Inviting Co-Workers

Re: Inviting Co-Workers

• flantastic member

  

  January 2016

  sassyfrass2014 said:

  I work with a very tight-knight office, and there are only 25 of us. I was engaged and planning the wedding before I began working there, and by the time the wedding comes around, I will have been working there for almost a year. But while there are only 25 of us, I'm not entirely close to everyone in the office. There are some people I would love to invite: the recruiting team (my level), one or two of the account managers (our direct supervisors), and the 3 managing partners. But I'm afraid it would be in bad taste if I invited those people + SO's, but not the whole office + SO's. 
  
  So is it an all-or-nothing situation, even if I would love to invite that select group? I feel like this would be an easier situation with a larger company. Advice?

  Can't tell. I'm pretty sure you have a better handle on your office dynamics than we do. I work for a church and ended up inviting only the pastor (i.e. my boss, who my husband and I are both friends with) and my secretary. Those seemed like safe circles. There were others in the office I would have liked to invite, but didn't feel there was an obvious place to cut it off without inviting the whole staff.

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• sassyfrass2014 member

  

  January 2016

  flantastic said:

  sassyfrass2014 said:

  I work with a very tight-knight office, and there are only 25 of us. I was engaged and planning the wedding before I began working there, and by the time the wedding comes around, I will have been working there for almost a year. But while there are only 25 of us, I'm not entirely close to everyone in the office. There are some people I would love to invite: the recruiting team (my level), one or two of the account managers (our direct supervisors), and the 3 managing partners. But I'm afraid it would be in bad taste if I invited those people + SO's, but not the whole office + SO's. 
  
  So is it an all-or-nothing situation, even if I would love to invite that select group? I feel like this would be an easier situation with a larger company. Advice?

  Can't tell. I'm pretty sure you have a better handle on your office dynamics than we do. I work for a church and ended up inviting only the pastor (i.e. my boss, who my husband and I are both friends with) and my secretary. Those seemed like safe circles. There were others in the office I would have liked to invite, but didn't feel there was an obvious place to cut it off without inviting the whole staff.

  Thanks for the reply! I get that it's a tough question for anyone else to answer, as you pointed out. I guess I'm just conflicted!

  
  

  

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• wmam35 member

  

  January 2016

  I work in a school but in my subject-specific department there are 13 people and I only invited 8 of them (+ SOs).  We're a pretty close group in terms of what goes on at school but I tried to think about who I hang out with outside of work, who know things about my life outside of school, things like that.  Considering those things made me feel ok with my choice to not invite the other five people.  I also didn't talk about my wedding with or around the people I didn't invite so I think that definitely made it easier as well.
  

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• 00kim00 member

  

  January 2016

  I worked at a small school/non-profit with about the same number of employees when I got married. I invited only 3 co-workers. It was a tough decision because at first I wasn't sure where to draw the line and was afraid others would feel like they should be invited if X was invited... If I invited 2 teachers, the third and lasr teacher would feel left out, if I invited 2 people who shared the same bullpen-like office space with me, the other 3 would feel left out, and so on. In the end, I decided to invite those I had hung out with outside of work (but not at events where the whole office went out to drinks or over to someone's house). For me, that left 3 people (plus SOs and kids) who I had previously gone hiking with, gone camping together, or had game nights/football parties, etc. with. Just decide on an obvious boundary and stick with it. People who you call/text/hang out with outside of work is a good line.

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• JoanE2012 member

  

  January 2016

  Ehhh, I think it starts getting tricky.  You mention wanting to invite one or two direct supervisors - will that leave a direct supervisor out?   And of the 25 total, how many people would NOT be invited?

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• SP29 member

  

  January 2016

  There is no etiquette requirement to invite them all, and no one should expect a wedding invitation, at any time. So ultimately it is up to you and how you feel your work dynamics are. It is definitely awkward if you wanted to invite all but one or two people, versus only inviting a couple out of a larger group. 
  
  Personally, I think that one should invite co-workers only if you are inviting them *because* you are friends with them and you want them to share your wedding day with you. I also feel like adults should be adults and realize that personal and business should be kept separate, but of course not everyone can do that . 
  
  At my previous place of employment, there was a large group of us, 20-30ish people, and we were all pretty close. We did "work" social events for things- lunch parties, Christmas parties, outside of work baby and bridal showers for co-workers, but everyone recognized this was a work thing. Several people were married during the time I worked there, and all while we would have these showers and send a gift, rarely was anyone from work invited to the wedding (unless they were close friends outside of work), nor did anyone expect to be invited. 
  
  If you do invite any co-workers, be careful to keep your wedding and work separate. Send the invitations to their home address. Keep wedding talk to a minimum while at work. 
  
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2016

  How many do you want to invite?

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  I think with an office that small, an all-or-nothing approach is better.
  
  That said, are there clear delimiters? For example, I used to work in a software company that had ~20 employees. I was closer to the developers than I was to the graphic designers. I didn't really know the people in accounting, and they didn't really socialize with us. If you're in recruiting, how much does your team work with / mingle with legal? (not sure if you have a legal group, but I think you know what I mean).
  
  I think this is similar to a lot of the family questions ... you have to know your group and go from there.
  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• sassyfrass2014 member

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  holyguacamole79 said:

  I think with an office that small, an all-or-nothing approach is better. That said, are there clear delimiters? For example, I used to work in a software company that had ~20 employees. I was closer to the developers than I was to the graphic designers. I didn't really know the people in accounting, and they didn't really socialize with us. If you're in recruiting, how much does your team work with / mingle with legal? (not sure if you have a legal group, but I think you know what I mean). I think this is similar to a lot of the family questions ... you have to know your group and go from there.

  I'm debating going with the all-or-nothing approach or only inviting my direct supervisor (she manages the accounts I recruit for and our roles are very much entwined), and the 3 managing partners. We outsource our legal, so they don't share an office with us. Other than that, there is only a clear mark between account managers and recruiters. Even then, some of the account managers socialize more with recruiting than the other account managers. 
  
  As far as invitations, my MOH works with me. She and I were sorority sisters in college and she helped me get this job. If I were to just throw worrying about it getting out that there wasn't a blanket office invite, I would maybe invite 18/25 of the people I work with. 
  
  FI and I talked about it last night (he's out of town) and he likes the idea of inviting direct supervisor, and the three managing partners (+SO's).
  
  Thank you all so much for your help! Sorry I'm so slow in responding!
  
  ETA: @STARMOON44 Here's the answer to your question about how many I'm thinking of inviting!
  

  
  

  

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• photokitty mod

  

  January 2016 edited January 2016

  I invited only my team. One circle, everyone in it. 4 people, plus 3 SOs. 2 people came.
  
  Why are you inviting the managing partners? Are you close? From an outsider perspective, if you are only inviting them and your direct manager, it could come off brown nosey and/or gift grabby. Sorry.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• lnixon8 member

  

  January 2016

  Invite people you hang out with outside of work.

  
  
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2016

  Just remember that it isn't just 25 people you are inviting.  If they all have SOs then it is 50 people you are inviting.  Keep that in mind when it comes to venue space and budget.
  
  Personally when it comes to inviting co-workers to events, I go by the rule that if I hang out with them outside of work and consider them friends rather then just co-workers then they get invited.  Because there is a big difference between being work friends with someone and being friends with someone that you happen to work with.

  
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2016

  I don't think you should invite 18/25. That's going to feel exclusionary. At that point either everyone or a much smaller group.

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• holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  I just wanted to add that I didn't get married while I was working for that software company.  If I had, I probably wouldn't have invited anyone.  We sometimes went out for a team HH, but never hung out socially.  
  
  The only work-related person I invited to our wedding was my former project manager.  I worked for her 10 years ago (at that time) and she was like a second mom to me.  We stayed in close touch after she retired, so I absolutely invited her.  At the time we got married, I no longer worked for the company I worked for when I worked with her.

  
  
  
  
  

  

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• VicTim328 member

  

  January 2016

  FI and I both started new jobs shortly after we got engaged.  I was upfront from day 1 about my engagement and wedding date with my director and our overall director.  I had interned with them for several years during undergrad, so I felt comfortable inviting some colleagues. I asked, have I maintained a relationship with any of them outside of the office? Could this person fit into another invite circle?  There was an outside of work relationship for some.  My director wasn't invited, as I didn't have an outside of work relationship with him.
  
  I mailed all wedding related materials to their homes.  I don't discuss wedding things at work, and if I do, it is with who is invited or just stating general (we're getting married on X date at Y venue).  Most of my colleagues forget I am engaged.  The director discusses things with me on a "how will this affect your work, or how much time do you need off" basis.
  
  FI has invited his current supervisor, the supervisor who hired him, and 2 colleagues (all with SO).  He works closer with his supervisors than he does with his colleagues.  The two colleagues invited worked with him at another company.
  
  If you're looking at 18 of the 25, that gets a little more tricky.  They may assume everyone was invited, which could get awkward.  If there is a clear cut-off, it should be easier to make that decision.  I used to work for a small school, and a colleague from the staff side got married. In general, the employees tend to be very close, and remain close after they leave.  She invited almost everyone who was considered staff.  If the individual could be considered faculty/staff or just faculty, it was a case by case decision.  She sent the invites through the office mailboxes, which did create confusion in the office...
  

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• sassyfrass2014 member

  

  January 2016

  Thanks for the advice everyone! I don't want to seem brown-nosey/gift grabby, I thought that the managing partners/direct supervisor invite would be more respectful, but I can understand how it would come off that way!
  
  I think I'm going to go with the all-or-nothing approach, meaning nothing. I'm not inviting the whole office. 
  
  Again, thank you all so much. You've really helped me put some perspective on the problem. 

  
  

  

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