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ugh why PPD's!!!

JaniV123JaniV123 member
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in Chit Chat
So I just saw on FB that one of my best friends friends who is a military wife is apparently looking into the idea of a PPD. I was her witness/MOH at the courthouse.  When I had spoken to her she had talked about it as a vow renewal for their 5 year so they could invite his sister and close friends. I should have known though because at another moment she had mentioned having his sister be a "MOH" at their vow renewal to "shut up" her MIL who was bugging her  because I was the MOH/witness and I am their baby's godmother. But she just shared a bunch of "engagement pics" and "beach wedding" pics tagging her husband like "Babe look <3!". So apparently the PPD is being thought of. 

The other one I found out because she has a pinterest board with a bunch of beach wedding ideas and she too has shared posts like those and "wedding planning" posts. 

Whyyyyy??? Why can't people have a vow renewal without all the drama of wanting engagement pics, wedding dress, " real wedding" crap, etc?


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Re: ugh why PPD's!!!

  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    To me this begs the question - what is the status of the marriages?  Grasping at the PPD straw and acting like they are planning a wedding all over again sounds like they are trying to recapture what may have been.  

     

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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The concept is so weird to me, it's like saying that being married to the person you love isn't enough, you need MORE. It is sad when a party seems to be more important than a life with your partner in crime. I even feel weird planning a wedding after living with the guy for almost 7 years, it feels like we have been married even though we aren't so I don't get how it feels right to plan a wedding after you ARE married!

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  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Isn't it possible they're just planning a vow renewal? If I was doing that, I'd probably be looking at wedding posts too! 
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    MrsMack10612 said:
    To me this begs the question - what is the status of the marriages?  Grasping at the PPD straw and acting like they are planning a wedding all over again sounds like they are trying to recapture what may have been.  
    Everything is goign great according to her. They were engaged for less than a month when she found out she was pregnant so they got married for that reason. 

    I think she just wants the wedding she wanted to have originally. 

    KnickerGold said:
    Isn't it possible they're just planning a vow renewal? If I was doing that, I'd probably be looking at wedding posts too! 

    -BOX-

    But you dont need a MOH, or wedding dress, or engagement photos for a vow renewal. 

    I was all for helping with the vow renewal but helping plan a "real wedding" is weird. 


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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    JaniV123 said:
    MrsMack10612 said:
    To me this begs the question - what is the status of the marriages?  Grasping at the PPD straw and acting like they are planning a wedding all over again sounds like they are trying to recapture what may have been.  
    Everything is goign great according to her. They were engaged for less than a month when she found out she was pregnant so they got married for that reason. 

    I think she just wants the wedding she wanted to have originally. 

    KnickerGold said:
    Isn't it possible they're just planning a vow renewal? If I was doing that, I'd probably be looking at wedding posts too! 

    -BOX-

    But you dont need a MOH, or wedding dress, or engagement photos for a vow renewal. 

    I was all for helping with the vow renewal but helping plan a "real wedding" is weird. 
    I think this speaks volumes that too many people put the emphasis on the wedding and not the marriage.  

     

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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    MrsMack10612 said:
    JaniV123 said:
    MrsMack10612 said:
    To me this begs the question - what is the status of the marriages?  Grasping at the PPD straw and acting like they are planning a wedding all over again sounds like they are trying to recapture what may have been.  
    Everything is goign great according to her. They were engaged for less than a month when she found out she was pregnant so they got married for that reason. 

    I think she just wants the wedding she wanted to have originally. 

    KnickerGold said:
    Isn't it possible they're just planning a vow renewal? If I was doing that, I'd probably be looking at wedding posts too! 

    -BOX-

    But you dont need a MOH, or wedding dress, or engagement photos for a vow renewal. 

    I was all for helping with the vow renewal but helping plan a "real wedding" is weird. 
    I think this speaks volumes that too many people put the emphasis on the wedding and not the marriage.  
    yeah I don't get it, the point of the wedding is to marry the person you love and want to spend you life with. If you wanted a big fancy wedding then you could have waited until you were ready. I think it devalues marriage if all you are worried about is having a big wedding. 

    I mean to each his own but its ridiculous to want "engagement pics", full beach wedding, and a MOH, when you are already married. 


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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
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    I agree @JaniV123   Sure, we had the big wedding shindig, but we waited 3 years to plan/pay for what we wanted.  We could have also easily gone to the courthouse, but we like to entertain and figured this was the opportunity to throw a really badass party :)

    I certainly wouldn't want to do it all over again.

     

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  • glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!

    Haven't had one wedding yet and as much as I'm looking fwd to it, one day is enough! Eff that!

    Though good to know we can always redo if we dislike anything at all about the day itself...!
                 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It is usually all about the white dress.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    It is usually all about the white dress.
    I mean, I'm not going to lie. I loved my dress, but the ability to wear an amazing formal gown just doesn't come around often (um, ever) in my life. It's crossed my mind to pretend to be engaged again just to go try on the latest designer stuff and not buy anything, but I'm just not dishonest enough to do that. (I'd also pretend to be engaged to get free cake tastings. But again, not dishonest.)
    Yeah, I'm kind of a nut. 

    And hell no would I plan a big expensive party again. Nope, so much nope. 
    ________________________________


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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    MrsMack10612 said:
    I agree @JaniV123   Sure, we had the big wedding shindig, but we waited 3 years to plan/pay for what we wanted.  We could have also easily gone to the courthouse, but we like to entertain and figured this was the opportunity to throw a really badass party :)

    I certainly wouldn't want to do it all over again.
    yeah we waited a year and a half. I would love to feel that way again, but not exactly go through it again. Especially with all the family drama. 


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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    SP29 said:
    What also gets me too, is that people say, "But we want to have a big party and celebrate with all our friends and family!".

    One doesn't need a wedding re-do to do this. ANYONE can throw a party at ANY TIME. 

    You can still rent a venue, host a meal and bar, hire a DJ and buy a stunning lavish dress to wear if that's what you're really after! 
    i might do this for one of our anniversaries as a Mascarade Ball!


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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
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    MobKaz said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
    I agree that people use money as an excuse.  It is the weakest and lamest excuse for what amounts to sheer vanity.  If money is an issue, why WASTE hundreds or thousands of dollars on a completely unnecessary event, and the trappings that go along with it?
    Oh I totally agree! I feel like in the case of my brother they did it for money and then his wife decided she still wanted to wear a big white dress and have the wedding "they deserved". Since her parents are paying for all of it in the end they make out quite well. Also they are trying to keep their wedding a secret from extended family/friends and are pretending to not be married until the "actual ceremony" as he calls it so that people still want to give them gifts oh and my favorite line of his "it'd be too much work to just come clean to their 200 person guest list". 
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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    MrsMack10612 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    MobKaz said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
    I agree that people use money as an excuse.  It is the weakest and lamest excuse for what amounts to sheer vanity.  If money is an issue, why WASTE hundreds or thousands of dollars on a completely unnecessary event, and the trappings that go along with it?
    Oh I totally agree! I feel like in the case of my brother they did it for money and then his wife decided she still wanted to wear a big white dress and have the wedding "they deserved". Since her parents are paying for all of it in the end they make out quite well. Also they are trying to keep their wedding a secret from extended family/friends and are pretending to not be married until the "actual ceremony" as he calls it so that people still want to give them gifts oh and my favorite line of his "it'd be too much work to just come clean to their 200 person guest list". 
    That's shady as fuck and I would tell him so.  It's good enough to married for the government/military benefits but not for family?  Screw that.  I'd let it slip to the biggest blabber in the family they were already married and let the chips fall where they may.
    I've already told him so and I'm now not invited (wasn't sure I was going to go anyways) and he's not speaking to me and my parents barely are... I've considered blabbing it and if he makes any more nasty comments to me I might but honestly I'm not sure what it'd achieve.
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    marriedhamstermom said:
    MobKaz said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
    I agree that people use money as an excuse.  It is the weakest and lamest excuse for what amounts to sheer vanity.  If money is an issue, why WASTE hundreds or thousands of dollars on a completely unnecessary event, and the trappings that go along with it?
    Oh I totally agree! I feel like in the case of my brother they did it for money and then his wife decided she still wanted to wear a big white dress and have the wedding "they deserved". Since her parents are paying for all of it in the end they make out quite well. Also they are trying to keep their wedding a secret from extended family/friends and are pretending to not be married until the "actual ceremony" as he calls it so that people still want to give them gifts oh and my favorite line of his "it'd be too much work to just come clean to their 200 person guest list". 
    at least either one of these friends are not lying to their families. That would be a deal breaker for me.


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    At every PPD, there is at least one guest who smirks, and whispers to the next guest, "You DO know that they are already married, don't you?"
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    marriedhamstermom said:
    MrsMack10612 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    MobKaz said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
    I agree that people use money as an excuse.  It is the weakest and lamest excuse for what amounts to sheer vanity.  If money is an issue, why WASTE hundreds or thousands of dollars on a completely unnecessary event, and the trappings that go along with it?
    Oh I totally agree! I feel like in the case of my brother they did it for money and then his wife decided she still wanted to wear a big white dress and have the wedding "they deserved". Since her parents are paying for all of it in the end they make out quite well. Also they are trying to keep their wedding a secret from extended family/friends and are pretending to not be married until the "actual ceremony" as he calls it so that people still want to give them gifts oh and my favorite line of his "it'd be too much work to just come clean to their 200 person guest list". 
    That's shady as fuck and I would tell him so.  It's good enough to married for the government/military benefits but not for family?  Screw that.  I'd let it slip to the biggest blabber in the family they were already married and let the chips fall where they may.
    I've already told him so and I'm now not invited (wasn't sure I was going to go anyways) and he's not speaking to me and my parents barely are... I've considered blabbing it and if he makes any more nasty comments to me I might but honestly I'm not sure what it'd achieve.
    It would achieve him not getting away with being a shitheel.

     

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    marriedhamstermom said:
    MrsMack10612 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    MobKaz said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    I think it often time has to do with money too... My brother's in the military and that's why he got married in a court house and is planning a PPD. He get's more pay and she can be on his insurance... Honestly I think it's bullshit that anyone gets paid more for being married. I know some people who legitimately want to be single and I don't think they should make less because of that life choice.

    Still ultimately the issues is that if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize that the courthouse was your wedding. 
    I agree that people use money as an excuse.  It is the weakest and lamest excuse for what amounts to sheer vanity.  If money is an issue, why WASTE hundreds or thousands of dollars on a completely unnecessary event, and the trappings that go along with it?
    Oh I totally agree! I feel like in the case of my brother they did it for money and then his wife decided she still wanted to wear a big white dress and have the wedding "they deserved". Since her parents are paying for all of it in the end they make out quite well. Also they are trying to keep their wedding a secret from extended family/friends and are pretending to not be married until the "actual ceremony" as he calls it so that people still want to give them gifts oh and my favorite line of his "it'd be too much work to just come clean to their 200 person guest list". 
    That's shady as fuck and I would tell him so.  It's good enough to married for the government/military benefits but not for family?  Screw that.  I'd let it slip to the biggest blabber in the family they were already married and let the chips fall where they may.
    I've already told him so and I'm now not invited (wasn't sure I was going to go anyways) and he's not speaking to me and my parents barely are... I've considered blabbing it and if he makes any more nasty comments to me I might but honestly I'm not sure what it'd achieve.
    Odds are that word will get out long before the charade has a chance to occur.  If he truly does not invite you, your absence alone will set off all sorts of alarm bells and talk.  It will be worse when guests find out after the fact.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    Look, her husband is in the military, she is a military wife, he has given his life for you and country, she has sacrificed a lot if they have moved around. Most military wives sacrifice a steady career and increase in pay as well as work and community connections due to the military while taking care of the kids alone.

    If their dream is to have a happy day and they are paying for it or their parents are paying for it, you sure are wasting a lot of energy on their day.

    As a friend, I would be happy for them, excited for them, supportive of them. I know couples who planned to have their "wedding" when the husband came back from his "tour of duty" or what we call war and he didn't make it.  

    Either be supportive or don't, but most people who are not or begrudge other women the chance to be happy typically are acting bitter or jealous. If they want to keep it on the down low, it is to avoid stress. Let them and let it go.

    Be happy for them. Celebrate with them. Love them.



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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie1449102126 said:

    Look, her husband is in the military, she is a military wife, he has given his life for you and country, she has sacrificed a lot if they have moved around. Most military wives sacrifice a steady career and increase in pay as well as work and community connections due to the military while taking care of the kids alone.

    If their dream is to have a happy day and they are paying for it or their parents are paying for it, you sure are wasting a lot of energy on their day.

    As a friend, I would be happy for them, excited for them, supportive of them. I know couples who planned to have their "wedding" when the husband came back from his "tour of duty" or what we call war and he didn't make it.  

    Either be supportive or don't, but most people who are not or begrudge other women the chance to be happy typically are acting bitter or jealous. If they want to keep it on the down low, it is to avoid stress. Let them and let it go.

    Be happy for them. Celebrate with them. Love them.



    To the bolded he is in college and has just been for trainings with the ROTC, and they have not moved around, she hasn't even finished college. They don't even have enough money to pay for their apartment by themselves. Her grandmother gives them $500 every month to help them out. Neither of them works. 




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  • ClaraGraceClaraGrace member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    JaniV123 said:
    Knottie1449102126 said:

    Look, her husband is in the military, she is a military wife, he has given his life for you and country, she has sacrificed a lot if they have moved around. Most military wives sacrifice a steady career and increase in pay as well as work and community connections due to the military while taking care of the kids alone.

    If their dream is to have a happy day and they are paying for it or their parents are paying for it, you sure are wasting a lot of energy on their day.

    As a friend, I would be happy for them, excited for them, supportive of them. I know couples who planned to have their "wedding" when the husband came back from his "tour of duty" or what we call war and he didn't make it.  

    Either be supportive or don't, but most people who are not or begrudge other women the chance to be happy typically are acting bitter or jealous. If they want to keep it on the down low, it is to avoid stress. Let them and let it go.

    Be happy for them. Celebrate with them. Love them.



    To the bolded he is in college and has just been for trainings with the ROTC, and they have not moved around, she hasn't even finished college. They don't even have enough money to pay for their apartment by themselves. Her grandmother gives them $500 every month to help them out. Neither of them works. 



    Will grandma adopt me?

    More seriously, no.  Just no.

    My brother is Air Force and had a JOP wedding when he got deployed. He and his wife have since had a Convalidation of Marriage since they weren't married to the Church, and while some use that as a big white dress party, it's not really common in our diocese since the legal marriage is a well known fact, it's usually pretty small and close family and friends only. I think my brother and sister in law had about 12 people there. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    You proved my point.

    Love them anyways.

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  • PamBeesly524PamBeesly524 member
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    Knottie1449102126 said:

    You proved my point.

    Love them anyways.

    Nobody said you must shun or hate people who have PPD's.... We're just saying they are wrong and inappropriate.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    I have had several people in my family and friends who were married jop and are perfectly content and happy with their nuptials. Minimizing how other brides feel about their perspective on their own vows is gaslighting in my opinion. To be honest it is a little oppressive.

    I have said it before, love people anyways and happy people want others to be happy.

    I love intimate weddings and I love people who want to have that special moment with friends and family. If that means they couldn't do that moment on that day, then they should be happy to have it at a later time if they choose. I have lived long enough to see many things and I would never want anyone to have regrets.

    I don't think it is wrong and inappropriate, I think what is wrong is shaming people and making people feel bad for wanting something that would make them happy.  We only have one life to live, make it count.

    I love all the gifs by the way. :)

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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    Knottie1449102126 said:

    You proved my point.

    Love them anyways.

    I love them with all my heart, I just don't agree that they should spend lots of money they don't have to have a "wedding" that is nothing but a re-do. 

    No one pressured them to get married, and he wasn't getting deployed. They got married because she was pregnant. Neither of them is really super religious. 

    If they wanted the big fancy wedding they should have waited a few years (like they were going to before the pregnancy) until they could have it. 


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