Bridezilla? More like Cousinzilla

kmmssg · October 2015

I'm sorry, I am just stuck on the ridiculousness of only single women can be bridesmaids. That is just a stupid notion in my book. Your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest, not the single girls you know. Have you never heard the term Matron of Honor or Bridematron? If your best friend in the entire world was married, you would not have her in your bridal party?

It is one thing if you don't want her in the wedding because she is a drama queen, but this only having single girls (but the guys can be married?) sems insane.

As far as the family goes, do not do separate holidays with FMIL. Your groom and his brother should not put the family in a decades long war over who is or isn't a bridesmaid. Take the higher road, be at holidays, be gracious, and don't suck into your cousin's crazy.

LondonLisa · October 2015

Madd_Bride said:

A very long story, so I will stick with short facts... still a long story I apologize

Three years ago my cousin got married. At the wedding I met the groom's brother and we became friends, later dated and are now getting married.

Prior to her wedding, we weren't as close but in the two years following we became friends and hung out occasionally etc. Twice before I was engaged the topic of "If you marry..." and both times I made it clear she wouldn't be a bridesmaid because of the tradition that it should be single women and both times she said if she wasn't in the party her husband wouldn't be.

My cousin is very dramatic and I also would not want her as she would cause trouble. Maintaining tradition is important to me because I was raised with a lot of traditions, and my grandmother who was pretty much a mother to me (with my mom more like an awesome older sister) taught me many of them and she died shortly after my cousin's wedding. Cousin and I share this grama.

In Feb. we became engaged. FI had his brother over as usual for a boys game night and told him, and my brother, and another friend we were getting married and asked them to be groomsmen.

I went to cousins house at the same time and told her we were getting married. I told her I knew she wanted to be a bridesmaid but repeated myself about tradition and our grama and also told her that I wanted her to feel welcome to join in any activities she wanted like dress shopping. I also mentioned several traditions that I wanted to include her because of how important she is to me and FI, including her and her husband signing our registry instead of MOH and BM.

She was quite obviously put out by a lot of it and ended the evening early.

A week later, due to some drama from other family on facebook, and a clash with the fact that at the time I had work and volunteer links on there that I needed to keep I took all my family off. Mine, FI's - about 100 people.

Next day, FI calls me , cousin called FI's mother to complain about it and FI's mom called him. #phonetag. I called her, no answer, then texted her to explain what happened - that we never talked on fb only pinterest and text and that I'd explain the whole thing next time I saw her.

This leads to several months of her avoiding talking to me at family dinners (which we have 2-3 together at each holiday because of our double relations), ignoring my mother at holiday dinners and ignoring every text I sent apologizing or asking to work it out.

Her husband refused to answer "Yes" to being a groomsmen everytime the subject came up and we didn't push because we wanted to give them time. Husband also stopped coming to weekly game night at our house.

Last week, (8 months later!) at a party at FMIL my cousin brings the whole thing up - a friend of theirs almost died and it put it into perspective for her that anything can happen and she just didn't want us thinking she hated us. Explains she wasn't upset about not being a bridesmaid (which is what we thought for months) but that I unfriended her on facebook, knowing how upsetting she found it when people did that.

We talked through it all for over an hour, with each of us saying how we felt and our opinions and left it at the fact that she thinks we are too different to be friends, and FI and I said we are always here and when your ready you are ready even if it takes 10 years to be friends again.

Cut to 3 days later. Thanksgiving dinner with FMIL, FI, His brother and Cousin. Its back to how it was before the "fight," At the end of the night FI mentions that now that the facebook thing is resolved will he be a groomsman. Brother says nothing while cousin says "he knows all about that" and proceeds to say goodnight over and over as they leave the house. I jumped in and told them to just say yes or no so that FI can find a new groomsman if her has to.

Brother said No.

Extremely long post I know, but really just trying to wrap our heads around what to do. FI got angry and doesn't want them coming at all, FMIL replied if we didn't invite brother she wouldn't come. Cousin is obviously still mad, and is def mad over not being a bridesmaid as she mentioned several things about it.

So 1) what do we do about the brother?
2) Can we be angry and not talk to them? FMIL is now offering separate holiday dinners so that we don't have to see them, but we still have two other dinners (ps all family members know brother said no and all blame my cousin which I argue should be blamed on her and her husband together)
3) Did we (I) actually do something wrong? I know a lot of etiquette tells you to just add relatives who you know will cause issues if you don't, but I didn't think it would be this intense.
4) she keeps arguing its different because of the double relation. Is it? Would you have your husbands sister in law or your cousin in your party ?

Ok, no one sounds like an adult in this situation.

1.) There is no tradition of bridesmaids only being single women. That is ludicrous.

2.) If you don't want her as a bridemaid that is fine but quit escalating the situation with your fi and his brother!

3.) Yes, you did do a few things wrong. You should never "replace" a groomsman. But more importantly, you should never insert yourself in a problem your fi has with his brother. That just escalated it.

4.) Once you are over the age of 15 you are too old to be causing drama on facebook, let alone fighting over it. I think you handled it poorly. You should have limited profiled or deactivated your account if it was so much drama, or just not posted. You could have set up a professional FB account for your work if it was that essential. Systematically unfriending all family seems incredibly overdramatic and passive aggressive- and bound to ruffle feathers.

5.) This is a stupid reason to ruin a family relationship. So, "can you be angry and not talk to them", sure, you are able to. But SHOULD you? No- let them be silly but cutting them out of your lives over this is stupid and immature.

So what do you do from here? Firstly, YOU don't do anything. Your fi needs to talk with his brother alone and work on his relationship as he sees fit. Your fi should let his brother know that he still would like him as a GM and of course they are still invited to the wedding. You caused a lot of this drama by forcing his hand by making him decide in front of his wife. Frankly, you and your cousin both seem like total Drama Llamas.

Invite the brother and your cousin. Let them know that you hope they both can make it even if bro is not a GM.

Invite your MiL. When she offers to "hold separate holiday dinners" you should answer: "Oh, for goodness' sake, Martha, that is absolutely not necessary. I hope we can all resolve this beforehand and I look forward to us celebrating Christmas as a family". If Bro and Cousin want to suck lemons and sulk the whole time, so be it. But be kind a gracious, and keep the door open to this relationship.

Basically, any spite disinviting is petty and immature. It sounds very schooolyard "Well, you're not invited to my birthday party"

Basically grow up and be the bigger person.

pegasuskat · October 2015

I've heard a lot of crazy things from brides on here - but that she can only have single bridesmaids is right up there for the worst! Where in the world did you come up with that?

You handled everything badly, you never tell people they aren't in your wedding party, only ask if they are. Your reason for not having her is crazy. Like PP said, you also handled the FB drama very poorly. I think you sound 12. Grow up, say your sorry to all involved - that you completely misunderstood the "tradition". You are basically ruining 2 sets of family holidays with YOUR drama, this is really on you - not your cousin.

mrsconn23 · October 2015

What the what the what the what?

I went to cousins house at the same time and told her we were getting married. I told her I knew she wanted to be a bridesmaid but repeated myself about tradition and our grama and also told her that I wanted her to feel welcome to join in any activities she wanted like dress shopping. I also mentioned several traditions that I wanted to include her because of how important she is to me and FI, including her and her husband signing our registry instead of MOH and BM.

Heffalump · October 2015

I feel like I need more coffee.

1) Your wedding is not some sort of prize. You don't need to confront someone multiple times about why she isn't in your WP. It's your call (though I agree that the All the Single Ladies reasoning is ridic, but whatev), but specifically going to someone's house just to remind them that they can't be a bridesmaid for some completely arbitrary reason is...insane. She was put out by this? You don't say.

2) "My cousin is very dramatic." Not just your cousin.

3) The Facebook thing is also ridiculous, on both ends. Your logic makes no sense: there was drama with some relatives, so you removed all of your relatives? I mean unfollow, sure, who doesn't, but to wholesale pitch everyone overboard and then spout some nonsense about it having to do with work and volunteering and whatever? WHAT? But then your cousin sounds like a crybaby--I neither know nor care if someone unfriends me (unless it's someone obvious like my H/mom/close friend), I wouldn't take it personally, and I wouldn't go crying to someone else's mom who would then complain to a third party and then that person brings it to me. Y'all are drama addicts, from the sound of it.

4) If you weren't pushing the GM issue, why did it keep coming up? You ask, he either says yes (in the WP) or doesn't (not in the WP). This is so simple, I'm at a loss. Like, seriously: he keeps saying "good night," you and your FI keep pushing, finally you say "Just give us a yes or a no!" Honey, you had your answer months ago. And that replacement GM comment is total bullshit. Again, it's not a fucking beauty pageant, you don't need a runner up in case your first choice is unable to "fulfill his duties" (i.e. stand there).

Now, to answer your questions:

Madd_Bride said:

So 1) what do we do about the brother?

STFU, for a change, and let it be. He doesn't want to be a groomsman. You sound Canadian, but I'm pretty sure Canada doesn't have a draft, and even if it does, they probably won't let you use it for wedding parties.

2) Can we be angry and not talk to them? FMIL is now offering separate holiday dinners so that we don't have to see them, but we still have two other dinners (ps all family members know brother said no and all blame my cousin which I argue should be blamed on her and her husband together)

You can be whatever you want, I guess. But if someone needs to host two separate family dinners to manage your junior high drama, maybe you are all adulting wrong.

3) Did we (I) actually do something wrong? I know a lot of etiquette tells you to just add relatives who you know will cause issues if you don't, but I didn't think it would be this intense.

You did almost everything wrong. See above. You're not the only one in the wrong, but that hardly absolves you.

4) she keeps arguing its different because of the double relation. Is it? Would you have your husbands sister in law or your cousin in your party ?

A) No, I don't think "double relation" means diddly-squat, and B ) It entirely depends on how close I was to them, there's no one-size-fits-all answer here. In your case, I would postpone the wedding until at least the bride and groom can behave like legal adults.

To my post yesterday, this post in particular really makes me miss Cinn/Wonderw1fe. I would love to see her take on ::waves hands:: all of this.

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

Thanks for the feedback ladies so far

I can see that there were a few things that could have been done differently (after last week I was kicking myself for not doing limited profile...did I mention having brain damage and not always thinking right? seriously no lies

Single ladies tradition: I was taught by my grandmother that bridemaids were single friends and that you had a MOH (matron or maid). cousin agreed she would never want to me MOH. While this is the reasoning I gave my cousin instead of saying other reasons why she wouldn't be one, I've just made my belief in this tradition very clear over the years. I have other cousins I am closer to and would have as a BM but they are also married. It may not be a common tradition and might be one that is just in my family, but tradition is very important to me, FI, and my mother and was super important to my grandmother. I've also encountered it in texts (novels and historical) involving our cultural background (which I will avoid saying). My mother and I are the geneology buffs and I'm generally considered our family historian, as well as have my HBA specializing in our cultural history - and our ceremony is full out culture tradition, but NOT the modern (modern traditions are different). We're talking traditions from 1800s back.

Lots of other details in bits that I think leaving out gave the wrong idea. Mostly FI is the one who is angry and wanting to break ties, but its not just between him and his bro, because of the double family thing. (also i knew his bro for more than 10 years before I met FI)

Thanks again for the feedback. FI, FMIL, my mother and most of our family have thought that FI and I made the right choices and acted accordingly and are calling bro and cousin the ones in fault, I was curious if this was something a lot of people would think or if there was something in it we were missing

Heffalump why do I sound Canadian?

ShesSoCold · October 2015

Madd_Bride said:

Thanks for the feedback ladies so far I can see that there were a few things that could have been done differently (after last week I was kicking myself for not doing limited profile...did I mention having brain damage and not always thinking right? seriously no lies

Single ladies tradition: I was taught by my grandmother that bridemaids were single friends and that you had a MOH (matron or maid). cousin agreed she would never want to me MOH. While this is the reasoning I gave my cousin instead of saying other reasons why she wouldn't be one, I've just made my belief in this tradition very clear over the years. I have other cousins I am closer to and would have as a BM but they are also married. It may not be a common tradition and might be one that is just in my family, but tradition is very important to me, FI, and my mother and was super important to my grandmother. I've also encountered it in texts (novels and historical) involving our cultural background (which I will avoid saying). My mother and I are the geneology buffs and I'm generally considered our family historian, as well as have my HBA specializing in our cultural history - and our ceremony is full out culture tradition, but NOT the modern (modern traditions are different). We're talking traditions from 1800s back.

Lots of other details in bits that I think leaving out gave the wrong idea. Mostly FI is the one who is angry and wanting to break ties, but its not just between him and his bro, because of the double family thing. (also i knew his bro for more than 10 years before I met FI)

Thanks again for the feedback. FI, FMIL, my mother and most of our family have thought that FI and I made the right choices and acted accordingly and are calling bro and cousin the ones in fault, I was curious if this was something a lot of people would think or if there was something in it we were missing

Heffalump why do I sound Canadian?

Then you need to own up to the fact that a weird tradition is more important to you than your friends and/or cousin and accept that these people will be upset with you. Especially when you seem to keep bringing up your super awesome wedding and super exclusive wedding party.

*Barbie* · October 2015

your MIL is coming off as the only sane person here.

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

ShesSoCold said:
Then you need to own up to the fact that a weird tradition is more important to you than your friends and/or cousin and accept that these people will be upset with you. Especially when you seem to keep bringing up your super awesome wedding and super exclusive wedding party.

I guess it is important. The bridesmaids I have are much closer to me than my cousins. They are absolutely the best choice. Lots of factors in choosing them - and maybe because all my friends are single, had one of them been married the choice would have been different.

Its not that traditions are more important to me than relationships, its that its more important to me to have relationships where people respect my beliefs than caving into other people who are unbending. almost 30 years of trying to maintain a relationship with this cousin and not piss her off and basically at this point, FI and I feel like this one time we shouldn't have to be "the bigger person"

Thanks again ladies for all your feedback FI and I are reading and listening. In the end what happens will be his choice (regarding dinners as its his mom) and if his brother is invited - although I doubt I will support not inviting them. We try to deal with the family situations together and not "your family" vs "mine" since we will all be family soon and for the most part act like family now.

LondonLisa · October 2015

In the 1800s there was a good chance you couldn't choose your husband or age you wanted to marry, so not ALL traditions are worth keeping.

Also, when you are willing to alienate family for genealogy reasons, you're doing it wrong...

ShesSoCold · October 2015

Sooo....if you never wanted her to be a BM in the first place, why on earth would you do this -

"I went to cousins house at the same time and told her we were getting married. I told her I knew she wanted to be a bridesmaid but repeated myself about tradition and our grama and also told her that I wanted her to feel welcome to join in any activities she wanted like dress shopping. I also mentioned several traditions that I wanted to include her because of how important she is to me and FI, including her and her husband signing our registry instead of MOH and BM."

You seem to be perpetuating drama and need to keep your mouth shut.

jacques27 · October 2015

I feel this is very timely. Right now, as I type, I have a calendar on my wall, turned to the month of October. It is a picture of the running of the bulls. Underneath it reads:

TRADITION: JUST BECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE IT THAT WAY DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT INCREDIBLY STUPID.

MNNEBride · October 2015

I'm not Heff, but I assumed you were Canadian because you spoke of all the drama happening at Thanksgiving. Canadian Thanksgiving day was Monday. US Thanksgiving day was last year. I hope this mess hasn't been going on THAT long.

Heffalump · October 2015

Knottie1444628447 said:

Heffalump why do I sound Canadian?

Knottie1444628447 said:

In Feb. we became engaged.
...

This leads to several months of her avoiding talking to me at family dinners
...
Last week, (8 months later!) at a party at FMIL my cousin brings the whole thing up
...

Cut to 3 days later. Thanksgiving dinner with FMIL, FI, His brother and Cousin.

Looking at your timeline, it looks like most of this drama transpired within the past year, and prior to Thanksgiving. And since American Thanksgiving hasn't happened yet this year, I assumed you were referring to Canadian Thanksgiving.

But maybe your grandmother told everyone in your family that Thanksgiving is actually September 30, and that was that.

VarunaTT · October 2015

There are traditions.

And then there's crap someone made up.

Will you also be allowing someone to kidnap you and/or bridesmaids, making the bridesmaids wear a similarly styled and/or white dress like yours or having your groom and groomsman fight them off? No? Then you've changed tradition.

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

I didn't even think of the Thanksgiving thanks @MNNEBride for pointing it out so nicely

@VarunaTT .. actually the bridesmaids are dressing like the bride and other traditions. Like I said, my degree is actually based around our heritage.

And as mentioned, there are several references to it in older texts. Not new wedding etiquettebooks but old texts - our ceremony is including a lot of historical items.

I probably could have just ignored the tradition, but she responded poorly to all the other traditions that I mentioned we were including (even though its a shared heritage).

I appreciate all the feedback, but is there any constructive advice on how to deal with it? I know I may sound like a drama queen and I am on occasion but this relative is well known for drama, and its hard to articulate that without getting bashy bashy and giving you a whole life story

If any of you have more tips on how to handle MIL threatening to not come, FI being super angry and wanting to not invite them, trying to keep face around them, etc etc we'd love to hear it:)

But I'd really rather not hear over and over again how wrong/stupid/ridiculous your thoughts on my choice of traditions is.

***As for telling her she wasnt a bridesmaid - she expected to be and made it clear for years that she expected to be multiple times before we were engaged and each time SHE brought it up and I told her she would not be. I told her that night we were getting married and invited her to participate in several important customs that only immediate family does. I made a point of saying she wasn't one so she didn't assume being asked to be a participant made her a bridesmaid. For FI and I, the role we wanted her in was more important for family and more honour but she felt different.

mrsconn23 · October 2015

All this tradition talk makes me want to be all:

"Traditioooooonnnn, Tradition!"

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

mrs.conn23 said:

All this tradition talk makes me want to be all:

"Traditioooooonnnn, Tradtion!"

haha took me a minute

I just saw that live last year as our local group did a performance. Catchy song.

ShesSoCold · October 2015

Knottie1444628447 said:

I didn't even think of the Thanksgiving thanks @MNNEBride for pointing it out so nicely

@VarunaTT .. actually the bridesmaids are dressing like the bride and other traditions. Like I said, my degree is actually based around our heritage.

And as mentioned, there are several references to it in older texts. Not new wedding etiquettebooks but old texts - our ceremony is including a lot of historical items.

I probably could have just ignored the tradition, but she responded poorly to all the other traditions that I mentioned we were including (even though its a shared heritage).

I appreciate all the feedback, but is there any constructive advice on how to deal with it? I know I may sound like a drama queen and I am on occasion but this relative is well known for drama, and its hard to articulate that without getting bashy bashy and giving you a whole life story

If any of you have more tips on how to handle MIL threatening to not come, FI being super angry and wanting to not invite them, trying to keep face around them, etc etc we'd love to hear it:)

But I'd really rather not hear over and over again how wrong/stupid/ridiculous your thoughts on my choice of traditions is.

***As for telling her she wasnt a bridesmaid - she expected to be and made it clear for years that she expected to be multiple times before we were engaged and each time SHE brought it up and I told her she would not be. I told her that night we were getting married and invited her to participate in several important customs that only immediate family does. I made a point of saying she wasn't one so she didn't assume being asked to be a participant made her a bridesmaid. For FI and I, the role we wanted her in was more important for family and more honour but she felt different.

Ignore it. Tell her you hope she changes her mind but if not, she'll be missed.

My MIL tried to pull all sorts of horseshit surrounding our wedding. We responded with the bare minimum ("I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope you reconsider". Period. Done.) and hung up the phone/walked away/changed the topic. Stop talking about your wedding with these people and stop engaging with them.

I'm not about to reread your series of short stories here but why is your FI all pissy again?

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

Hi brother is refusing to be in the wedding because brothers wife (my cousin) is mad at me for unfriending her on facebook and /or because she isn't a bridesmaid.

Heffalump · October 2015

mrs.conn23 said:

All this tradition talk makes me want to be all:

"Traditioooooonnnn, Tradition!"

Damn you, mrs.conn, now I'm going to be singing this all afternoon.

ShesSoCold · October 2015

Knottie1444628447 said:

Hi brother is refusing to be in the wedding because brothers wife (my cousin) is mad at me for unfriending her on facebook and /or because she isn't a bridesmaid.

That sucks, I get it. But he needs to move on. Think about the bigger picture, here. A wedding is one day. These people are your family forever (whether or not you choose to communicate with family is up to you, but a facebook unfirending seems like a crazy ridiculous reason to hold a grudge). I suggest your FI do what I suggested above - "I'm sorry you feel that way and I will miss you" and move. on.

And for the love of god, stay off the freaking facebook.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

LondonLisa said:

In the 1800s there was a good chance you couldn't choose your husband or age you wanted to marry, so not ALL traditions are worth keeping. Also, when you are willing to alienate family for genealogy reasons, you're doing it wrong...

Yeah.

OP, can you please explain the rationale your grandma told you for having single bridesmaids? And how could your FI ask his married brother to be a GM? Shouldn't all the GMs have to be single men?

What culture is this that this is supposedly even a thing? Usually when ppl try to use culture as a rationalization on these boards to do something rude or wonky, it ends up having nothing to do with their culture and everything to do with their particular family of origin.

VarunaTT · October 2015

Now, it's a nerd wedding and I want an invite.

Also, both you and FI are going to have to let it go. BIL is going to side with wife. "We'll be happy to have you as guests." And stop talking about the wedding to them.

You've got a lot of drama and history and both of you have played into it. Don't use your wedding as a peace summit, or FFS, as a prize. You might think she doesn't respect you; TBH if someone I thought was a friend made sure to have multiple convos with me about not being a bridesmaid? I wouldn't feel very respected and probably really damn lowered tier that I had thought, whether I ever thought about being in the wedding or not.

*Barbie* · October 2015

I thought Canadians were supposed to be polite.

VarunaTT · October 2015

You've got to be Canadian; I just googled "signing the register" b/c I don't know what you were talking about.

DON'T have them sign your license instead of your BM and MOH. That's supposed to be the entire point of BEING the BM and MOH. Talk about waving tradition away. I'd be pissed if I was MOH and didn't get to be the witness. Also, you'll need to talk to your officiant and make sure that meshes with the rules of the license.

Seriously, your idea of tradition really seems to be, "I like this one, let's do it" and "this one messes up the image in my head, it's out."

VarunaTT · October 2015

Finally, "tradition" and "historical accuracy" are really not the same thing or interchangeable.

YWIA.

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

VarunaTT said:

Now, it's a nerd wedding and I want an invite.

Also, both you and FI are going to have to let it go. BIL is going to side with wife. "We'll be happy to have you as guests." And stop talking about the wedding to them.

You've got a lot of drama and history and both of you have played into it. Don't use your wedding as a peace summit, or FFS, as a prize. You might think she doesn't respect you; TBH if someone I thought was a friend made sure to have multiple convos with me about not being a bridesmaid? I wouldn't feel very respected and probably really damn lowered tier that I had thought, whether I ever thought about being in the wedding or not.

She brought it up multiple times and I said no you will not be one. Once we were ACTUALLY engaged, I was the one to bring it up, but only because I wanted to nip it in the bud ahead of time?

Nerd wedding? @VarunaTT - yes. But in like a "Bride studied ancient history and traditions and literature and knows things only academics come across" lol. i've been nicknamed wiki (as in wikipedia) from co-workers because I know so many random things. When you get into what I actually studied I pretty much become a walking encyclopedia

PrettyGirlLost I purposely did not include it because modern traditions are different for the culture. Because my degree included modern history but focused a lot on the much more historical environment, and I've read numerous historical documents and scripts and pieces that many people wouldnt have read - even current residents of that area. I don't really want to get into citations and digging through my books to prove its a real tradition.

@Barbie I'm sorry you found me to be not polite

Knottie1444628447 · October 2015

VarunaTT said:

You've got to be Canadian; I just googled "signing the register" b/c I don't know what you were talking about.

DON'T have them sign your license instead of your BM and MOH. That's supposed to be the entire point of BEING the BM and MOH. Talk about waving tradition away. I'd be pissed if I was MOH and didn't get to be the witness. Also, you'll need to talk to your officiant and make sure that meshes with the rules of the license.

Seriously, your idea of tradition really seems to be, "I like this one, let's do it" and "this one messes up the image in my head, it's out."

Ah yes, I can see the confusion. MOH didn't mind when it came up. In some cases its my OCD... for example have the license say all the same last name would be awesome. Same with each bridesmaid chosen was a best friend for high school, college, university, and post grad and are all still my closest friends. Its another reason why the traditions are so unchangeable is the OCD which I don't really like to use as an argument but keep to myself lol

And yes historical accuracy and tradition are not the same but in some cases come together if the historical trend followed its way down to now in some places

TrixieJess · October 2015

Knottie1444628447 said:

VarunaTT said:

Now, it's a nerd wedding and I want an invite.

Also, both you and FI are going to have to let it go. BIL is going to side with wife. "We'll be happy to have you as guests." And stop talking about the wedding to them.

You've got a lot of drama and history and both of you have played into it. Don't use your wedding as a peace summit, or FFS, as a prize. You might think she doesn't respect you; TBH if someone I thought was a friend made sure to have multiple convos with me about not being a bridesmaid? I wouldn't feel very respected and probably really damn lowered tier that I had thought, whether I ever thought about being in the wedding or not.

She brought it up multiple times and I said no you will not be one. Once we were ACTUALLY engaged, I was the one to bring it up, but only because I wanted to nip it in the bud ahead of time?

Nerd wedding? @VarunaTT - yes. But in like a "Bride studied ancient history and traditions and literature and knows things only academics come across" lol. i've been nicknamed wiki (as in wikipedia) from co-workers because I know so many random things. When you get into what I actually studied I pretty much become a walking encyclopedia

PrettyGirlLost I purposely did not include it because modern traditions are different for the culture. Because my degree included modern history but focused a lot on the much more historical environment, and I've read numerous historical documents and scripts and pieces that many people wouldnt have read - even current residents of that area. I don't really want to get into citations and digging through my books to prove its a real tradition.

@Barbie I'm sorry you found me to be not polite

Are you having sex in front of an audience too to prove you're a virgin? 'Cause that used to be traditional. Also, is your father getting sheep, goats or cows in exchange for your marriage? Or do you come from an aristocratic background and land and homes will do.

So, yeah, traditions only go so far. Your BMs should be people to help bury a body at 2am. Or at least go toe-to-toe in a Twilight movie drinking game.

Bridezilla? More like Cousinzilla

Re: Bridezilla? More like Cousinzilla

Choose Another Board

Search Boards