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Tuesday

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Re: Tuesday

  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @Swazzle  stealing some lunch ideas! we were just talking about being bored with lunches {default is sandwiches or leftovers}

    @minskat30 yay :) so glad it went well!
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, I need some advice. My best friend called me yesterday and told me she is in a new relationship - yay! I was super happy for her because she's always struggled finding a guy who is willing to commit to a relationship. But the more she told me, the more concerned I became but two things really stand out. First, on several occasions he has called to say he cheated on her and then claimed it was a joke. Second, a girl from his past (supposedly 3-4 years ago) is pressing rape charges against him. For some reason this isn't a deal breaker for her because she says she doesn't know who to believe. All I said was that I never wanted to call a rape victim a liar because I was in shock she was still with him even after this happened. We'll both be in our hometown for Christmas and I know that she'll want to talk about him and potentially will want me to meet him. I'm not sure what to say to her when she asks for advice or what to do if she wants me to meet him, which I think I'd be really uncomfortable with.


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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    @bethsmiles Wow....to be completely honest....I've definitely distanced myself from some friends in the past when they were dating a super sleazey guy. This guy sounds like a douche, is probably a douche, OH and is probably also a fucking rapist.

    I'd meet with your friend over Christmas, explain your concerns in a gentle and loving way, and tell her you just don't feel comfortable about this guy after the things you've told her. You love her and you value your friendship, but there are some really negative aspects of this relationship that you just aren't comfortable with right now. I don't even know. I'd have a hard time being honest in a nice way about this.



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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @labro - yeah, I really can't think of a nice way to bring up my concerns. I've never really thought she makes good decisions she it comes to dating but this is a whole other level of crappy decision making.


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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @bethsmiles - That's really tough. I would definitely have to talk to my friend about things if I were in your shoes. I think it might depend on what kind of relationship you have with her, if she would take it well or not. Would she listen to your concerns with an open mind or would she take offense and back away? 



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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @bethsmiles that is so awkward. I'd definitely voice a concern but as we all know, people sometimes get blinded by love and don't want to hear it. So I'd see how she reacts to your concern, and if she's still with him at the time, and if she still seems like moving forward, I'd probably just not meet up with them.

                                                                     

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @Swazzle - I'm not really sure how she'd react. When we talked it sounded like she was looking for me to say it was okay to keep dating him but she was obviously unsure about things.

    @jenna8984 - I definitely want to avoid meeting up with her if he's there. Thankfully I'll be pretty busy with family while I'm there so dress shopping is the only planned time I have with her and she wouldn't bring him along to that.


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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2015
    @bethsmiles - What a screwed up situation.  I would have trouble staying friends with her to be honest if any of these allegations are true.  Rape?!  And "she doesn't know who to believe"?!  He better have a damn bullet proof alibi for her...did you ask her about this or are you just trying to stay out of it?  Even if the allegations aren't true, he's joking about cheating on her?  He sounds like a douche at best and a criminal at worst.  I would feel free to meet up with her but tell her your honest opinion after you listen to her.  If she tries to make you meet him, I would tell her you are uncomfortable meeting someone who treated her so crappy.  I had a very close friend who tried to make me meet someone who I strongly opposed her dating (reasons I won't get into but valid ones) and I flat out told her I had no interest in meeting him but I did love her and wanted to remain friends.  We are still friends to this day and she is no longer dating the guy...I hope your situation ends well.  I've always found honesty said in a tactful way to be the best approach...you have to stay true to yourself, right?
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @minskat30 - I did ask her what he was saying but it was really confusing to follow what she was saying but its basically - yes they had sex, he says it was consensual the woman says it isn't. I think I just need to have an honest heart to heart with her about my feelings about this and just let the chips fall where they do.

    Its just so confusing to me why she's sticking with him. Not just because it would shock me that anyone would but her specifically based on conversations we've had in the past. She's had self-esteem issues the past few years and I'm wondering if that's somehow related to that.


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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @Swazzle OMG THOSE ROLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    @minskat30 I'm pretty sure 2 month old Raj is as big as adult Cinders is now lol!



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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    @minskat30 So glad Raj's surgery went well!

    @cocobellaF Not sure what you're able to stomach right now but this is a pasta dish with chicken I sometimes make -
    cut up chicken breasts into 1 inch pieces and marinate in balsamic vinaigrette for a bit before cooking
    Then I add that to pasta seasoned with a little bit of butter, olive oil , salt, pepper, garlic powder, more balsamic if preferred and grape/cherry tomatoes and fresh mozzarella. Simple but good!
     




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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @minskat30 so glad Raj's surgery went well! 

    @bethsmiles that is really awkward. The joking about cheating thing is not cool, and honestly quite strange. In my experience there were red flags with the guy that abused me my freshmen year, and honestly alarm bells are going off for me after reading your post. I agree with others about maybe voicing your concerns, but being prepared for your friend not to listen. I really hope this all works out for you. 

    Work work work work work work work work <- me right now. Which is why I am on here so late every day lately. 

    My foot has been killing me all day today. I was even in tears at one point at my desk. The ibuprofen isn't helping either. I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow morning. Part of me wants them to find a severely torn tendon so that I can leave bad reviews for that other ortho who just said it was a minor sprain, but part of me doesn't as I don't want to go through surgery. We will see. 

    Between work and pain, I have very little patience for people lately, and my FIL's have both really annoyed me the past few days. Warning, vent ahead.

    The first instance was when FI posted a picture of his watch to Facebook. FFIL had the audacity to comment about how we need to bring his first grandson into the world now. Oh, and he even has the name already picked out. Effing lovely. At least FI and I are on the same page about not being ready anytime soon for kids, and that we will not be naming the kid what FFIL wants. 

    And then today I get a text from FMIL asking about our travel itinerary for Christmas. I tell her what it is, but that it might change and we might need to cancel if I need surgery and they get me in quickly. Her response: "Aaaaany way you can get here for the Family Holiday Party on the 20th?". ....Let me just change our flights that have been booked since the summer around two weeks beforehand during a busy holiday, take an extra week of vacation now and cut our honeymoon time in half, disregard all of our project responsibilities at work, and not get the surgery I might possibly need for something you just told me about in a text. No problem! /sarcasm

    Maybe I am feeling extra snarky/moody/whathaveyou today but that really pissed me off. Instead of asking us first when she knew we had the flights already booked, they chose a date for their party and then tried to make me feel guilty for not attending. I have enough s*** to deal with right now. Sorry for the wall of text, just had to get that out. 

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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @AuroraRose41 - That response from your FMIL made me want to slap her for you, WTF? Don't let her make you feel guilty. You are flying out to visit and you will be there on Christmas, who gives a shit about some stupid party? Also all the vibes for you foot! I hope you don't need surgery but I also hope they can actually figure out what's wrong so they can fix it!


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  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @bethsmiles thank you! I am glad you don't think I am overreacting. I wanted to text so many things back, but I ended up saying that flights would be way too expensive to switch at this point, no guarantee that we could even find availability this late, and we don't have enough vacation time. The response was "Understood. Just hoping. You know.". It felt like she was trying to guilt me into it even more! 

    And thanks about the foot. I want to know what's wrong too! 

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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @aurorarose41 - What a pain (both the foot and your FMIL and FFIL).  On the bright side, this is a great test of every relationship I feel.  Your parents and in laws will eventually test boundaries but it seems like you and your FI are doing great at keeping a united front.  You should feel proud about that if nothing else.  I'm sorry you are going through all that crap though.
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  • audrewuhaudrewuh member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @minskat30 I am so glad Raj's surgery went well! I hope he's getting lots of snuggles tonight and that you're able to sleep through the night, too. 
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    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
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  • labrolabro member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @AuroraRo.se41 Ughhhh your FMIL... Don't let her make you feel guilty at all! They were well aware of your flights and they could have easily planned this holiday party around your visit if it was SO important that you be there. Try to just let it roll off your back and don't worry about it! I hope your MRI shows something today so your foot can heal!



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  • wink0erinwink0erin member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    @AlPacina I know I'm super late, but when you said "Broomakaka" sounding like the name of the cookies, it reminded me of a Hebrew phrase that sounds sort of like "ba-ruk a-tah", which translates to "blessed are you" and it is repeated a million times in the blessings I've heard so far. I had the phrase stuck in my head after a went to a Shabbat service with BF. It sounded like "Barooka-kaka" when said over and over and everything blended together because I don't understand Hebrew at all and never heard it before a few months ago. I wonder if the cookies name evolved from that! 
    ******************************************************

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  • AlPacinaAlPacina member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    @wink0erin - The cookies are blessed with tasting absolutely incredible, so that is quite possible! ;) I have no Jewish lineage in my family, that I know of. Actually, I'm almost 100% German, haha!


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