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Surprise Wedding

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Re: Surprise Wedding

  • WOW. The bitterness and negativity that is being expressed is so sad. Are you guys all bored future housewives?? This person clearly needed help and asked for opinions not a verbal slaying.

    Your friends and family will bring you gifts because they are the closest people to you so no need to think about it. you would usually be registered for your future wedding by your engagement party so if people ask you can let them know.

    Hope this helps!
    LaShanne
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think the point some people are trying to make is some people do not put as much importance on e-parties.  I know I don't.    To me the amount of pre-wedding parties are a little overkill.   Attending depends on things like my work schedule or any traveling that might need to be done.

    since my DH works weekend nights he would not take off for an e-party.   He would take off for a wedding though.  If you do not have guests who have work schedules like DH's, I guess a surprise wedding would work.  It wouldn't work for us and it's not because we don't care out our family/friends.  It's just DH's job is such that taking too many weekend nights off could hurt his career.  E-parties are lower down the priority list than say a wedding.   Sorrynotsorry.

     I should also say e-parties are NOT  done in my family.  







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    charlotte989875Knottie2006454 STARMOON44SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers



    Well like I said, some people who know about it told us to register, but my gut instinct was not to. So that's why I came here for another opinion, not to get scolded about why or why not I'm doing a surprise wedding. Nobody is being tricked into jumping off a bridge. They are being treated to a 5 hour service of open bar, 5 star dinner, dessert, DJ, & photo booth.This was my first post here, and I thought it was a bunch of supportive people offering great advice, but it's mostly just sad losers waiting to throw negative comments out there. I'm sure half of you hags had a backyard wedding roasting pigs, and drinking out of red solo cups. Thank you to those who offered great advice and opinions. 

    Wow, this just went from possibly interesting to very petty, small and judgmental. 

    The people here want to help you avoid being rude or alienating your guests. They don't care about you personally - they've never met you - but they want to help. Even if you don't agree, you should understand that. 

    More importantly, though, a 5 star dinner service is in no way better than a backyard BBQ wedding - at least not in any way that means anything. It will not make two people love each other more, or make for a longer, more stable marriage, or better relationships with people who already love you and are there for you on your wedding day. It's just different. 

    I find it very sad when people don't realize that. 

    For me the whole issue I have about your plans are that they are deceptive. At the very least, your guests are entitled to know what they are being invited to so they can plan accordingly. Many people who would attend a wedding would decline an engagement party invitation, and both they and those who actually attend will feel hurt that you sent them a invitation to what wasn't an engagement party as "cover." That's called "lying to your guests."

    Instead of just having a small wedding with the guests of your choice, you feel the need to trick them and then expect everyone to make themselves available for you when you aren't willing to at the very least be honest about what you are inviting them to. Supposedly this is to not make people feel "obligated" to give you gifts (which isn't an obligation anyway) but you're asking in this thread about registering for gifts.

    Then you have the nerve to call us "petty, small and judgmental."

    Do I judge you? Yes. You have no right to expect not to be judged when posting in a public forum to promote a bad idea. Bad ideas include lying to your guests.

    Be honest and plan properly for your guests' needs, and the judgments here should stop. But as long as you outline bad planning in what is, after all, a public forum where all members are welcome to comment on whatever you choose to post, then you can expect judgmental responses from us. It's not up to you how people here respond to your posts. It is up to you whether and how your guests judge you for your lack of honesty and what appears, despite your claims otherwise, to be a request for gifts. If you continue with this lying, you're going to get called out on it and there could be other foreseeable consequences, such as lack of trust and lack of future invitations for you from the people you are trying to deceive with this "surprise wedding."
    AddieCakeMyNameIsNotSP29
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    oaminloo said:
    WOW. The bitterness and negativity that is being expressed is so sad. Are you guys all bored future housewives?? This person clearly needed help and asked for opinions not a verbal slaying. Your friends and family will bring you gifts because they are the closest people to you so no need to think about it. you would usually be registered for your future wedding by your engagement party so if people ask you can let them know. Hope this helps!
    Also, if a couple is eloping, it is not proper etiquette to have pre-wedding parties as there will be no guests invited.  Registering is also inappropriate.
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueensSP29
  • Emphasis on BORED.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    oaminloo said:
    Emphasis on BORED.
    Emphasis on BORING. 

    Aren't you a current housewife?  You should have married in the spring of 2013.  Why the sudden appearance just to stir a pot in an oh-so-not-original manner?

    Your comments make absolutely no sense.  In no way does my relationship to friends and family correlate in any way to gift giving or receiving.  I have received gifts from mere acquaintances, and have had occasions where I have NOT received gifts from some of my nearest and dearest. I fail to see how one has anything to do with the other.

    I have yet to know anyone who has registered "by their engagement party".  Typically, since an engaged couple does NOT host their own engagement party, the time frame is often not known.  Secondly, many newly engaged couples never have an engagement party.  Third, the time between an engagement party and the actual wedding date may be too far apart for it to make any sense to register. 

    None of your comments helped.
    [Deleted User]STARMOON44
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    oaminloo said:
    Emphasis on BORED.
    So....you can be on here, and that's fine, but if we are, we're bored housewives? Cool logic. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • Well like I said, some people who know about it told us to register, but my gut instinct was not to. So that's why I came here for another opinion, not to get scolded about why or why not I'm doing a surprise wedding. Nobody is being tricked into jumping off a bridge. They are being treated to a 5 hour service of open bar, 5 star dinner, dessert, DJ, & photo booth.This was my first post here, and I thought it was a bunch of supportive people offering great advice, but it's mostly just sad losers waiting to throw negative comments out there. I'm sure half of you hags had a backyard wedding roasting pigs, and drinking out of red solo cups. Thank you to those who offered great advice and opinions. 
    Actually I got married in a castle with 4 courses, open bar, and DJ but I'd rather go to backyard wedding with red solo cups than your shitty "surprise wedding" any day. Fact is if I went to a surprise wedding thinking it was something else or if I missed out on the wedding because I thought it was something else I would not be friends with the couple after. I don't have a problem with any "unique" wedding ideas, I have a BIG problem being lied to!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    [Deleted User]YogaSandyInLoveInQueensKnottie1452098987
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm just surprised that you think spending money on activities at your surprise wedding is more important than having your friends there. I doubt you are "known" for throwing intricate parties amongst your friends as you said. I bet you are known for eye-roll vanity projects behind your back.

    I'll go to a backyard BBQ where I'm wanted over a intricate party where the host says "I don't care if you are there or not" any day.

    Also, if I'm invited to an engagement party hosted by the B&G for an elopement I'm not invited to- no way I'm attending. That screams gift grab AW.
    [Deleted User]MyNameIsNotclimbingwife
  • RachelR1977+RBRachelR1977+RB Chicago member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    we're having our wedding in a fancyshit ballroom in a historic old courthouse.... with red solo cups.  and sharpies.  cuz damnit, writing your name (or whatever) on your cup is FUN. so there. :P 
    .... excuse me while i go get those pesky kids off my lawn. ;)


    sincerely, 
    THE OLD
    Knottie2006454 cupcait927sparklepants41[Deleted User]
  • Heffalump said:
    What if I'm not a housewife, but I'm bored at work because it's freaking Christmas week and nobody is doing anything?  Can I still play?

    I know logic has no place here, but I am really struggling with:

    engagement parties aren't gift giving events = you are bad people, who also roasted a pig, because of...badness?  I guess?

    guests might prioritize a wedding higher than they would an e-party = sad, loser-y losers
    Quoting because I can't "Love It" more than once.  Love this!!!
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Hi!

    We are have an "engagement party" that is actually a cover for a surprise wedding ceremony+reception. Seated dinner, open bar, dj, etc. 40-50 people.

    We are kind of apprehensive about asking for gifts or even registering since people are thinking it's an engagement party. We've been living together for a couple years so we really don't need anything. Money would be nice, but I know that's a faux pas to ask as well.

    any opinions would be great!
    I would likely NOT be attending your "engagement party" if I knew you were "eloping" because I find it rude to invite someone to a pre wedding party but not the actual wedding.

    And even if you planned to have a "wedding" that I was going to be invited to, I'd show up to the engagement party with a token gift.  You would not be getting my usual money gift that I give at weddings.  Too bad!  
    charlotte989875Knottie2006454
  • edited December 2015
    @JoanE2012

    Yeah, that makes sense. We aren't going to register.
  • I still don't understand the point of making it a surprise.

    Same here. That's the thing I'm most confused about. Like everyone has said, engagement parties are way lower on the totem pole than weddings, they don't get priority and they definitely don't get gifts by default. I just want to know if it's like a destination wedding where OP actually wants a low attendance for some reason, but that can't be it. I understand why someone may want a surprise wedding, I considered it for us too since I hate a fuss being made about me and thought springing it on our guests might be able to keep that from happening, but then we realized all the good comments people are making here about priorities and all that and changed our plans (though my brother was able to take leave and come to our engagement party but couldn't make the wedding, stupid Marines :P)

    My husband and I received gifts from ~40% of our engagement party invitees and we were so surprised, I almost cried at how generous our friends and family were.
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