I am currently 26 and will be turning 27 in a few months. Since graduating college, I have had one of THE worst (self-proclaimed) quarter-life crises and it’s really affecting my just-engaged mood L
For the past half a year, I felt ready to move on to the next stage in life with my boyfriend of 8 years. We’ve been together long enough to where we have hashed out and compromised over most, if not all, of our individual differences; we both graduated and have settled into stable, growing careers; and we’ve bought a house together earlier this year (although it is currently being used as a rental property). So when my friends asked, I would tell them that I felt ready, and I truly did! My boyfriend and I even went and picked out an engagement ring setting together at the beginning of the year. Everything seemed to be in place for the next phase in our lives.
He recently proposed to me and although I was happy while in the moment, the quarter life crisis has kicked into full gear and I’m more than a little nervous. It’s not that I’m unsure of being with him for the rest of my life or that I want to seek out better options. But coming from a traditional family, I have moved back and still live at home with my parents after college. That being said, the boyfriend/fiancé and I have never lived together.
As childish as it sounds, I’m afraid of moving out and leaving my comfort zone. What really scares me is the dreadful reality that time doesn’t stop. Being engaged feels like a real step forward into adulthood. While I have demonstrated myself to be a dedicated worker and commit to my projects, this is a major life changing event that requires permanent commitment! It just sucks to think that my “girl years” (in my culture/family, you’re not a woman until you get married) are over and it’s a time I will never get back…
Has anyone else felt these jitters so early on
in their engagement? L
Re: Quarter Life Crisis Dampening My Just-Engaged Mood :(
What the hell is a quarter-life crisis?
To the bolded: it sounds like you're not ready to be married.
Also, just out of curiosity, why didn't you move into the house you bought together?
I think I understand where you're coming from. I had a "quarter life crisis" (thanks to us millennials who invented this new craze), but sort of for the opposite reasons from you. When I was still living at home, I was in a job I hated because I just took it right out of school, and FI and I had been together 5 years but were not engaged yet. I was just antsy, I felt super stagnant and miserable. Now it's 2 years later, FI and I live together, and I'm in a job that I love. So if you ride it out, these things usually sort themselves out IME.
Also - I come from a super traditional Italian family. From what I understand from friends, Asian culture asks for even more strict adherence to tradition, so it's natural you feel uncomfortable with something that deviates or alters that (i.e., moving in with FI, having another man in your life). My father is also, after FI, the most important person in my life, and whether I am 5 or 50, I know I could call on him for anything. It is just how he operates. I feel perfectly independent and that FI is 100% my partner now, but I know that my dad is there no matter what, if I needed him, and that is a very nice and secure feeling to have. Are you worried that might change for you when you're married? That may be part of your anxiety. For me, I know it will not, and I imagine your father will always be there for you. You're his daughter. That will not change based on your marital status.
You said you're newly engaged, so just take a deep breath. Don't rush into planning before you work through these feelings. Please keep open communication with FI about these things, he's your partner and probably feels some of this coming from you. He may even be feeling the same way. There's no rush to get into the wedding hoopla. A wedding can be as big or as little a deal as you want it to be, so do whatever feels natural for you (and whoever is helping pay, if that is not you).