Am I overreacting?

Knottie1428889205 · October 2015

Myself and my future husband are starting to put together our wedding registry. For the most part, we both agree what should go on it, and we are adding things that will hit different budgets (large and small). However, he also added a $4000 television and said it would be a funny joke and no one would take it seriously! I feel that there are people who are going to take this seriously and it will make us look bad!!

He thinks this is so funny for some reason, but I am so stressed over what people will think that I am almost in tears. I know its going to lead to a stupid argument when I ask him if I can remove it from the registry. Any advice on how to approach this?

marsupalami · October 2015

I would just take it off.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

I think that as long as you have a wide variety of items in a wide variety of price point one large priced item is not that huge of a deal. Will someone buy it? Maybe. Maybe a group of people will go in on it. You never know. But a registry is mainly a wish list, that's all. No one has to buy it for you and it isn't like all you have on your registry are super high priced items. So I think leaving it is fine.

thefanciestbeckler · October 2015

Yeah... I mean I would just take it off without a discussion personally. Then again, my husband didn't think twice about our registry after it was created so I knew he wouldn't care what I took off or added.

lyndausvi · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

I think that as long as you have a wide variety of items in a wide variety of price point one large priced item is not that huge of a deal. Will someone buy it? Maybe. Maybe a group of people will go in on it. You never know. But a registry is mainly a wish list, that's all. No one has to buy it for you and it isn't like all you have on your registry are super high priced items. So I think leaving it is fine.

I might side-eye it, but as long as there is a good varitiey of things I do not see it as a big deal. Now if the less expensive item is $500 then I think there would be problems.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

I'd remove it and change the password so he can't get back in. #uptightandowningit

ohmrs2014 · October 2015

We actually did receive a TV as a wedding gift from DHs ex-boss. We weren't registered for it though. I would leave it, but make sure you have gifts that cover all price ranges. Look at this way, if no one gets it for you, and you really want it, at least you can use the completion discount on it.

levioosa · October 2015

I would remove it.

mileybangerz · October 2015

Knottie1428889205 said:

Myself and my future husband are starting to put together our wedding registry. For the most part, we both agree what should go on it, and we are adding things that will hit different budgets (large and small). However, he also added a $4000 television and said it would be a funny joke and no one would take it seriously! I feel that there are people who are going to take this seriously and it will make us look bad!!

He thinks this is so funny for some reason, but I am so stressed over what people will think that I am almost in tears. I know its going to lead to a stupid argument when I ask him if I can remove it from the registry. Any advice on how to approach this?

Pick your battles. This isn't one of them.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

I'd try and compromise and have a smaller priced TV put on. I agree with Maggie and Lynda above. A registry is a wish list and most people would want to upgrade their TV! So compromise with your FI and have a smaller priced on put on the registry.

Which TV did your FI register for anyway? The curved TV? Just curious!

SP29 · October 2015

Personally, I'd remove it because it would make ME feel uncomfortable. Your registry isn't a place for a joke, and people may think you are serious.

It's not the worst thing in the world. I'd probably side eye it at first, but then realize that lots of stores give a registry completion discount, so I would then assume that's why you had put such an expensive item on there- because YOU were planning on buying it, not expecting your guests to.

photokitty · October 2015

I would never put anything on a registry bc it would be a funny joke. I mean if you want to have a funny joke on your wedding registry tell him you are going too add a stap-on and a ball gag...now that's funny and fun.

A $4k tv is not a joke, it's a gift he wants and one I would side eye. I can afford to buy you a nice ball gag, but not a $4k tv.

monkeysip · October 2015

Lol H and I registered together, but I went back and changed a few things and added a few things later. Oops. The TV would be one of those things if I were in your shoes.

But worst case scenario, if I saw that on a registry, I would assume the B&G put it on there for the completion discount and weren't insane enough to actually expect anyone to buy it.

It's still not "funny" though. I don't get why he thinks its so funny...

themosthappy91 · October 2015

I'm surprised how many people on here would remove/side-eye it because I just assumed in this day and age everyone adds stuff just for the completion discount. Now if your husband has 100% no intention of buying it with that discount, that's kind of weird but I still wouldn't be bothered by it because who knows what people will choose to go in on for a group gift. I say get over it.

The bigger issue is that you are extremely upset about this (to a degree that I personally find weird, but that's your prerogative) but you don't think your husband would respect your feelings, That's probably worth futher exploration.

JediElizabeth · October 2015

scribe95 said:
I don't think it's really appropriate - both because it's entertainment and just way too high priced.
Just tell him you are uncomfortable with it. I bet the reason why he wants to keep it on there is he is secretly hoping someone would get it. Even split by a bunch of people that's way too expensive in my world.

Is entertainment really not appropriate? I've had friends put PS4s or projectors on their registries and I didn't think twice about it. We're not at that stage yet, so we haven't considered it, but it would be good to keep that in mind.

oliviabee22 · October 2015

I wouldn't worry too much about it. A lot of people have very expensive things on their registry but I don't think much of it because they probably put it on so they can use their completion discount on it. The most expensive thing on our's was a Dyson vacuum - and in my bridal shower thank yous, I mentioned to those that gave gift cards that it would go towards the "new vacuum" fund.

I never expected anyone to buy it on their own.
Are you guys intending on buying it? I don't know how this is a joke? Maybe he just thinks its funny because its so outrageously expensive. If it really bugs you though, just take it off, he probably won't even notice.

JellyBean52513 · October 2015

One thing I learned quickly from my old boss (quick recap: biggest bitch in the world) was that every time she said "You know what's funny is that....." whatever followed wasn't actually funny, it was her talking shit about someone and being an asshole, she just felt the need to preface it that way as if it would make her gossip entertaining when really she just wanted to shit on people.

Basically, when someone tries to cloak something in humor that isn't inherently funny, it's because there's an ulterior motive which is easy to see right through. Just from reading your OP, I think your husband really wants someone to buy that TV and that's why he put it on there. What would he do if someone bought it? Call them up and say "I was totally kidding about the TV, I can't believe you bought it! I hope you kept the receipt because I'm taking this back tomorrow" ?? I doubt it. He wants the TV, and that's ok! I'd love a $4000 TV. If I saw a registry with a $4000 TV on it, I'd just think "Pffft good luck guys, I hope someone with deep pockets really wants to treat you but it ain't me" and I'd move on to something I can afford. But I wouldn't A) judge you for having it, nor

think for one second it's meant to be a joke.

themosthappy91 · October 2015

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think this argument falls apart when you start considering what it really means to need something. Tons of people live together before getting married and have all the basics covered- they don't need an upgrade to nicer plates or towels any more than anyone needs a TV, but I've never seen someone on here suggest they should only register for things they don't already own a version of. We actually encourage people to do this when they come around talking about how they have all the stuff they need and would like to have a honeyfund registry.

Likewise, there are tons of home goods that are also unneeded but no one side-eyes them on a registry- caddy for dish soap/lotion duo, cheese plate for entertaining, decorative throw pillows etc.

Point is, it's certainly not against etiquette to register for entertainment options, as you said, and I don't really get why someone would be against it as a matter of opinion either.

msuprincess04 · October 2015

I'd keep it. With a wide range of items and prices, it's reasonable that someone who doesn't want to spend that, won't. And, you can hopefully get a good completion discount at the end that may help you afford it on your own.

kvruns · October 2015

I could see it if it was a TV you guys wanted to buy and could use a completion discount on it but otherwise I think it is weird and I'd probably take it off because I wouldn't want people to look at me funny for registering for such a large item. We put an $800 grill on ours because we had a target coupon for either 15% or 25% off of a registry item (like you're supposed to give it to friends) so we used it on the grill for ourselves because H had really been wanting one.

jacques27 · October 2015

Would I be upset and near tears? No. But I also don't think registering for that is appropriate or funny and I would take it off. If he's so into "funny" register for the movie Blazing Saddles. That movie is hilarious!

Maggie0829 · October 2015

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think that the majority of registry lists are wants and not actual needs. Yeah there may be one or two things that a person may actually need, but nine times out of ten a couples registry is made up of a bunch of things that they want to upgrade or wouldn't necessarily buy themselves.

STARMOON44 · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think that the majority of registry lists are wants and not actual needs. Yeah there may be one or two things that a person may actually need, but nine times out of ten a couples registry is made up of a bunch of things that they want to upgrade or wouldn't necessarily buy themselves.

No one needs formal china, and yet it's a completely normal and customary part of a registry. I think it's strange to decide to have a problem with that.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

Don't agree... That thinking is how the dreaded Honeymoon Fund comes into play... People live on their own have all of that stuff so what else can we register for?? A honeymoon!! NO NO and NO. I'd leave the TV roll my eyes and move on. People wont even remember whats on it after they look at it. Careful about registering for stuff as a joke though... those are the types of things that people seem to buy

Maggie0829 · October 2015

STARMOON44 said:

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think that the majority of registry lists are wants and not actual needs. Yeah there may be one or two things that a person may actually need, but nine times out of ten a couples registry is made up of a bunch of things that they want to upgrade or wouldn't necessarily buy themselves.
No one needs formal china, and yet it's a completely normal and customary part of a registry. I think it's strange to decide to have a problem with that.

Exactly. I didn't need new dishes, but I wanted them. I didn't need new silverware, but I wanted them. I didn't need fancy wine glasses, but hey, why not register for them because I would probably have never bought them myself. Hell people put furniture, board games, camping gear, tools, etc on their registries so why not a tv. A registry is a wish list. Nothing more. If the people looking at it don't want to get you that high priced tv then they don't have to. They can instead get you that wine opener you registered for. And I think to read into a registry anymore then just "hey they want a tv" is ridiculous.

marie2785 · October 2015

Knottie1428889205 said:

Myself and my future husband are starting to put together our wedding registry. For the most part, we both agree what should go on it, and we are adding things that will hit different budgets (large and small). However, he also added a $4000 television and said it would be a funny joke and no one would take it seriously! I feel that there are people who are going to take this seriously and it will make us look bad!!

He thinks this is so funny for some reason, but I am so stressed over what people will think that I am almost in tears. I know its going to lead to a stupid argument when I ask him if I can remove it from the registry. Any advice on how to approach this?

If you're close to tears, then yes, you are SERIOUSLY over reacting.

Pick your battles. Is this worth it? People will likely laugh if they see it, but as long as you have plenty of cheaper items I doubt anyone will be offended. My husband added a bunch of $400+ items to our registry. And as we got closer to the wedding date, I just made sure to add additional cheap items.

But if you think you may want to use the registry completion discount on it, keep it on there. I regret not putting a mattress on ours. Yes, it would have been a $3,000 item that NO ONE would have bought. But man, I missed that 10% discount when I bought it at Macy's a few weeks after our wedding...

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

STARMOON44 said:

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think that the majority of registry lists are wants and not actual needs. Yeah there may be one or two things that a person may actually need, but nine times out of ten a couples registry is made up of a bunch of things that they want to upgrade or wouldn't necessarily buy themselves.
No one needs formal china, and yet it's a completely normal and customary part of a registry. I think it's strange to decide to have a problem with that.

And actually the point of the formal china is for entertaining. . . same as fine silverware, platters, serving dishes, fine table linens, stemware, bar sets, etc. They are all items couples use to host and entertain dinners and parties in their homes.

However, that's not the same as a $4K TV. I'd assume the couple put it on there for the completion discount, but it would still seem kind of tacky to me.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

scribe95 said:

I admit my logical fallacy (is that how you spell that) but for some reason I personally find a $4,000 TV to be in poor taste on a registry. Apparently so does OP and several others who told her to take it off.

How is that in any more poor taste then say a $500 vacuum, a $300 electric saw, a $400 kitchen aid mixer, a fancy ass grill, or expensive china? It is a want item, as is most of all registry items. Now if OP only has a registry full of super high priced items, then there is a problem (unless she is a multi-millionaire who has multi-millionaire friends and high priced items are the norm). But having one extravagantly priced item on a registry full of "normal" or "acceptable" priced items is not a huge deal nor is it in poor taste. No one has to buy it.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

scribe95 said:

Very true. But people side eye things on this website all the time that aren't technically against etiquette. I'm just saying I would side eye it. Partly due to the actual item but also due to large price tag. I have never anything in the multiple thousands on any registry.

Fine, side eye it all you want. But having it on there isn't wrong.

But in general I just don't get the uproar over a freaking tv on a registry. How does it being on there effect you (general you)? Do you really care that much about what people put on their registries? Since you aren't being forced to buy it why is it such a "OMG I can't believe they put that expensive item on their registry!" I don't know, I just feel like this is such an insignificant thing that every day people really don't give two shits about. But then again we live in a world where everyone is offended by everything.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

STARMOON44 said:

scribe95 said:

Me personally I think registries are more for things you need in your home - vacuum; silverware; knives; sheets etc. I think gaming machines and tv's are more like entertainment and wants. I don't think it's against etiquette per se. I would just have a problem with it. And that price range is way too high in my opinion as well.

I think that the majority of registry lists are wants and not actual needs. Yeah there may be one or two things that a person may actually need, but nine times out of ten a couples registry is made up of a bunch of things that they want to upgrade or wouldn't necessarily buy themselves.
No one needs formal china, and yet it's a completely normal and customary part of a registry. I think it's strange to decide to have a problem with that.

And actually the point of the formal china is for entertaining. . . same as fine silverware, platters, serving dishes, fine table linens, stemware, bar sets, etc. They are all items couples use to host and entertain dinners and parties in their homes.

However, that's not the same as a $4K TV. I'd assume the couple put it on there for the completion discount, but it would still seem kind of tacky to me.

Eh when we host football parties, the TV is a big part of the entertainment portion.

thisismynickname2 · October 2015

I think OP needs to talk this through with her fiance and he needs to see how uncomfortable she is with it, bottom line.

Frankly, I'd side-eye it. You can get a perfectly good TV for less than $1000. $4k is totally obscene. If my future husband wanted it that much and wanted to use the completion discount, in all honesty, I'd put a friggin' disclaimer on my wedding website like "The TV is only on there so we can get a completion discount!"

Am I overreacting?

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