Quick Vent/Rant !!

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

Hope You All Have A Fantastic Week !!

banana468 · November 2015

Please make sure you understand the definition of bullying.

You can't escape bullying. When you're bullied you're insulted, tripped while you're walking, assaulted, and you can't get away from it.

Creating a post that others pick apart or disagree with isn't bullying. The others may not be nice but it doesn't make them bullies. There are actual serious rules about what can cross the line.

I was bullied in the 6th grade. The kids insulted , I was spat on and I couldn't stop it because it was in class.

Not getting validation for a bad idea is hardly the same thing.

JaniV123 · November 2015

getting criticism or a reality check is hardly the same as bullying.

Sometimes things are said bluntly? yes
Is it meant to offend the poster? no
Is it meant to teach you/get you to think about something? yes

Just because you think people are being mean doesn't mean they are. Also it is the internet and things are WRITTEN. Oftentimes people mistake simple phrases as an attack because they attribute a specific tone. Not always are things read with the tone they were intended.

ericasm0703 · November 2015

I second the fact that you should understand the meaning of bullying. I didn't go through each and every post, but I didn't find a place where you were bullied. Etiquette goes a long way with people here and you will be told when you're doing something that would make your guests uncomfortable; I would hardly call that bullying someone. Sure, maybe some people (in general) come across as mean when they post or say something, but not liking the tone of a response doesn't negate the content. What if it were happening to me? I would grow up, realize that I went about something the wrong way, learn from it and move on. I'd also not let myself get so butt-hurt over something a stranger said on the internet.

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

banana468 said:

Please make sure you understand the definition of bullying. You can't escape bullying. When you're bullied you're insulted, tripped while you're walking, assaulted, and you can't get away from it. Creating a post that others pick apart or disagree with isn't bullying. The others may not be nice but it doesn't make them bullies. There are actual serious rules about what can cross the line. I was bullied in the 6th grade. The kids insulted , I was spat on and I couldn't stop it because it was in class. Not getting validation for a bad idea is hardly the same thing.

My point exactly "When you're bullied you're insulted" ! whats an insult ? Name calling ? Threats ? etc. where that may be you and @JaniV123 view points on it, there are people on here that ive seen with my own two eyes (and have had pointed at me) get EXTREMELY ridiculous with their replies. I posted a question in all caps , mind you i haven't even been on one of these sites before and i had no idea that writing in all CAPS would make someone feel like i just tried to slap them ! (being sarcastic but thats how they responded) like i physically did something to them. i was a stupid b****h , i was "trolling" , i was yelling for no reason, i needed to delete my account and go away , they were lucky i even got proposed to because of my attitude, im lucky someone could love me, etc etc i could go on and on , but my point is how could i have known all caps would piss someone off so bad ? i write in all caps at work its mandatory, i write my boss emails in all caps and has never been attacked, i hold conversation in all caps , my point is this is the internet , so you can not hear a persons reply you can only see it, so why, as adults, we dont take the time to proofread and make sure our replies do not come across as bullying or attacking someone verbally, there is a difference between saying "@Janiv123 writing in all caps isnt allowed in the chats" than saying "@janiv123 you look ridiculous writing in all caps, why are you yelling, we dont want your comments/questions on here" ?

kimmiinthemitten · November 2015

I haven't seen the posts you're referring to but wanted to offer some thoughts. When multiple people reply with the same opinion, it's not to lay it on thick it's a. the demonstrate that multiple people agree here and therefore likely will outside of here and b. for lurkers who learn by reading instead of sharing.

My regret here was despite lurking for a couple weeks, I feel like I posted before I got a clear understanding of what the boards were like and also didn't share all of the necessary information. Had I read more, I wouldn't have been butthurt when a few people disagreed with me and I would have better explained my situation.

Often times when peoples feelings are hurt, it's because deep down they know the other person is right and just doesn't want to admit it.

Also, everyone knows that all caps online is yelling. That's common internet etiquette.

lyndausvi · November 2015

My very post was on the reception board that went something like " I'm not-officially engaged, but does anyone know any venues in south new jersey or delaware on the beach"

I got my ass remmed (in my mind). There really isn't anything calling "not-officially engaged". My DH refused to consider us engaged until he met my parents, even though my self-designed custom made e-ring was in our room. I couldn't have it until he met my parents. ::rolls eyes::. But they were right, I was already engaged.

Second, it's an international board. Again in my mind I got my ass handed to me for asking a local question on an international board. Again, they were right, the international board isn't the right place to ask about local vendors. There are local boards for a reason.

Know what? I got over it. They were right and more than likely I was reading in tone that was either there or wasn't intended.

Not validating someone's ideas is not bullying. Telling someone they are doing something against the TOS is not bullying. If you can't even take the time to read the TOS and understand the policies before posting, then that is your problem. Not ours for pointing it out.

ETA - words are really hard today.

WinstonsGirl · November 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

How or should i say why , is it that the boards are created for everyone to give and get helpful and useful advice but i see so many people getting verbally attacked over very very small issues: ex; "why are you asking advice so early" "why did you write that in CAPS" "you need to suck it up"

Like come on you guys , people really come here for advice. Some women have no other support in planning and really use this advice, so why are there people attacking people (verbally) ? If someone does something that is against "policy" you don't have to go overboard just to correct them! That's inconsiderate and really sad considering the fact that we are all grown (by age) and should know how to correct someone without resulting back to High School days where you pick on people for asking questions or stating something differently than you.

And you may see it as a small matter now, but what if it was happening to you? You teach your children not to bully but then get on the internet and you do exactly that to someone else just because their beliefs and/or questions may be different from yours. At the end of the day we are all here to share a very special experience and get as much help as possbile, we all have enough on our plate without having to deal with someone being an "internet bully "

okay rant over
Hope You All Have A Fantastic Week !!

Oh good, this has been a slow weekend so far.

No one here bullies. Bullying is about power, it is repetitive and intentional. The only thing you get here is non-validation of bad ideas.

Typing in CAPS on the internet is you yelling/screaming at someone, since tone and inflection can't be conveyed as easily. This is basic internet culture, not something specific to this board.

When you get the same questions daily cos people haven't read the last post, cos people haven't read the TOS, cos people don't ant to listen to actual advice, yes, we get a little cranky.

Basically, we will tell you to your face what your friends and family won't, cos they're too polite. We don't know you, we're not worried about wrecking a 20+ year friendship with you over something stupid. We are trying to help people not make mistakes. Just cos you don't like what you hear doesn't mean it's not right. My cousin had a DW. She spent a fortune on decor. We had to pay for all drinks, including pop. There was a 2 hour gap where they chilled in a hotel room and we had to wander the town in heels and 30C+ weather bored. I still told her it was amazing, cos I know the truth would have crushed her on her wedding day. We are here to prevent you from getting to that point.

Not sure this was even worth it, but I'm procrastinating a paper today

JaniV123 · November 2015

@HAGGSTOBE314

The difference is that many of those poster you refer to, have been here a long time. Most of the time posters that come on here writing in all caps, whining about their bridesmaids, who won't go do every single wedding thing with them, etc, are trolls or obnoxious people who need a reality check about their attitude.

Time and time again it is seen so some of them after many years are tired of it and since it is the norm they assume everyone with those characteristics is the same.

try to put yourself in their shoes before doing the same thing indirectly to them. (judging them)

ericasm0703 · November 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

banana468 said:

Please make sure you understand the definition of bullying. You can't escape bullying. When you're bullied you're insulted, tripped while you're walking, assaulted, and you can't get away from it. Creating a post that others pick apart or disagree with isn't bullying. The others may not be nice but it doesn't make them bullies. There are actual serious rules about what can cross the line. I was bullied in the 6th grade. The kids insulted , I was spat on and I couldn't stop it because it was in class. Not getting validation for a bad idea is hardly the same thing.

My point exactly "When you're bullied you're insulted" ! whats an insult ? Name calling ? Threats ? etc. where that may be you and @JaniV123 view points on it, there are people on here that ive seen with my own two eyes (and have had pointed at me) get EXTREMELY ridiculous with their replies. I posted a question in all caps , mind you i haven't even been on one of these sites before and i had no idea that writing in all CAPS would make someone feel like i just tried to slap them ! (being sarcastic but thats how they responded) like i physically did something to them. i was a stupid b****h , i was "trolling" , i was yelling for no reason, i needed to delete my account and go away , they were lucky i even got proposed to because of my attitude, im lucky someone could love me, etc etc i could go on and on , but my point is how could i have known all caps would piss someone off so bad ? i write in all caps at work its mandatory, i write my boss emails in all caps and has never been attacked, i hold conversation in all caps , my point is this is the internet , so you can not hear a persons reply you can only see it, so why, as adults, we dont take the time to proofread and make sure our replies do not come across as bullying or attacking someone verbally, there is a difference between saying "@Janiv123 writing in all caps isnt allowed in the chats" than saying "@janiv123 you look ridiculous writing in all caps, why are you yelling, we dont want your comments/questions on here" ?

I'm just going to say that you should've known this. Anyone who uses the internet knows that typing in all-caps is indicative of yelling or trying to emphasize a particular word or point. I also want to know what you think the definition is of bullying; I'm still curious.

ETF: I can't spell today

kimmiinthemitten · November 2015

Am I the only one who doesn't see the alleged "all caps" post?

lyndausvi · November 2015

It's common knowledge typing in all caps in yelling on the internet. Even in print writers use all caps for yelling.

So no, I don't think it's bullying to ask people why they are yelling at me when see all caps. And it's not against message boards, but people will thinking you are yelling. Not just here, every message board I've ever been on. Including social media.

BTW - typing entire conversations in caps is hard to read on the eyes. I suggest moving away from using all caps in normal conversations, unless you are really wanting to yell or shout.

JaniV123 · November 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

Am I the only one who doesn't see the alleged "all caps" post?

i don't even see people being "mean" "bully" or even blunt in her posts so I am confused. Maybe she had another account?

kimmiinthemitten · November 2015

JaniV123 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Am I the only one who doesn't see the alleged "all caps" post?

i don't even see people being "mean" "bully" or even blunt in her posts so I am confused. Maybe she had another account?

Okay, so it's not just me! Between work and the holiday I've been traveling the last two weeks and have barely been on so I thought I missed something:).

lyndausvi · November 2015

Have we really become so soft that pointing out something is considered bullying?

When my mom started emailing she used all caps. One day I was like "why are you yelling?" Fact is she didn't know all caps is considered yelling. She didn't get all butt hurt I pointed it out to her. She was a little embarrassed that all this time people would read her emails thinking she was yelling.

Image: https://media2.giphy.com/media/Y2nbrJyAR6RiM/200_s.gif

thefanciestbeckler · November 2015

I'm having a really hard time reading the odd grammar/punctuation that is happening in the OP.

Anyways, I do have to say this - it is really important to lurk before posting. I didn't do that, and asked some questions in the beginning that I regretted asking. In hindsight, if I had lurked longer, I would have gotten my answers. Like Lynda and Kimmi, I initially thought I'd gotten my ass handed to me. But then, I took some advice from good ole T-Swizzle, and decided to shake it off.

The ladies on these boards have lots of good insight and do not hold back on their opinions. That does not make any of us bullies. Bullying is serious. This is the internet. Most answers are given in a very blunt manner so there is no confusion to the OP. Take it however you want to, but the longer you stick around and the more you participate in conversations, the more you'll understand the way these boards work.

thefanciestbeckler · November 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

JaniV123 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Am I the only one who doesn't see the alleged "all caps" post?

i don't even see people being "mean" "bully" or even blunt in her posts so I am confused. Maybe she had another account?

Okay, so it's not just me! Between work and the holiday I've been traveling the last two weeks and have barely been on so I thought I missed something:).

I don't see it either.

AddieCake · November 2015

Yawn.

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

Well ill say a lot of people do not have the same views which i am perfectly fine with. I personally have not been "bullied" on these boards ill say confused or p'd off but i just witnessed someone who felt so disrespected and told off to the point she felt like deleting her account was the best thing to do , now me personally constructive criticism, goes a long way. but there is a saying "sometimes its not what you say but how you say it"

now @kimmiinthemitten i 100% agree with the statement you made, before i posted i didn't even notice the guidelines posted so when 25 people posted at one time that i was "trolling" the internet trying to create problems by writing in caps or i was a "stupid B****" i was taken aback and extra confused, but 1 person took the time to point me in the direction of the guidelines and i saw okay writing in all caps isn't allowed here cool , and i apologized to anyone who felt as though that's what i was doing but again that 1 person was the only one who had enough knowledge to say hmmm maybe she doesn't know that's not allowed here let me tell her.

@lyndausvi you are correct telling someone the rules or pointing them in that direction isn't bullying but again ill state where that may be your views and someone else's who posted , not everyone on here is like that. and not everyone on here gives constructive criticism.

@WinstonsGirl trying to help someone go the right direction is absolutely not bullying but for the 3rd time i will state where you and any other person on this board can justify your own actions you can not speak for any one else. I don't allow anyone to get under my skin A) because i dont know you

its not that deep , everyone has an opinion why attack someone for theirs

i will just say one last time , i can only justify my own actions and you can only defend yours BUT everyone does not act or speak the same so you can not say "No one here bullies" because you are not everyone here and no 2 people think the same.

banana468 · November 2015

Ditto the others that it's common knowledge that all caps is yelling. Pointing that out isn't an insult.

AddieCake · November 2015

So who here do you think is a bully? It's funny how many people will come here and post this same tired rant from time to time, yet none of them name names. It's like on Facebook with the "so done with fake ass people" posts. Yet they don't tell us who the fake ass people are.

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

Bully seems to be the one and only word that is taken from that whole rant, "verbally attacked" is what i stated and what im pointing out

AddieCake · November 2015

So who are the "verbal attackers" then?

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

And what exactly is "butt hurt" because it sounds painful

JaniV123 · November 2015

i love how the deflection takes place in this post, especially the fact that no one can find said attack post to the CAPS incident.

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

@AddieCake

i was following a post about venue findings and a young woman asked about locations and costs , previously in the post she stated she was in school still but engaged as well (something along those line) but some how she wasn't aware that taking a survey wasn't allowed on here so people started verbally attacking her, but she also explained that she needed the information for herself because she was planning her own wedding , now i saw the guidelines where they said it wasn't allowed but i took that question as she didn't but before anyone could even say anything about it all the comments started and they started DEEP ! and she was really sad about it i had a side conversation with her and explained my views but she couldn't understand why someone just simply didn't say you cant do surveys. not everyone has experience with this type of stuff so when someone says "well everyone knows" No! everyone does not know. if everyone knew everything there would be no reason to have teachers or supervisors.

JoanE2012 · November 2015

Awwww, another speschul snowflake. How cute!

If you want to be treated with kid gloves, Wedding Bee is probably better for you. They'll tiptoe around your feelings and make you feel like a million bucks. You'll treat your guests poorly, but hey, who cares - as long as your feelings don't get hurt!

HAGGSTOBE314 · November 2015

@JaniV123

"said attack post" was deleted, i was tired of the notifications but i cant give you my email if you dont believe "said post" took place

kimmiinthemitten · November 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

@AddieCake

i was following a post about venue findings and a young woman asked about locations and costs , previously in the post she stated she was in school still but engaged as well (something along those line) but some how she wasn't aware that taking a survey wasn't allowed on here so people started verbally attacking her, but she also explained that she needed the information for herself because she was planning her own wedding , now i saw the guidelines where they said it wasn't allowed but i took that question as she didn't but before anyone could even say anything about it all the comments started and they started DEEP ! and she was really sad about it i had a side conversation with her and explained my views but she couldn't understand why someone just simply didn't say you cant do surveys. not everyone has experience with this type of stuff so when someone says "well everyone knows" No! everyone does not know. if everyone knew everything there would be no reason to have teachers or supervisors.

SITB------------

Backstory since you weren't here for that when it happened. The OP posted first as a student about her survey; was told you can't post surveys here. She then reposted as a bride asking the same questions she posted as a student. That drew a lot of red flags and made people question her motives and validity; based on her actions that was fair.

Again, where is this alleged all caps post; what board, what topic? No one can find it.

kimmiinthemitten · November 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

@JaniV123

"said attack post" was deleted, i was tired of the notifications but i cant give you my email if you dont believe "said post" took place

So a Mod deleted the post? Users can't delete posts once they've had responses.

JoanE2012 · November 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

@JaniV123

"said attack post" was deleted, i was tired of the notifications but i cant give you my email if you dont believe "said post" took place

So a Mod deleted the post? Users can't delete posts once they've had responses.

Ditto. And mods RARELY delete a post - instead, the discussion is usually closed to additional comments.

Quick Vent/Rant !!

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