Plus one?

dvlwmn1027 · October 2015

When we selected our venue, we did not anticipate more than 40 people. The venue we booked will accommodate up to 50. Our guest list is currently at 54. I need thoughts one the plus one conundrum. I have a mash of some singles coming stag by choice, some married, and some in long term relationships.

My brother is acting as my Man of Honor and coming in from out of state for the wedding. He recently began dating and moved in with a girl that is under 21 and our weekend wedding festivities are in Las Vegas. Our wedding is in March 2016 and she wont be 21 by then. Should I let him bring her? They will have still known each other less than a year by the time the wedding is here and I dont know how much fun she would really have. The only other person under 21 going is my daughter and she gets to hang out with grandma while we do the bachelor/bacheloette thing on the night before the wedding. I'm at max capacity on the venue and I dont want to be a meanie but I also dont want to cut someone else for someone I have never met. My brother knows half the people who will be attending so he wont be completely isolated.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

[Deleted User] · October 2015

She is his SO and needs an invite. Don't know what under 21 has to do with anything. I mean, she's not 12, right? You're inviting his SO to your wedding, and I assume she can enter the venue under 21.

I'm curious, does that 54 include you, your FI and your vendors? You need a venue that accommodates 100% of your guest list, you, your FI, and your vendors.

ETA: do you have a plan if you have more than 50 guests RSVP yes? Is the venue willing or able to squeeze in a few more people, or is this a pretty hard 50?

dvlwmn1027 · October 2015

My concern for her age is more the night before. The wedding party and a few others will be doing a joint last ha-ra that does require 21 and older so she would not be able to join in. The venue is pretty set on that 50 mark. Ceremony and reception are in different spaces. The ceremony location is the one that does not accommodate. 54 is everyone. I dont want him to feel im singling his SO out but this is his 3rd SO so far this year and i dont know how to handle it.

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:
When we selected our venue, we did not anticipate more than 40 people. The venue we booked will accommodate up to 50. Our guest list is currently at 54. I need thoughts one the plus one conundrum. I have a mash of some singles coming stag by choice, some married, and some in long term relationships.

My brother is acting as my Man of Honor and coming in from out of state for the wedding. He recently began dating and moved in with a girl that is under 21 and our weekend wedding festivities are in Las Vegas. Our wedding is in March 2016 and she wont be 21 by then. Should I let him bring her? They will have still known each other less than a year by the time the wedding is here and I dont know how much fun she would really have. The only other person under 21 going is my daughter and she gets to hang out with grandma while we do the bachelor/bacheloette thing on the night before the wedding. I'm at max capacity on the venue and I dont want to be a meanie but I also dont want to cut someone else for someone I have never met. My brother knows half the people who will be attending so he wont be completely isolated.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

dvlwmn1027 said:
My concern for her age is more the night before. The wedding party and a few others will be doing a joint last ha-ra that does require 21 and older so she would not be able to join in. The venue is pretty set on that 50 mark. Ceremony and reception are in different spaces. The ceremony location is the one that does not accommodate. 54 is everyone. I dont want him to feel im singling his SO out but this is his 3rd SO so far this year and i dont know how to handle it.

Fromban etiquette perspective, you need to invite the significant other of anyone in a relationship. That means married, engaged, long term relationships, short term relationships... Basically, if the couple considers themselves dating, you should invite the SO by name (not "and Guest"). These are not considered plus ones because they're supposed to be invited per etiquette.

A "plus one" is for truly single guests who are not in relationships. If guests are truly single, you don't need to extend a plus one.

So that said, your brother's gf needs to be invited as does anyone else's SO. Unfortunately, that may mean you cancel your current venue and find a bigger one. It would be incredibly rude to disrespect your closest family/friend relationships because you planned poorly.

dvlwmn1027 · October 2015

Canceling the venue isn't an option. Non refundable and we are on a budget.

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:
Canceling the venue isn't an option. Non refundable and we are on a budget.

OK well you asked for etiquette advice, so that's what it is. Sounds like you will need to choose between being rude to your guests, cutting your guest list, or finding ways to pay for a new venue.

I can't imagine there's a shortage of ceremony venues in Vegas or that you couldn't find someone who could come onsite and do it at your reception venue. I would do that way before I'd disrespect my closest friends and family...

[Deleted User] · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

My concern for her age is more the night before. The wedding party and a few others will be doing a joint last ha-ra that does require 21 and older so she would not be able to join in. The venue is pretty set on that 50 mark. Ceremony and reception are in different spaces. The ceremony location is the one that does not accommodate. 54 is everyone. I dont want him to feel im singling his SO out but this is his 3rd SO so far this year and i dont know how to handle it.

At this point she must get an invite. She can make decisions whether she wants to come, and if she does come then what she can also make decisions what to do while you guys are doing +21 activities the night before.

It doesn't matter that this is his 3rd SO this year. If they break up before the invites go out then this is a moot point, if they don't then she gets an invite. I don't know what you do if they break up after the invites go out but before the wedding, but I assume you can also rescind the invite in some way.

So, what is your plan if more than 50 RSVP yes? Have you sent save the date cards to anyone?

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

And if they break up and he's on his fourth SO by then, she must be invited as well. You can snark on him all you want for his dating choices (although dating 3 people exclusively in one year isn't that bad) but etiquette states that all guests with SOs are invited (jic you have other SOs excluded as well).

Which means you're at 55 with a hard cut off at 50; how are you determining who to cut and have you contacted the ceremony space to see if they can budge on 5? I hope you're not planing on just showing up and expecting them to be accommodated.

redoryx · October 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

Canceling the venue isn't an option. Non refundable and we are on a budget.
OK well you asked for etiquette advice, so that's what it is. Sounds like you will need to choose between being rude to your guests, cutting your guest list, or finding ways to pay for a new venue. I can't imagine there's a shortage of ceremony venues in Vegas or that you couldn't find someone who could come onsite and do it at your reception venue. I would do that way before I'd disrespect my closest friends and family...

This. I don't really know what you want us to tell you OP but I promise that no one is going to tell you it's okay to cut her from the guest list because you've never met her and they've been dating for such a short period of time.

Lurkers, this is why you put together your guest list before finding a venue

mollybarker11 · October 2015

You shouldn't have selected a venue before you'd finished your guest list, but now that you have you must cut the list down to below 50 (including your vendors).

When drawing it up, you must include everyone's SO and it is a smart idea to tally in a "buffer" +1 for any single guests in case they start a relationship by the time your invitations go out. If they are still single in January/February you do not need to give them +1s. But if they are in relationships their SO must be invited by name, no matter how new they are or whether you have personally met them.

You absolutely cannot not invite your brother's girlfriend to your wedding just because she won't be able to go drinking with your bachelorette party. It's not up to you to decide how much fun she'd have or how isolated he'd feel.

Good luck trimming the list! You don't want a bunch of sour guests at your wedding so do the kind thing and invite them with their partners!

jacques27 · October 2015

1. The word you are looking for is woman. He lives with a woman who is not yet 21.

2. This woman is his significant other. She is not a plus one, she is one half of a social unit that gets invited as a package. Plus ones are when a person is truly single and not in a relationship they deem significant. Note: you don't get to decide the length of time you find acceptable to call them significant, they define it for themselves. Would you like it if someone excluded your fiance because they didn't think your relationship was significant enough? Or someone in your fiance's family excluded you? Heck, your wedding is still 5 months away. That's plenty of time for your brother to elope with this woman and she could be your sister-in-law by then.

3. Don't pre-emptively make decisions for other people based on what you think is best for them. There's plenty of things to do in Vegas if you are under 21. Maybe she's fine doing her own thing that night? Maybe she'll decide it would be too boring and choose not to come all on her own (an invitation is not a subpoena; she can decline for her own reasons)? But don't make that decision for her by not inviting her.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

If you can't change your venue you need to take a hard look at your guest list. Any guest in a relationship needs to be invited together. So even though you said certain guests will leave their SO at home to go to the DW wedding, you still need to invite them as a couple.

As for your brother, you are being all sorts of judgy about his relationship. He is living with this woman, he must think that something about their relationship is serious in order for him to move in. So invite her. Fill in your brother on the bachelor/ette party, so he can tell his GF that it is for 21 and over. GF may be fine to do her own thing in Vegas or your brother may decide to not attend the party, so he can stay with his GF. Neither of those choices are wrong, so if the latter is chosen, don't hold that against your brother in any way. He is an adult and can choose to skip your joint party if he wants.

wink0erin · October 2015

As others have stated, all couples need to be invited by name, this includes your brother's gf, and your venue needs to be able to hold all guests.

Brother's gf can decide if she wants to come or not, she's an adult. She may decide to stay home due to her age or due to expense, or she may come and do something else that night since she can't participate. It's not your place to tell her or your brother what to do.

Sounds like you need to cut down your guest list if you want to keep the same venue.

aurianna · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

When we selected our venue, we did not anticipate more than 40 people. The venue we booked will accommodate up to 50. Our guest list is currently at 54. I need thoughts one the plus one conundrum. I have a mash of some singles coming stag by choice, some married, and some in long term relationships.

My brother is acting as my Man of Honor and coming in from out of state for the wedding. He recently began dating and moved in with a girl that is under 21 and our weekend wedding festivities are in Las Vegas. Our wedding is in March 2016 and she wont be 21 by then. Should I let him bring her? They will have still known each other less than a year by the time the wedding is here and I dont know how much fun she would really have. The only other person under 21 going is my daughter and she gets to hang out with grandma while we do the bachelor/bacheloette thing on the night before the wedding. I'm at max capacity on the venue and I dont want to be a meanie but I also dont want to cut someone else for someone I have never met. My brother knows half the people who will be attending so he wont be completely isolated.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

The bolded concerns me. You're inviting the SOs of everyone in a relationship, correct? Even if it's not "long term" ? Aka if someone has been only dating 1 month prior to when your wedding invites go out, but they say they are in a relationship, you do plan on inviting that SO too, correct?

Also...

Have invitations gone out yet?
If not, have Save the Dates and/or verbal invitations gone out yet?

Your wedding is a ways off. There is plenty of time for the singles you mention to get SOs. (I mean, back in 2003, I was getting over a boyfriend in September. Met my now-husband in October... dated a DIFFERENT boy in October and November... then started dating now-husband in February. A lot can happen in just a few months.

If you have not already sent out STDs and/or told people they will be invited, you really might want to cut your guest list deeper or see if there's anything at all the venue will let you do to be flexible. Because there's a good chance people that are single now will have SOs come invitation time.

MesmrEwe · October 2015

1) Yes, he gets a "plus one".

2) There is PLENTY to do in Vegas if someone is under 21 or a teetotaler! She'll be fine, she's an adult, she can figure out what to do if you don't want her at your bach party, or, you can go into your wedding day without a hangover and go to places that are 18+ out there with her, you're only obligated to invite her to the actual wedding festivities, not the surrounding unless your brother is also invited to those festivities. They are a social unit.

3) Stop being so judgy about their relationship. It's not like she's 12 or 17 for that matter. He obviously thinks something of her because he is living with her. Heck, they could be married the day before you in Vegas at this point. It's not how long they've known eachother that matters. Many couples have huge gaps in age, it happens, and many people get married within the span of a year of being in a dating relationship.

4) You've got essentially two to three couples to cut from your guest list. Otherwise, call your venue to see what options they have if for some reason every one of the 55 guests RSVP "attending". If they're "Nope, can't wedge 5 more people in there" or "If you don't have a head table or cake table, we can add one more person to each table, but that's pushing it, but you'll be o.k. but do not invite more than that"...

LD1970 · October 2015

I have to say, your brother is a heck of a good guy if you're this judgmental about him and he's still willing to stand up as your Man of Honor. Kudos to him.

dvlwmn1027 · October 2015

I'm not trying to judge or be disrespectful to anyone. Save the dates have gone out I am aware that all this may be a moot point. I'm not one to drop bomb shells on people at the last minute either. We book a venue based on the 40 people we had on our list that we specifically wanted there. Our list has grown due to people we initially thought would be a definite no have become a yes. Again I understand that may change. I am aware that she may elect to not come at all. My goal in all this is to not make her feel alienated but there really is no good solution. Leaving her at home will possibly definitely make her feel this way. Should she decide to attend, and if my brother follows through with the initial plan before he met her, then she would be left sitting in her room or wandering by herself (ya, that is always fun). For the night before, the rehearsal itself is only for those actually in the wedding due to the fact that the venue wants us in and out with out a bunch of spectators because it is a museum that is open for business during the hours we would be there. After the rehearsal, we will all meet with all who want to come and do a scavenger hunt down Fremont street. This includes bars and casinos so she would be left behind again. Then there is the ceremony head count. I have a message in to my venue coordinator but I dont know how much wiggle room there will be so I am preparing for the worst.

There is also the option that my brother ducks out of the friday night festivities, which is ok too if he wants to. But given the fact that he is supposed to be part of the wedding party, I sort of need to know this soon. I was hoping someone might have some suggestions on how to approach the subject or if anyone else had been in a similar circumstance.

For now, I'll wait to hear back from the venue and talk to my brother. Here's to hoping for the best.

Viczaesar · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

I'm not trying to judge or be disrespectful to anyone. Save the dates have gone out I am aware that all this may be a moot point. I'm not one to drop bomb shells on people at the last minute either. We book a venue based on the 40 people we had on our list that we specifically wanted there. Our list has grown due to people we initially thought would be a definite no have become a yes. Again I understand that may change. I am aware that she may elect to not come at all. My goal in all this is to not make her feel alienated but there really is no good solution. Leaving her at home will possibly definitely make her feel this way. Should she decide to attend, and if my brother follows through with the initial plan before he met her, then she would be left sitting in her room or wandering by herself (ya, that is always fun). For the night before, the rehearsal itself is only for those actually in the wedding due to the fact that the venue wants us in and out with out a bunch of spectators because it is a museum that is open for business during the hours we would be there. After the rehearsal, we will all meet with all who want to come and do a scavenger hunt down Fremont street. This includes bars and casinos so she would be left behind again. Then there is the ceremony head count. I have a message in to my venue coordinator but I dont know how much wiggle room there will be so I am preparing for the worst.

There is also the option that my brother ducks out of the friday night festivities, which is ok too if he wants to. But given the fact that he is supposed to be part of the wedding party, I sort of need to know this soon. I was hoping someone might have some suggestions on how to approach the subject or if anyone else had been in a similar circumstance.

For now, I'll wait to hear back from the venue and talk to my brother. Here's to hoping for the best.

You're going about this bass ackward. You need to invite all guests' significant others, regardless of how long they've been together and whether you've met the SO. Period, end of story. You also need to invite the SOs of people in the rehearsal to the rehearsal dinner. That means that your rehearsal dinner needs to be accessible to all guests. You need to host something after your rehearsal that an under-21 can attend. You can go bar hopping after that if you want, but you need to host an actual dinner that everyone (people in the rehearsal and their SOs) can attend.

And for everyone else - this is why you always assume 100% attendance and never invite over your venue maximum because you think some people won't come. Basically, OP, you screwed up, and it's on you to fix it without being horribly rude to your guests.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

Have save the dates gone out to everyone, or just VIPs?

Etiquette wise everyone who received a save the date must receive an invitation (with a few exceptions, e.g. Someone receives a save the date because they were a SO of one of your guests but are no longer.). If save the dates went to everyone then you're in a tight spot, if not then take a hard look at your guest list.

All SOs must be invited to the RD. If the venue you have chosen for that is unaccomodating then you need to find a new venue, and one that will allow under 21. I would get on the phone with them, if they do rehearsal dinners normally then this shouldn't be news to them.

All SOs must be invited to the wedding. So have a look and make sure that your brother's SO is the only one excluded at the moment.

If your ceremony venue cannot squeeze in the extra five people, and if you care about following etiquette for your guests, then you need to start thinking of other options. Other posters can help you think of solutions that work with your budget, but you need to be open to losing your ceremony site. I seriously doubt you're going to get support from anyone who believes it's okay to exclude your brother's SO, and this should tell you that it's really not okay.

Good luck!

dvlwmn1027 · October 2015

I agree that this is not proper etiquette. She is welcome at rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal portion is not going to be available to any SO that isnt in the wedding. The venue for ceremony is a Museum. The museum is blocking off the area the ceremony will be in to do a quick run through. Therefore it will only be wedding party and parents. She can attend dinner. And then we are all off to festivities that are in place. His lady is the only guest that is under 21 aside from my teenage daughter. Im waiting to hear back from the venue on the extra guests.

lnixon8 · October 2015

Don't be surprised if your brother skips the scavenger hunt to stay with his girlfriend.

And if youre worried about what your brothers gf is going to do during that time, aren't you at all concerned with what your teenage daughter is going to be doing during this time?

onefootinthebayou · October 2015

Also, 20 year olds are allowed in casinos. They may even be allowed in bars if they're over 18. The Friday night festivities are a non issue & sound like a thinly veiled excuse OP is trying to use to exclude brother's gf b/c she invited more people to the wedding than her venue could accommodate.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

onefootinthebayou said:

Also, 20 year olds are allowed in casinos. They may even be allowed in bars if they're over 18. The Friday night festivities are a non issue & sound like a thinly veiled excuse OP is trying to use to exclude brother's gf b/c she invited more people to the wedding than her venue could accommodate.

This. I've not been to Vegas, so I don't know if its different there. But typically any person is allowed in a bar before 10 PM, if they also serve food and have seating away from the actual bar area. After 10 PM she may not be allowed in. So it's possible that brother's GF can attend at least a portion of the after dinner festivities.

Maggie0829 · October 2015

OliveOilsMom said:

onefootinthebayou said:

Also, 20 year olds are allowed in casinos. They may even be allowed in bars if they're over 18. The Friday night festivities are a non issue & sound like a thinly veiled excuse OP is trying to use to exclude brother's gf b/c she invited more people to the wedding than her venue could accommodate.

This. I've not been to Vegas, so I don't know if its different there. But typically any person is allowed in a bar before 10 PM, if they also serve food and have seating away from the actual bar area. After 10 PM she may not be allowed in. So it's possible that brother's GF can attend at least a portion of the after dinner festivities.

Actually under 21s cannot be in the casino area unless they are crossing through to get to another part of the hotel (which is pretty normal seeing as how you have to go through casino areas to even get to the reception desk). But they can't loiter even if they are with people who are older and are gambling. And they are allowed in restaurants/bars that serve food but only in the dining areas. So any nightclubs or just bars are a no.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

I agree that this is not proper etiquette. She is welcome at rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal portion is not going to be available to any SO that isnt in the wedding. The venue for ceremony is a Museum. The museum is blocking off the area the ceremony will be in to do a quick run through. Therefore it will only be wedding party and parents. She can attend dinner. And then we are all off to festivities that are in place. His lady is the only guest that is under 21 aside from my teenage daughter. Im waiting to hear back from the venue on the extra guests.

Why can't you modify your "festivities" so that your daughter and your brother's girlfriend are left out and alone back at the hotel?

I sincerely hope that your brother skips the scavenger hunt or whatever and goes out with his GF. . . if I were she, and he ditched me at an OOT wedding to screw around in bars all night knowing that I can't join him, I'd be very, very pissed.

[Deleted User] · October 2015

Maggie0829 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

onefootinthebayou said:

Also, 20 year olds are allowed in casinos. They may even be allowed in bars if they're over 18. The Friday night festivities are a non issue & sound like a thinly veiled excuse OP is trying to use to exclude brother's gf b/c she invited more people to the wedding than her venue could accommodate.

This. I've not been to Vegas, so I don't know if its different there. But typically any person is allowed in a bar before 10 PM, if they also serve food and have seating away from the actual bar area. After 10 PM she may not be allowed in. So it's possible that brother's GF can attend at least a portion of the after dinner festivities.

Actually under 21s cannot be in the casino area unless they are crossing through to get to another part of the hotel (which is pretty normal seeing as how you have to go through casino areas to even get to the reception desk). But they can't loiter even if they are with people who are older and are gambling. And they are allowed in restaurants/bars that serve food but only in the dining areas. So any nightclubs or just bars are a no.

Yes, but it sounds like a scavenger hunt is probably a lot of "just walking through" so anybody should be able to participate.

delujm0 · October 2015

I'm kind of wondering why OP is so worried about what her brother's 20 year old girlfriend will do in Vegas for a weekend, when she has a teenaged daughter that presumably will also be at the wedding. I mean what is your daughter doing all weekend? Probably laying by the pool, maybe seeing some shows? Your brother's girlfriend can do at least everything that your daughter is doing, and probably more (assuming that your daughter is under 18 - because there are some things that people between 18 and 21 can do that those under 18 cannot).

If you're not worried about your daughter's itinerary for the weekend, there's no reason to worry about your brother's girlfriend. I'm sure if she decides to come she will know how to take care of herself. As far as the post-rehearsal dinner activities, I'm sure that the issue of "your brother is over 21 and she is under" has come up many, many times before in their relationship, so they know how to deal with it. It might mean that she goes home and turns in early while your brother goes out with you, or it might mean that your brother ditches your post-party to hang out with his girlfriend. Their social calendar isn't really your business. As long as your brother is at the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner (with his GF) the night before, and the wedding the next day, he has no other obligations to you.

That said, there really is no way to cut your guest list if STD have been sent already. Just pray for the best and try to formulate a back up plan. You really messed up there.

aurianna · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

I'm not trying to judge or be disrespectful to anyone. Save the dates have gone out I am aware that all this may be a moot point. I'm not one to drop bomb shells on people at the last minute either. We book a venue based on the 40 people we had on our list that we specifically wanted there. Our list has grown due to people we initially thought would be a definite no have become a yes. Again I understand that may change. I am aware that she may elect to not come at all. My goal in all this is to not make her feel alienated but there really is no good solution. Leaving her at home will possibly definitely make her feel this way. Should she decide to attend, and if my brother follows through with the initial plan before he met her, then she would be left sitting in her room or wandering by herself (ya, that is always fun). For the night before, the rehearsal itself is only for those actually in the wedding due to the fact that the venue wants us in and out with out a bunch of spectators because it is a museum that is open for business during the hours we would be there. After the rehearsal, we will all meet with all who want to come and do a scavenger hunt down Fremont street. This includes bars and casinos so she would be left behind again. Then there is the ceremony head count. I have a message in to my venue coordinator but I dont know how much wiggle room there will be so I am preparing for the worst.

There is also the option that my brother ducks out of the friday night festivities, which is ok too if he wants to. But given the fact that he is supposed to be part of the wedding party, I sort of need to know this soon. I was hoping someone might have some suggestions on how to approach the subject or if anyone else had been in a similar circumstance.

For now, I'll wait to hear back from the venue and talk to my brother. Here's to hoping for the best.

Why did you not just ONLY invite the 40 people you really wanted there?

You make it sound like you have 54 people who are already telling you that yes, they are coming.

If all 54 that you say have become yeses are indeed yeses, or if any of your other guests get SOs before 6-8 weeks before your wedding, you are already over capacity.

Even if you cut your brother's girlfriend (which you can't), you're still over capacity.

You need a new venue.

These are your options:

1. Start cutting people you've already told that are invited and risk ruining friendships (I would not advise this). But if you are going to do it (which you should not), do it ASAP so they don't spend money on plane tickets.
2. Get a different venue.
3. Cancel your wedding as is. Send notices out that it will not happen as planned. Contact your venue and see if they will let you change the date to a few months later without too much additional cost. Make a new, smaller guest list.

OliveOilsMom · October 2015

Regarding OP's daughter. She mentioned at one point in here that OP's grandmother will be staying with her daughter after the RD.

mollybarker11 · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

Save the dates have gone out I am aware that all this may be a moot point. I'm not one to drop bomb shells on people at the last minute either. We book a venue based on the 40 people we had on our list that we specifically wanted there. Our list has grown due to people we initially thought would be a definite no have become a yes. Again I understand that may change.

You are right that this all may change. You do not know how many people actually will attend until your RSVPs come back, after your invitations go out. You only need to send invitations to people you sent Save The Dates to or verbally invited. Is that number higher than your venue's capacity? (They're not likely able to stretch the limit they told you but I wish you luck in your talks with them.)

Stop mentally separating your guest list into people you assume will come / people you assume will decline and, as mentioned, don't assume people will stay single. Determine the number of people you now must invite, and find a venue that can fit them all. The alternative is to spend the rest of the time leading up to your wedding praying for declines.

Postponing or changing the location might seem like a "bombshell" to you, but I think it'd be an even bigger bombshell to fly in to a destination wedding only be told I can't attend because the room's filled up.

mollybarker11 · October 2015

dvlwmn1027 said:

My goal in all this is to not make her feel alienated but there really is no good solution. Leaving her at home will possibly definitely make her feel this way. Should she decide to attend, and if my brother follows through with the initial plan before he met her, then she would be left sitting in her room or wandering by herself (ya, that is always fun). For the night before, the rehearsal itself is only for those actually in the wedding due to the fact that the venue wants us in and out with out a bunch of spectators because it is a museum that is open for business during the hours we would be there. After the rehearsal, we will all meet with all who want to come and do a scavenger hunt down Fremont street. This includes bars and casinos so she would be left behind again.

[...] There is also the option that my brother ducks out of the friday night festivities, which is ok too if he wants to. But given the fact that he is supposed to be part of the wedding party, I sort of need to know this soon. I was hoping someone might have some suggestions on how to approach the subject or if anyone else had been in a similar circumstance.

The good solution is to invite her and let her make her own decisions! I really think you're overthinking this one. If your brothers initial plan involved a lot of clubbing or gambling and he'd still like to stick to it, I'm sure he'll discuss that with her so she can factor it into her decision. Other than that, she'll only be by herself during the rehearsal and the post-dinner scavenger hunt. She's a big girl, this won't be the first time people partied without her, most people know the night before a wedding traditionally involves bars.

As for approaching him about the scavenger hunt, just figure out the date you need to know by (why so soon?) and say "Hey I'm finalizing the scavenger hunt thing, please confirm if you'll be joining us by [date]".

Plus one?

Re: Plus one?

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