Maid of honor

Re: Maid of honor

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  beachyone15 member

  

  January 2016

  Talk about putting the cart before the horse...
  
  You say you don't want to put energy into this "toxic" relationship, yet you're worried about hurting her feelings? Which is it?
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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  glasgowtolondon member

  

  January 2016

  And this is why you wait to ask the wedding party...
  
  Ask yourself one question: do you or do you not want to continue to have a relationship with this woman? If the answer is no, then do what you want to do. But accept the concequences of your actions like an adult. She will most likely be very hurt that she thought she was your MOH and now is not even in the WP at all! I know I would be. This will probably be a friendship ending move. If she is as toxic and negative as you say then perhaps you will be happy with that outcome. One thing to point out though, she may be negative and toxic (in your opinion), but in this situation YOU will be the asshole. If you are good with that, then do what you will.
  
  One last piece of advice, OP, don't ask anyone else to be in your WP until you are about 8/9 months (minimum) out from your actual wedding day. There is no need to do it sooner, and as you have learned the hard way, relationships can change quickly.

               

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  holyguacamole79 member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1451921966 said:

  Before my fiancé and I officially got engaged I asked a friend (who I thought to be a close friend at the time) to be my maid of honor as well as have her son be our ring bearer after a few drinks. I have realized that I have been a better friend to her than she has to me and it's not really a relationship I want to put energy into anymore. She is negative and somewhat toxic for my life. Now that I am officially engaged and making plans I don't really want her to be in the wedding... Help! Is it wrong for me to ask someone else now when I know it will hurt her feelings?

  Yes, it is wrong.
  
  You can always have more than one maid of honor.  However, if you somehow remove this woman and her son from your wedding party, you are essentially ending the relationship.  

  
  
  
  
  

  

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  [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2016

  holyguacamole79 said:

  Knottie1451921966 said:

  Before my fiancé and I officially got engaged I asked a friend (who I thought to be a close friend at the time) to be my maid of honor as well as have her son be our ring bearer after a few drinks. I have realized that I have been a better friend to her than she has to me and it's not really a relationship I want to put energy into anymore. She is negative and somewhat toxic for my life. Now that I am officially engaged and making plans I don't really want her to be in the wedding... Help! Is it wrong for me to ask someone else now when I know it will hurt her feelings?

  Yes, it is wrong.
  
  You can always have more than one maid of honor.  However, if you somehow remove this woman and her son from your wedding party, you are essentially ending the relationship.  

  Well, if you remove this person from your life and cease to be her friend, it will automatically follow that she will no longer be your MOH.  So, tell her you don't think she's a good friend and would like to remove her from your life.  Poof, no maid of honor.

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  Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2016

  Just tell her that her and your relationship with her is negative and toxic for your life.  I would bet you a billion dollars that she will do your dirty work and remove herself from not only your wedding but your life.  

  
  

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  Heffalump member

  

  January 2016

  Knottie1451921966 said:

  Before my fiancé and I officially got engaged I asked a friend (who I thought to be a close friend at the time) to be my maid of honor as well as have her son be our ring bearer after a few drinks.
  

  
  

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  SP29 member

  

  January 2016

  It would be a friendship ending move, but if that's what you're going for (which is fine), I would stop engaging with her as a friend and the rest will follow. 

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