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Groomsmen Communication

dyerwisedyerwise member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
edited November 2015 in Wedding Party
Edited because I somehow posted too soon:

I'm just curious how much other brides had to do with the communication to groomsmen? Like, tux/suit rental info, day of timelines, speeches. (Is this even something to be expected of the best man? or is it at their preference? I only ask because FI's best man was a best man in a wedding we went to in May and was wasted when he gave his best man speech and during it kept saying "Oh man, no one told me I'd give a speech!")

My Bridesmaids and I are in contract often. 3 are my sisters and 1 is my best friend, so we're always in contact, not always about wedding related stuff.  I feel like the girls have a good grasp on whats going on with our wedding and last week one of the groomsmen texted my FI and asked when the wedding was again because he was planning a vacation. I'm a little nervous.

Just to add, when FI asked the guys to be groomsmen, he asked them in person then sent them cards saying something like "I'm so glad you'll be my groomsmen." with the wedding date and venue location.


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Re: Groomsmen Communication

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I think brides generally do leave all communications with groomsmen/maids to the grooms-and here, that's what we encourage.  We encourage grooms to leave all communications with the bridesmaids/men to the brides.
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  • dyerwisedyerwise member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Thanks Jen! Whats your opinion on wedding day itinerary cards? I was thinking that would be a really easy way to make sure everyone gets the same and right information. We could give them out to our wedding party members and whomever else needs the info at the rehearsal dinner. 
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  • TNDancerTNDancer member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    In terms of itinerary, I had 1 master plan. Then I edited it for both a girls and guys schedule. This included only the vital facts they needed to know.

    For the guys, ie, arrive at venue 12pm to dress, mens photos 1pm, etc. The best man had already wanted to do a toast, so I  cake and toasts 8pm. I also included exact address for venue and the rehearsal dinner in case they were using GPS.

    I emailed a copy of the ladies schedule, and H emailed to the guys.

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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Don't tell someone they have to make a speech- it's up to them.  I've seen a lot of wasted best man speeches and it makes almost everyone uncomfortable so don't push it.
    I would keep everything as simple as possible. Email the guys where they need to be and when. I told both men and women that there wouldn't be "getting ready" photos so to be showered and dressed. Let them know about any transportation time.

    They do not need to know when youre cutting the cake, when dinner is served it, what song you and your Dad are dancing too etc. I think some of these timelines can be overwhelming.


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Did I have a better grasp on wedding details than my DH?  Yes.    Does not mean DH got off the hook from any responsibility in communicating to the GM's?  No.

    Fact is the NONE of our WP needed to know many details other than the date, time and what to wear.    Since the GMs were DH's brother and friends I let him do the communicating.

     I never sent out a mass email or itinerary card.  We spoke to them individually through normal channels on where and what time the rehearsal would be. Then what time they needed to be at the house for pictures.    I didn't give any one specific details that pictures were from this time to that time.  Trolley was taking them to the venue at x time.   Basically I said be here at 3pm.  After that everyone in the WP knows they basically are in the hands of the couple until after the ceremony.   Specific times are not needed.  They just go along.  

    My wedding was a 5:30pm.   I asked the BMs to be at the house at 3pm, the guys (at the same house) at 3:30pm.   So it's not like I had the WP scheduled all day.    Now some of the WP went to the same salon and/or were staying at the house with me, so they were around, but they were not expected to hang out with me all day.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    All I did was get a list of their phone numbers & email addresses & mailed each of them a list of everyone's contact info. They only they communicated with each other about what the bachelor party. Once we had the tuxes picked out, I emailed them the details of where to go & when they needed to go by. We were picking up the tab, so details of the costs weren't important. I gave them a deadline of two weeks prior to when the actual deadline was. As the deadline got closer, I checked in with Tux shop to make sure everyone got there ok. For tux pick up we actually ended up there at the same time, which was nice so I able to check everything over. They got wedding invites, so they had the basic info needed. I sent out invites for the rehersal & dinner (casual invites, but this way it served as a reminder for them w/address info). Then a week prior to the wedding, they got an email from me with the itiniary for the day so they knew exactly what was happening and when (BM & parents got the same). Sending those out in advance really helped to reduce day of stress for me because all VIPS knew exactly what was going on & when so I didn't have people calling me with questions.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Erikan73 said:
    All I did was get a list of their phone numbers & email addresses & mailed each of them a list of everyone's contact info. They only they communicated with each other about what the bachelor party. Once we had the tuxes picked out, I emailed them the details of where to go & when they needed to go by. We were picking up the tab, so details of the costs weren't important. I gave them a deadline of two weeks prior to when the actual deadline was. As the deadline got closer, I checked in with Tux shop to make sure everyone got there ok. For tux pick up we actually ended up there at the same time, which was nice so I able to check everything over. They got wedding invites, so they had the basic info needed. I sent out invites for the rehersal & dinner (casual invites, but this way it served as a reminder for them w/address info). Then a week prior to the wedding, they got an email from me with the itiniary for the day so they knew exactly what was happening and when (BM & parents got the same). Sending those out in advance really helped to reduce day of stress for me because all VIPS knew exactly what was going on & when so I didn't have people calling me with questions.
    Did you tell them you were going to be distributing their email addresses and phone numbers to other people?  Because I wouldn't be okay with someone giving out my personal information.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    adk19 said:
    Erikan73 said:
    All I did was get a list of their phone numbers & email addresses & mailed each of them a list of everyone's contact info. They only they communicated with each other about what the bachelor party. Once we had the tuxes picked out, I emailed them the details of where to go & when they needed to go by. We were picking up the tab, so details of the costs weren't important. I gave them a deadline of two weeks prior to when the actual deadline was. As the deadline got closer, I checked in with Tux shop to make sure everyone got there ok. For tux pick up we actually ended up there at the same time, which was nice so I able to check everything over. They got wedding invites, so they had the basic info needed. I sent out invites for the rehersal & dinner (casual invites, but this way it served as a reminder for them w/address info). Then a week prior to the wedding, they got an email from me with the itiniary for the day so they knew exactly what was happening and when (BM & parents got the same). Sending those out in advance really helped to reduce day of stress for me because all VIPS knew exactly what was going on & when so I didn't have people calling me with questions.
    Did you tell them you were going to be distributing their email addresses and phone numbers to other people?  Because I wouldn't be okay with someone giving out my personal information.

    Yes, when I asked for their info, I told them what it was for. For both my BM & GM they said it was easier for them to communicate via email then making several calls & playing phone tag due to the different work schedules everyone had.
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    TNDancer said:

    In terms of itinerary, I had 1 master plan. Then I edited it for both a girls and guys schedule. This included only the vital facts they needed to know.

    For the guys, ie, arrive at venue 12pm to dress, mens photos 1pm, etc. The best man had already wanted to do a toast, so I  cake and toasts 8pm. I also included exact address for venue and the rehearsal dinner in case they were using GPS.

    I emailed a copy of the ladies schedule, and H emailed to the guys.

    ^ This is exactly what we did.  Trust your FI to handle communicating the details to the GMs.

    Definitely ask (you and FI or just FI) your best man if he'd like to make a speech well before the wedding day.  It's ok if he doesn't want to, but don't spring it on him or expect him to.


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