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Pre-wedding Parties
seethosestars
member
We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary
My DH and I are in the wedding party of our good friends. Unfortunately the groom just told my DH he has picked the date for his destination bachelor party - and it falls on our 5 year wedding anniversary. I'm pretty choked up about it - any other year and I would have been fine to post-pone our own celebrations but 5 years feels like such a milestone. I don't mean to be selfish but it feels wrong to make light of our anniversary by saying "he'll only get married once" etc while justifying missing our own anniversary.
I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!"
What should we do?
I haven't asked my DH to make a fuss about it but he did mention the coinciding dates to the groom who simply replied "oh right I forgot that was that weekend!"
What should we do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: We're in the wedding party and bachelor party is on our anniversary
Also, was the groom at your wedding 5 years ago? Did he (or the host) check in with his groomsmen about what days would be good for them, and what days wouldn't?
TBH, he will only get married once. And he'll have one day, which you and your husband will be at and celebrate with him and his new wife. He's not getting married on this bachelor party weekend, and as such, I wouldn't make attendance as important in my social calendar. In your husband's shoes, I'd skip it, send my regrets, and try to take him out for a round of drinks locally the next weekend or something instead.
On the other hand, I'm not sure either of us would deliberately choose to do something that would keep us apart on that day. How does your H feel about it? What does he want to do?
So in the end, your H can either not go to the party or you two could celebrate your anniversary at a later time.
I get being disappointed, but I do not get being choked up about it.
Ex: If the bachelor party for DH's friend falls on my birthday, I'm going to be sad if he goes to the party and he makes up for it another night. I'll make plans to do something else. But if his weekly trivia night is on my birthday, I'd ask that he stay home and miss out on it for the one night.
It's all a scale IMO. From my perspective, you got married already. Sure it's your anniversary but what if they DID schedule their wedding on that day?
I think you and your DH need to figure out which is more important and if you are willing to celebrate on another day. But it should be a mutual decision. It's going to sound silly if your DH says, "Sorry dude I can't make your bachelor party. The wife's really bummed about me missing our anniversary."
If it were me and my husband, I'd tell him to go to the party and celebrate our anniversary on either Friday night or Sunday night. If we were thinking of taking a trip, I wouldn't mind working a trip around that, costs being taken into consideration.
Occasions should be celebrated but I've never been concerned about celebrating the occasion ON that day. What if your anniversary was a Wednesday? You'd probably be at work. Woo hoo, party!
And we both think bachelor/ette parties are really fun. For close friends, we wouldn't want to miss those.
If he goes and you're bummed about it just have a girlfriend over for wine and movies or go out with some other friends that way you aren't just sitting around alone and upset that he's missing your anniversary.
EDT for spelling
My 40th wedding anniversary is coming up, and we hardly celebrate any more. It is coincidence that we will be on a river cruise in Provence this year. These things are less important when you get older and have been married longer. I think you are placing too much emphasis on a calendar date.
2-3 no idea.
4 drove from College Station, Tx to NOLA (7+ hours)
5 dinner a few days after because DH had to work.
6 - SIL's wedding
7 - night out in Aspen with some friends and random people. People kept picking up our tab. Which was cool.
My parents celebrated their 40th anniversary a few months later. Why? Because I got married the day before their anniversary which was OOT for them. They postponed the Panama Cruise they had tentatively planned a few months as a result.
It's cool if you can get together and do something special. But sometimes life gets in the way. Doesn't make it any less of a milestone because you had to celebrate on a different day.
Plan something now for the weekend or day before or after your "Actual" anniversary and you'll look forward to that too. And maybe you'll even look forward to that manicure and wine date with a girlfriend while your husband is at his friend's bachelor party.
We'll probably end up not doing anything at all which is just disappointing for me, that's all.
And you can't celebrate on a Wed, Tues or the following Saturday??
I don't get it.
I wouldn't expect his friends to remember our anniversary & schedule around it, though.
Why not plan a surprise for him to celebrate it when he gets home?
New flash - wives can plan anniversary celebrations. You can do it in the days before or after the anniversary. You can hid a card, gift in his suitcase for the actual day. You can make your own plans to get excited over.
Sadly I think she would prefer to be disappointed instead of making the best of the situation.
I'm not sure why you are worried about ending up not doing anything at all...just start planning something together! And maybe aim for a date sometime after the bachelor party so you have something to look forward to while he is gone!