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Invites and Paper

Cousins on the Guest List

My fiancé and I are working on our guest list and are running into some problems when it comes to inviting first cousins. We are trying to keep it at about 100 guests. It is also a destination wedding for all of our family, since it will be in FL and they are all from NJ. However, if we invited all of my first cousins, it would be well over 100. My fiancé only has 4 cousins ranging from 14 to 24 years old. I on the other hand have 10 maternal cousins and 20 paternal cousins. The majority of my maternal cousins I am particularly close with and I know that I want them at my wedding. However, the majority of my paternal cousins I rarely see. We also have decided not to invite anyone under the age of 18, except for my fiancé's 14-year-old cousin, since he only has a few anyway. The only issue with that rule is that many of my paternal cousins are over the age of 18, and some of them I almost never see. Is it possible to invite the ones who I see more regularly and who have attended our engagement party and not the others around the same age that I haven't seen in a while? I'm concerned that I will be hurting some of my aunt's and uncle's feelings if they see some of my cousins around their son/daughter's age that were invited when their children were not.


Re: Cousins on the Guest List

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiancé and I are working on our guest list and are running into some problems when it comes to inviting first cousins. We are trying to keep it at about 100 guests. It is also a destination wedding for all of our family, since it will be in FL and they are all from NJ. However, if we invited all of my first cousins, it would be well over 100. My fiancé only has 4 cousins ranging from 14 to 24 years old. I on the other hand have 10 maternal cousins and 20 paternal cousins. The majority of my maternal cousins I am particularly close with and I know that I want them at my wedding. However, the majority of my paternal cousins I rarely see. We also have decided not to invite anyone under the age of 18, except for my fiancé's 14-year-old cousin, since he only has a few anyway. The only issue with that rule is that many of my paternal cousins are over the age of 18, and some of them I almost never see. Is it possible to invite the ones who I see more regularly and who have attended our engagement party and not the others around the same age that I haven't seen in a while? I'm concerned that I will be hurting some of my aunt's and uncle's feelings if they see some of my cousins around their son/daughter's age that were invited when their children were not.


    Since you're inviting in circles (maternal cousins), you should be fine.  You may get some snark from other aunts/uncles, but you really can't do much.  
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We didn't invite anyone who is not in our lives on a regular basis, regardless of where they fall on our family trees, including my husband's maternal grandparents. So if you don't have much of a relationship with those cousins, I wouldn't invite them. yes, it's possible you'll get some snark, as HolyGuac said, but that's life. Not everyone gets a trophy. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you're fine not inviting cousins you have little or no relationship with, even if it bothers their parents.  It even helps that you're inviting in circles.
  • I'm going to admit to not reading the whole post because I got stuck on "we want to invite some cousins, but want to keep it around 100 people."  Why don't you decide who you want to invite?  Better yet, make a list of who you "must" invite, as in, who would it feel incomplete not to have?  Then add in the people it would be great to have.  Then add in the 'if we had an unlimited budget' people.  Set a budget.  Get prices of venues that accommodate all three levels of people.  Decide what level you feel most comfortable at.  Book.

    For example, with your budget, you might be able to host your first level of people with a very elegant sit-down meal and an evening of dancing at a very classy ballroom.  But you might feel better inviting your second level of people and having a BBQ and pasta in a VFW hall.  Or maybe you want to use your 'if we had an unlimited budget' list and serve cake and punch in the church basement.

    I think it's more important to invite who you want rather than picking an arbitrary number out of the air.
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