs to be out of the wedding.... FI somewhat agrees but I just cannot deal with the drama and the stress just 25 days before the wedding....
What would you guys do?
I also dont want them to regret this because they are in the heat of the moment (which has been going on for about 5 months now).. at the same time FMIL is saying its really her call.. because FSIL lost her job when she got pregnant and FMIL paid for her dress, shoes and is paying for her hair while I pay for her makeup...
My FI and his sister have ALWAYS been close - - they are just 2 years apart... and I feel like they are all going to regret it, one: if she is not in the wedding and two: if they dont invite her at all.
I dont really know if this post makes any sense, sorry I am so in the moment of SHOCK, I just dont know what to think or do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FMIL wants FSIL out of wedding 25 days to go...
Ditto Maggie. I think FMIL is trying to use your wedding to punish her daughter over things that FMIL doesn't like. While it sucks that FSIL backed out of dress shopping and the b-party, there isn't much you can do about it. Kicking FSIL out of the WP will ruin your relationship with her, so don't put yourself in the middle of the drama. Greatly reduce any expectations you have of FSIL, so that she can't let you down.
And you said FI used to be close to FSIL, but recently things have changed. Have you encouraged your FI to talk to his sister and see if everything is ok? She has had a major life change of having a child and a new relationship all at the same time. Does she get any assistance from the father of her child?
The only things your FSIL needs to do as your bridesmaid are to acquire the dress and show up in it on time, sober (especially if she's pregnant), and in good spirits. If she fails to do that for whatever reason, whether it's her pregnancy or any other, she's taken herself out of the wedding.
You don't need to do anything, let alone kick her out of your wedding. I'd leave your FSIL alone and tell your FMIL and FI to do the same. The situation will resolve itself without your or their involvement.
I'd also encourage your FI to tell his mom that he doesn't want to hear about the drama between her and his sister. It's possible that the relationship with his sister deteriorated because all FI heard was bad things about sister from mom. It's like the GF who always bashes and says bad things about her BF to her friends, then friends don't like BF because all they hear are bad things.
Also, think of it this way. All of this drama is FMIL's fault because she welcomed FSIL and BF into her house. This is her circus and her monkeys, don't get involved.
If FSIL is doing all the talking, then people are seeing through her stories. You can only tell the stories so much until someone starts to think, are ALL of those people as bad as she's always making them out to be?
This is a crazy family dynamic that is going on. It might be best to schedule a few sessions with a counselor so that you and FI can figure out a healthy way to deal with FSIL's antics. Being taught a few ways to handle FSIL could make your future interactions easier for you and FI.
As for potential future gifts for your niece. You might want to consider opening a bank account or 529 college fund for niece. Then you can just give money to that account for any celebrations. If FSIL wants to try and bad mouth a college savings plan, good luck to her! She will sound incredibly thoughtless!
These are not reasons to kick someone out of the wedding. Now, if she doesn't get her dress altered and has nothing to wear the day of, then we'll talk. But for now, don't do it. You'll regret it, even if your Fi and FMIL don't.
-You invited her to be in your WP. She is in your WP unless she does not get her dress altered in time, and that's on her to arrange and complete, not you or FMIL.
-Babies are hard, yo. I'm sure she had a good reason to cancel on you, and really, she isn't required to attend those functions anyway.
-She sounds like a pretty annoying person, so I'm not sure why you invited her to be in the WP in the first place, but that ship has sailed. Get through the wedding and then stop subscribing to her nonsense. DO NOT get involved in drama between her and FMIL. Not your problem.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."