Pre-wedding Parties

Inviting bridal party and friends to showers

AW3380AW3380
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edited December 2015 in Pre-wedding Parties
This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have each asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!
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Re: Inviting bridal party and friends to showers

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    AW3380 said:
    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!
    Honestly, this depends on who's in your bridal party and how / if they know the people invited to these parties.  For example, nobody in my bridal party knew my H's family, so if someone from his family hosted a party, I would've limited it to just people in that "circle".  I was in my sister's bridal party, and when her husband's aunts hosted a shower, I wasn't invited.

    If it makes sense socially to extend an invite to your friends / bridal party to both, I would do so.  I didn't feel the need to tell my bridal party that they could choose which one (if any) to attend and that I didn't expect gifts at both.  But if you're concerned about how one of them would take it, I don't see any harm in saying "Jane, I have 2 showers and I provided your name for the guest list to both.  I just wanted you to feel included, and please know that there is no expectation from me that you attend."  Hopefully she knows that an invite is not a summons and will not get upset by it.



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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    AW3380 said:
    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!
    Certainly, you can put everyone on the same list, but I think the one thing to bear in mind is that nobody should be expected to attend showers and give gifts more than once for the same bride and same wedding. 

    As @holyguacamole79 mentions, you could give your wedding party members and friends a heads-up that they might be invited to more than one shower for you.  I'd say something like, "Jane,  X, Y, and Z are all planning to host showers for me, and I hope you can make it to at least one of them, but I understand if you can't attend any or all of them."
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Jen4948 said:
    AW3380 said:
    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!
    Certainly, you can put everyone on the same list, but I think the one thing to bear in mind is that nobody should be expected to attend showers and give gifts more than once for the same bride and same wedding. 

    As @holyguacamole79 mentions, you could give your wedding party members and friends a heads-up that they might be invited to more than one shower for you.  I'd say something like, "Jane,  X, Y, and Z are all planning to host showers for me, and I hope you can make it to at least one of them, but I understand if you can't attend any or all of them."
    I disagree.  Friends should NOT be invited to multiple showers.  Prior to invitations being sent, you need to decide which of the showers you want your friends to attend.  They should only be included on one of the guest lists.

    This may be an old school concept, but in our circle, the MOB is extended an invitation to all the showers.
    MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:


    AW3380 said:

    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!

    Certainly, you can put everyone on the same list, but I think the one thing to bear in mind is that nobody should be expected
    to attend showers and give gifts more than once for the same bride and
    same wedding. 

    As @holyguacamole79 mentions, you could give your wedding party members and friends a heads-up that they might be invited to more than one shower for you.  I'd say something like, "Jane,  X, Y, and Z are all planning to host showers for me, and I hope you can make it to at least one of them, but I understand if you can't attend any or all of them."

    I disagree.  Friends should NOT be invited to multiple showers.  Prior to invitations being sent, you need to decide which of the showers you want your friends to attend.  They should only be included on one of the guest lists.

    This may be an old school concept, but in our circle, the MOB is extended an invitation to all the showers.


    I disagree. The one requirement is that no guest, wedding party member or otherwise, be expected to give a gift at more than one shower, but that doesn't prevent anyone from being invited to more than one shower.

    It's not even practical to try to keep shower hostesses from inviting the same person to more than one shower, because the bride isn't supposed to be involved in the planning and, if the showers are surprises, may have no idea that they are in the works, let alone who is on the guest list, until the shower start time.

    And if a bridesmaid or any other guest gets more than one shower invitation, they can decide for themselves which of the invitations they wish to accept. Shower invitations aren't subpoenas.
  • I'll be having two showers as well- one thrown by my family and another by FI's family. Our families are from cities ~3 hours apart so if I only had one half the guests would have to drive far to attend. My friends not in WP will be invited to the one in the city they live in/near. I will most likely put the WP on both guest lists but ditto PPs in letting them know I don't expect them to attend both unless they want to and certainly don't expect gifts twice.
    Unless there is a reason to split up your friends (geography, closer to one side of the family, etc.) then I would put all your friends on one list or keep circles of friends together.
    [Deleted User]mrs.mermaid12
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    AW3380 said:
    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!
    Certainly, you can put everyone on the same list, but I think the one thing to bear in mind is that nobody should be expected to attend showers and give gifts more than once for the same bride and same wedding. 

    As @holyguacamole79 mentions, you could give your wedding party members and friends a heads-up that they might be invited to more than one shower for you.  I'd say something like, "Jane,  X, Y, and Z are all planning to host showers for me, and I hope you can make it to at least one of them, but I understand if you can't attend any or all of them."
    I disagree.  Friends should NOT be invited to multiple showers.  Prior to invitations being sent, you need to decide which of the showers you want your friends to attend.  They should only be included on one of the guest lists.

    This may be an old school concept, but in our circle, the MOB is extended an invitation to all the showers.
    I disagree. The one requirement is that no guest, wedding party member or otherwise, be expected to give a gift at more than one shower, but that doesn't prevent anyone from being invited to more than one shower. It's not even practical to try to keep shower hostesses from inviting the same person to more than one shower, because the bride isn't supposed to be involved in the planning and, if the showers are surprises, may have no idea that they are in the works, let alone who is on the guest list, until the shower start time. And if a bridesmaid or any other guest gets more than one shower invitation, they can decide for themselves which of the invitations they wish to accept. Shower invitations aren't subpoenas.

    Guest lists should not be duplicated.  The one area in which the bride must be involved is in providing the guest list.  That is not the same thing as planning the shower.  How else does the hostess know who is invited to the wedding?
    InLoveInQueens
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    Just playing devils advocate .... my sister was my MOH. A high school friend hosted one shower and a family friend hosted the other. My sister knew people invited to both parties equally well and it would've been just as hard for me to choose which shower guest list to include her on as it would've been to choose to which shower my mom should be invited to. So what then?



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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Just playing devils advocate .... my sister was my MOH. A high school friend hosted one shower and a family friend hosted the other. My sister knew people invited to both parties equally well and it would've been just as hard for me to choose which shower guest list to include her on as it would've been to choose to which shower my mom should be invited to. So what then?
    From my POV, I was specifically addressing friends and not members of the wedding party.  As I also said in a PP, I come from a "circle" that invites the MOB to all showers.  In your scenario, because she is a member of the wedding party, both your mom and sister would be on the guest list of both events.

    InLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited December 2015
    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:


    AW3380 said:

    This may have been asked before but I couldn't find any similar questions before I posted.  I have been approached by both my sister in law and Fi's sisters in law stating they want to host bridal showers for me.  Obviously the guests from each side of the family are covered but they have eached asked me about inviting the bridesmaids and any of my friends.  I am stuck on how to include both of those groups on the invite lists.  Do I invite bridesmaids and friends to both and let them pick which one to attend?  That was my first thought but I don't want them to feel like they have to attend both and buy two gifts.  What have any of you done in similar situations?  Thanks in advance!!

    Certainly, you can put everyone on the same list, but I think the one thing to bear in mind is that nobody should be expected
    to attend showers and give gifts more than once for the same bride and
    same wedding. 

    As @holyguacamole79 mentions, you could give your wedding party members and friends a heads-up that they might be invited to more than one shower for you.  I'd say something like, "Jane,  X, Y, and Z are all planning to host showers for me, and I hope you can make it to at least one of them, but I understand if you can't attend any or all of them."

    I disagree.  Friends should NOT be invited to multiple showers.  Prior to invitations being sent, you need to decide which of the showers you want your friends to attend.  They should only be included on one of the guest lists.

    This may be an old school concept, but in our circle, the MOB is extended an invitation to all the showers.
    I disagree. The one requirement is that no guest, wedding party member or otherwise, be expected to give a gift at more than one shower, but that doesn't prevent anyone from being invited to more than one shower.

    It's not even practical to try to keep shower hostesses from inviting the same person to more than one shower, because the bride isn't supposed to be involved in the planning and, if the showers are surprises, may have no idea that they are in the works, let alone who is on the guest list, until the shower start time.

    And if a bridesmaid or any other guest gets more than one shower invitation, they can decide for themselves which of the invitations they wish to accept. Shower invitations aren't subpoenas.


    Guest lists should not be duplicated.  The one area in which the bride must be involved is in providing the guest list.  That is not the same thing as planning the shower.  How else does the hostess know who is invited to the wedding?


    This still doesn't work. Someone may take it upon herself (or himself) to throw a shower for the bride without inquiring whether someone on the guest list has been invited to another shower.

    Your scenario assumes that 1) the bride is always consulted about the guest list, which is not always the case, especially for surprise showers, and 2) shower hosts always know and coordinate with whoever else might throw a shower for the bride, again not always the case, especially if they are in different circles or don't know each other.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston
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    I think we're talking about two different scenarios here - bridal party vs non-bridal party friends.  I honestly can't think of a scenario for myself where I could invite the same friend (not in the bridal party) to both showers.  If a friend fit into both circles, I could maybe see it, but I don't think it would be that likely.



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    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    I think we're talking about two different scenarios here - bridal party vs non-bridal party friends.  I honestly can't think of a scenario for myself where I could invite the same friend (not in the bridal party) to both showers.  If a friend fit into both circles, I could maybe see it, but I don't think it would be that likely.

    I agree with this. I myself wouldn't expect the same person to be on more than one guest list, but it's ultimately not something the bride has control over since she isn't the hostess.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    I think we're talking about two different scenarios here - bridal party vs non-bridal party friends.  I honestly can't think of a scenario for myself where I could invite the same friend (not in the bridal party) to both showers.  If a friend fit into both circles, I could maybe see it, but I don't think it would be that likely.
    This. It's fine to invite WP members and moms to multiple showers (and maybe siblings if they are close but not in the WP), but most guests should not be invited to multiple showers.

    Pick one or the other for the friends and go with it. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    From my observation of friends with more than one shower, guest lists are definitely by circle. If someone in the bride's family hosts one, then normally the bridesmaids and bride's friends are invited to that one. If someone in the groom's family has one, then the groom's family is invited along with perhaps any female friends on the groom's side (assuming the shower isn't co-ed).

    I could see this logic working for a same sex couple too- different sides of the family, different friends brought into the relationship.

    I've also seen brides give their bridal parties the heads-up that there would be more than one shower so they could pick the better date in advance and not even technically have to be given an invite to the shower that didn't work for their schedule.  Seen this for baby showers too. 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]mrs.mermaid12
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    I think we're talking about two different scenarios here - bridal party vs non-bridal party friends.  I honestly can't think of a scenario for myself where I could invite the same friend (not in the bridal party) to both showers.  If a friend fit into both circles, I could maybe see it, but I don't think it would be that likely.
    I agree.  I made that clear in my response to Jen9498 by stating that FRIENDS should NOT be invited to multiple events.  It was she who stated that "EVERYONE could be put on the same lists".  She took issue with multiple gifts, but not multiple invitations.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    MobKaz said:



    I think we're talking about two different scenarios here - bridal party vs non-bridal party friends.  I honestly can't think of a scenario for myself where I could invite the same friend (not in the bridal party) to both showers.  If a friend fit into both circles, I could maybe see it, but I don't think it would be that likely.

    I agree.  I made that clear in my response to Jen9498 by stating that FRIENDS should NOT be invited to multiple events.  It was she who stated that "EVERYONE could be put on the same lists".  She took issue with multiple gifts, but not multiple invitations.


    Excuse me, but I said what I did because ultimately the bride doesn't have control of who gets invited.

    Brides who are asked for guest lists should not put the same people on multiple lists. I don't take issue with that.

    That said, if a friend is in more than one circle, different hosts might invite that friend without checking with each other or the bride.
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