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Etiquette

Guests Purposefully Wearing Same Color as Bridesmaids

edited November 2015 in Etiquette
Hi everyone!  My fiancee and I are getting married next October.  I have four bridesmaids, and they will be wearing various shades of purple (the mismatched look).  My fiancee insists that our wedding invitations should be purple (or purple ink) so that all the women in his extended family knows to wear purple (he swears it's a "thing," though no one I know outside of his family has heard of it before).*  I know it's not a big deal to coincidentally match the bridal party, but I think it's weird to purposefully do it.  What do you all think?

* My fiance is not dictating that everyone wear purple.  Rather, he insists that they all take the color of the invitation as a signal of what color to wear...so they can match the bridesmaids...

Re: Guests Purposefully Wearing Same Color as Bridesmaids

  • Very strange.  Also, if your fiancé is a he, it is fiancé, the woman is fiancée.
    marriageatthecarriageJediElizabethpeachy13InLoveInQueens
  • Whoops, thanks for letting me know. He's my fiancé.
  • Hi everyone!  My fiancee and I are getting married next October.  I have four bridesmaids, and they will be wearing various shades of purple (the mismatched look).  My fiancee insists that our wedding invitations should be purple (or purple ink) so that all the women in his extended family knows to wear purple (he swears it's a "thing," though no one I know outside of his family has heard of it before).  I know it's not a big deal to coincidentally match the bridal party, but I think it's weird to purposefully do it.  What do you all think?
    I think its rude to ask guests to wear a certain color. The invitations being purple is fine, but no one should dictate what guests wear to an event they are invited to. 
    image
  • No, justsie, I'm not asking people to wear a certain color.  I just think it's weird that my fiance's extended family all want to make a big effort to wear the same color as my bridesmaids.  Just curious if it was a thing I didn't know about.
    photokitty
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    For sibling weddings, my immediate family color coordinates with the wedding colors so we look good and coordinating in our family portrait. Perhaps his extended family does this, if they take a family portrait at weddings?

    As long you or your FI aren't telling people to wear purple, I don't see any issue with it. If they want to match the wedding colors they are free to do so.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    JCocco219
  • That's odd but if that's their thing then let it go.
  • I think it's really odd, but whatevs.
  • Not a hill to die on... go with the Purple invitations..  It'll be a negotiating chip for you later..

    It's a subtle way of letting the guests know your "colors" not necessarily for attire, but I always love to coordinate the wrapping of whatever gift we give with the couple's colors. 

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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hi everyone!  My fiancee and I are getting married next October.  I have four bridesmaids, and they will be wearing various shades of purple (the mismatched look).  My fiancee insists that our wedding invitations should be purple (or purple ink) so that all the women in his extended family knows to wear purple (he swears it's a "thing," though no one I know outside of his family has heard of it before).*  I know it's not a big deal to coincidentally match the bridal party, but I think it's weird to purposefully do it.  What do you all think?

    * My fiance is not dictating that everyone wear purple.  Rather, he insists that they all take the color of the invitation as a signal of what color to wear...so they can match the bridesmaids...

    1) The color of your wedding doesn't necessarily have to match the invites. Our colors were light blue and purple, and our invitations were white with silver lettering.

    2) There is no need for anyone outside the bridal party to wear a certain color.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think it's really odd, but whatevs.
    this is how I feel.  Not a hill I would die one.  

    My SIL had black BM dresses.  There were plenty of other women wearing black.  NBD.

    Oh and get this.  There were a shit ton of men wearing black suits.  Just like the groom.  No one seems to have an issue with men wearing the same colors as the groom now do they?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    madamerwinOliveOilsMomSP29MesmrEwe
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it's odd but I'd just roll with whatever people decide to do. Even if you don't make the invitations purple because you'd rather your guests not coordinate, it sounds like these people will ask what the wedding colors are. 
  • Yeah, it's odd.  If the couple whose wedding I am attending is a close friend or family member, I will sometimes ask what colors they are doing (mostly because I love weddings and am interested) but also to make sure I DON'T wear the same color as the BMs.  It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, just a personal preference.  We did attend one wedding where my dress was the exact color of the BMs.  It was funny for like 5 minutes and then everyone forgot.  NBD.

    Though, I wonder - have you heard that this is his family's thing from other members of his family, or just from your FI?  Maybe he's misinterpreting the "thing", and they just like to know the colors so they can coordinate, but not necessarily wear the same color?  Just a thought.  Either way, I'd let this one go.


    JCocco219
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:



    I think it's really odd, but whatevs.

    this is how I feel.  Not a hill I would die one.  

    My SIL had black BM dresses.  There were plenty of other women wearing black.  NBD.

    Oh and get this.  There were a shit ton of men wearing black suits.  Just like the groom.  No one seems to have an issue with men wearing the same colors as the groom now do they?

    QFT.

    I had black bm dresses and most of the women guests wore black too.

    ________________________________


  • I agree that this is just about coordinating. We had various purples as well. I think one grandmother and one aunt wore purple because they wanted too. It's no big deal, and I do agree that it can look nice in pictures.
  • TNDancer said:
    I agree that this is just about coordinating. We had various purples as well. I think one grandmother and one aunt wore purple because they wanted too. It's no big deal, and I do agree that it can look nice in pictures.
    My sister didn't have a bridal party, but when my mom and I accidently bought dresses in similar colors, the groom's mom also chose a blouse in a similar color.  We looked coordinated, but not matching.  With the women in light aqua/mint green and the men in light suits, we made for very coordinated family photos.  Several other guests were also in aqua/turquoise/light green, and nobody gave it any thought.
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    My mom, aunt, grandma, and I all inadvertently wore purple outfits to my brother's wedding, which had silver, lime green, and purple colors. We weren't matchy-matchy (and didn't match the bridesmaids, who wore silver) but we looked really nice in the photos! I don't think it will matter much.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I heard about this from one of my friends, apparently this is a "thing" in her family. Since you are not dictating what attire, if you don't mind the purple invitations, there's no harm in it. It's not a hill to die on.

    FTR, we did match our invitations to our colors, but that's what we wanted to do. The one friend ended up wearing the color lol. I didn't mind one bit, and I only noticed because she was the one who told me about the invitation - guest outfit matching thing.
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  • Like Photokitty mentioned, we coordinate with similar colors for siblings weddings, but no exactly matchy-matchy with the bridesmaids. For instance, my brother's wedding colors were turquoise and brown, so I wouldn't have worn a black dress to that wedding. Most weddings around here do color coordinate their invitations with their colors... personally, this lets me know what not to wear. Over the summer we went to a wedding that we did not receive an invitation to (FI was a GM and they felt they didn't need to send an invitation since he was in it) and I texted the bride to ask what her colors were so that I did not show up looking like a bridesmaid!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Weird but whatever.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I've heard of this. Actually it just made sense to me to color coordinate the invitations to our wedding... But that was mostly because I used the invite for inspiration for the rest of the wedding (it was super easy to carry around). I always figure that the invite is going to coordinate with the wedding in color and style.
    MesmrEwe
  • I've heard of members of the immediate family doing this. It's "showing" you are part of the family. 

    It's kind of weird (wear whatever you want!) but whatever. Not a hill to die on. 

    Purple and blue were our colours. My mom and MIL both wore purple dresses (but purple is my mom's favourite colour), and my SIL wore blue- just because!
    I had some people ask what colour the BMs were wearing so they *didn't* wear the same colour- but I told them I didn't care- wear what you want. It's not like people will get confused about who is who. Also, purple and blue are pretty common colours, so I wouldn't want someone to think they can't wear something they already own. 
  • SP29 said:

    I've heard of members of the immediate family doing this. It's "showing" you are part of the family. 

    It's kind of weird (wear whatever you want!) but whatever. Not a hill to die on. 

    Purple and blue were our colours. My mom and MIL both wore purple dresses (but purple is my mom's favourite colour), and my SIL wore blue- just because!
    I had some people ask what colour the BMs were wearing so they *didn't* wear the same colour- but I told them I didn't care- wear what you want. It's not like people will get confused about who is who. Also, purple and blue are pretty common colours, so I wouldn't want someone to think they can't wear something they already own. 

    I wore a purple dress to a wedding recently and realized I matched the bridal party, we all laughed about it because it was completely by accident (I never even saw the invitation to coordinate with), it's just the only dress I owned that fit the formality of the event. I wasn't the only one accidently matching, no matter what the invites do or do not look like, purple will be worn because it's a common color that people like.
  • I think it's a bit odd that the invitation color is used to signal to people what color to wear, but I don't think it's weird for family to coordinate with the wedding colors.

    My grandparents (both sets), H's grandparents (only one set came), my parents, his parents, all our siblings, and at least a few of my cousins all wore our wedding colors. My parents have also coordinated at both of my sisters' weddings. None of us have asked our parents to do so. I think that's just what our parents have thought is normal. Honestly, it's made for some lovely family photos with everyone coordinating.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Weird but NBD.
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