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Wedding Party
augsum15
member
bridesmaid question
I'm a bridesmaid in my friends wedding next year, and she already picked out the dress and colour for all of us (we didn't go looking or try anything on, she just picked it out). She's made a couple comments that she might pay for part of it or all of it or as part of our "bridesmaid gift" or something. But I'm still not really sure.
So my question is, is it okay for me to flat out ask say "Are you paying for the dress or are we, and also how much is it if I am?" or something like that?
So my question is, is it okay for me to flat out ask say "Are you paying for the dress or are we, and also how much is it if I am?" or something like that?
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Re: bridesmaid question
She really should've done you the kindness of keeping you and the other BMs involved in this in a more concrete way. As the bride, she can select the dress she wants you to wear, but that's after considering each BM's budget or definitively deciding if she will be gifting the dresses. And ideally, considering body types. Everyone wants to feel good in their dress.
I think the best way to broach the topic (which you definitely should) would be to tell her something along the lines of "hey, I want to make sure my budget matches your dress vision. What's your plan?"
This way you'll get an answer and remind her that she needs to be mindful of her friends' wallets.
I guess I'm just upset we were just told and given a bill almost. It's not like it's super expensive but it's surprising when she wasn't forth coming. And I don't know if she spoke to anyone else about budgets but she didn't bring it up in any of our convos. She's a really sweet girl, I feel bad being upset over this. I don't really know what to do. When I was planning my wedding I spoke to each girl about the budget and then took them all to look at dresses so we could find something everyone loved.
Personally I'd ask if she can please confirm how much the dress is and then I'd advise that your attire budget is X. FWIW, I can't see $30 even covering the material for your average dress.
It sucks that she didn't ask you and it really sucks that she's been unclear about this. Instead of being wishy-washy and telling her you need some time, I think you should just be direct. "Friend, I have only budgeted X for a BM dress, including alterations. I wish we'd discussed this before you chose the dress, but I'm not going to be able to pay more than X. You mentioned paying for some or all of the dress, is that still your intention? Otherwise, we're going to have to come up with another solution."
Contact her and ask for specifics- how much is the dress? Are alterations included? If not, how much does your seamstress charge for alterations? Does the seamstress need to take your measurements in person? She really should- very few people have proportions that exactly match patterns.
Then, be honest and up front with your friend about what your actual attire budget would have been, if she had asked in advance, and let her know that is a firm budget so if she has already exceeded it with the cost of this dress you will not be buying any additional items for her wedding- no shoes, jewelry, you'll make your own arrangements for having your hair and makeup done, etc.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Like I mentioned before, other than the dress for my BMs the only things I absolutely wanted them to have done, I paid for. Everything else I gave them options.
I talked to my husband and he said I should just let it go and not cause any drama lol I obviously don't want to cause any drama, I just don't want things coming at me out of left field!
Thanks, I think if I do say anything it'll be along those lines. I'm not out to be a jerk or anything, which is why I wanted some input first, and I knew I'd get some great unbiased opinions here! Hubby just wants peace and doesn't like confronting people ever lol
Being blindsided with the "I'm Buying" to "That'll be $155" is absolutely frustrating!!! It's absolutely worth picking up the phone to say "hey, I need time to come up with that amount of money because I had originally only budgeted $$ for the dress, then thought I wasn't going to have to worry about it, so now I need to come up with the money... But, in the future, can you please be up front about any costs or ask because I don't have a money tree so need advance notice!" and be on a positive note because as @scribe95 mentioned, the asking about budgets is a relatively new concept when it comes to all things WP expenses and some brides just don't realize this (along with about a million other basic etiquette type things..)..
As for the fluffing I never heard of that being a "duty". I didn't give my moh any duties, it was just the way it was said "you're moh has to do this for you all day long" and her being somewhat shocked that she was being summoned to do something. It would have been different if the bride (who also looked slightly dumbfounded) actually asked her and said "would you mind doing blah blah blah".
That sucks that she didn't let the BM have a say in what dress was selected or even try them on because what if she picked a style that is unflattering to the BM. I'll admit that I didn't ask my girls their budget either, but then again, I just said please pick out a full length dress in this color from David's Bridal. They had dresses that met that criteria ranging from $50 to $250, so the girls were able to pick out whatever dress they liked and fit their own budget. Have to admit, that removed a ton of stress from me as a bride.
Going forward, you may expect a lot more of the same from this bride. When you get a few months out, ask her what the plans are for a hairstylist because I could see her going, I want you at x location at x time to get your hair done by my stylist and it's going to cost you $x.xx. I do love what Poodledoo recommended I saying.
And as of a MOH job, I think their only "job" is hold the bouquet during the ceremony when needed and to be there for emotional support during the day and maybe help bustle the gown. My MOH was only one that was available the day of my fitting where they went over that so she took photos and her and another BM bustled my dress for me. I took care of my own dress and I think all of my BM at some point during the day helped me with my dress for photos and for getting around. Heck I think my limo driver even helped at one point. I took care of my own drinks, I wanted everyone to relax & have fun & party at my reception.