Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Ideas for laid back fun ceremony

I understand the wedding ceremony is a big deal and should taken seriously. I just feel like most ceremonies are so uptight and very stressful. I want it to be more laid back fun and but still serious. 
One thing we are doing to lighten the mood is have our dog as ring bearer with a tux on. Any other ideas for less uptight and serious ceremonies? It will be religious and an outside ceremony. 
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Re: Ideas for laid back fun ceremony

  • I understand the wedding ceremony is a big deal and should taken seriously. I just feel like most ceremonies are so uptight and very stressful. I want it to be more laid back fun and but still serious. 
    One thing we are doing to lighten the mood is have our dog as ring bearer with a tux on. Any other ideas for less uptight and serious ceremonies? It will be religious and an outside ceremony. 
    I think you should talk to the religious leader who is officiating. I've been to religious ceremonies where the priest has a good sense of humor and makes jokes, and those had the feeling you're looking for. Particularly if the priest knew the couple well and could tell a funny story about them earlier in the relationship, it came off as warm and fun.

    If the officiant is stuffy or solemn, no amount of cute animals or signs or gimmicks will give you the feel you want. (Though in my mind, the presence of a dog will never not make a situation better.)
  • Yeah, religious and fun/laid back really don't jive IMO. But maybe that's just me. Our ceremony was pretty relaxed. My husband's friend married us, so the ceremony had some nice personal touches. My friend read a Maya Angelou poem. All together it was about 10 minutes.
  • MobKaz said:

    I think the best ceremonies are the sincere and unscripted.  Trying to force "cute", "funny", or "casual" often will fall flat.


    Yup. Also, if you're going to have your dog involved, check with your VIPs to make sure there are no allergies.
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  • I think the best ceremonies are the sincere and unscripted.  Trying to force "cute", "funny", or "casual" often will fall flat.

    THIS!  It would be very easy to cross the line and offend some people.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2015
    MobKaz said:

    I think the best ceremonies are the sincere and unscripted.  Trying to force "cute", "funny", or "casual" often will fall flat.

    I agree. Trying to script "cute," "fun," "funny," "casual," etc. tends to be counterproductive because it doesn't have a natural flow to it. Just have the ceremony without worrying about these things and go with the flow, and probably some very cute, fun, funny, and/or casual moments will emerge that are truly priceless and could not have come about in any other way.

    When it comes to having dogs at your ceremony, some questions:
    -Are you having it at venues that allow dogs?
    -Can you be sure you don't have any allergic guests?
    -Will your dog be comfortable around larger groups of people than it is usually around?
    -Can you keep your dog from urinating or defecating where it shouldn't?
    -Is there someone other than yourselves to feed, walk, clean up after the dog if necessary, and take care of any other dog-related needs?
    -Can you be sure that your dog will bring the rings to you without damaging or losing them?


  • If you and your FI are relaxed and laid back then your ceremony feel will follow suit.  No need to have anything scripted or planned.  Just the fact that it is outdoors will help give it the feel that you want.  But I agree with PP you need to talk with your officiant, because if your officiant is uptight and stiff no amount of planning of cutesy things will make your ceremony laid back.

  • Scripted fun and relaxation usually just comes off as trying too hard and awkward.  If you ever watched Friends, there's an episode where Monica is trying to plan a really fancy dinner for a surprise party when everyone just wants like pigs in a blanket, and Phoebe says something like "Fancy only works if you're fancy on the inside, and I'm not so sure we are."

    Same here, but apply it to fun and laid back.  If you're fun and laid back people (you, your officiant, guests), that will naturally shine through in the course of your wedding and planning.  If you're not and you try to script it, then it's just going to seem forced and painful to watch.
  • We had a laid back ceremony, but we're both religious so we had a bible reading and words about god blessing our marriage. It was outside and the opposite of uptight. We found an officiant who did all kinds of ceremonies and he let us write it ourselves. I'd recommend that.

    Ditto PPs on checking about the dog. Also, what's your Plan B if the weather is bad? Im allergic to most dogs. I could tolerate it outside, but inside would be tougher.
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  • lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
    sure it can be  uptight, but just because it's religious doesn't mean they are automatically uptight.    

      I've attend some 30+ Catholic weddings in my life and the vast majority of them were not uptight.   It depends on the priest.   

     The priest who did my confirmation is very uptight.  He looked down on us CCD kids.  Apparently we were not real Catholics because we didn't go to Catholic school.  I never attended a wedding he preformed, but I have no doubt he would have been uptight and give lectures.  But he doesn't reflect every priest out there.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
    Have you seen Pope Francis?  I think that's exhibit A that points to religious not having to be uptight.  Look at ~3:15 of this video.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8MTQZT2tnc

    Also, I went to a wedding several years ago for a couple who are very devout Catholics.  The groom was very involved with his church to the point where they had 7 priests serve as co-officiants of the wedding.   The night before the wedding, a bunch of us were hanging out over a few beers & karaoke, including the priest who was going to deliver the homily.  He said "I'm so psyched for this homily ... I made 3 references to poop."  (it was a running joke between this priest and the groom).  Sure enough, the next day his homily had 3 subtle references to poop.  The whole message was strong, but it was hilarious that he included those simple things.   
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  • I agree it totally depends on the priest. Last year my friend was married by our former monsignor and he always was dull and uptight and her wedding was pretty slow. When my sister got married, the priest was an AHOLE TBH, yelled at my sister for laughing during the ceremony, etc. BUT the new monsignor is marrying us, and I've sat in on mass with him and he's great, lively, jovial, and happy.

    So just vet your officiant and see where it can be personalized. Personally, I wouldn't try to force it, as PPs have said. And to me, the ceremony is a somewhat more contemplative time - of course, it's a very happy occasion, but it's also a huge commitment, spiritually and legally.

  • lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
    Have you seen Pope Francis?  I think that's exhibit A that points to religious not having to be uptight.  Look at ~3:15 of this video.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8MTQZT2tnc

    Also, I went to a wedding several years ago for a couple who are very devout Catholics.  The groom was very involved with his church to the point where they had 7 priests serve as co-officiants of the wedding.   The night before the wedding, a bunch of us were hanging out over a few beers & karaoke, including the priest who was going to deliver the homily.  He said "I'm so psyched for this homily ... I made 3 references to poop."  (it was a running joke between this priest and the groom).  Sure enough, the next day his homily had 3 subtle references to poop.  The whole message was strong, but it was hilarious that he included those simple things.   
    And do you remember this guy?

    image

    Listen, I was brought up Catholic. Did all my sacraments. Spent years going to church. Went to Catholic school. And in my area in NY, you're either Catholic or Jewish. I've attended dozens and dozens of Catholic weddings, and funerals, and baptisms, etc. IMO, there's nothing fun and lighthearted about a full Catholic mass wedding. I'm entitled to my opinion. 
  • mileybangerzmileybangerz member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2015
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
    Have you seen Pope Francis?  I think that's exhibit A that points to religious not having to be uptight.  Look at ~3:15 of this video.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8MTQZT2tnc

    Also, I went to a wedding several years ago for a couple who are very devout Catholics.  The groom was very involved with his church to the point where they had 7 priests serve as co-officiants of the wedding.   The night before the wedding, a bunch of us were hanging out over a few beers & karaoke, including the priest who was going to deliver the homily.  He said "I'm so psyched for this homily ... I made 3 references to poop."  (it was a running joke between this priest and the groom).  Sure enough, the next day his homily had 3 subtle references to poop.  The whole message was strong, but it was hilarious that he included those simple things.   
    And do you remember this guy?

    image

    Listen, I was brought up Catholic. Did all my sacraments. Spent years going to church. Went to Catholic school. And in my area in NY, you're either Catholic or Jewish. I've attended dozens and dozens of Catholic weddings, and funerals, and baptisms, etc. IMO, there's nothing fun and lighthearted about a full Catholic mass wedding. I'm entitled to my opinion. 
    Never said you weren't entitled to an opinion.  I'm just saying that it's not a completely accurate generalization. 

    And yes, I remember this guy -
    image

    ETA:  My step-grandmother was Catholic and worked at her church.  She had a running joke with the pastor about how he was always running late and starting things late.  The funeral was supposed to start at like 2:00 or something.  At 2:02, he knocked on her casket, leaned over and said "hey Linda - I'm starting your funeral a few minutes late just for you."  It was a light-hearted chuckle that brought smiles to everyone's faces.
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  • edited October 2015
    lyndausvi said:
    I'm not sure I have witnessed an uptight stressed ceremony.   That would be weird.  I would wonder why there were marrying each other.

    I went to a wedding last year in a Catholic cathedral.  The cathedral is the head of the diocese.  The priest was hilarious.  Very funny.   Religious does not have to equal uptight and stressed.
    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 
    Have you seen Pope Francis?  I think that's exhibit A that points to religious not having to be uptight.  Look at ~3:15 of this video.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8MTQZT2tnc

    Also, I went to a wedding several years ago for a couple who are very devout Catholics.  The groom was very involved with his church to the point where they had 7 priests serve as co-officiants of the wedding.   The night before the wedding, a bunch of us were hanging out over a few beers & karaoke, including the priest who was going to deliver the homily.  He said "I'm so psyched for this homily ... I made 3 references to poop."  (it was a running joke between this priest and the groom).  Sure enough, the next day his homily had 3 subtle references to poop.  The whole message was strong, but it was hilarious that he included those simple things.   
    And do you remember this guy?

    image

    Listen, I was brought up Catholic. Did all my sacraments. Spent years going to church. Went to Catholic school. And in my area in NY, you're either Catholic or Jewish. I've attended dozens and dozens of Catholic weddings, and funerals, and baptisms, etc. IMO, there's nothing fun and lighthearted about a full Catholic mass wedding. I'm entitled to my opinion. 
    Never said you weren't entitled to an opinion.  I'm just saying that it's not a completely accurate generalization. 

    And yes, I remember this guy -
    image

    ETA:  My step-grandmother was Catholic and worked at her church.  She had a running joke with the pastor about how he was always running late and starting things late.  The funeral was supposed to start at like 2:00 or something.  At 2:02, he knocked on her casket, leaned over and said "hey Linda - I'm starting your funeral a few minutes late just for you."  It was a light-hearted chuckle that brought smiles to everyone's faces.
    Did I say anywhere that priests don't make jokes? That they can't be lighthearted and funny? No. Again, I said IN MY OPINION that religious ceremonies are not exactly what I would call fun and laid back. I'm basing MY OPINION on MY EXPERIENCES. Seriously, when did you become a serious poster instead of a mildly funny troll? 

    ETA: I actually had a full Catholic mass when I got married in 2004. I attended pre cana. And they really drill into you how SERIOUS the sacrament and ceremony is, how it's not to be taken lightly, how you are to maintain the utmost decorum during the ceremony. So again, from my experience, the relgious weddings I have attended are not fun and light hearted and laid back. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I have no doubt your own experience might be that Catholic weddings can uptight.   I'm just saying your experiences do not reflect EVERY CATHOLIC WEDDING in the world.  

     I've attended Catholic weddings in Long Island and they were NOT uptight.   I've attended Catholic weddings in Austria, Texas, Virginia, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland,Tennessee, Virgin Island, Arizona and a few other states.   I've attended Catholic masses around the world and in a shit ton of different states/cities in the US.  

    Are some priest uptight?  Yes.    Are all of them?  No, not by a long shot.  My experience is most are not. 
    I never said that my experience in indicative of every other Catholic ceremony. I only shared what I've experienced. That's it. I said I respectfully disagree with you because of what I've experienced. FFS you guys. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    I have no doubt your own experience might be that Catholic weddings can uptight.   I'm just saying your experiences do not reflect EVERY CATHOLIC WEDDING in the world.  

     I've attended Catholic weddings in Long Island and they were NOT uptight.   I've attended Catholic weddings in Austria, Texas, Virginia, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland,Tennessee, Virgin Island, Arizona and a few other states.   I've attended Catholic masses around the world and in a shit ton of different states/cities in the US.  

    Are some priest uptight?  Yes.    Are all of them?  No, not by a long shot.  My experience is most are not. 
    I never said that my experience in indicative of every other Catholic ceremony. I only shared what I've experienced. That's it. I said I respectfully disagree with you because of what I've experienced. FFS you guys. 
    FWIW, the "in my experience" is a better wording than "it's my opinion that things are always like this."

    Because, see, opinions can still be inaccurate or even downright wrong. I'm sorry that you have had a bad experience with the Church. I'm not Catholic myself and don't care for the (grand total of 2) Masses I have attended, but I will not make sweeping generalizations. Hell, I try not to make sweeping generalizations of Baptists either, and I have a lot more experience with them!
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  • lyndausvi said:

    I have no doubt your own experience might be that Catholic weddings can uptight.   I'm just saying your experiences do not reflect EVERY CATHOLIC WEDDING in the world.  

     I've attended Catholic weddings in Long Island and they were NOT uptight.   I've attended Catholic weddings in Austria, Texas, Virginia, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland,Tennessee, Virgin Island, Arizona and a few other states.   I've attended Catholic masses around the world and in a shit ton of different states/cities in the US.  

    Are some priest uptight?  Yes.    Are all of them?  No, not by a long shot.  My experience is most are not. 

    I never said that my experience in indicative of every other Catholic ceremony. I only shared what I've experienced. That's it. I said I respectfully disagree with you because of what I've experienced. FFS you guys. 







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    But you said you disagreed with Lynda saying that "religious does not have to equal uptight" which very clearly implies that your opinion is that religious does have to equal uptight. I get that's what you've seen (and that's what I've also seen as far as Catholicism goes) but your sweeping generalization that "religion = no fun" is what people are challenging here.



    This, exactly. Also, what you said was speaking for all religions. My Methodist minister's last sermon was on the playful spirit of Jesus. "Religious does not have to equal uptight" is a fact. If what you mean to say is "in my experience it always has" I have no argument with that at all, but it's also not what you said.
  • This is what I said:

    Yeah, religious and fun/laid back really don't jive IMO. But maybe that's just me. Our ceremony was pretty relaxed. My husband's friend married us, so the ceremony had some nice personal touches. My friend read a Maya Angelou poem. All together it was about 10 minutes

    And this 

    After being forced to endure 9 years of Catholic school, I respectfully disagree. Also, I unfortunately have witnessed more than one priest lecture during a wedding where it was totally inappropriate. 

    FFS. I also stated many times IN MY EXPERIENCE many times. I'm not speaking for all religions. I'm only speaking on WHAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED MYSELF.
  • It definitely seems to vary based on the priest in how the sermon and ceremony flows. But that can vary each Sunday. We have one priest and for each Mass he says, I walk in thinking that he's about to tell us about everything we are doing wrong. The pastor of the church actually inspires me to do more.


    Then there's the priest who married BIL and SIL who offered grappa, limoncello and Uzo to all the men before the ceremony
  • FWIW, Climbing, I agree with you. I was raised Catholic and as a kid, my mom would try to avoid the mass that was done by "Father Kevorkian" as she called him, since he was such a huge depressing downer. 

    As an adult, I've been to funerals and weddings in other denominational "fun" churches and it's very awkward for me. To me, church isn't fun. It was a sacrifice that we make for god and it's not supposed to be fun or have a full band. Regardless, I'm not religious so this whole paragraph is moot and a product of decaf coffee.

    Anyway, I think you could have worded your response to Lynda better. Because you pretty much said that religion MUST equal uptight and that's not accurate. That's not what you meant, but it is what you said.
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  • I can see both sides.  I can tell that @climbingwife had a different experience growing up Catholic than I did.  We had priests over to our house for dinner on a regular basis, and those dinners were always filled with laughter.

    I've been to a boatload of Catholic weddings (and our wedding was also Catholic).  I had someone say to me, "Are you really going to make your friends sit through a whole hour??"  I calmly explained that for us, the Mass is the highest form of worship.  Is it supposed to be reverent?  Absolutely.  Is there still room for something light hearted?  Of course.  When the priest blessed our rings, he got a bit carried away with the holy water.  When I reached for my husband's wedding band, I subtly wiped off the extra water with my hand because I was scared it was going to slip out of my hand.  The priest said "yeah, I blessed them REALLY well" and everyone had a good chuckle.  After the Eucharist, he walked over to us and whispered "okay, pretend I'm saying something profound and holy to you.  So, you're married now - how cool is that?"

    Our bridal party didn't dance in to a fun song, and we didn't have anything goofy, but there was joy at our wedding Mass.

    Our marriage prep covered serious topics, but there were still points of levity (heck, we had one unoffical marriage prep session at a sports bar while watching the Rockets since our priest was / is a huge fan).  At one point during a session with our sponsor couple, we were cracking a few jokes.  She looked at us and said "you realize this needs to be taken seriously - this is a life-long covenant".  It wasn't condescing or scolding - it was just a gut-check.  And while it kind of bugged me at the moment, I appreciated it and it really resonated with me.

    (btw, I know I've been MIA for a bit ... it's been a crazy few months for me.  I hope all is well with everyone).
  • I never said that religious ceremonies can't be uptight.      I simply said that just because it's religious it does not equal uptight.

    CW disagreed with my statement. Sorry, she respectively disagreed with my statement.  Which must mean she believes that religious equals uptight.   


    My statement is correct.  It is fact.    Even if someone has experience to the contrary.  

    Again, Religious does not have to equal uptight.     






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • It definitely depends on who is officiating. I've been to dull Catholic (and non-Catholic) weddings where it felt like the priest was lecturing the whole time, and I've been to wonderful ones that, while still serious, had some wonderfully laid back moments. My cousin had a Catholic wedding and the priest shared stories from their life and from their pre-marital counseling/questions. People were laughing and smiling and it was probably one of my favorite wedding ceremonies ever. But, it was still serious. Religious does not have to mean uptight! It can be, but it really does depend on who the priest is.

    These things can't be forced either. Cutesy stuff just seems awkward. A friend of mine did cutesy "funny" vows and it just felt like they weren't taking it seriously at all.

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  • Man, you guys are just desperate for some drama! 
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