2 ceremonies...how many invitations?

[Deleted User] · December 2015

My FI and I will have a non-denom ceremony on a Friday, which is the "main event," so to speak, and a simple Hindu ceremony on Thursday before. It started as a simple respectful way to grant his mother's wishes who wants to do a few rituals associated with their ceremonies, so I was thinking to only invite some family, but so many out of town guests are his anyway, and will be in town (it's a DW for his guests), so it seems silly to not invite them. It will take place before the rehearsal either in the morning or directly before the rehearsal, and then I planned to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner.

So, I'm not sure how to do invitations, or what to do with the out of town guests during the actual rehearsal. Do I send them a singular invitation with both ceremony information. Do I send a separate invitation for the rehearsal dinner itself? I know that is the norm for regular rehearsals, but it seems choppy if their invited to something before and after, to send a separate invite for a dinner in between. It seems strange for them to come and sit at the rehearsal, do I arrange for them to have something to do the hour between the 2?

Can someone help with what is custom and etiquette and exactly how to go about this? I want to make sure I order enough invitations and don't leave anyone hanging at any point throughout that day.

Thanks in advance everyone!!

kimmiinthemitten · December 2015

Add0707 said:

My FI and I will have a non-denom ceremony on a Friday, which is the "main event," so to speak, and a simple Hindu ceremony on Thursday before. It started as a simple respectful way to grant his mother's wishes who wants to do a few rituals associated with their ceremonies, so I was thinking to only invite some family, but so many out of town guests are his anyway, and will be in town (it's a DW for his guests), so it seems silly to not invite them. It will take place before the rehearsal either in the morning or directly before the rehearsal, and then I planned to invite out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. So, I'm not sure how to do invitations, or what to do with the out of town guests during the actual rehearsal. Do I send them a singular invitation with both ceremony information. Do I send a separate invitation for the rehearsal dinner itself? I know that is the norm for regular rehearsals, but it seems choppy if their invited to something before and after, to send a separate invite for a dinner in between. It seems strange for them to come and sit at the rehearsal, do I arrange for them to have something to do the hour between the 2? Can someone help with what is custom and etiquette and exactly how to go about this? I want to make sure I order enough invitations and don't leave anyone hanging at any point throughout that day. Thanks in advance everyone!!

I'm not 100% sure on what the official etiquette is for this, but if you're inviting the OOTers to the rehearsal dinner and the Hindu ceremony, than why not do the American Wedding Rehearsal first, allow 30 minutes for the OOT guests to arrive after, and then do the Hindu rituals after followed with dinner? I don't think it's tiering guests if the first part is just a rehearsal (correct me if I'm wrong on that).

[Deleted User] · December 2015

I'm not 100% sure on what the official etiquette is for this, but if you're inviting the OOTers to the rehearsal dinner and the Hindu ceremony, than why not do the American Wedding Rehearsal first, allow 30 minutes for the OOT guests to arrive after, and then do the Hindu rituals after followed with dinner? I don't think it's tiering guests if the first part is just a rehearsal (correct me if I'm wrong on that).

Unfortunately my main venue only provides two time slots on Thursday for rehearsasl, 5:45 and 7:00. I've already chosen the earlier one. I like your idea though. Perhaps I can speak with the venue and see if I can move up the rehearsal. We still haven't nailed down a time with the Hindu temple...which is an unfortunate 20 minute drive from everything.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

Oh yes, I didn't make that clear. We're doing the Hindu ceremony at a temple, which means 3 locations in one day for some of these people. I'm already covering a limo for our bridal party for the bigger wedding Friday. I may do a shuttle to and fro for Friday's wedding, but simply cannot afford transportation for all these people for two different events

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

If you make clear that the main event (as you put it) is on the Friday, perhaps let the additional guest know by word of mouth that they are welcome but not obliged to attend the Hindu ceremonial parts - that way it is up to your guests. If they want to join all or only attend the main part on the Friday then that is their choice. Especially if they are oot and may bot have access to a car.

I'd really try to keep the rehearsal part separate unless you plan to host all your guests for RD, that could get very spendy!

[Deleted User] · December 2015

what portions do you all think should go on the Website? It seems wrong to put info about the Hindu ceremony on the website if all guests aren't invited. Or do we just indicate that it's a small private ceremony on the website, and spread the invite through word of mouth? I guess that could be information we include in the welcome baskets at the hotels.

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

If its not something you want them to feel obliged to attend I'd leave it off the website personally. Word of mouth is fine, if people want to come they will go out of their way to find out the details. If they don't want to come, they won't feel that it is expected of them as it isn't detailed on the main wedding website. If I was your guest and I thought 'oh I might go to that ceremony, sounds interesting' but then saw it was a private ceremony on the website I'd decide against it. Hopefully that made sense, think I'm rambling today!

[Deleted User] · December 2015

@ Glasgow- I ramble everyday, no worries! I guess I actually don't care if people want to show up for the Hindu ceremony, just didn't want people to feel obligated. Our original thought was that family would come, a couple of OOT friends who are super amped about a vacation to the US and wearing traditional Indian clothes, and anyone coming to the rehearsal who is local and could get off work early enough to join. You think if we call it private, spread the word personally for whomever is invited, then put it on the website just so people have transportation details that would work. Then I don't need to worry about extra wording and formal invitations for that part of things.

glasgowtolondon · December 2015

Oh good, not just me!

If you put it on the website perhaps there is wording you could use to explain that it is simply a family ceremony, but should anyone wish to attend they would be welcome. Then I would think only those really keen would attend.

Or if you do want to keep it to just the guest list of your choosing you could say private but I'd recommend keeping it just family incase some of your guests feel that they were tiered in some way.

ILoveBeachMusic · December 2015

I think you should keep the rehearsal totally separate as PP said. I also think giving all guests the option to attend the Hindu ceremony is a good idea. I would like to attend a Hindu ceremony since I have never been to one. I think the website could be used to say it is opened to all guest or you could include on your RSVP card lines to indicate if the guest would be attending all or just one of the ceremonies. I'm not sure on the wording of the invitation though. My daughter has a friend who is going through this right now - trying to decide how to invite people to different cultural ceremonies. Good luck.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I think you should keep the rehearsal totally separate as PP said. I also think giving all guests the option to attend the Hindu ceremony is a good idea. I would like to attend a Hindu ceremony since I have never been to one. I think the website could be used to say it is opened to all guest or you could include on your RSVP card lines to indicate if the guest would be attending all or just one of the ceremonies. I'm not sure on the wording of the invitation though. My daughter has a friend who is going through this right now - trying to decide how to invite people to different cultural ceremonies. Good luck.

Thanks for the insights. After talking with my FI, I actually think his family would feel really uncomfortable if there was a large turnout. They've never been to the US before, or left India for that matter, and are generally pretty shy and quiet folks. I think being the center of attention would really inhibit their ability to enjoy the day! I think we're going to spread this infor by word of mouth to my family and bridal party, our mutual OOT guests, and his side of the guestlist, which is basically the rest of the OOT guests. Also, apparently Indian weddings are supposed to happen at "auspicious" times of day, so after chatting with my man, I am crossing my fingers that our stars align with enough time for me to have my hair and make-up done

CMGragain · December 2015

Have you tried posting this on the cultural boards? They might have better insight. I don't feel qualified to give advice on Indian etiquette.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

CMGragain said:

Have you tried posting this on the cultural boards? They might have better insight. I don't feel qualified to give advice on Indian etiquette.

No, but I should! Thanks

OliveOilsMom · December 2015

Is a rehearsal necessary for the American ceremony? Unless your venue is laid out very complicatedly, they are often not necessary to have everyone attend. People will line up at certain spots at certain times, then there is also usually someone from the venue that tells you when each person should walk down the aisle, etc.

You could always go through the ceremony script with your FI and officiant separately prior to Thurs.

My friend was married by her friend who had been previously ordained online. So he had been an officiant prior to her wedding. But he did not attend the rehearsal. He is an ER nurse and could not take off on July 4th when the rehearsal was (they married on the 5th), but they had met up with him earlier in the week to go over the actual ceremony. In the script, he welcomed up each reader and the ring bearer, by name, at the time they were to do their thing. So the participants only needed to listen for their names to know when it was their turn to read, etc.

That could make the timing of both the Hindu ceremony and dinner later easier to plan.

Lastly, is it necessary to have the Hindu portions performed in a temple (I'm just not familiar)? Could you mix both the Hindu ceremony and the Americanized ceremony into one? Just have one ceremony on one day that everyone would be invited to. That could also solve a lot of your invite issues if you can do everything in one day at one location.

2 ceremonies...how many invitations?

Re: 2 ceremonies...how many invitations?

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