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Wedding Party
MandyPandy87
member
Sister and Niece Dilemma
Hi!
I'm in a bit of a pickle...my sister recently had a beautiful baby girl and when I got engaged she and I were so excited talking about the plans for the wedding and when we finally had a date nailed down she realized my niece will be a little over a year old when I get married. So she asked if my niece could be the flower girl, and I was so excited that I just said yes! of course!
But now I'm wondering if a year is too young to be a flower girl? My sister is so excited to get an adorable dress for her and have her be part of the wedding so I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying she can't be in it...does anyone have any suggestions on this? Or do you think a one year old will be okay? My sister is my MOH, and I obviously want my niece to be there, but maybe just not as the flower girl. Any advice on this would be really helpful!
I'm in a bit of a pickle...my sister recently had a beautiful baby girl and when I got engaged she and I were so excited talking about the plans for the wedding and when we finally had a date nailed down she realized my niece will be a little over a year old when I get married. So she asked if my niece could be the flower girl, and I was so excited that I just said yes! of course!
But now I'm wondering if a year is too young to be a flower girl? My sister is so excited to get an adorable dress for her and have her be part of the wedding so I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying she can't be in it...does anyone have any suggestions on this? Or do you think a one year old will be okay? My sister is my MOH, and I obviously want my niece to be there, but maybe just not as the flower girl. Any advice on this would be really helpful!
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Re: Sister and Niece Dilemma
That said though I agree with PPs.
Let her dress up, be in the bridal party pictures, put her name in the program, but have zero expectations as far as her actually walking down the aisle the day of.
Not all one year olds can walk at all.
Most one year olds don't walk well enough to to get down an aisle.
99.9% of one year olds couldn't walk down an aisle by themselves and then go to the appropriate place at the end.
Closer to the day see what your sister is up for.
She could walk with / carry her daughter down the aisle and escort her to wherever she's supposed to sit.
The child's father could walk her / carry her down the aisle
Or you can just skip the aisle and seat her with family straight away.
ETA:
Some weddings I've seen an older flower girl or ring bearer (4+) walk along side a young one. And I don't recommend it.
At my BiL and SiL's wedding the 4 year old flower girl was very into her role and wanted to proudly strut down the aisle sprinkling flowers. Her two year old sister just wanted to hold her sister's hand. 4 year old wanted nothing of it. 2 year old just stopped walking and started sobbing as her sister continued down the aisle without her.
And in a situation like that the older child still doesn't always know how to handle the little one and it ruins it for them and an adult has to go out there anyway.
Bless their hearts, I love my kids, but at one, neither one of them could take more than four or five steps in a row without tripping over their own feet. Clumsy genes.
Even if a kid is physically capable, they don't really have the cognitive and emotional skills to follow through on the plan. Don't set yourselves up for drama, just keep it simple and let everyone have a great time.
I agree with PPs, she can bear the title but she quite literally cannot be part of the processional because she likely will not be able to walk. And even if she can, 1 year olds are unpredictable and she may despise the cute dress hour sister buys her.
Thanks everyone!! She's the first baby between me and my siblings so I definitely wanted her to be included somehow, this all seems like a happy medium
Flash forward to my wedding two weeks ago. Nephew is 1 1/2 years old. Still really young, in my opinion. He walked down the aisle with his mom (my SIL) and then sat on his dad's lap during the ceremony. Right after the ceremony, he was escorted away by his babysitters (previously hired by my SIL). This was a good thing... my SIL could then relax and unwind with her husband.
I would just say that when the time comes closer to your wedding, talk to your sister about what she wants to do. For us, the babysitter thing worked out great.
When it comes to the cute dress for her to wear - the (after) Christmas and Easter sales are your best bet as the dresses are more comfortable and reasonably priced, which makes for a backup dress being affordable if they get food or spit-up on it..
Some 1yo's can barely stand... Then there are kids like DS who was walking confidently at 8mo. Having zero expectations is the way to go. If holding flowers, I'd recommend silks just for theirs because - 1yo's still like to mouth things if they get a tooth coming in.
Your sister was way out of line to ask you if her baby could be the flower girl. Babies do not belong in wedding parties. (My own two children could not walk until they were 16 months old.)
Yes, you should include your niece. You should invite her along with her parents. You can take cute pictures with her at the reception.
I know your sister was the one who asked, but ask yourself, "Why am I having a baby in my wedding party?" Is it for the cuteness factor? If it is, then this is the wrong reason. Your niece will have no memory of your wedding. She will not have hurt feelings if she isn't your flower baby. The only person who might be upset is your sister, who had no business to ask you in the first place.
I have seen several wedding ceremonies disrupted by screaming toddlers. "Oh, but she'ss be so cute!" insisted the bride. No, she wasn't. Please don't do this.
Inviting her to the wedding in an honor. She can wear the tutu at your reception. I repeat, most churches will not allow this at all!
I don't think having a child this young in the wedding party is about honoring the child per say- it's about honoring the family connection. This is her beloved sister's beloved baby, and that would be more than enough for me to feel it was worth it to adopt the casual approach to including her that other PP's have expressed.
I get what you are saying, but if a couple wants to honor a young child and their parents by including the child in the WP in the sense that the child gets dressed up and poses in pictures before and after the ceremony, seems fine to me.
I also have no problem with toddlers being a part of the actual ceremony, as long as the kids can walk down the aisle and not be carted down in a wagon, and all the adults- especially the Bride- understand that the child may be unpredictable and never actually make it down the aisle. As long as the Bride is fine with whatever might happen- walking down aisle as rehearsed, running down aisle in terror, refusing to walk down aisle, etc. I don't care if a couple chooses to have kids under 5 in their WP.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
In another thread you mention "fremdschamen." It means to be embarrassed on behalf of another person who has embarrassed themselves but likely doesn't realize it.
Many people experience this on behalf of babies and toddlers, as well as their parents and the couple, who embarrass themselves at weddings by having children who are too small to really understand what's expected of them, are experiencing breaks in their normal routines, and who are surrounded by unfamiliar people in unfamiliar settings, having meltdowns, running down aisles in terror, refusing to walk down aisles, etc.
None of this might bother you, and never mind what you're doing to the poor babies and toddlers by having those expectations of them - but given how many people experience fremdschamen on behalf of those poor babies, their parents, and the couple when that happens, it doesn't seem right to me to expose anyone to fremdschamen at a wedding by putting them in situations that they just aren't old enough, big enough, or mature enough to handle.
What expectations? The whole point of my post was that if you include toddlers in your wedding you can't have any expectations as to what they may or may not do, and just go with the flow.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
When the two year old ring bearer threw up on the bride at the altar, it was NOT CUTE. The videographer caught the whole thing for posterity.
When the six month old baby the bride was carrying in place of her bouquet screamed all the way down the aisle and pulled the bride's veil off, it was NOT CUTE.
I personally witness all of these disasters, and I felt so sorry for the children.
Every single person here is saying just go with the flow and be cool with if it niece is too fussy to walk down the aisle, or nervous and doesn't want to be in the spotlight. Literally nothing wrong with including her though if she's up to it.
What expectations? The whole point of my post was that if you include toddlers in your wedding you can't have any expectations as to what they may or may not do, and just go with the flow.
Even so, I'd just limit their involvement to photos of them and not worry about "the flow." They'll still be adorable and cute.
When the two year old flower girl threw herself down in the middle of the bridal procession and screamed and kicked, making the rest of the bridal party wait until an usher carried her out, howling at the top of her lungs, it was NOT CUTE! The bride was in tears. I had warned her!
When the two year old ring bearer threw up on the bride at the altar, it was NOT CUTE. The videographer caught the whole thing for posterity.
When the six month old baby the bride was carrying in place of her bouquet screamed all the way down the aisle and pulled the bride's veil off, it was NOT CUTE.
I personally witness all of these disasters, and I felt so sorry for the children.
I have never advocated that anyone should try to bring babies down aisles at weddings.