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overdressed FOB?

Knottie0262594 Knottie0262594 member
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in Attire & Accessories Forum
Hi all, my fiance and his groomsmen are going to be wearing dark suits for our wedding. However, when my dad heard that, I could tell he was really bummed--I think he bought a tux all those years ago for this very occasion! Would it be super weird for him to wear a tux when the rest of the bridal party is in dark navy suits?
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Re: overdressed FOB?

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2015
    Sorry, but your Dad would look, and probably feel out of place in a tuxedo if no one else is wearing one.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Knottie0262594 said:

    Hi all, my fiance and his groomsmen are going to be wearing dark suits for our wedding. However, when my dad heard that, I could tell he was really bummed--I think he bought a tux all those years ago for this very occasion! Would it be super weird for him to wear a tux when the rest of the bridal party is in dark navy suits?

    Yes. A tux would be too formal for a wedding in which the male wedding party members are wearing dark suits.
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  • justsiejustsie member
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    I went a wedding similar recently, the groom and groomsmen were all in a suit jacket and jeans, and the FOB wore a full suite and bowtie, he looked very overdressed and it was pretty obvious by that and the way the MOB dressed that the wedding was not the formality they had hoped for their daughter. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited December 2015
    hellohkb said:
    Personally speaking, I don't think it's a huge deal. The groomsmen at my wedding will be wearing black suits, white shirts, and black ties. My dad will be in a tux. Well, what Men's Wearhouse considers to be a tux, at least. I don't think it's a *true* tux, but dad loves it and feels great in it. Then again I don't necessarily believe that people must adhere to certain levels of formality. I want my dad to feel and look his best, just as I will feel and look my best in my wedding gown. My bridesmaids are wearing cocktail dresses and a few guests have told me they are wearing gowns. I'm sure a few people will show up super casually. At the end of the day, I don't think it matters what others wear as long as they follow dress codes (no jeans at a country club, etc) and aren't naked.
    There are many people who do want to fit in with the crowd at functions.  I, personally, would feel uncomfortable if I arrived at a party and found that everyone else was dressed more casually than I was.
    Clothing rules are there so people can be more comfortable, not to make arbitrary laws.  100 years ago, you could see to what social class a person belonged by what they were wearing.  (Think the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey.)  Today, we are more equal, and if you follow the rules, no one will guess.  Etiquette rules encourage equality and make people feel more comfortable.
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  • hellohkbhellohkb mod
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    edited December 2015
    Heffalump said:


    Maggie0829 said:


    CMGragain said:


    hellohkb said:

    Personally speaking, I don't think it's a huge deal. The groomsmen at my wedding will be wearing black suits, white shirts, and black ties. My dad will be in a tux. Well, what Men's Wearhouse considers to be a tux, at least. I don't think it's a *true* tux, but dad loves it and feels great in it. Then again I don't necessarily believe that people must adhere to certain levels of formality. I want my dad to feel and look his best, just as I will feel and look my best in my wedding gown.

    My bridesmaids are wearing cocktail dresses and a few guests have told me they are wearing gowns. I'm sure a few people will show up super casually. At the end of the day, I don't think it matters what others wear as long as they follow dress codes (no jeans at a country club, etc) and aren't naked.

    There are many people who do want to fit in with the crowd at functions.  I, personally, would feel uncomfortable if I arrived at a party and found that everyone else was dressed more casually than I was.
    Clothing rules are there so people can be more comfortable, not to make arbitrary laws.  100 years ago, you could see to what social class a person belonged by what they were wearing.  (Think the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey.)  Today, we are more equal, and if you follow the rules, no one will guess.  Etiquette rules encourage equality and make people feel more comfortable.

    But in OPs situation it sounds like her Dad really wanted to wear a tux so I doubt he would feel uncomfortable if he was over dressed compared to everyone else.

    OP, you told your Dad what the guys are wearing, but in the end just tell him to feel free to wear whatever he is happy and comfortable.  And if that means a tux then that is fine.

    This is how we handled it, as well.  Our wedding was at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday in a botanical garden.  FIL wanted to wear a tux.  The closest we got to saying anything was when DH let him know that he could feel free to wear something more casual if he wanted, given the overall vibe of the wedding.  But FIL had recently bought a tux for some event, and he said he was determined to get his money's worth out of it.  (This is my FIL to a T.)  He was aware of the particulars of the event, he chose to wear his tux, and everyone lived to tell the tale.

    There is nothing wrong with sharing info about the formality of your event so that guests can make an informed decision about what to wear.  What they do with that info is 100% up to them, and won't really have any practical effect on the wedding.

    ----


    I agree with the above. OP's dad seems to feel most comfortable in the tux. Some people want to wear what everyone else is wearing, some people want to wear what THEY feel themselves wearing. I don't think anyone will be looking at dad's attire and thinking "wtf?'


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  • Knottie0262594 Knottie0262594 member
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    edited December 2015
    Thanks for all your thoughts, ladies! So helpful as I couldn't really find any posts out there on this topic. We don't have a strict dress code for the wedding but we are in a pretty formal venue, so I didn't really have too strong of an opinion one way or another and was wondering what my guests might think about it. It sounds like my dad is still weighing if he would feel out of place wearing it versus missing the chance to really dress up for a very special day that he's been looking forward to for a long time, so he might still end up deciding on a suit. But I'll let him know it wouldn't be the craziest thing in the world for him to show up in his tux if that's what he decides he'd prefer :) Thanks again!
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    As long as your Dad understands that he will be the only man who is wearing a tuxedo, it is fine.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I think as long as he knows what the other men are wearing, and he doesn't care, and you don't care, then it is fine.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    I think your dad should wear whatever he wants. My wedding was in the afternoon. My H wanted to wear a tuxedo, so that's what he wore. My mom wanted to wear a sparkly, fancy dress so that's what she wore. And everyone was happy and we all had a fantastic time.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    Technically, he can wear whatever he wants.  But at a wedding, I expect the groom (and bride) to be the best dressed.  It would seem weird for the FOB to be better dressed than the groom.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited December 2015
    JoanE2012 said:
    Technically, he can wear whatever he wants.  But at a wedding, I expect the groom (and bride) to be the best dressed.  It would seem weird for the FOB to be better dressed than the groom.
    Wearing a tuxedo isn't being "better dressed", especially if it is worn at the wrong time of day.  A tuxedo is formal evening wear.  A suit is also acceptable evening wear, but has less restrictions, and it can be worn at any time of day.
    The bride and the groom set the level of formality by the time of day as well as their choice of attire.  Technically, everyone else is supposed to dress accordingly, but if the bride and groom don't object, the FOB can wear his tux.  He will look out of place.  That is HIS problem.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    I think Barney Stinson would approve of this dad.






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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    CMGragain said:
    JoanE2012 said:
    Technically, he can wear whatever he wants.  But at a wedding, I expect the groom (and bride) to be the best dressed.  It would seem weird for the FOB to be better dressed than the groom.
    Wearing a tuxedo isn't being "better dressed", especially if it is worn at the wrong time of day.  A tuxedo is formal evening wear.  A suit is also acceptable evening wear, but has less restrictions, and it can be worn at any time of day.
    The bride and the groom set the level of formality by the time of day as well as their choice of attire.  Technically, everyone else is supposed to dress accordingly, but if the bride and groom don't object, the FOB can wear his tux.  He will look out of place.  That is HIS problem.
    Exactly - it will seem weird.  Perhaps "better dressed" is not the appropriate words....I expect the guests to be dressed at the same level formality (or less) than the bride and groom.  My father would be embarrassed if he came wearing a tux and my DH had a suit.  But hey, if this FOB and OP doesn't care, then whatever floats his boat.
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  • jacques27jacques27 member
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    edited December 2015
    Personally, if it makes him feel good, then let him.  Like @glasgowtolondon pointed out, we tell women all the time that guests can dress themselves and that the MOB/MOG gets to pick out their own dress/color and they are adults who get to dress themselves and know how to make appropriate decisions for themselves.  Same goes for FOB/FOG.   It's not like you are getting married in shorts and a t-shirt - people will be dressed up.  Maybe not that formally, but I really don't think he'll stick out badly enough that he'll be embarrassed. 

    And truthfully, based on the amount of lurking I've done on various sites (not just here), there's an appalling number of people out there who don't even know the difference between a suit and a tux (I've seen numerous posts asking for "help finding this tux" until someone finally points out to them that the picture is a suit, not a tux).  I think there will probably be a number of people in that camp who will just think your father looks nice and dressy and a fair number of people who just plain won't care or notice what he's wearing.  This seems like such a non-issue.  He can adult himself.


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