Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Snarky Brides
Snarky Brides
New Discussion

Itty Bitty Rant...ugh

justjesssjustjesss member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Snarky Brides
I am usually not the type to complain when anyone wants to do something nice for me...but FMIL is so excited to throw us a wedding shower and BBQ since, due to distance, I haven't met a lot of SOs extended family.  This is all good and well and I am looking forward to it....but I just looked at the facebook event and she has invited 54 people! Some of them are her coworkers I think.  So now I have one more thing to worry about with figuring out if I just need to invite more people to the wedding or what! 
It has been a very long day and I need more wine.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Itty Bitty Rant...ugh

  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Uh-oh. It is not okay to invite people to a pre-wedding event like a shower if they are not invited to the wedding. FMIL needs to fix this. Or you should politely decline. You are not obligated to invite them to the wedding due to her faux pas.
    image
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Ditto Allie. Tell her it's not polite to invite people who won't be invited to the wedding. But if it happens anyway, don't give it another thought; it isn't your mistake to worry about.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    justjesss said:

    I am usually not the type to complain when anyone wants to do something nice for me...but FMIL is so excited to throw us a wedding shower and BBQ since, due to distance, I haven't met a lot of SOs extended family.  This is all good and well and I am looking forward to it....but I just looked at the facebook event and she has invited 54 people! Some of them are her coworkers I think.  So now I have one more thing to worry about with figuring out if I just need to invite more people to the wedding or what! 
    It has been a very long day and I need more wine.

    Is labeling the event as a shower? You could let her know that you're looking forward to meeting everyone and ask if it could just be a BBQ and not a shower.




    Report Reply
  • justjesssjustjesss member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    AddieCake said:

    I judge all whose pets have FB accounts. JFC

    Amen. Literally the only exception I make is for a friends mom who does volunteering with her golden retriever and he has a book that they use to help kids learn to read. But I think therapy dogs are awesome so I am biased ;)
    Report Reply
  • justjesssjustjesss member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    holyguacamole79 said:

    justjesss said:

    I am usually not the type to complain when anyone wants to do something nice for me...but FMIL is so excited to throw us a wedding shower and BBQ since, due to distance, I haven't met a lot of SOs extended family.  This is all good and well and I am looking forward to it....but I just looked at the facebook event and she has invited 54 people! Some of them are her coworkers I think.  So now I have one more thing to worry about with figuring out if I just need to invite more people to the wedding or what! 
    It has been a very long day and I need more wine.

    Is labeling the event as a shower? You could let her know that you're looking forward to meeting everyone and ask if it could just be a BBQ and not a shower.
    She is...I think it's shower/bbq on the Facebook event? I am considering that but also weighing the possibility that she would be pretty hurt if I requested that. She has the best of intentions and is so excited about this. I feel like I have to hurt her feelings or break etiquette and be rude to people. Granted it's people I don't know and will likely never meet...but manners.
    Report Reply
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    justjesss said:

    holyguacamole79 said:

    justjesss said:

    I am usually not the type to complain when anyone wants to do something nice for me...but FMIL is so excited to throw us a wedding shower and BBQ since, due to distance, I haven't met a lot of SOs extended family.  This is all good and well and I am looking forward to it....but I just looked at the facebook event and she has invited 54 people! Some of them are her coworkers I think.  So now I have one more thing to worry about with figuring out if I just need to invite more people to the wedding or what! 
    It has been a very long day and I need more wine.

    Is labeling the event as a shower? You could let her know that you're looking forward to meeting everyone and ask if it could just be a BBQ and not a shower.
    She is...I think it's shower/bbq on the Facebook event? I am considering that but also weighing the possibility that she would be pretty hurt if I requested that. She has the best of intentions and is so excited about this. I feel like I have to hurt her feelings or break etiquette and be rude to people. Granted it's people I don't know and will likely never meet...but manners.
    ------

    Yeah, it sounds like a tough spot. But the good thing (I hope) is that she's excited to have you join the family.




    Report Reply
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Honestly, this may be a thing your FI should bring up to her, if you decide that anyone should talk to her about it at all. He can say something like "Mom, Justjesss and I are worried that all the people invited to the shower won't be invited to the wedding, and that will hurt their feelings when they realize it. Can the three of us please go over the guest list and make sure we're all on the same page?"

    Even though you may be the guest of honor at the shower, you and your FI will both be the rude ones if these people come, give you gifts (or even if not), and then are not invited to the wedding. You should have a united front about this, and it'll probably be easier if he talks to his own family. 
    Report Reply
  • marriedwithpoodlesmarriedwithpoodles member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Just went through this with my mom. She and my sister mentioned that they were drafting a guest list for my shower. I asked for some of the names of people she was inviting and sure enough, there were several on her list that are not on our guest list for the wedding. It was a little awkward to tell her, because like your FMIL, she had the best of intentions. She said that some of her friends had told her to be sure they were invited if we had a shower (I assume that was their way of saying they wanted to get us a gift.) I told my mom that while we appreciate that, we just can't accommodate them at the wedding, so it would be rude to have them at the shower. Not a conversation I loved having, but I'm so glad we talked about it beforehand! 
    Report Reply
  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    JediElizabeth said:
    Honestly, this may be a thing your FI should bring up to her, if you decide that anyone should talk to her about it at all. He can say something like "Mom, Justjesss and I are worried that all the people invited to the shower won't be invited to the wedding, and that will hurt their feelings when they realize it. Can the three of us please go over the guest list and make sure we're all on the same page?"

    Even though you may be the guest of honor at the shower, you and your FI will both be the rude ones if these people come, give you gifts (or even if not), and then are not invited to the wedding. You should have a united front about this, and it'll probably be easier if he talks to his own family. 
    What she said.  I think it might make her less defensive or feel less hurt if you phrase it as not wanting to hurt the feelings of these other guests - not blatantly pointing out that she is being rude.  I don't often advise using kid gloves with people, but I think this situation warrants it.  She is your FMIL, is excited, seems sensitive, and obviously has the best of intentions.


    Report Reply
  • justjesssjustjesss member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    frenchiekin said:
    JediElizabeth said:
    Honestly, this may be a thing your FI should bring up to her, if you decide that anyone should talk to her about it at all. He can say something like "Mom, Justjesss and I are worried that all the people invited to the shower won't be invited to the wedding, and that will hurt their feelings when they realize it. Can the three of us please go over the guest list and make sure we're all on the same page?"

    Even though you may be the guest of honor at the shower, you and your FI will both be the rude ones if these people come, give you gifts (or even if not), and then are not invited to the wedding. You should have a united front about this, and it'll probably be easier if he talks to his own family. 
    What she said.  I think it might make her less defensive or feel less hurt if you phrase it as not wanting to hurt the feelings of these other guests - not blatantly pointing out that she is being rude.  I don't often advise using kid gloves with people, but I think this situation warrants it.  She is your FMIL, is excited, seems sensitive, and obviously has the best of intentions.
    Since the damage has been done and most everyone has seen their Facebook event invite (thanks FB for that data haha) I may see if he will casually mentioning changing the name of the event.  It might raise even more eyebrows if people suddenly got uninvited.  
    At this point only 14 people have RSVPed yes and all but one were already on the invite list.  For those asking, no the cat has no RSVPed yet ;) 
    Report Reply
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its




    Report Reply
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    justjesss said:
     For those asking, no the cat has no RSVPed yet ;) 
    Cats are like that. Everything revolves around them. I bet he shows up fashionably late. ;)
    Report Reply
  • KnickerGoldKnickerGold member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    SP29 said:
    justjesss said:
     For those asking, no the cat has no RSVPed yet ;) 
    Cats are like that. Everything revolves around them. I bet he shows up fashionably late. ;)
    He'll for sure be the one to raise a stink about not getting a wedding invite and will probably bring a surprise gift he 'hunted' for you ;)
    Report Reply
  • justjesssjustjesss member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited January 2016
    KnickerGold said:


    SP29 said:


    justjesss said:


     For those asking, no the cat has no RSVPed yet ;) 

    Cats are like that. Everything revolves around them. I bet he shows up fashionably late. ;)

    He'll for sure be the one to raise a stink about not getting a wedding invite and will probably bring a surprise gift he 'hunted' for you ;)
    BOXES
    And she probably won't even bring a gift receipt either hahaha
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards