All or None

HAGGSTOBE314 · December 2015

My SO and I have a total of 9 nieces and nephews. Ages range from 2-18 I would love to include all of them in our ceremony somehow (especially being that neither of us have children and we are extremely close to them all) , but she doesn't think its a good idea. So do I include all of them or make it fair and include none of them .

fyrchk · December 2015

What are you thinking of as ways to include them? Bridesmaids/Groomsmen? Readers? (Although that's a LOT of readings.) Holding the Chuppah?

lyndausvi · December 2015

I had 7 nieces/nephews. I included them all. It worked great for us, then again DH and I were on the same page.

Jen4948 · December 2015

Just having them all there as guests is "including" them.

If you want every single one of them to go up and down the aisle with you, that's your choice, but you'll have to make sure it's okay with your venue (some do have age limits for kids' participation) and figure out how everyone will go up and down the aisle.

A rule of thumb: if someone is too young to go up and down the aisle under their own power, then just take photos with them and don't try to make them go up and down the aisle. That generally involves anyone under age 3. Don't have them pulled in wagons.

jacques27 · December 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

AddieCake said:

I hate when people have kids in weddings just for the sake of having them. My heinous cousin had some random boy in her wedding so that all the kids would be included. He had no role He was just a toddler who stumbled down the aisle in a little suit, and nobody knew why.

I don't mean to laugh but that's funny !! Lol!!
I can see what everyone is saying though.

I guess I wanted them in because we are really really close to them , but understanding what you guys are saying I may just have 3 in to have my flower girls and my ring bearer .

Not everyone has to have a role just because you're close to them. With kids, you also have to consider if this role includes them dressing in a particular outfit (such as matching flower girl dresses or tuxes/suits) then that's a cost you're putting on their parents, which adds up if any of the kids are from the same family. Also, with the older ones, do they even WANT to be in it. Being close is one thing, but at a certain age some kids also kinda check out and don't want to participate in things and find certain activities embarrassing. Also, are any of the kids shy? Would they not want to have that kind of attention on them with a large audience. As a child I would have loved to go up and speak and then I had an embarrassing public speaking situation in junior high and was afraid to do anything that put public attention on me for several years.

You being close to them is great and wanting them there, but they should also be active participants who WANT to be there in that particular capacity, too. You have to have the permission of the parents, but just because they are children doesn't mean they don't have some autonomy in what happens to them. And if they are too young to consent and understand what that actually means and participate on their own, they are probably too young to do it. As a pp said, being a guest is also an honor. You can also make sure to get photos with each of them (individually or as a group) before or after the ceremony.

HAGGSTOBE314 · December 2015

fyrchk said:

What are you thinking of as ways to include them? Bridesmaids/Groomsmen? Readers? (Although that's a LOT of readings.) Holding the Chuppah?Jen4948 said:

Just having them all there as guests is "including" them. If you want every single one of them to go up and down the aisle with you, that's your choice, but you'll have to make sure it's okay with your venue (some do have age limits for kids' participation) and figure out how everyone will go up and down the aisle. A rule of thumb: if someone is too young to go up and down the aisle under their own power, then just take photos with them and don't try to make them go up and down the aisle. That generally involves anyone under age 3. Don't have them pulled in wagons.

I honestly had a place for them all but SO did not like where 3 of them were placed so that kind of sent me back to the drawing board. She doesn't think the smaller 3 should be in it because they're 2,3 & 4 but then two of them are my niece and nephew and the rest are hers and if i take out the 2 and 3 year old then that takes out both my niece and my nephew which I wasn't too pleased about.

ShesSoCold · December 2015

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

fyrchk said:

What are you thinking of as ways to include them? Bridesmaids/Groomsmen? Readers? (Although that's a LOT of readings.) Holding the Chuppah?Jen4948 said:

Just having them all there as guests is "including" them. If you want every single one of them to go up and down the aisle with you, that's your choice, but you'll have to make sure it's okay with your venue (some do have age limits for kids' participation) and figure out how everyone will go up and down the aisle. A rule of thumb: if someone is too young to go up and down the aisle under their own power, then just take photos with them and don't try to make them go up and down the aisle. That generally involves anyone under age 3. Don't have them pulled in wagons.

I honestly had a place for them all but SO did not like where 3 of them were placed so that kind of sent me back to the drawing board. She doesn't think the smaller 3 should be in it because they're 2,3 & 4 but then two of them are my niece and nephew and the rest are hers and if i take out the 2 and 3 year old then that takes out both my niece and my nephew which I wasn't too pleased about.

Are we talking about people or potted plants?

AddieCake · December 2015

I hate when people have kids in weddings just for the sake of having them. My heinous cousin had some random boy in her wedding so that all the kids would be included. He had no role He was just a toddler who stumbled down the aisle in a little suit, and nobody knew why.

HAGGSTOBE314 · December 2015

AddieCake said:

I hate when people have kids in weddings just for the sake of having them. My heinous cousin had some random boy in her wedding so that all the kids would be included. He had no role He was just a toddler who stumbled down the aisle in a little suit, and nobody knew why.

I don't mean to laugh but that's funny !! Lol!!
I can see what everyone is saying though.

I guess I wanted them in because we are really really close to them , but understanding what you guys are saying I may just have 3 in to have my flower girls and my ring bearer .

lyndausvi · December 2015

AddieCake said:

I hate when people have kids in weddings just for the sake of having them. My heinous cousin had some random boy in her wedding so that all the kids would be included. He had no role He was just a toddler who stumbled down the aisle in a little suit, and nobody knew why.

Even though I had all my nieces and nephews in the wedding I agree with you. Mine ranged in age from 6 to 13. If they were under 4 no way I would have had them. Since they were older, I had a real relationship with them. They are able to walk on their own. Most of them had been in weddings before. They are so good that DH and I sat with them at the wedding. Yep, it was us and the kids. The adults were at other tables.

HAGGSTOBE314 · December 2015

jacques27 said:

HAGGSTOBE314 said:

AddieCake said:

I hate when people have kids in weddings just for the sake of having them. My heinous cousin had some random boy in her wedding so that all the kids would be included. He had no role He was just a toddler who stumbled down the aisle in a little suit, and nobody knew why.

I don't mean to laugh but that's funny !! Lol!!
I can see what everyone is saying though.

I guess I wanted them in because we are really really close to them , but understanding what you guys are saying I may just have 3 in to have my flower girls and my ring bearer .

Not everyone has to have a role just because you're close to them. With kids, you also have to consider if this role includes them dressing in a particular outfit (such as matching flower girl dresses or tuxes/suits) then that's a cost you're putting on their parents, which adds up if any of the kids are from the same family. Also, with the older ones, do they even WANT to be in it. Being close is one thing, but at a certain age some kids also kinda check out and don't want to participate in things and find certain activities embarrassing. Also, are any of the kids shy? Would they not want to have that kind of attention on them with a large audience. As a child I would have loved to go up and speak and then I had an embarrassing public speaking situation in junior high and was afraid to do anything that put public attention on me for several years.
You being close to them is great and wanting them there, but they should also be active participants who WANT to be there in that particular capacity, too. You have to have the permission of the parents, but just because they are children doesn't mean they don't have some autonomy in what happens to them. And if they are too young to consent and understand what that actually means and participate on their own, they are probably too young to do it. As a pp said, being a guest is also an honor. You can also make sure to get photos with each of them (individually or as a group) before or after the ceremony.

Yeah I completely understand !

I was so caught up in the moment I didn't even stop to think about that. 2 of them actually asked if they could be, the others that are older haven't asked so I guess I can ask them or their parents if they do and if not I will definitely get pictures with them.

CMGragain · December 2015

My daughter had a special children's dance at her reception. All the kids gathered in a circle around the bride and did the Hokey-Pokey. Great photo op!

HAGGSTOBE314 · December 2015

Ohhhh my goodness !!!! i bet that was sooooo pretty !!!!!! @CMGragain

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