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Knottie1448379830 · December 2015

KatWAG · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

Hi! I am getting married however this post is for a Friend.

She is getting married in 5 months. Her maid of honor suggested almost a year ago to do her bachelorette party in Arizona(where the Bride is originally from, still has family there) The bride was excited about this and agreed that it would be a fun weekend.

Fast forward a few months, the Bride and Her maid of honor are talking about flights, the Bride asked what was needed from her and the MOH (and I quote) said "I will just need help figuring out which flights we want to take, and then I will buy the ticket for you!". This gave the bride the impression that her flight was being taken care of, and that is how I would have interpreted it as well.

Just today, the bride was informed that the flights were going to be booked, and that she should basically go on and book her own flight. She was very upset and confused by this as she was under the impression it was being taken care of. She confirmed, with the MOH that she was indeed responsible for paying for her flight and the MOH acted like she didn't know why the bride thought it was being covered.

I feel as though especially because this trip was the MOH's idea, that her flight and expenses should be covered. Not to mention, While in Arizona, the Bride’s mother is letting them stay at her house, no hotel cost there.

I told her, along with a few others, that I do not agree, and I think her flight should be SPLIT by the maids that are going on this trip, OR it should have been talked about in the beginning that this was the expectation, for the bride to pay her travel costs. She is planning a wedding, and paying for a wedding, and this being sprung on her last minute is giving her second thoughts about even having a bachelorette party now.

I just wanted to get a few thoughts here on what other people’s opinions are.

Thanks,

Are you really asking for a "friend?"

I understand that there was a miscommunication but I think its pretty ridiculous for a bride to expect her flight and expense be covered. That is great that you are willing and able to split the cost of her B-party, but not all the BMs seem to feel the same way.

If the bride doesn't have the funds, then I would cancel the trip and plan something local.

It is also completely irrelevant that the bride is planning and paying for her wedding. Its HER wedding!

JediElizabeth · December 2015

I don't think anyone is entitled to have someone else fly them to their bachelorette party.

That said, the MOH also should not have made any reservations without confirming the budget with everyone - including the bride. Particularly if she had offered to book the flight, she should have been clear on saying something like "and you can pay me back for it."

Now, there's nothing to really be done about the past. In this case, as the bride I'd either pay, or talk to the MOH, say that this is an expense that I couldn't afford at the moment, and ask to change the plans to something local. The MOH & the BMs are not required to pay (singly or collectively) for the bride's travel just because there was a miscommunication.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

Hi! I am getting married however this post is for a Friend.

She is getting married in 5 months. Her maid of honor suggested almost a year ago to do her bachelorette party in Arizona(where the Bride is originally from, still has family there) The bride was excited about this and agreed that it would be a fun weekend.

Fast forward a few months, the Bride and Her maid of honor are talking about flights, the Bride asked what was needed from her and the MOH (and I quote) said "I will just need help figuring out which flights we want to take, and then I will buy the ticket for you!". This gave the bride the impression that her flight was being taken care of, and that is how I would have interpreted it as well.

Just today, the bride was informed that the flights were going to be booked, and that she should basically go on and book her own flight. She was very upset and confused by this as she was under the impression it was being taken care of. She confirmed, with the MOH that she was indeed responsible for paying for her flight and the MOH acted like she didn't know why the bride thought it was being covered.

I feel as though especially because this trip was the MOH's idea, that her flight and expenses should be covered. Not to mention, While in Arizona, the Bride’s mother is letting them stay at her house, no hotel cost there.

I told her, along with a few others, that I do not agree, and I think her flight should be SPLIT by the maids that are going on this trip, OR it should have been talked about in the beginning that this was the expectation, for the bride to pay her travel costs. She is planning a wedding, and paying for a wedding, and this being sprung on her last minute is giving her second thoughts about even having a bachelorette party now.

I just wanted to get a few thoughts here on what other people’s opinions are.

Thanks,

I'm sorry, but there must have been confusion. I was under the impression due to "this conversation" that you were going to pay for my flight, so I didn't put aside any money for the flight in my budget. I'm very sorry to do this, but I am going to have to decline this wonderful party. Either we can do something here local to me with whoever can make it, or I just won't have a bachelorette party. Thank you for all the work you put into the planning, but I just don't have the money right now.

Whatever you do DO NOT ask others to pitch in for the bride's flight. You don't get to spend other people's money. This means the bride and MOH do not get to spend bridesmaids's money.

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

Ya, I've been to batchelorette parties (we call them hen parties here) where the 'hens' paid for the bride to be accommodation and activities etc, and ones where the bride to be pitched in too. I've never been to one where everyone paid for her flights though. I don't think anyone should assume they are being paid for to that degree really. Generous if they offer but I don't think it should be expected on a destination hen party - those things can really cost $$$ for the guests!

KatWAG · December 2015

Have other people booked their flights already?

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

Ditto PPs. The only thing I would add is that you should not get in the middle of this. You've expressed your opinion. Now let the bride & MOH figure this out.

climbingsingle · December 2015

Man, that sucks. I possibly would have taken away the same after that conversation.

Personally, I've attended quite a few bach parties, and all of the people in attendance agreed beforehand that the bride would not pay. For my bach party, my friends also wouldn't let me pay for anything, even when I insisted.

If I were the bride and I could afford it, I would just suck it up and pay the ticket, especially if others are already booked on the flight. If not, then I would consider telling the MOH to cancel.

Knottie1448379830 · December 2015

The bride and the MOH are travelling to Arizona where the other two bridesmaids live. SO the maid of honor is the only bridal party member flying. Four bridesmaids would be splitting the cost of a $200 roundtrip flight for the bride. The brides mother is also covering accommodations and offering her home for the girls to stay at for the weekend.

and YES this is for a friend..

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

Also, just a side note about the woman organising this. Have you ever had to organise a batchelorette party? It is fucking painful to get everyone organised and even harder to get everyone to pay you what they owe - and that's with everyone's agreement on budget beforehand. If it was me, and one of the girls that hadn't had to do all the hard work of organising came in at the eleventh hour telling the bride that I was basically being cheap and insinuating that I should now tell all the guests they had to pay more than planned, I would be so goddamn furious. Food for thought.

KatWAG · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

The bride and the MOH are travelling to Arizona where the other two bridesmaids live. SO the maid of honor is the only bridal party member flying. Four bridesmaids would be splitting the cost of a $200 roundtrip flight for the bride. The brides mother is also covering accommodations and offering her home for the girls to stay at for the weekend.

and YES this is for a friend..

Did these other BM agree to pay $200 for the brides ticket? Were they asked or told?

If the bride cant afford the ticket, cancel the trip. A bach party is not required.

KatWAG · December 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

Ditto PPs. The only thing I would add is that you should not get in the middle of this. You've expressed your opinion. Now let the bride & MOH figure this out.

BOXES

Yup. OP, why are you involving yourself?

Knottie1448379830 · December 2015

So far, the Bride has to pay for her flight, the bride has already reserved a car for the girls (130$) her mother is letting the girls stay at her house for nothing, and the brides mother is paying for a hotel for one night following a late night out. So the bride is paying more right now for her party than the girls are.

holyguacamole79, this girl is a good friend and confiding in me so I don't consider myself "getting in the middle" of anything. thanks.,

Knottie1448379830 · December 2015

KatWAG the Bride was told " I will buy your ticket". Then told that she had to buy her flight.

delujm0 · December 2015

I had a destination B-party. i didn't even consider the idea that any of the attendees would pay for my flight or lodgings. In fact, one of my BMs planned it but we used my own time share for accomodations to make it more affordable for everyone else. The ONLY thing that was covered for me was drinks and dinner the night of the "official" party. The girls split my dinner among them and took turns buying rounds of drinks at the bar. All other meals and activities i paid for myself.

Oh, and i paid for my own honeymoon and half of my own wedding too BTW.

It is a little confusing that the MOH inplied she was taking care of the flight cost, but i never assume my cost for anything is covered until it's actually booked and paid for by someone else. Leaving this flight out of her budget based on one conversation that happened months before the flights were booked was a mistake. Her options are to either go and pay for her own flight, or cancel the trip. Personally i'd find it odd to have someone else pay for what is essentially a flight for me to go home and visit my family, which, since she's staying at her mom's, is really what this is, with an attached bachelorette party in there one night.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

So you are cool with splitting the costs of the brides flight, but what about everyone else?

KatWAG · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

So far, the Bride has to pay for her flight, the bride has already reserved a car for the girls (130$) her mother is letting the girls stay at her house for nothing, and the brides mother is paying for a hotel for one night following a late night out. So the bride is paying more right now for her party than the girls are.

holyguacamole79, this girl is a good friend and confiding in me so I don't consider myself "getting in the middle" of anything. thanks.,

Knottie1448379830 said:

KatWAG the Bride was told " I will buy your ticket". Then told that she had to buy her flight.

what the brides mother chooses to pay for and what the bride pays are not the same thing. That is really great that the mom offered her house and to pay for a hotel room but that doesn't involve the bride. And again, its irrelevant.

I understand that she was told MOH would buy her ticket. And that sucks that the MOH will no longer be able to. But there isn't much you or the bride can do about it, short of buying her own ticket.

I would just let it go.

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

So far, the Bride has to pay for her flight, the bride has already reserved a car for the girls (130$) her mother is letting the girls stay at her house for nothing, and the brides mother is paying for a hotel for one night following a late night out. So the bride is paying more right now for her party than the girls are.

holyguacamole79, this girl is a good friend and confiding in me so I don't consider myself "getting in the middle" of anything. thanks.,

So far it sounds like you haven't gotten too much in the middle of this. I'm saying that you should keep it that way. You've stated your opinion. Now let it go and let them handle it. If the other bridesmaid(s) bring it up, simply say "this really is between MOH and bride. Let's give them space to work this out."

Knottie1448379830 said:

KatWAG the Bride was told " I will buy your ticket". Then told that she had to buy her flight.

Also, FYI - we have quoted your other posts. It's rude to go back and delete what you already said.

Maggie0829 · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

KatWAG the Bride was told " I will buy your ticket". Then told that she had to buy her flight.

No, she was not told that (at least what was noted in your original post, that was never said). Instead, she inferred that from what the MOH said. And many of us said we would have inferred the same thing. BUT, apparently is was a miscommunication and now the bride needs to purchase her flight.

If you wish to help your friend with the cost of her flight, then by all means do so. But I don't think you should be splitting the cost between everyone since that was not something originally discussed.

Jen4948 · December 2015

I don't think the issue here is whether or not the bride has a right to expect anyone else to pay for her (she doesn't), but that she was told that the MOH would cover her costs and made her plans accordingly, only to be told at the last minute that no, she now has to cover them. So she made her plans based on information that is now either inaccurate or out of date.

If all along the MOH expected the bride to pay her own way, she should have made that clear up front and not tell the bride "your ticket is covered." That was misleading or incorrect. But nobody should be expected to reach into their own pockets to cover the bride's costs if she can't do it herself. I think the party needs to be canceled if the bride can't afford to pay her way there.

lembaslover · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

So far, the Bride has to pay for her flight, the bride has already reserved a car for the girls (130$) her mother is letting the girls stay at her house for nothing, and the brides mother is paying for a hotel for one night following a late night out. So the bride is paying more right now for her party than the girls are.

holyguacamole79, this girl is a good friend and confiding in me so I don't consider myself "getting in the middle" of anything. thanks.,

Honestly while the conversation the MOH and the bride had could be taken either way as a bride I would have either made sure I was comfortable fronting the cost or verified that I wasn't responsible for it and not just assumed she was covering it. (We all know what they say about those who assume..)

It was the bride and her mother's choice to provide those things so I think it's really crappy to then throw that back at the other BMs and say look how much I spent compared to you. It'd be like if I bought someone an iPad and then claimed they owed me something in return. It was my choice to buy it for them and I have no right to make that person feel bad for not doing the same for me.

Since no one has flights I'd recommend to your friend that she should decline the party or if she really wants to go then she needs to pay for her flight. If you wish to pay for her flight alone then that is your choice and may offer to do so but you shouldn't ask the other girls to pitch in.

Knottie1448379830 · December 2015

@Jen4948 that's all we were saying. It was not clear and YES she was told "Let me know what flight you want and I will buy your ticket" so YES she was told her ticket was being purchased

STARMOON44 · December 2015

OP since you are so concerned I think you should pay for the flight.

KatWAG · December 2015

Fastest DD ever? Under an hour.

TrixieJess · December 2015

And so we have another bat signal on a completely tame thread.

ETA: Trying to add GIF, not working...

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

Why would you delete a comment that has been quoted but continue to comment?? Madness....

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

@Jen4948 that's all we were saying. It was not clear and YES she was told "Let me know what flight you want and I will buy your ticket" so YES she was told her ticket was being purchased

Just playing devil's advocate here.

"I'm buying your ticket" does not necessarily mean "I'm paying for your ticket". One of my girlfriends & I went to the movies recently (yes, I know that a movie ticket & a plane ticket are two very different things). I told her I'll go ahead & buy her ticket. She arrived and said "how much do I owe you?".

There was obviously a misunderstanding here between the bride & the MOH.

I get the feeling that your goal with this post is for all of us to say how wrong this MOH is and how she should pay for the bride's plane ticket. While most of us agree that we would have interpreted things the same way, you're not going to get a unanimous consensus from the women on this board saying that the MOH owes the bride a plane ticket.

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

TrixieJess said:

And so we have another bat signal on a completely tame thread.

ETA: Trying to add GIF, not working...

How's this?

Image: http://u.goal.com/1620200/1620292.jpg

Maggie0829 · December 2015

Knottie1448379830 said:

@Jen4948 that's all we were saying. It was not clear and YES she was told "Let me know what flight you want and I will buy your ticket" so YES she was told her ticket was being purchased

You said in your OP "I will just need help figuring out which flights we want to take, and then I will buy the ticket for you!" To me that could mean two things
1) That the MOH was buying the ticket and covering the costs
2) That the MOH was buying the ticket in the sense that she was going to go through the motions so the bride didn't have to but was not covering the costs.

So in the end, it was a miscommunication. Since there was a miscommunication between the bride and the MOH, that does not mean that the other BMs should have to shell out some money because the bride didn't think to make sure of who was covering the ticket. So if you want to help the bride out, that is your choice. But no one else should have to fund her ticket, regardless of how much she voluntarily chosen to book/pay for.

KnickerGold · December 2015

What I'm confused about is - Bride & MOH are the only ones flying, the 'other two' BMs live in Arizona, so aren't traveling... but the 4 BMs are splitting the cost of the ticket...
Please tell me there isn't 1/2 additional BMs not attending who are expected to split the cost of this flight?!

madamerwin · December 2015

holyguacamole79 said:

Knottie1448379830 said:

@Jen4948 that's all we were saying. It was not clear and YES she was told "Let me know what flight you want and I will buy your ticket" so YES she was told her ticket was being purchased

Just playing devil's advocate here.

"I'm buying your ticket" does not necessarily mean "I'm paying for your ticket". One of my girlfriends & I went to the movies recently (yes, I know that a movie ticket & a plane ticket are two very different things). I told her I'll go ahead & buy her ticket. She arrived and said "how much do I owe you?".

There was obviously a misunderstanding here between the bride & the MOH.

I get the feeling that your goal with this post is for all of us to say how wrong this MOH is and how she should pay for the bride's plane ticket. While most of us agree that we would have interpreted things the same way, you're not going to get a unanimous consensus from the women on this board saying that the MOH owes the bride a plane ticket.

This. If MOH said "Tell me which flight you want to take, and I will pay for your ticket," that would be one thing. But the bride should have asked for clarification and/or assumed that she was still going to have to pay for the ticket herself. Unlike some PPs, if a friend told me she was "buying my ticket" I would immediately let her know my budget and say something like "Ok, if you can find something under $200, that would be preferable. Let me know how to pay you back." That way, if she really did mean she was paying for it, it would be clarified right then and there.

At this point, no one should be asking the other BMs to chip in. Either the bride should pay for her own flight, or she should thank the MOH for her offer to plan the party and let her know that it turns out that the out that it's not in her budget. GRANTED - budgets should have been discussed with everyone in advance, but that ship has sailed.

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