Donations towards our savings for a car: Advice?

tigerlily6 · December 2015

I have been wrestling with what the best etiquette is for setting up our registry.

My fiance and I are both graduate students in our late 20s living on very tight budgets (our parents are graciously and gratefully helping fund most of the rehearsal, ceremony, and reception -- rings, invitations and announcements, engagement photos, gifts for wedding party & parents, and honeymoon are on us).

Between the two of us, we have pretty much all the appliances/ household items we need. We only have his one car, however, and it is pretty old, raggedy, and is constantly suffering from mechanical problems-- we only drive it in town, because it has enough issues that driving it long-distance seems a great risk (we rent if we need to go out of town).

I am in law school and will need to be able to commute about 40 miles round-trip this summer for an internship. So getting a new (used) car for a few thousand dollars is definitely something we need, and we have been doing our best to make a small savings fund for it, but it has been slow going since we have also been saving for certain things wedding-related (see above).

I am thinking we should still set up a traditional registry with some items so guests can opt for those if they prefer, but the most meaningful way they could support us as a new couple would be donations to help towards our savings for a new car. What is the best way to politely recommend this to guests/ make them aware of this option?

ShesSoCold · December 2015

tigerlily6 said:

I have been wrestling with what the best etiquette is for setting up our registry.

My fiance and I are both graduate students in our late 20s living on very tight budgets (our parents are graciously and gratefully helping fund most of the rehearsal, ceremony, and reception -- rings, invitations and announcements, engagement photos, gifts for wedding party & parents, and honeymoon are on us).

Between the two of us, we have pretty much all the appliances/ household items we need. We only have his one car, however, and it is pretty old, raggedy, and is constantly suffering from mechanical problems-- we only drive it in town, because it has enough issues that driving it long-distance seems a great risk (we rent if we need to go out of town).

I am in law school and will need to be able to commute about 40 miles round-trip this summer for an internship. So getting a new (used) car for a few thousand dollars is definitely something we need, and we have been doing our best to make a small savings fund for it, but it has been slow going since we have also been saving for certain things wedding-related (see above).

I am thinking we should still set up a traditional registry with some items so guests can opt for those if they prefer, but the most meaningful way they could support us as a new couple would be donations to help towards our savings for a new car. What is the best way to politely recommend this to guests/ make them aware of this option?

Sorry, but registering for cash is tacky and rude. There's no good way to do this. I suggest making a small registry (especially if someone is throwing you a shower) and - only if people ask - saying that you are saving for a new car. If you're not having a shower, you don't have to register at all.

H and I made a very small registry and we only received one boxed gift at our wedding. The rest was cash. This isn't true for every circle, but everyone knows that money is a great gift.

ETA: I also HATE the word "donations" for things like this. I donate to charities, not regular people wanting things. I give gifts.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

tigerlily6 said:

I have been wrestling with what the best etiquette is for setting up our registry.

My fiance and I are both graduate students in our late 20s living on very tight budgets (our parents are graciously and gratefully helping fund most of the rehearsal, ceremony, and reception -- rings, invitations and announcements, engagement photos, gifts for wedding party & parents, and honeymoon are on us).

Between the two of us, we have pretty much all the appliances/ household items we need. We only have his one car, however, and it is pretty old, raggedy, and is constantly suffering from mechanical problems-- we only drive it in town, because it has enough issues that driving it long-distance seems a great risk (we rent if we need to go out of town).

I am in law school and will need to be able to commute about 40 miles round-trip this summer for an internship. So getting a new (used) car for a few thousand dollars is definitely something we need, and we have been doing our best to make a small savings fund for it, but it has been slow going since we have also been saving for certain things wedding-related (see above).

I am thinking we should still set up a traditional registry with some items so guests can opt for those if they prefer, but the most meaningful way they could support us as a new couple would be donations to help towards our savings for a new car. What is the best way to politely recommend this to guests/ make them aware of this option?

Tell your parents and Best Man/Maid of Honor that if anybody asks, you didn't register because you don't need 'things', but you are saving for a new car. Never bring it up unless someone asks. And do not, under any circumstances, register for money.

PamBeesly524 · December 2015

H and I are also in our 20s and he is a graduate student. We registered for what we needed/would like, but it wasn't much. People bought stuff off the registries, other gave us cash, others gave us nothing. Not once did we ever mention "we don't need stuff but we need a house so money's cool kthanks". We were so grateful for what people gave us and it all worked out in the end, without being rude and mentioning we wanted cash.

tigerlily6 · December 2015

Perfect. Thank you all. I knew registering for money is pretty tacky and rude, so I didn't want to do that. But also didn't want to register for a bunch of things just to do so -- that seems rude to me also (requesting things we don't need). So I wasn't sure how to go about the situation. But the advice is great and calms some fears; I think it's a bit more clear now to just go with the flow, and it will all work out.

Sounds like maybe just not having a registry would be the best move, and if guests decide to give a gift, that's great (and if not, that's fine too -- it will be a gift just to have them there). I know our parents and wedding party members are already aware of our situation, so hopefully they can help guests if the question comes up.

tigerlily6 · December 2015

BB8 · December 2015

Donations towards our savings for a car: Advice?

Re: Donations towards our savings for a car: Advice?

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